Chapter 15 – Sophie
15
SOPHIE
S unday dinner at my dad and Carol’s house is a regular thing most weekends. Usually, James and I would go, along with Simon and Laura and their five-year-old twins, Sammy and Sarah. Sometimes Carol’s sons Josh and Drew would come with their wives too, but rarely is it all of us at once. I am grateful tonight when it’s just my dad, Carol, Simon, and Laura. I am in a very delicate headspace, and I can’t take discussing the nitty gritty with everyone. In my mind, this is my last Sunday dinner for a while. I already cannot wait to get back to Cape May.
I pull up to the curb of my dad’s white rancher and walk up the front steps. My dad must have seen me pull up because he meets me at the door. He doesn’t even have to speak. He just opens his arms, and I fall into them. He rubs my back as I squeeze him tight.
“That bastard,” he mutters in my ear, and I can’t help but smirk. My dad is a man of few words. Although I have been staying here since I left James, he still hasn’t figured out what to say to me to help me feel better.
As we walk through the foyer, he squeezes my hand and says quietly, “I told everyone you didn’t want to talk about it. They won’t bring it up unless you do it first.” I smile at him sadly. While he may not know what to say, he is always thinking of his little girl’s feelings. His empathy is immeasurable. I want to cry thinking about how I won’t see him every week anymore. I hope he’ll come visit me in Cape May, but if he won’t, I will make an effort to see him.
“Thank you,” I whisper back. It will be a hard conversation, but I think I need to tell my family what is going on and where I will go from here. I am filled with gratitude again when Carol greets me at the kitchen door with a glass of red wine. Simon comes up behind her, takes it from my hands and sets it on the counter, and immediately wraps me in a tight bear hug. His hugs are so good that they are now referred to by most people as “Simon Hugs.” Happy or sad, they are a constant, and he has a knack for knowing just when I need one.
“I missed you, sis,” he says into my hair. “I’m going to kill that bastard.” Like father, like son.
At this remark, Dad smacks Simon on the back of the head. “You weren’t supposed to bring it up first!”
“Ow!” Simon laughs. “Sorry, sis.” He gives me a lopsided grin.
I smile and shrug. “I do have some things to talk to you all about so at least you broke the ice, Si.”
With our wine in hand, we gather around the kitchen island and a magnificent charcuterie board, something that Carol is known for. Periodically, the twins come running in and swipe some olives off the board with their grubby fingers, but for the most part, everyone is making small talk and waiting for me to address the elephant in the room. So, I talk. I fill them in on the day we signed the divorce papers, the 90-day waiting period, and how I took off for Cape May before the ink dried.
“I never liked him,” Simon growls. “How could he do this to you, Soph?” His eyes are sad, and he gives my arm a comforting squeeze.
“What will you do now?” Laura asks, who up until now has been quiet. “Well, that’s the thing. I’m thinking about staying in Cape May for a while. I could use a fresh start and I really can’t see myself staying here at Dad and Carol’s for too long.” I glance at both of them and force a smile. “No offense, you’ve both been lovely. I just feel too old to run home crying to my parents.”
“You’re never too old to come home, sweetheart.” My dad pats my hand.
“I know, it’s just…Cape May feels right. My landlord is so kind and I feel most at peace by the ocean.” I take a sip of my wine and wait for someone to speak.
“You always did love that place,” Dad offers, his voice hopeful.
I nod. “Yeah. I feel really close to Mom there.” When I say this, Carol gets up to stir something on the stove as if she feels like she is eavesdropping on a private conversation. I continue, “But the real reason is, I know I need to go somewhere and the ocean is healing for me. I can’t stay here and risk running into him and his new girlfriend and baby.” I shrug half-heartedly. “I just need to get away for a while.”
“We understand, Sophie. Do what you need to do.” Carol comes around to my side and puts an arm around me.
“What about work?” Simon asks, always the responsible one.
