Chapter 12 – Liam
12
LIAM
N ow that Lucy is down for a midmorning nap, I allow myself to think about my tense conversation with Sophie on Friday. I really do need to make things right with her, if only to keep the neighborhood peace. I’m sure she wants to know how Lucy is, too. She only told Ellie two weeks, but it sure doesn’t look like she is going anywhere any time soon. I probably need to reach out to her. I pick up my phone and send her a quick text. It’s the first time I’ve texted her casually and it feels strange.
Me: Sophie, it’s Liam. Are you around today so we can talk?
I realize after I send it that she’ll know it’s me and I am an idiot, but too late now. Then I text Ellie to see what time she’ll be home. She texts back right away.
Ellie: I’ll be home within the hour and you have some explaining to do, sir!
I can almost hear her voice admonishing me with that text message. I groan. I might as well own up to it. Ellie is the closest thing I have to a parental figure. She has helped me in more ways than I can count. I can’t imagine how disappointed she’ll be when she hears how I treated Sophie. Nonetheless, she has seen me do much worse, so I know once we talk, she won’t be mad at me anymore.
I let Maggie outside and peer over the fence line at the cottage. There are no lights on, there is no movement, and Sophie’s little white Mazda SUV is gone. I glance down at my phone. She still hasn’t texted me back. I am going to have to find a way to distract myself until she does.
I leave Maggie in the yard and go back inside to get my sketchbook. Before I build anything custom, I usually draw it. I have been thinking about redoing the nursery for Lucy. Her crib is probably as old as I am. So first on the agenda is a new crib for Lucy. I want it to be fit for a princess because that’s what she is. Drawing out my designs and building them in my workshop gives me a sense of peace and purpose. It helps me feel like I am contributing to the world and not just taking up space. I don’t get very far though because my phone starts buzzing again. It’s the Perry Street Boys group text.
Danny: Yoooo Liam, we met your girl Sophie last night. We hung out with her and her friend. She’s a cutie.
Jack: Not very fond of you though.
Miles: She doesn’t need to be fond of Liam, she’s fond of me. You don’t mind, do you, buddy?
Danny: Maybe he’s drowning in baby puke.
Jack: Maybe he’s drowning in Melanie.
Miles: That would work out great for me.
Me: What are you assholes talking about?
Danny: He lives!
I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up imagining my friends chatting up Sophie without me there. Even more so because of the way we left things on Friday. What did they talk about? Did she tell them she knows me? She must have. I decide I can’t show them I care.
Me: Where did you meet Sophie?
Jack: Oh so he does care!!!!
Danny: Rusty Nail last night. She was with her red-haired friend. Totally wasted. Miles was trying to tap that until her friend flagged her and took her home.
Miles: Yo I am a nice guy. I wasn’t gonna take her home.
Me: Stay away from her, Miles. She’s got baggage.
Jack: Sounds like someone is jealous to me!!
Me: Not jealous. I just know Miles.
I throw my phone back on the table and try to focus on my sketch, but I can’t get Sophie flirting with Miles out of my head. If they hook up, I will lose my mind. It dawns on me like a freight train. I like her, but I also feel protective of her. Just thinking about her with Miles makes my blood pressure rise. I glance back at my phone—still nothing from Sophie. Nothing ever goes the way I want it to.
I stop sketching and put my head in my hands. I feel myself regressing again and I know I’m on a dangerous path. Even when Leah was still alive, I was still coasting along. Part of me wondered why she didn’t ask my parents to take Lucy while she was gone. But if I knew Leah, she wanted to give me the opportunity to rise to the occasion. Until now, I hadn’t surpassed anyone’s expectations for me, but caring for Lucy the past six months has kind of made me want to.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to forgive myself or fall in love, but I could try. I do think Cara would want that for me, and I know Leah would love for Lucy to have a mother. But more than that, I could be applying myself more to the important things in life. I am going to fix up this old house. I am going to work on getting more jobs doing what I love, and in time, just maybe I can fall in love.
* * *
I wait until the afternoon before I sheepishly drag myself over to Ellie’s and knock on her front door. I am holding a very happy Lucy as a peace offering. Lucy has improved so much in just twenty-four hours. She hasn’t had a fever all day and the rash that covered her tiny body is starting to fade. To say I am relieved is an understatement. I should have known better and seen the signs to take her to the doctor much sooner. I do feel more confident after talking to Dr. Philips though. He eased my concerns by letting me know that the first time a baby gets sick is hard for everyone. I know I’ll do better going forward.
Ellie swings open her front door, giving me an exaggerated scowl and then the biggest smile to Lucy. Lucy smiles back and reaches her arms out to Ellie who gladly takes her from me.
