Chapter 38
Thirty-Eight
ELI
My head felt heavy. My eyes were sore when I blinked them open, a distant sound arousing me from sleep. I ran a hand over my face and could feel that it was puffy. Yesterday had been rough.
“Did I wake you?” Addie’s voice was quiet from the door. I could only make out the general shape of her in the din as she straddled the threshold of my room and the hallway. The sound that woke me wasn’t a distant one at all. It was her knocking on my door.
“Kind of. But I think I was ready to wake up anyway,” I answered, my voice thick and rough. I cleared my throat and pushed up onto my elbows. Addie stepped into my room fully.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you. It’s kind of late in the day for you to still be asleep, and I wanted to make sure that you weren’t just wallowing by yourself.”
I didn’t think I had any tears left after yesterday, but I felt a pressure behind my eyes as Addie came to sit on the edge of my bed.
“That makes it sound like I can wallow with a companion,” I half joked, keen to change the sombre mood we still seemed to be living in.
Addie smiled. A flash of white in the grey light of the room.
Her hand settled on the bed, fingers barely grazing my calf where it was uncovered by the duvet.
“If wallowing is what you want to do today, then sure. I will keep you company while you do it. But could you move it to the sofa? I’m trying to crack the spine of my PhD today. ”
I fell onto my back so that there was no chance of Addie seeing the tear escape down my cheek. “I can’t wallow while you write. I’ve got work.”
“Ah, no, you don’t. Dad heard what happened and called last night after you went to bed to check in.
He said that under no circumstances are you allowed to go to work today.
I was worried that I was going to have to tie you down to make sure you stayed put.
But you did me a favour, because your shift technically started an hour ago. ”
I lurched up too quickly, and the room started spinning.
“There’s water on your bedside table,” Addie said, nodding towards it.
I reached for it blindly and took grateful gulps. The water was still cold, just how I liked it.
“Thanks. And, I guess, thanks for everything else as well. Yesterday. Dealing with me. I’m sorry I was such a mess.”
I hadn’t had a panic attack that bad for a while. I didn’t remember much about yesterday, but I do remember that Addie was a steady force throughout.
“You don’t have to apologise for grieving. Or for needing someone to be there for you.”
“I derailed your entire day.”
“No. You didn’t.” Her hand covered my calf and squeezed it. It was comforting.
“Can I also assure you that I don’t usually oversleep like that?” There was something mildly embarrassing about technically being late for work by such a large margin.
“No, I know. Your alarm did go off this morning, but you left your phone in our kitchen.” She reached into the pocket of her shorts and held my phone out. I took it, but only to immediately discard it on my bedside table.
Addie squeezed my thigh again. “So, are we wallowing today or not?”
I wanted to say no. One day was more than enough of that. But I wasn’t ready to bounce back just yet. “Could you…” I cleared my throat. “Could you just hold me like you did yesterday for a bit? I promise not to snot all over you again. Or keep you that long. I know you want to get back to writing.”
The smile returned to Addie’s face, and she squeezed my leg again. “Of course I can. This thesis has waited years, so it can wait a while longer. And it’s fine if you want to cry again. This T-shirt isn’t anything special.”
Addie stood up, and I noticed that today’s pairing was black shorts and a Troy Bolton T-shirt that encapsulated some of his best ‘Bet On It’ moments.
I laughed softly as she pulled back the covers, readjusted some of the pillows, then climbed into the bed and rested against the headboard.
She lifted her arm and beckoned me towards her.
I shuffled across and slotted into her side.
My head settled in a place where I could hear her heartbeat, and her fingers found their way back to my hair.
I closed my eyes and was back asleep within minutes.
The lighting had changed in the room when I opened my eyes again.
A low golden glow peeked from behind the blind.
I had clearly been asleep for a while. Addie had shifted and was now lying flat on the bed.
My head was still cushioned against her chest, and her arm was wrapped tightly around my back.
Which was lovely, except I was ruining it because my erection was pressed right up against her thigh.
I shuffled my hips to try and move away from her, but she pulled me back.
I tried pulling away again but got nowhere.
When I tried a third time, she spoke quietly. “Oh, you’re awake.” Her grip loosened, but this time, I didn’t try to move away.
“As of about thirty seconds ago,” my voice sounded like it had been dragged through gravel.
“You were out like a light.”
I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes as best as I could without leaving her embrace. “How long was I out for?”
“Five hours or something. Random question, do you know who I am talking about when I am talking about a character called Queen?”
I settled back into her side. “Uh, yeah. Richard II, but I am not the best person to ask.”
Her fingers found their way back into my hair. “Why not?”
“Because we used to argue about the more obscure Shakespeare plays. There aren’t many characters I don’t know. What’s your argument?”
She hummed. “In its most basic of terms, that she is a prop character with no substance or purpose but to remind us that Richard was married.”
I smiled to myself. “It could be a good argument. Especially when you contrast her with someone like Beatrice.”
“You want to write this thing for me?” she teased. I chuckled as her fingers scratched along the nape of my neck. “How are you feeling now?”
“Better,” I replied. And I mostly was. My headache was gone, and I could breathe easier.
“That’s good to hear. But now I need you to eat something. You hardly ate anything yesterday. And please, finish that glass of water by the bed.”
The urge to cry was back.
“I’ll eat something.” I finally rolled away from her and sat up to drink my water. My entire body felt cold now that it wasn’t nestled against her.
“Oh, wow, my arm was numb. I thought maybe it had come back around, but nope,” Addie said as she flexed her fingers and rubbed at her shoulder.
I set my now-empty glass back on the bedside table. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m going to make food. Do you need anything before I leave?”
I turned to look at her. “At this moment? No.”
“Cool. Just come out when you’re ready.” She climbed out of bed, the hem of her T-shirt falling down to cover her shorts. She looked soft and a bit sleep rumpled.
“Addie,” I called. She turned to look at me from the doorway. “Thank you.”
She smiled. “Of course.”