10. Bay
TEN
bay
I hit Levi’s blunt again and allow the THC to temporarily erase the memories of my sisters’ wails and devastated whimpers after we told them Dad is gone.
Each one slicing a new wound into my heart, and it was nothing short of devastating.
Neither of them would go to bed, so melatonin was Levi’s secret weapon to get them both to pass out on the couch while we sat in the empty garage with the door open.
Rain pours outside, dampening the mood just a tad more.
However, it’s becoming a second thought through my high as Levi reaches out to pluck the weed from my fingers.
“What do you think about leaving South Shore after we bury Roger?” My best friend’s comment baffles me into silence as I slowly glimpse over at him, repeating his words one more time to make sure I got them right. “We’d need to make a few runs and, possibly, a few races to tide us over for a while, but it might work.”
“You’re serious?”
His green eyes latch onto mine, and there’s no test. No teasing or anger. Just sheer exhaustion embedded in those crystal irises. “Yeah.”
“You have a Titan seat.”
His large shoulders heave dismissively. “So? Where has that gotten us?”
Nowhere.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, this whole war shit is for the birds. It’s done nothing but push us deeper—well, me, mostly—into this war, and what’s left?
Dad is gone, the girls are a wreck, and this place holds nothing but fucked-up memories of the past to torture us all with.
“Where would we go?” I mutter, crossing my legs and tucking my feet underneath me. “We’d have to get normal jobs.”
“That part sucks,” he confesses evenly, pulling the paper to his lips and inhaling a deep shot of cannabis. “However, I’m willing to try, if you are.”
Fuck, I never thought he’d ask me that question.
I’ve thought about it a million and one times, but I never thought we’d actually do it.
My answer is suddenly clogged in my throat because I don’t want to commit to anything. Through all its faults, South Shore is our home. The only one I know; the only one Levi and the girls know. Can we really throw our middle fingers up and say fuck all this?
“That’s a scary thought,” I admit softly. “How do you think Ellie and Mae would do with it?”
“Fine,” he replies confidently. “We’d go somewhere sunny with good weather. Maybe a beach.”
“Ellie has Peter.”
His face skews at that comment and grumbles, “Fuck that kid. I’m not basing our whole existence on some seventeen-year-old punk.”
I know, but…
“Her immediate answer is going to be no.”
“Well, she’s stuck with us, and this place is death.”
I bob my head and extend my hand for him to give me the blunt back. He does, and I take another generous hit, feeling the weight of the world around me lift.
Ellie will be the hardest to convince. She loathes change. This place is a reminder of Dad and her entire life. However, Levi and I both crave stability; we have our whole lives ahead of us, and we need to get them out of this mess.
“We might be able to warm them up to the idea,” I reply. “Let them sit on it for a little bit.”
“Yeah, I’m afraid of what Ellie will do if we bring it up too soon. She might pull a Bay Astor on me.”
My nose wrinkles. “What?”
“You were nine,” he begins. “I told you that you weren’t my best friend because you were a girl, and it royally pissed you off. You climbed out of your bedroom window that night and walked up the quiet street after telling me you were going to go off and find another best friend.”
“Oh, right.” I smile weakly. “I was.”
“You’re lucky I was out fucking around. Only God knows where your ass would've landed.”
“You sure about that?” I press, passing the blunt back to him. “I may have ended up somewhere else, and you wouldn’t have had to deal with me anymore.”
“Like in a grave?” Levi scoffs at my bullshit response. “Yeah, probably.”
I smile a bit wider, but I don’t argue. This man has been my damn warrior throughout my whole life. He’s also given me the respect and freedom I needed when I was younger to make my own decisions. But we’d still fight about it.
Needless to say, though, he’s never left my side.
“I think we should,” I state through the emptiness of the space. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
“Yeah?”
I bob my head, even though an emptiness forms in my stomach. “I’ll set up a few runs, then. Get The Nameless set up with a new leader, and we’ll pick a place.”
“I’ll put the word out for a few races. Big money. We’ll start stashing.”
“We’ll set a goal to get somewhere else before the new school year starts. But I’d like to be settled in a few months before.”
“The sooner the better.”
Levi kicks his long legs out and leans back, propping his body with his palm resting on the cement floor. “Now, how do we get out of here?”
“We drive?”
“It’s not that easy. We need to make sure we’re not followed.”
Oh hell.
“Dude, do I need to change my name?” Levi dips his head in confirmation, and I hate that idea. I loathe getting rid of anything of Dad’s. Yet, we’d have to. It’s just another one of those things where shit needs to be done, and it blows. “Fine.”
