17. Torin
SEVENTEEN
torin
I do it before I have a chance to talk myself out of it.
I’ve killed many men before—I don’t hold a record or anything—but this is something I have to do.
This is justice and peace for my brother. Shit he hasn’t had while his murderer walks around free. It doesn’t matter that she’s constantly on my mind, taunting and driving me insane with lust and irritation. Coercing me into her web of deception and making me break a million times over.
It has to end.
Just like she did with him.
And just like I’m going to do to her.
Yanking on the rope currently burning the inside of my palms, Bay emerges from the depths of the water, only to be greeted by emptiness.
Like how I feel.
She’s gone.
The girl I fell in love with.
All I can see is the evil that lives inside her. The shit she’s capable of. The way I should’ve just listened to myself and Cairo when we thought she was trouble.
She is.
She was.
Soon, that’ll be past tense because it ends here—today.
In the middle of the ocean where I dropped her.
I’m plagued with nightmares of my brother every time my eyes close. All I hear is how I’m allowing her to live. That she’s the center of all the problems. That she causes havoc in that beautiful body.
It doesn’t matter how I feel.
My brother needs justice.
“What was the last thing he said?” I yell over the side of the boat. “I need to know.”
Bay chokes, clutching to the rope like the lifeline it is. “Torin, please?—”
“What did he say?” I bark out through the throbbing of my temples. I drank too much, I needed to. There was no way I was going to be able to do this without it.
She’s all I think about.
She’s all I want.
All I need to kill.
It’s a double-edged sword, but the outcome is still the same—I still lose her. So what better way than to kill her myself so my brother can maybe rest in fucking peace like he deserves.
Reeve is never going to forgive me, so I wonder if I have enough power to keep this from him.
Probably.
He’s already a fucking wreck, doing lines of coke and fucking anything that stands. Minus the latter, I partook in a line but didn’t and don’t like how I feel afterward. So I leave him to his devices while I take care of my shit.
Bay Astor has to die.
And no one but me is going to make that happen.
Not Ramsey, not Mom, not Emilio, not Ozzy, not Cairo.
Just me.
And I’m deprived of peace until this is done.
Judah’s face lives so strongly in my head that I swear I can see him like he’s right in front of me.
It’s the bourbon. It does more hell than good lately. It only confirms I’m losing my shit.
He’s not here.
It’s not logical he’s in my dreams, talking to me like he’s right here.
Judah is fucking dead.
Glancing down at the water, Bay’s blue eyes are wide and terrified as she tries to get closer to the boat.
And it pisses me off.
Giving the rope some slack, she starts to swing her arms around, attempting to stay above water to survive.
What dumbass doesn’t know how to fucking swim when you live next to the ocean?
Her.
She doesn’t.
She was too busy trying to destroy my life. She already took the only one who meant shit to me. This whole time, she was after us. She used us. She permitted me to fall in love with her and chase her. All that bullshit with Matteo was a front, it makes sense.
She wanted everything with Wallace. And her husband, my cousin, is going to go fucking mad obsessing about what happened to her, but I have to protect him. He’s already fallen to one woman, he can’t do it again. He’s not built for someone like her.
I’m not.
None of us are.
She’s a fucking pest that needs to be squashed and gotten rid of so we can all live.
Bay goes under the calm waves then, her black hair almost starting to blend with the depths of the dark ocean when I know she’s gone too far down.
Pulling her back up, this is the last time I’ll do it.
I’ve been out here long enough. I don’t want to look at her again. I just want her to die so everyone else can go on with their lives. So I can gain some tranquility in my head.
Bay surfaces, spitting water, and fighting for air. Beautiful black strands of hair are plastered to the perfect edges of her face as I hold on tightly to the rope digging into the flesh of my hand.
“You killed my fucking brother,” I sneer down at her, not sure if she can hear me because of all the water and gasping. “You thought you were going to skate through and get under all of our skins and then what? You fucking lied to me the moment you let me sink my cock inside you. You made me betray my brother. You made me hate you.”
“T-t-torin, stop,” she tries to yell. “P-p-please.”
The water is cold; we’re in the fucking Atlantic, for fuck’s sake. However, it has to be done.
I have to do this.
“I hope I never see you in hell,” I convey through my teeth, feeling the burn of tears behind my eyes. I love her. I’ve loved her more than anything. “I know I’ll be there, but I swear to God, I hope you’re at the deepest level that place will go, you fucking bitch.”
I take one last look at her, blue eyes connecting with mine at that exact moment, and I drop the line.
“Torin! T-t-orin—” I don’t hear her anymore. Just the splashing of water and then nothing.
The brown rope disappears, and I wait for it—the relief. The chaos to stop ping-ponging in my head.
But all I feel is anxious.
Extremely fucking anxious and worried.
This fucking bitch.
