Chapter 43 - MAEVYN
“Do you think Callie’s having her baby?” Aurora asks, adjusting her sling as we start making dinner. I close the fridge door, my eyes catching on the fortune cookie message stuck to the front.
If you’re still wondering what it’s like to fall in love, it’s all the days since I met you.
Aurora was thrilled when I picked her up after school the next day and told her I’d talked to Westley. She spent the afternoon printing more photos she’d taken of the three of us. They’re displayed proudly in the centre of the fridge, along with the cookie message Westley gave her later that night.
“Westley said it was false labour pains. They’re just monitoring her to be sure.”
I was at work earlier when West called to say Callie was on her way to the hospital with what felt like contractions. He told us not to rush down until they knew for sure, so we’re sitting by the phone, waiting.
“We haven’t heard from West in a while,” she says just as there’s a knock on the door.
I brush my hands against my jeans, walking through the house to answer it.
The last thing I was expecting to find was Royal, his usual scowl in place, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen him in person.
The overgrown beard is new, as is the shaggy hair that touches his shoulders.
His unruly appearance is nowhere near as unsettling as the fact that he’s here.
“Umm, hi?”
“You haven’t been answering your phone,” he grumbles, jaw as tight as his expression. I balk at his accusation as my chest starts to ache.
“When have you tried to contact me? I’ve literally been glued to my phone all afternoon, waiting to hear from someone.” I pull my phone from my back pocket, not seeing any missed calls or messages. “Why?”
“I was trying to give you some warning of my arrival,” he says, peering behind my shoulder.
“It kept going straight to voicemail.” My heart feels like it’s beating in my throat, pulling an onslaught of nausea along with it.
Royal rarely seeks me out in person. We almost exclusively communicate through text.
I push the door open, inviting him in, but he grabs onto my wrist, stopping me.
“Wait.” He looks behind him at a blacked-out SUV then back to me. “Not in there.”
He crosses his arms over his chest. His shirt sleeves are rolled up, showing both forearms decorated with tattoos I don’t recognise from the last time we saw each other.
A gun on each side with flowers wrapped tightly around the barrel, blooming all around it.
There’s no colour, all clouded in shadows.
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and a chill runs over my arms. “What’s going on?” I ask.
He tips his chin, pointing past my shoulder.
I turn around to find Aurora carefully watching us. “Babe, can you please figure out what’s wrong with my phone?” I hand it to her. “My calls are going straight to voicemail.”
She nods, accepting my phone before giving Royal a curious look. My skin feels like it’s crawling as I wait for her to leave so I can find out what’s going on.
“You somehow had airplane mode turned on,” she says, pausing halfway down to the entry hall. “And did you know the flashlight was on too?”
She holds up my phone, and sure enough, the light on the back is glowing.
“I don’t know how either of those things happened.” Seriously… how the fuck did I do that?
“Westley texted you not long ago. They’re on their way back.”
“Okay. Thanks, Superstar.”
She gives a tight smile, looking reluctant to leave, but I give her an encouraging nod, and she backs away until she’s out of sight.
“Please don’t tell me we need to leave,” I whisper, trembling over every word.
I can’t do it again. I can’t run when I’ve finally found the one thing I always wanted for myself.
Not when everything has just started to feel like some semblance of perfection.
I’ve finally found everything I dreamed of, something I fought for but never thought I’d truly hold within my grasp. Safety. Steadiness. Love.
Royal shakes his head slowly. “She found you.”
Everything comes to a screeching halt, and I’m suddenly out of my body. As if I’m stuck between two worlds, belonging to neither one. The past and the present.
“W-what?”
Everything feels wrong. Royal looks over his shoulder, back to the car, and I catch movement in the front seat.
“Who’s that?”
Royal’s lips twist as he looks away. “I told you. She found you. I was able to stop her, to a certain degree.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” The words burst from my throat before I swallow them down, and I step outside, pulling the door closed behind me. “Aurora is inside.”
“I tried to call you,” he hisses. “She’s been clean for six years.
She’s never reached out to your dad while he was inside.
I watched her closely when he got out, but she never tried.
I thought she was dating some new guy, but I found out a few hours ago that it was a private investigator.
