Zeus
Serena is tense in my arms. I can feel the fear she has for them leaving. I feel it too. Our dads are unpredictable on a good day. You never know what they are going to do.
I’m trying to rack my brain as to what they needed us for.
“Let’s drop my bike off at my mom’s house in case my dad goes looking. Then we can head out of town and spend the evening together.”
Serena nods her head before walking over to her. She waits for me to mount my bike before she starts her car. I wish she were on the back of my bike with me. Her arms squeezing me tightly as we ride through town. Today was supposed to be my day with her riding backpack, but he car was dropped off last night and she wanted the independence of her vehicle. It stung, but I get it.
I rev the engine, feeling the rumble and purr through my entire body. This used to be the feeling I loved the most. Now, it’s Serena's arms around me. The way her lips feel against mine. There is no better feeling in the world.
I pull out of the lot and race towards my mom’s house, Serena following behind me. I just want to stop by, let mom know to cover for me if need be, leave my bike in the laneway in case my dad drives by to see.
I pull my bike into the laneway, not seeing my mom’s car. I want Serena to meet my mom, but honestly, not right now. I need to speak with my mom first so she doesn’t do anything to embarrass me. I love my mom. She was the only person I felt that, or what I thought was love, for a long time. But my mom can be a little bit much for people. After my accident, she became extremely overprotective of me. As a kid, I hated it, but now as an adult, I can understand.
I get off my bike and walk towards Serena’s parked car. “Just wait here. I am going to grab my truck keys.”
Serena nods her head. I start walking towards the front door, wanting to get in and out so I can take my girl out for a little fun. She deserves to have a normal life, and I plan on giving that to her.
The second my hand touches the doorknob, Mom rips open the front door and rushes outside.
Please, please, please.
“Duncan!” My mom yells from the door.
My mom is the picture of grace. Her wavy milk chocolate hair falls to her shoulders. Her light brown eyes shine bright as she looks at me. Her smile is wide and infectious. She is wearing a pair of light-wash jeans and a white blouse.
My mom has always been my safe place. The person I turn to when I need anything. The one who protected me when I couldn’t do it myself. She is the only parent I have in my eyes. My father is just a sperm donor who controls way too much of my life.
I glance at my mom, wishing she didn’t just call me that. It’s not a conversation I have had with Serena yet, and it was something I wanted to do on my terms. Maybe if I am lucky, Serena didn’t hear that. With a glance over my shoulder, I see Serena. Still sitting in her car, her eyes focused on my mom, and her jaw open.
Thanks, Mom.
Serena gets out of her car and walks over to us, obviously not wanting to be rude. I can see a curious glint in her eyes, wondering why my mom is calling me a different name. I close my eyes, take a deep breath. Mom’s face drops slightly when she sees Serena holding my hand, but she quickly recovers and rushes over to us. Mom squeezes me tightly. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close. Mom pulls away, giving me a big smile. She glances over to Serena, giving her an equally warm smile.
“Duncan, you didn’t tell me you were coming over or that you were bringing a guest.” Mom turns to Serena. “I’m Bailey, Duncan’s mom.”
“Duncan?” Serena peeks up at me, waiting for answers.
“Oh. I’m sorry. ’s mom.” Mom waves her hand as a fake laugh leaves her. “Please come in, guys. I was just making some coffee.”
Mom leads us inside and to the kitchen. The house hasn’t changed since she first moved into it when I was seven. After the divorce from my father, my mom bought this house and moved both her and me in here. My life changed in the blink of an eye, but it was for the better. Mom was significantly happier without my father.
We walk through the main room, pictures of me growing up lining the walls and on every table. Serena glances at every picture, smiling at each of them. My mom is the type of person who takes pictures of everything. My first tooth that I lost. Every school year picture. Potty training. The works. All of them were displayed for anyone to see.
We all walk into the kitchen. The smell of freshly brewed coffee lingers in the air. Serena is practically salivating, wanting a cup. She hasn’t been going to the café in the morning for her usual cup of coffee. Since everything that has happened, she has been more introverted than she was. Only going to school and then home. It’s reminding me of when she first moved here, and she was still with her asshole of an ex.
Something I need to talk to her and the guys about. I am worried about her. I hate the thought of her returning to the person she once was. I love watching her shine. She was turning to the person she wanted to be, and nothing made me happier than that.
Watching her scared all the time breaks my heart. It makes me want to just kill Zane, Ryker, and my dad without thought. At this point, I don’t care if they are her stalker or not. They deserve to die for many reasons. If they are behind it, I vow to myself to make their deaths as painful and long as possible. Nothing on this earth would stop me from achieving that goal.