“Well, I’m thinking of resigning completely. At first, I was going to ask for more time off, but I haven’t had many patients the past six weeks anyway and then I took these two weeks’ vacation. If I’m going to resign, now is the time to do it.” I hadn’t really thought this through until this very moment. On the way up here, I’d decided I’d ask for a leave of absence. But if I see myself in Cape May and that’s where things feel peaceful for me, then what is the point of prolonging it? I have only seen three patients virtually over the past seven weeks. I think the center will be okay.
Simon nods as if he understands, and then Carol puts a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs on the table. Laura calls the twins in to eat, and the conversation seems to shift.
“My plan is to stay here tonight,” I whisper to my dad, “and then I’ll leave in the morning.”
He smiles and puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “You can stay as long as you want, Soph. There is no rush.”
* * *
After dinner I am sitting in Dad and Carol’s guest room. Carol brought me a cup of tea, and I am snuggled up in bed with the duvet pulled up to my chin. I’ve done the hard part, which is talking to James and telling my family my plans. Next in order is to text Ellie and see if I can stay longer.
I know her busy season is coming up, so I want to be courteous. Without income, I’ll have to be strategic and cautious with money, too. Then there’s the whole needing to resign and not knowing what’s next thing. Strangely enough, instead of feeling apprehensive about all of this, I feel exhilarated. For the first time in a long time, I feel free.
I look at my phone. There’s a message from Claire wanting to know how I made out telling my family. I shoot her a quick text back letting her know all went well and that I’ll call her tomorrow. There’s a text from Liam asking if we can talk. I’m sure he wants to fill me in on Lucy, but I am so emotionally exhausted, and last time we spoke he was not very nice. Pass.
I scroll down to Ellie’s contact and shoot her a text.
Me: Hi, Ellie. How was your book club retreat?
Ellie: Hi, doll! It was great. How are you?
Me: Well, this is kind of awkward for me to ask you, but do you think it would be okay if I stay at your place a little longer? I want to come back to Cape May and get as far away from here as possible. But I know your busy season is around the corner…
Ellie: Sophie! Of COURSE you can stay with me. On one condition.
Me: What’s that?
Ellie: Stay in the main house with me.
Me: Right. So you can rent the cottage out weekly. That makes the most sense.
Ellie: No, silly. Because I love your company.
Me: Ellie, you’re the sweetest. But you must charge me the full rate!
Ellie: We’ll discuss. When are you coming back?
I’m smiling as I tell Ellie I will be back tomorrow morning and tuck my phone away before pulling out my laptop. I have a feeling that Ashley knows what is coming, and I will certainly give her the heads up, but I have to get the resignation letter off my chest. I open an email to my immediate supervisor and start typing. I thank her for the opportunity to work there and help the patients of Scranton Center for Guidance but due to a change in my personal circumstances, I will be relocating.
After it’s written, I feel myself physically relax. That was the last step I needed to take to start my next chapter. I pick up my phone and text Ashley to fill her in and thank her for being the best assistant. I close my laptop and turn off my phone for the night. Right now, in my dad’s house, in his guest bedroom, is right where I need to be.
I roll over and turn off the bedside lamp. Tomorrow I will embark on a new journey, a new path to finding my one true self. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope I make it through.
* * *
I’m lost in thought, driving back toward Cape May the next morning when Claire calls me. I told her I would call her, but then I shut my phone off and never did.
“Who will I have wine nights with now?” she bellows when I answer, not bothering with a hello.
I laugh. “We can still have wine nights, just on FaceTime instead.”
Claire turns serious. “Are you sure a move four hours away is what you want? You are welcome to stay with me and Derek. We’d love to have you.” I can’t tell if she is really trying to convince me or if she’s saying what she thinks she should say.
“I’m sure. I think I need a clean slate. Being around too much familiarity is just too painful.” I bite my lip to stop myself from crying on the highway.
Claire is silent for several seconds before she says, “Okay. Then I am happy for you, Sophie. I think you will find whatever it is you’re looking for.”
I exhale a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. Having my best friend’s support means more to me than most people’s. I need her to realize why I am doing what I’m doing in case it’s a horrible, life-altering mistake. “I hope you’re right.”