I turn away from the empty ocean, looking at the steering wheel of the boat and the extended front of plush seats lined in red. The emptiness of the small space with just me.
Silence.
It pricks at me…over and over and over again.
She’s gone.
She’s gone.
She’s gone .
My chest tightens, but I ignore it.
I’m just fucking drunk. She’s dead.
Reeve will get over it. Cairo won’t care. Emilio will order a search party, but he’ll give up eventually. Levi Wallace will blame one of us, which will probably start a war.
I don’t care.
If I die, I die, whatever.
What’s to live for anyway? Money, drugs, guns, and territory? My brothers will be fine. Ozzy will be free.
Ozzy.
I can’t see that look on his face. He’s already lost everything else.
I have, too.
I lost the one woman I’ve felt this strongly for.
She’s drowning.
She’s scared.
She’s going to disappear.
She’s not far.
My fingers ball into fists at my sides as I listen to the waves crash along the boat. It’s so quiet—deathly.
The hairs on my arms rise, and I start to sway.
She’ll be dead in a minute. It’ll be fine.
This will be something I’ll take to the grave. I don’t want to cause my boys any more stress than they’re already going through.
I did this for them.
And Judah.
What are you doing? Torin, what the fuck? This is Emilio-type bullshit. This is Wildes behavior.
I fight the words in my head. I’m not a Wildes. Ramsey doesn’t have my best interest at heart. Reeve is in love with her. Cairo would beat my entire ass. Wallace will hire every single person in South Shore to hunt her down.
It’s going to fall on me eventually.
Doesn’t matter now, she’s dead.
Dead.
The word sinks into my veins like poison. My heart thrashes against my ribcage, demanding to go back to her.
“ What do you want, Pretty Boy?”
I remember her in that blue dress that sinfully cupped her ass at that dinner. Sitting across from her and not fucking her in public on the table was hard as fuck. I had to get her alone for two seconds, so I pulled a Reeve and wrote her a note.
YOU LOOK PRETTY TODAY. I LIKE YOU IN BLUE.
MEN’S BATHROOM, FIVE MINUTES.
That dress was an offense against God. But I would’ve danced with the devil every night just to be around her.
“ Haven’t I made that known yet?”
“Why?” she asks suspiciously.
“Because, contrary to your belief, I’ve wanted you for years. You might think it’s just sex…but it’s so much more than that, Wildfire. You fit me. You get me. I like everything about you and even the parts that piss me off.”
“That’s sounding a little too obsessive for me.”
“Might be,” I reply. “But I guarantee I’d treat you better than your last.”
Memories of her with Matteo flood my brain. I remember the fear in her eyes.
I saw it.
I felt her shake against me when she’d escape Matteo just to see me.
Still doesn’t matter.
She killed Judah.
But my heart has other ideas when I’m in the water before I can even form another thought.
The sharp coldness of the ocean feels like a million knives stabbing me over and over again. With my eyes open, the saltwater burns, and I fucked up.
I really fucked up. I go deeper, extending my arms as far as they’ll go to find her.
I just killed her.
I murdered Bay Astor.
I can’t breathe as my chest chokes up, and a bubble of air leaves my lips, causing it to go upward and away.
Bay.
What the fuck did I do?
The faint brush of what feels to be hair grazes my finger, and I snap into action. Diving deeper until I feel more than the hard shell of her ear.
Reaching her shirt, I yank, kicking my feet furiously to get topside with her behind me. Breeching the waves, I get to the boat and struggle to carry her weight with one arm and not go back under myself.
She’s not moving as I try to get a good hold on the ladder.
That’s what scares the shit out of me most.
With adrenaline pumping furiously through my body, I get us aboard the boat and her onto the deck as I rip my shirt off.
She’s ice cold.
Eyes shut and her skin almost blue.
“Bay!” I shout, giving the side of her face a small little slap. “ Bay !”
She doesn’t make a sound, not even a flinch but I have to.
Ripping her leggings off along with her shoes, I work at her shirt before covering my body with hers to keep her warm.
“Bay, Bay…” I slap her cheek again and nothing. Holding her nose, I start CPR, breathing through her mouth before I start compressions while straddling her frame. “C’mon, Wildfire. Don’t bitch out on me now, baby.”
I do them again, shivering through the cool breeze that just whipped by.
“ Bay !”
Performing more compressions, she finally makes the best noise aside from her moans, water spilling from her lips as she spits and gasps for needed oxygen.
My fingers immediately go to the waistband of her panties as I yank them down and end up ripping them off. Mine go next, removing my jeans and boxers as I position myself between her thighs and immediately grab her attention.
I got it.
And I got her when I thrust inside her frozen pussy, my cock fucking hard for her like it’s doped up all the damn time.
I just jumped in a cold as hell ocean, and I’m dying for her like she just did for me.
