Chapter 16
16
ARIHI “ARI” HUNTER
Although his hair was longer, and he didn’t smell like his usual Tom Ford cologne, this man was the love of my life. Hopefully, he didn’t honestly believe that hiding his face was enough to avoid having me recognize him. I would know that build anywhere—his shoulders, his neck, the backs of his arms. If I’d held it, kissed it, and cherished it, I knew it, and I knew it well.
I crossed the room, grabbed his right bicep, and ignored how easy it was to turn him to face me. His features were more gaunt, meaning he likely hadn’t been holed up in a fancy, government-sponsored facility like I’d imagined. At some point, he’d starved, and it pained me to know that he’d had to experience so much as an iota of deprivation. Throughout our relationship, he’d sacrificed all but his life, though close to it, to give me a good one. To me, that meant Julien Hunter deserved every abundance.
“How?” I asked.
He cupped the side of my face. “Gage, as usual.”
“Are you hurt?”
“Jesus, Ari.” He stroked my cheekbone with his thumb. “I can’t believe I’m looking at you right now. Feels like it’s been years. I’m sure I look like it’s been years. And no, I’m not hurt. Are you?”
“We’re all right. We’re good. I missed you.”
It wasn’t the longest we’d ever gone without seeing one another. The student from my network security class, the one with the insatiable curiosity and smile that made me both excited and nervous, suddenly disappeared one day. Years passed before I saw him again, also courtesy of Gage. Nothing blossomed between us before he vanished, but I’d missed him more than I anticipated I would.
This time around, not having him was hell.
“I missed you too,” he said, his voice unsteady. “God, I missed you.”
I barely had time to rise onto my toes before his lips found mine, one of his arms wrapping around my waist. But we didn’t get to indulge in anything more than a light brush. A loud smack against his cheek pulled us apart.
Julien, smiling sheepishly, rubbed the spot.
“Thandie, no,” I gently scolded. “Gentle hands, baby. This is Daddy.”
Tayler, Carolyn, and the terror twins were the only people she’d warmed up to, and it probably had everything to do with Gage being present when she first met them. Uncle Gage, she trusted with her life.
“Hi, baby girl,” Julien greeted.
He went to stroke her cheek, but she jerked away. Although he chuckled, I could tell that having his daughter pull away from him hurt. But he couldn’t blame himself for not being there. If he could, he would have crawled back to us on nubs.
“Give her some time,” I reassured him.
He continued to stare at her in an almost palpable awe. “She doesn’t ever have to like me. As long as she’s happy, healthy, and safe…”
“She’ll love you, Julien.”
“Yeah, but if not, it’s okay.”
It appeared that more than my husband’s appearance had changed over the last several months. During the moments when I was at my lowest, Julien always found a way to prevent me from falling into darkness. Our time apart seemed to have changed that, which made me curious about what else was different. Regardless, I would love him through the changes.
“Did you eat?” I asked.
“No, not yet. I wanted to get cleaned up first. I didn’t want you to see me all,” he motioned to himself, “messed up.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered.”
“You say that, but?—”
“It wouldn’t have mattered.”
The man I fell in love with, married, and had a child with hid behind those empty, ice-blue irises, sunken cheekbones, and that weather-beaten skin. Until he regained his energy, I would use all of mine to fight to get him back.
“Come on.” I took his hand and headed for the door. “Let’s get you something to eat. Then, we’ll get you settled, and I have to ask Tayler about available space for Gage.”
“Gage was staying with you and the baby?”
“He never left our side,” I said.
“Ari, how do I repay him for something like this?”
“Would he ask you to?”
“No, but…does he realize what he did?”
“Had the shoe been on the other foot, would you have done the same for him?”
“Of course.”
“And what would you ask for in return?”
He said nothing.
Meanwhile, Thandie continued to shoot daggers.
The last picture she saw of him was months ago when we were sheltering in place in Virginia. While Julien put on a brave face, I knew he wanted his daughter to know who he was.
“Ari, wait.”
He tugged on my hand and pulled me in for a hug. A tight hug. The kind of hug that made me close my eyes, rest all of my worries on him for a moment, and soak up what I’d been craving for months.
“You smell like the castile soap and,” I inhaled, “river water. I love it.”