“You’ll need to say bye to Nessa.”
My whole body pulls back as I steal another glance at my best friend. “What? Why?”
“We’re not taking her with us.”
“Why wouldn’t—That doesn’t make any sense. She’s family.”
“She’s not,” Levi retorts evenly, snubbing the blunt along the concrete and pushing himself up to sit. “We don’t need any loose ends.”
“Lev, it’s Nessa .” He doesn’t comment any more on it, but this isn’t over. But then again, I recall the other night when Levi came home. How Nessa jumped back like I just caught her doing something she wasn’t supposed to be. “Is there something going on between you two?”
Closely watching him, Levi doesn’t react or give anything away. He just continues to slowly put out the weed with his inked fingers, his chin tucked into his broad chest. The tattoos at his neck strain at the angle, and I wonder if I was so caught up in my own shit with the boys that I never noticed it.
That if she felt a certain type of way with Levi and I fake dating that she made a big thing about it.
Technically, she’s supposed to be in hiding, but that’s not Nessa’s style. She’s South Shore through and through, and we don’t stash ourselves away.
Yet, she hasn’t mentioned anything to me and told me everything was fine.
She acted fine.
But we’re females, born actresses, and we plot with the best of them.
“Gonna need an answer to that question,” I hedge, wanting more force behind my words, but I’m already stoned as shit.
“And cheat on you, Astor?” Levi mutters, dropping the blunt aimlessly to the ground before flicking those light green eyes of his at me. “Never.”
“Be for real,” I coax. “I’m not going to get mad.”
That’s a lie.
I’ll be pissed. Yet, where in the plethora of things that I’ve done, do I have a right to say or be anything?
“I haven’t fucked your girlfriend, Astor,” Levi claims, stressing the decades of years where he’s refused to call Nessa my best friend. He’s never said she is nor will he ever in his lifetime. But that’s beside the point. “Anything else?”
“No.” I wait a beat but still add, “Why can’t we bring her?”
“Too many people, Bay,” he conveys simply. “We need to focus on the girls, not another friend. If she wants to come by when shit calms down, fine. But right now, we need to be selfish. Emilio is going to search high and fucking low for you. We don’t need anyone slipping up with our old names anywhere.”
Leave it to Levi to have already thought this all out.
And, as much as I still don’t care for it, he has a point.
“Rod and Juice will make sure she’s safe,” Levi tacks on to involve her in the plans in some capacity. “Everything will be fine as long as she chills.”
I’m already anticipating the talk with her and how well she’s going to take it.
Not well at all.
We’re going to fight, and I’m going to need her to see reason. It’s not forever.
“I might try Emilio one more time before we go, too.”
“No,” I leer, glowering at my bestie. “Let’s not. Let’s just go.”
“Bay—”
“ No .”
I see the inner battle in his head to just do what he wants, but it’s not because I want Emilio alive. It’s because I want Levi to still be alive to go with me. Obviously, I don’t know the plan for the assassination of my sperm donor, but it’s too risky.
“We need to lay low,” I tell him. “Promise me, Levi. No more reckless shit. We need to get the fuck out of here unscathed, or it defeats the purpose of this conversation. If you want to go, I’ll go. I’ll follow you anywhere. But I can’t…if you’re not…just don’t .”
Levi reaches for one of my hands resting in my lap and laces his thick fingers with mine, placing them in a heap against my thighs. He squeezes once, reaffirming that he’ll stay on his best behavior, and I believe him.
He’ll do this for me.
“How about we throw a huge blowout for Roger for the funeral party?”
“The reception?”
“Yeah.”
I give him a weak smile. “Yeah. He’d like that.”
“Good.” The pad of his thumb hypnotically brushes back and forth against my skin. My body finally relaxes, and everything is going to be okay. “When we do this…everything needs to be done methodically. We can’t fuck it up. Nothing changes for now. You still have to pretend you’re giving Emilio a chance. We can’t let on to a thing.”
“I understand.”
“But can you pretend?” He steals a glance at me. The stubble around his lips when he sets them in a fine line only makes them look more plush. As though he’s pouting, but he’s completely serious.
I understand the importance of us getting out of South Shore without being found. Without being caught. And Levi knows more than anyone about how dangerous it could be if the wrong person found out.
We could be kidnapped, killed, or worse.
Emilio could use all three of them against me to do anything he needs or wants.
And I would.
“You can count on me,” I mutter with a small smile, even though my nerves are shriveling up in anxious knots. “I won’t let you down.”