She’d been looking for you. The guy she hired is an ex-cop who was using facial recognition programs. You and Aurora got caught on the news when some actress was out in public.
She almost wasn’t going to come, but then… ”
My knees feel weak as my head spins, recalling a few weeks back when Westley took us out to the harbour. All these years, I tried so hard to keep us safe. To keep us out of sight. Why now? Why me? Just, why?
“There was a drug trade gone wrong. Your dad’s crew. He was one of the casualties.”
“He’s dead?”
Royal nods. “She wanted to talk to you.”
Bile rises in my throat, and I stumble back against the door, shaking my head. “She’s not taking her. I won’t let her.”
“Just hear her out.”
A car door opens, followed by soft footsteps.
“Crystal?” The tears fall hot and freely down my cheeks as my mother’s voice penetrates my skin. Like sparks burning on the surface, not a burst of pain, but tiny, relentless breaks all over. “I’m not here to cause any pain.”
“Then why are you here?” I cross my arms over my chest, not bothering to look at her. I can’t.
“I wanted to see for myself that you were okay.”
I scoff, and the laugh tastes like poison on my tongue. “Okay? You had the first sixteen years of my life to do that, and you never even tried.”
“I know.” Her broken gasp forces me to bring my eyes up. She looks different from when I saw her last. I fled so quickly, I didn’t get a good look, but she somehow looks better. Her once dark hair is now dull and streaked in ashy grey, but she doesn’t look as frail as I remember her.
All you ever hope for when someone has hurt you is for them to realise what they’ve done.
To acknowledge their actions and the part they played.
It’s something we sometimes settle with, knowing it won’t happen, and it’s up to us to be the person who rises above it.
To be better than what their apology could fix.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about the choices in my life. And none bring me more shame and regret than what I did to you.”
I try not to let her words break me, but I can feel every defiant little crack as my body shakes.
“Sometimes, I wish I’d just taken a little more.
Been a little more unlucky and stupid, and rid my sorry self from this world before you even came along, so I didn’t have the chance to hurt you.
” She takes a tentative step forward, and I back myself against the door.
“Nothing your father and I put you through was ever your fault. We were selfish, sick people. I didn’t want to find you to ask for your forgiveness or try to earn a place in your life again.
I know I don’t deserve that, and I’ve taken enough. ”
It hurts to breathe. My arms hug my stomach in an effort to keep myself together. “So why? Why couldn’t you just let us be?”
“I remember the fear on your face… that day when I found you outside the grocery store.” She shakes her head, wiping away a tear.
“I’d been sober for maybe a month at that point.
Your dad was already away, and I was trying.
Davey said he saw you–both of you–and let me know.
I don’t know what I thought would change by seeing you myself, but the look on your face broke me.
I started using again. I thought if the drugs didn’t kill me, surely the regret would.
I went in and out of rehab for years, failing over and over again to stay clean because I didn’t feel like I deserved a new life after what I did to you and your sister.
The last rehab centre I was at, a guy told me the reason I keep going back is that I’m running away from something I knew I could never change.
And it was that look on your face. Over the years as I got healthier, I needed to know that I didn’t ruin more lives than just my own. ”
She takes another step forward, hands held up in surrender. “Thank you.”
“What?”
“Thank you. For being stronger than I ever was. For being brave enough to fight for more. For raising not only your sister, but yourself, because there is no way I ever could have given you girls the life you have now. I don’t want you to be scared anymore. To run. I want you to be free.”
I struggle to catch my breath as my mind makes sense of everything. My hand flies to my chest, and I drop to my knees, barely noticing the sting as I hit the pavement. All I’m aware of is the slight scent of sage as it engulfs me.
Warm palms frame my face, gentle fingertips brushing at my skin.
“Mae?” West’s garbled voice echoes through my ears. “I’m here, baby. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
I blink, clearing the tears as West’s concerned face comes into focus, with Royal standing just behind him, and my mother stepping back as she wipes away the tears that stain her cheeks.
“What’s going on?” West’s voice is strained and menacing as he directs the words behind him.
“Just wrapping up some unfinished business,” Royal says, stern and unaffected.