Mom pours a cup of coffee for herself and Serena, completely ignoring me. That’s a first. I watch as the two of them sit down at the table and exchange small talk. Getting to know each other.
Mom continues to look at Serena like she is a ghost or something. Like she is looking into the past. I want to ask about it, but Serena asks a question I wish she didn’t.
“Who is Duncan?” Serena’s voice is inquisitive.
Fuck. With that name comes the story. Everyone around town already knows what happened. It made the local paper, and I knew one day Serena would find out. But a small part of me didn’t want her to know. It’s not like it’s embarrassing or anything. Just traumatic.
“Duncan is ’s birth name.” My mom answers before taking a sip of her coffee. “Zane, Ryker, and Axel all wanted their sons to be named after kings. Hence, Midas and Odin. Axel never could decide what he wanted to name our son. We fought about it for months. In the end, he wasn’t at the hospital when I had Duncan, but I kept his wish. I named him after King Duncan from Macbeth. That didn’t go over well with Axel. But after his accident, his father changed his name. Saying it was a sign from himself.”
I can see the curiosity in Serena’s eyes, wanting to ask what happened. She looks at me, making sure I am all right with asking. I want to say no, but I don’t think I would ever be able to say no to her. I look at my mom, nodding my head, letting her know it’s alright to tell the story.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. Everything in my life changed that day. Nothing was ever the same again. Some good and some bad. Mom starts telling the story, but I don’t hear her. Too lost in the memory of that night.
Mommy and Daddy are fighting again. They always seem to fight. Every time they think I’m not around, they fight.
I am standing in the hallway, just outside their bedroom door. Everything is so dark, the only light coming from the small crack in their door.
I can’t see anything, but I can hear them. I could hear them from my room down the hall. I was supposed to be asleep, but I was hiding under my covers with a flashlight, reading the new book that mommy bought me.
I could hear the shouting, and I wanted to stay in my room, but the last time this happened, mommy got really hurt. I don’t want mommy to be hurt. I need to protect her. Even from Daddy.
“Were you with her again?” Mommy’s voice is quiet, like she is about to cry.
Mommy cries way too much.
“Does it fucking matter?” Daddy yells back. “But if you must know, I was at the clubhouse fucking an eighteen-year-old slut.”
I can hear mommy crying now. I peek through the crack in their door. Mommy is sitting on her bed, her hands covering her face, but I can see the tears running down her cheeks. Daddy is standing at the end of the bed, staring at Mommy. He looks happy. Why is Daddy happy that Mommy is crying?
“I never wanted this life. I never wanted that kid. The only reason he is here is because of Zane. Because he was dumb enough to cheat on the love of my life and drive her away. You mean nothing to me. Duncan means nothing to me. This isn’t what I wanted. I wish I had never gotten you pregnant. You and Duncan are the worst mistake of my life.”
I step away from the door and slowly make my way down the hall to my room. I knew Daddy wasn’t always happy with me, but he didn’t want me.
I stop the tears that want to fall.
It’s my fault that Mommy and Daddy are fighting. Daddy said so. If I weren’t around, they would be happy. If I weren’t here, they wouldn’t fight.
There is only one thing I can do to make them happy.
I quietly close my bedroom door. I grab my backpack off the hook on the back of my door. I grab as many clothes as I can fit in my bag. I stuff it so full and zip it close.
I can’t go through the front door. They would hear me leave. Instead, I open my bedroom window and push out the screen, climbing out and falling into the bushes below.
I don’t know where to go, but I have to leave. It’s the only way my parents can be happy. I am the reason they are mad and sad all the time.
I want to go to Midas' or Odin’s houses, but their dads would just take me back. They can be just as mean as my Daddy. It’s not safe to go there.
I start walking down the street. It’s so dark, and the only lights are from the odd house with its outside lights on. I just keep walking with nowhere to go.
The moon quickly disappears as the clouds cover it. The sound of thunder booms, scaring me. I start running, hoping to find somewhere to go before it starts raining.
I run, finally thinking of a place I can go. If I run to school, I can stay under the play structure to hide from the rain. I’m almost there, but the rain starts coming down hard. I can see lightning in the sky, and the thunder is so loud, scaring me.
I’m almost there, almost to the playground. I can be out of the rain and get dry. My feet hit the sand as the crack of thunder deafens me and a bolt of lightning strikes down.