He squeezed even tighter. “And I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Thandie broke us up again.
In a gesture that reminded me of the Julien I knew, he quickly kissed the top of her head before backing away. While she fussed, he graced her with a smile clearly meant to reassure me that there was no hurt—that it didn’t matter to him that his daughter’s initial response to him was disgust.
“You might hate me,” he began, “but I love you, baby girl. Daddy’s heart is full enough to block the hurt.”
She set her head on my shoulder.
I continued down the long hallway, doing my best to hide how much his pain was now creating a gnawing ache deep inside me.
Some of the deer meat was transformed into “chicken fried steak” made from flax meal, which we ate with a side of instant mashed potatoes and green beans. The solid source of protein lifted everyone’s spirits to the point that as rain fell outside in rigid sheets, no one griped or groaned. There was laughing and merriment. Yet, as I looked around the cafeteria, I didn’t get the sense of peace I’d hoped for.
This plague was the start of something, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on what. It was hard to imagine something worse than this, yet it felt incomplete—as if there was more to come.
This wasn’t the fall.
This was simply the first sign.
While we cheered and ate our meat and potatoes with gravy, of all things, somewhere, someone—or something—was lying in wait to take it all.
Dana stood and broke out into a dance, undoubtedly to put on a show for her not-so-secret lover. We were all seated at long rectangular tables in the school’s small cafeteria under dim, flickering fluorescent lights. Candles around the room made up for what the overhead lights couldn’t provide. As the days grew shorter, there was less solar energy at our disposal.
Rather than watch Dana, Allen studied Gage’s every move with an unhidden malice, but Gage didn’t notice, too busy studying Tayler. The entire night, Tayler barely looked at anyone else but him. I knew about their kiss, but something else must have transpired between them. If it hadn’t yet, it would before the end of the night.
“You’re off in your thoughts,” Julien said, nudging my shoulder. “What’s going through that pretty head of yours?”
He’d polished off two plates and filled up on water, to which the cook had added steeped peach rinds to celebrate today’s haul.
I nudged him back. “Nothing.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I’m just glad you’re here.”
“It still seems surreal.” He looked at Thandie draped over Gage’s shoulder. “I feel like maybe I died, and I’m waiting for my Sixth Sense moment, you know?”
“You’re here, though. Like I knew you’d be.”
“Barely. I don’t know how you can stand to look at me.”
I spun around on the bench seat and met his eyes. “Easy. I love you, Julien Hunter. I love every bump, bruise, and twig from now until forever.”
He took one of my hands and kissed my palm.
I started to ask Gage whether he would mind keeping Thandie for the night, but he was still watching Tayler. Plus, the request would have been selfish; there was no way Julien was ready for sex, of any kind, on his first night back. Several times during dinner, I’d caught him dozing off, but his eyes snapped open whenever food was placed in front of him. When he wasn’t dozing or staring at Thandie, he stared off into space.
“Gage is good with the bab—with Thandie,” he said. “I’m glad she feels safe with him.”
“And she’ll feel safe with you,” I reassured him. “Just like I have to give you time, you have to give her time.”
“What are you giving me time for?”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, I don’t need time for that,” he insisted. “What if,” he leaned closer, his voice low, “you got on top and did all the work?”
“You can’t possibly think that sentence is sexy.”
“We could lie on our sides.”
“Will it be good for us both? Is that still important, or has that changed about you too?”
“What do you mean? What’s changed about me outside of my new sickly appearance?”
I sighed. “Your outlook, babe. It’s…darker.”
He turned me back around, pulled me into his chest, and set his chin on my head. “It’s nutrient deficiency. I probably have low vitamin D, omegas, vitamin B, and magnesium, at least. Those can all contribute to a depressive state.”
“As well as realizing you’re facing societal collapse with no way of determining whether your pregnant wife survived,” I said. “Babe, you have to feel some things. Yes, those are contributing factors, but had you been eating well and the same thing happened, you would have been just as affected.”
I felt him nod.
Then, I waited.
This was Julien, after all.
“The oxidative stress probably doesn’t help, either,” he added. “Without those nutrients, my body can’t use neurotransmitters correctly.”
“Don’t forget inflammation.”
“You’re right.”