”Hi, Lulu!” Ellie coos. “Ohhh, my poor baby!” She cradles Lucy’s head to her shoulder and bounces. Then smacks my shoulder. “Why didn’t you call or text me? I would’ve taken one look at her and known you needed to take her to the doctor.”
I shrug. “I’m a stubborn ass, I guess.” I don’t have another excuse. I know I rely on Ellie for so much. I didn’t want to bother her on her book club retreat. She’s probably sick of bailing me out all the time.
“I left you for two days and you have made multiple women angry at you, so I don’t know about the stubborn part, but I am pretty sure you are an ass.” She turns to bring Lucy inside and I follow. She puts Lucy in her highchair and moves to fill the teapot. I plop down in one of her cushioned kitchen chairs and sigh.
“So, where should I start?” I ask her expectantly.
“Hold on, hold on,” she waves her hand. “I need to make my tea if you’re going to spill the tea.” She laughs at her own joke, and I instantly know she isn’t really mad at me. She reaches into the cabinet and grabs some crackers for Lucy and two mugs for us. She sets them down before going back to the fridge for the cream and sugar. Finally, she’s sitting in front of me with her legs crossed and hands folded in her lap, looking at me eagerly. “Let’s talk about Melanie first.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, okay, Ms. Neighborhood Watch. What have you heard? I guess you heard that I’m a dick.” I lean back in my chair and rest my hands behind my head.
Ellie sighs. “You’re not a dick , Liam.” Her face contorts like she swallowed vinegar, as if saying the word dick is repulsive . She recovers quickly. “In fact, I have wanted you to set this girl free for a while now. I am proud of you for that.” The tea kettle whistles, interrupting her. She gets up to retrieve it and two Earl Grey tea bags for us. Before she says anything else, she quietly makes our tea. I have a feeling she is dragging out whatever it is she wants to say next. I raise my eyebrows at her waiting for her to speak. “To answer your question, I saw Danny and Kristen at the grocery store this morning. Kristen was all fired up.”
I groan. “It’s none of their business, Ellie.” This town may be packed in the summertime, but during the off-season, it feels mighty small.
Ellie rolls her eyes. “Whatever. She seems to think it’s their business. She said Melanie is heartbroken that you don’t want a relationship with her,” Ellie retorts. Sometimes I can’t tell whose side she is on. “If you ask me, she has no self-confidence to have put up with you for as long as she did.” It sounds like mine.
I laugh. “Thanks a lot. Look, Ellie, I am a good guy. I was always upfront with Melanie about what I wanted out of our friendship, and it was never going to be me falling in love with her. What am I supposed to do if she is hopeful? She is responsible for her own feelings. She could have stopped seeing me instead of trying to change me.” I cross my arms, indignantly.
Ellie nods her head with a lazy smirk playing on her lips. I know she knows more than she is letting on. “Okay, so, you just let her down gently? Just called her up and told her how you felt?”
A hot wave of embarrassment washes over me from being under the Ellie microscope. “Well, not exactly.” I swallow. “I took her out while Sophie babysat and broke it to her over tacos. I was gentle though! But then Sophie texted to say Lucy was sick and I cut the conversation short.”
Ellie nods, putting her teacup down and folding her arms across her chest, taking me in. She must see a haggard mess of a man. My beard is long and scraggly. I know I look exhausted, and I didn’t bother to put anything nicer than gym clothes on today. I’m having trouble remembering if I brushed my teeth or when I last showered. I look back at her warm, motherly countenance and instead of disappointment, all I see is pity. Ellie feels sorry for me. I hate it, but I appreciate that she won’t stay mad at me for too long. Ellie and Eddie could never have children of their own, and I know she thinks of me as the son she never had. She may be the neighborhood mama, but I am her favorite. “And Sophie? What happened with her?”
I look down and once again feel my cheeks heating up with embarrassment. “Well…I sort of told her I didn’t need her help. And to just let me handle it.”
Ellie gasps. “Liam! After she helped you on her own time!” She makes a tsk-tsk sound that makes me feel worse.
I might as well be entirely truthful. “She was just pushing so much for me to accept her help. And Melanie was pushing me all night. I got home and the baby was screaming and I just couldn’t take anymore pushing .” I grimace thinking about the hurtful words I threw at her. “I told her to just go.”
“Oh, Liam. And now she’s gone ,” Ellie moans. “Who knows if she’ll be back now.”
I feel the color drain from my face. “What do you mean, who knows if she’ll be back? She left because of me?”
Ellie shrugs, and I can’t tell if she’s playing coy with me to punish me or if she knows something I don’t. Either way, I hate it.