I feel nothing and then everything. My body hurts. I scream out in pain.
Suddenly, everything goes black. I can’t see anything or hear anything.
I don’t know how much time passed after being struck by lightning. When I woke up in the hospital, Mom was sitting next to my bed. She sat by my bed for days, while my dad only came once when I woke up.
I was in the hospital for a few days after I woke up, but I spent a lot of time there seeing different specialists. My dad was never around. He wasn’t there for me or my mom. I think that was the final straw for her, and when I left the hospital, she served him with divorce papers. My dad didn’t even care. He didn’t fight for custody of me. He just went on with life like nothing had changed.
Mom’s life changed so much in such a short time. She got a new job so she could properly provide for us- my dad didn’t pay child support or anything. She rented a house for us, the same house we have today. Now she owns it.
My mom got a job at the local hospital. After spending so much time there after my accident, it became her second home. They offered her a job working in the office. I had to beg her to take a job there. She was terrified to leave me alone, especially with my father.
Not that I blame her. My father is a monster in his own way. Odin’s dad was terrible, forcing him to kill at a young age. Midas’s dad was abusive, trying to create the perfect protégé. My dad was different. He mostly ignored me unless he needed something. Mainly, he needed me to get him beer or whatever alcohol he chose that night. Once he was drunk enough, he would ramble on about how I ruined his life. How Zane ruined his life.
He blames Zane for so much, including me. That’s a great thing for a child to feel. Unwanted. Unloved. I didn’t matter. I was a mistake he wishes he had never made. I know I am only here because of Zane. That’s not a secret, never has been.
It was my mom and me against the world. That’s how it felt at least. I had my brothers, but they couldn’t help at the time. They were there for me in the ways they could be. Distracting me when I need it. Spending most of their time at my mom’s house with me. We had always been ride or die for each other, but that proved it to me. Pops was there for me too. He helped my mom however he could. Bringing groceries or home-cooked meals when mom worked late. Fixed up her old beater when it would stop running. Letting me stay at his house after school if it was needed. He and his wife, Celeste, were the grandparents I always wanted.
Being struck by lightning changed everything about me. I stopped feeling. Pain was something I could feel, but emotions became nonexistent to me. The doctors said it was neurological, and one day I would be able to feel again. As I grew older, nothing ever changed. Emotions were foreign to me. I stopped believing what the doctors said. I would never feel anything again. Or at least, until Serena showed up.
Before her, I didn’t feel anything. Joy. Pain. Happiness. Love. I didn’t feel them. I was blank. A shell of a person. Just walking around, but never getting anything out of life. It’s why I threw myself into the club. I knew I would be an asset to my dad. I didn’t have a problem with the dark and dirty stuff. It never bothered me. I became the exact thing he wanted, a soldier to order around that would dutifully follow all orders. I wasn’t- and still am not- a fan of pain for unnecessary reasons. I am a monster, but not a total monster.
The name came a couple of days later when my dad finally arrived at the hospital. I have a huge scar on my back that looks like lightning in the sky. Dad declared that it was a sign that I never should have been named Duncan. He started calling me after that, and the name stuck.
The only person who still calls me Duncan is my mom. Midas and Odin used to, until I told them that I wasn’t that kid anymore. Duncan died that day. I wasn’t the same kid, and I didn’t want to be reminded of him ever again. I turned into the kid that my dad always wanted after that. I wasn’t emotional. I didn’t care about anything.
The only things I cared about were my friends and my mom, but I couldn’t show them. I think that did more harm to my mental health growing up. I wasn’t like everyone else around me, and I knew it. All I wanted was to fit in again, but I knew that wouldn’t happen. Thankfully, bullying wasn’t a huge issue. Of course, there would be the odd comment or joke made about me when we were younger, but once we hit high school, it stopped completely.
Mom sent me to therapy for years, but it didn’t help. I couldn’t talk to anyone about how I felt. I didn’t know how I felt. I still don’t.
Serena reaches her hand out and places it on my thigh as my mom keeps telling her the story. Normally, when people hear what happened to me, all I see is pity in their eyes, but not Serena. All I see in her eyes is acceptance and love. I grip her hand, squeezing it three times.
My mom used to do that to me when I was growing up. It was her way of telling me she loved me. It was the only way I could say it back to her. The words were hard for me to say, and showing them was harder. But that one little thing my mom showed me was the only way I could communicate how I felt.
I love Serena, and I want to tell her with my words, but I don’t know how. One day I will figure it out.