Chapter 20
I practically groan with every step up the staircase, relieved to be home.
I put the cash I earned tonight in my drawer, then strip off my clothes, hurling them at the laundry hamper, and race through my rinse and revive routine in the shower.
Aurora is spending the night at Ever’s, so I’m home alone, but I’m okay with being my own company.
I’m used to it. And I’m thrilled my daughter is making friends here.
I pull on a pair of loose shorts, a fitted tank top, and some socks, then step out onto my balcony.
My gaze darts over to Westley’s side, but his lights are off.
I haven’t messaged him back after our exchange this morning.
He’s probably asleep, or maybe he’s still out.
I know he had his friend’s bucks party tonight.
I wonder what he looks like when he’s all cleaned up.
I’ve only seen him dressed for work, or when he’s dressed down at home, after a run, or sliding against me as we practise defence techniques.
It doesn’t matter what he’s doing, he always looks good to me.
Everything he does, everything he says, just drives that point home. I find Westley extremely attractive.
Is it risky that we have to keep faking that we’re in love?
Or is it smart? Testing out if I could actually make a relationship work in my life.
Although a problem I’ve always struggled with—and why I held myself back for so long, apart from dedicating my focus to Aurora—is that letting someone in means letting them all the way in.
There are still things I’ve kept from Aurora that any potential partner should know.
They should know what they’re getting themselves into.
But sometimes, it sucks raising a child on your own.
I don’t have a partner to bounce things off of.
To help decide what the right thing to do is.
At the end of the day, it kinda gets… lonely.
I go back inside and snatch my phone from the bedside table, then return to the lounge on my balcony and bring up our text thread.
ME:
How was your night?
“My night was interesting.”
I clutch my phone to my chest with a gasp as I look over to Westley’s balcony again. My eyes adjust to the darkness, and his figure becomes clear, sitting back on his daybed.
“Jesus,” I hiss. “Why are you sitting in the dark like a weirdo?”
I see him adjust on his seat. “Was waiting for you.”
My heart is still pounding in my chest as I chuckle. “Aww, that’s both creepy and sweet.”
“I learnt something today.”
“Ohh, let me guess.” I curl my feet beneath me, propping an elbow up on the headrest. “Octopuses have three hearts?”
He smiles and shakes his head. “No.”
“Yes, they do.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “Oh my god, I believe you.”
“Oh, okay, but that’s not what you learnt, gotcha. Was it that comets smell like rotten eggs?”
West shakes his head, eyes gleaming.
“A lightning bolt is five times hotter than the sun?”
He slowly drags his thumb over his bottom lip, as if wiping away the laugh that wants to break free, but the move just proves he’s ten times hotter than any lightning bolt.
“One in eighteen people has a third nipple?”
His mouth drops this time. “Really? One in eighteen?” He crosses his hands, dismissing the question. “Never mind. Let’s forget your hidden talent for recalling facts for a second.”
“Are you sure? They might come in handy for the wedding.”
He exhales, slow and deep, before stepping over to the balcony railing, resting his thick forearms over the top, and pinning his green eyes on me. The moonlight catches him, illuminating his broad, bare chest. “I saw you at The Matchbox tonight.”
My heart sputters furiously. He saw me? I’ve never felt self-conscious about what I do, but the thought of Westley seeing me that way has me… nervous.
I step off the lounge, crossing the balcony to stand opposite him. “Did you now?”
“You do dance at a club.”
My head drops as I laugh easily, attempting to hide the unfamiliar blush that fills my cheeks. “Told you.”
I chew on my lip and spin the bangles around my wrist, trying to muster up the courage to ask for more. “What was I doing?”
“Talking to a table full of guys with stars in their eyes.”
I bark out a laugh. “It was probably just a reflection from the sequins.”
When I feel brave enough, I lift my head to look at him again. He’s already staring in my direction with a gentle smile and glowing eyes.
“It’s not gonna make this awkward now, is it?” I ask.
“Why would it be awkward?”
“I guess it depends on how much or how little clothing you saw me in.”
He grins over at me. “I saw you have another tattoo.”
“Did ya get a good look?” I waggle my eyebrows, trying to tease him, but his eyes turn dark, making me squirm on the spot.
“Good enough. It’s cute, by the way.”
“My arse or my tattoo?”