Thandie’s tired gaze continued to sear into Julien, and I wondered what was going through her mind. Obviously, this new strange man was important to her mother, but it was as if she couldn’t determine whether that was enough to place her trust in him. Her eyes were giving me, “Mommy, are you sure about him?” vibes.
“Gage,” I called. “Did you get your room?”
He didn’t look away from Tayler. “Yeah.”
“Is it nearby?”
“Yes, same floor.”
“Okay, good.”
Julien kissed the top of my head. “Need Gage close until I get my strength back?”
“No, I just want all my people near. It’s also helpful if, at the last minute, we need him to watch Thandie.”
“Like tonight.”
“No, not like tonight. Look, baby, I’m glad you’re back, but I will not tolerate a poor performance.”
He faked a shocked gasp and then drew me close, tucking his face into the crook of my neck. We stayed that way until sleep knocked, heavily, and went upstairs to get ready for bed.
Julien asked Gage whether he would be willing to keep Thandie for the night, but Gage let us know that he would be walking the perimeter later to check for any storm damage. As dark as the clouds had been, the storm had left us unscathed, bringing only rain and intermittent wind gusts.
While I changed, Julien placed our sleeping daughter in her makeshift crib. Then, he undressed, stepped into a pair of shorts, climbed into bed beside me, and pulled me into his body. Yet, despite falling asleep at the table, he remained wide awake.
“The woman you came with,” I said, easing into something I wanted to ask all night. “The one who was sitting between the twins like a prisoner. Who is she?”
He shifted, one of his telltale signs of discomfort. “Shida?”
“Yeah, who is she?”
“Do you know they offered to sleep with her? Both of them, at the same time.”
“Julien, don’t make me be the reason you go lights out in an apocalypse.”
He sighed, another telltale sign. “She was with me at the CDC,” he said. “We’re the last two remaining from our larger group. Some of them split up, but for the most part, the rest kind of…died off.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s part of life now, I guess.”
“Did she take care of you?”
It was too dark to see his face, but I sensed his hesitance. “We looked out for one another,” he answered. “If you mean something more than that, no.”
“Julien, you can be honest. I mean, you thought I was dead. If she provided you with comfort of an intimate nature?—”
“I never thought you were dead. I was afraid you were, but I refused to accept it if I couldn’t prove it. And no, we didn’t have sex while you and I were split up. I could never do that to you, knowing I’m your dream guy.”
I paid attention to his choice of words and held onto them for another day.
“No, babe.” I shook my head. “Winston Duke’s my dream guy.”
“You’d pick M’Baku over me?”
“And have him blow my m’back out, yes.”
Laughing, he toyed with the coiled strands of my hair. “Hey, Ari?”
“Nope. You’ll come in like six seconds.”
“That’s not what I was about to say,” he said, still laughing. “It’s the doctor. I think I know her. I think that’s the same doctor I worked with at the CDC.”
I rose onto my elbow. “She didn’t recognize you?”
“I don’t exactly look like my old self, and I barely recognized her at first. It’s been a while, but she was one of the leading researchers. If she’s here, maybe there’s still a chance to figure all this shit out. Maybe there’s still hope.”
“There he is.” I cradled the back of his head and drew him close. “There’s my man.”
Our lips touched.
My fingers disappeared in his hair, and I was bombarded with memories of missing him and the fear I’d had of never kissing him again. Before today, I’d assumed I would have had to accept one and begrudge the other. Then, he teased me with almost timid flicks of his tongue, but the Julien I knew was raw and passionate. This Julien was exhausted.
Groaning, he broke the kiss.
“You just wait,” he said, rolling onto his back. “Once I get my fat-soluble vitamins, iron, and electrolytes up, you won’t know what hit you.”
I laid my head on his chest. “Yes, daddy. Tell me more.”
“Go ahead and joke, but I’m serious.” He yawned. “It’s gonna be wild, Arihi. Feral. Primal.”
I growled. “Primal’s my favorite position.”
“Oh, I know. Trust me, I know. I’ll be the one,” he yawned again, settled into place, “blowing your m’back out. Don’t try to run, either.”
“You want me to take that dick?”
A soft snore responded for him.
I smiled and kissed his chin. “Good night, Julien. I love you, baby.”