“Both.”
Damn, I kinda wish I saw him tonight. I would love to have the image of him laying his eyes on me in the club for the first time seared into my memory.
I’ll just have to use my imagination, because the way he’s looking at me now has my body overheating and needy in a way that only a date with my new vibrator will fix.
“How did you get into it?”
I shake off the naughty thoughts, then prop my elbow on the railing and rest my chin on my palm. “By accident. Was sent to the wrong place for an interview. The owner was nice, told me what the pay was, and I realised I could make a lot more compared to doing overnight shifts at servos and motels.”
“Does Aurora know?”
“Yep. She was raised in the clubs. Not on the floor—she didn’t see anything like that.
She’s been in the dressing rooms on occasion, but at most places I’ve danced, all the women helped out with babysitting when we could.
When Presley lived with us, we used to practise together at home. Aurora loved watching.”
“It’s a pretty interesting life the two of you have led.”
I take a deep breath, welcoming the ease of his presence.
“Yeah,” I say on a breathy chuckle. “I worked behind the bar long before I started on the pole, and the tips were good, but I knew dancing would earn me more. I was determined to learn quickly, and that’s how Presley and I became friends. She taught me everything she knew.”
Westley gasps with a hand to his chest. “Did you just volunteer personal information?”
I laugh with a playful roll of my eyes. “Told you I’m trying to get better at opening up.”
“How long have you been dancing?”
“Around eight years.”
“Do you enjoy it?”
Do I? At first, I just did what I thought was necessary. Royal was good at finding me places that could accommodate Aurora, but it wasn’t a life that invited connections past surface level. But I knew what I was signing up for. I knew what my life had to be after that day when everything changed.
I wonder who I’d be if I got out before Aurora was born.
Would I be more daring and open if it were just myself to worry about?
The clawing anxiety whenever I think of my past pulls at my throat, taunting me.
You can’t expect to hide forever. They found you once; they could do it again.
They could take her. And then she’ll know. She’ll know. You took her first.
I take a breath, looking over at Westley and letting his face ground me back in the present. “Yeah. I do enjoy it. I enjoy what it does for the women I dance with, for me as a woman.”
Westley settles in place, allowing the moonlight to touch his face. “And what’s that?”
“Makes me feel strong. Confident. In control.” I look away as I hide a smile. “Pretty.”
“You’re always those things.”
I don’t feel very in control when he’s around.
“Westley?” I murmur.
“Yeah?”
“You don’t still have feelings for your ex, right? This isn’t about making her jealous?” It feels as though an earthquake is rumbling under the surface, or thunder is cracking through the night sky, but I’m pretty sure it’s just my hands trembling as I wait for his answer.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I moved on from Phoebe a long time ago, and I truly hope she’s moved on, too.
I’m sure she has. What went wrong in our relationship, the way it ended, always stuck with me.
I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes.
It doesn’t feel great to hurt someone you care about, or used to, and I do care that she’s happy. We both deserve to be.”
“What’s she going to think if she hears that I have a daughter?”
Westley blows out a breath, his big hand running back through his hair and messing up the dark brown waves.
“I never said I didn’t want kids, I just didn’t want to father my own.
My parents gave me a chance at a better life.
Some kids are out there waiting to be loved, to be given a safe space. That’s what I want to do.”
“But I give that to Aurora.” At least, I try to. “It’s not like she’s a kid you’ve taken in.” I rest my face in my hands with a groan, feeling flustered that I’m going to ruin this for him. “Are we going to pull this off?”
“Hey,” his warm voice coaxes. “Mae, look at me.” My heart clenches at the new nickname.
It sounds too sweet falling from his lips.
“Don’t worry about who believes it, or what they might be thinking,” he says softly, the side of his mouth teasing a smile.
“What happened to the confident woman in the club?”
She’s off gallivanting with another version of myself who doesn’t catch feelings.
“All we gotta do is spend the weekend convincing people we like being in each other’s company. And that’s already true. At least for me. So we’ll be fine. Don’t worry, okay?”
I give him a nod, but my stomach is swirling with nerves. Because it’s true for me too. I do like being in his company. So does my daughter.
We’ll be spending the weekend convincing his friends we’re a real couple, while I’ll be wondering if it could ever be more. Or am I too complicated for happily ever after?