Bending over, I press my chest to hers, pumping into her tightness and propping myself on my elbows. “I still fucking hate you, Astor. I can’t seem to wipe you fucking clean, can I?”
She doesn’t say anything, just stares at me. Those bewitching blue eyes watching me as I fuck her as fast as I can while I freeze my fucking ass off.
“C’mon, baby, warm up for me,” I coax, her lips trembling from the ordeal. “I guess I’m not ready to end your demise just yet.”
My forehead presses into hers, and I breathe in nothing. Her scent erased as if I did murder her.
I’d never smell her again.
I’d never see her again.
I’d never be able to clear her from my fucking head.
She’s always going to haunt me unless I cage her and see her when I’m ready. When I mentally can.
“God,” I groan, feeling her squeeze me to her. Mold me to her and sink deeper into my DNA. “Maybe I’ll just keep you away from everyone and locked up. You won’t be able to assassinate Reeve like you did the other night. At the party…you fucking wrecked him.”
“Torin,” she whispers, barely anything over the rock of the boat.
“What? You hate me, too? I know you do.” I propel deeper into her until I can’t think about what I just did. “You will forever. I can’t take this back.”
Her hand finds my chest, but she doesn’t offer me a word. She allows me to drown in her silence and what she’s thinking. She doesn’t give me a peace offering or an apology. Not even a sentence promising revenge.
It’s worse than any of those things.
I can’t read her.
I can only feel her, and it’s stone cold.
I severed anything we ever could’ve had for good. And that’s what I wanted, right? Maybe I scared her enough to stay the fuck away from my boys and my family.
Maybe she’ll get Levi Wallace to fucking wipe me out so she doesn’t have to fear me anymore.
“Tell me what you feel,” I emit, clasping my lips softly around her. “I want to destroy you, Bay. I want you to suffer like I do. You fucking took him from me. He was all I had—I am fucking you like he doesn’t matter.” I slam my fist into the floor of the boat right next to her head, and she flinches in surprise. “He fucking matters to me.”
She bobs her head against mine, and her fingers curl into my naked chest.
I don’t know what that means.
If it’s comfort or just that she’s disgusted with me fucking her that’s making her recoil.
I don’t know.
I don’t know shit anymore.
All I feel is gray, gloomy, and detached from everything. I don’t care what comes tomorrow or the day after.
I’m not here, but I need to be. My brothers need me. And she’s married to my cousin.
“You hurt Ozzy,” I leer against her frosty lips. “And I’ll do this again. I want you to stay the fuck away from him…do you hear me?”
She lifts her chin in defiance. I can feel it even with my eyes closed before I take her lips again and lose myself in them. I kiss her while she allows me to take what I need from both them and her cunt.
I reach between her legs and our bodies, finding her clit, the weak spot. Because she’s mine. I want her to crash and fall even if it’s in pleasure. I want the scream that I won’t get because I stupidly don’t see myself putting a bullet into her anytime soon.
Maybe Ozzy will, I don’t know.
She’ll fuck up with him, and that’ll be it. He’ll do me a motherfuckin’ favor in the long run.
Me, on the other hand, she has too much power over me. I can’t even let her drown. I can’t nudge back the feelings that rear up and demand I protect her.
She doesn’t deserve it. As much as I don’t deserve to be inside her, taking from her sweet pussy and rutting against her like an animal.
“I don’t want you near anyone I love anymore,” I tell her again.
She’s going to do what she wants to do. What she’s always fucking done. Her little revenge plan against my family will never end until we’re all dead or locked up, penniless, or on the streets—at her mercy.
“What’s your diabolical plan, baby? You gonna wreck my entire family, my boys. Are you going to leave us all heartbroken and battered? Fucking begging for you to love us?”
I increase the speed on her clit and press a kiss to the corner of her lips, still feeling the freezing temperature of her flesh.
“Come on my cock so I can warm you up.”
She turns her head away from me, prompting me to keep the power I have. What I know I obtain, but I can never ever break her down to the point where she’ll stop. Bay is too strong, and I’m obnoxiously too fucking in love with her to kill her, obviously, so how do I fix that?
Tear a page out of Reeve’s book and fuck everything with a wet center and soft lips?
Turning her face to meet mine again, I stare back into eyes so blue they almost look fake. They’re so beautifully made that I used to want to do anything to keep them on me.
And even with me on top of her, fucking her like I’ve been wanting and dreaming to for days, I feel my brain wanting to shut down out of self-preservation. It might not last long, I might not be able to carry through with her death, but it helps in the moment.
“I want an answer,” I order sharply. “You don’t fuck with my boys. You stay away from them.”
“I…I can’t,” she replies through a shaky voice, her body still shivering under mine.
“You can,” I say through my teeth, clenching them together to keep them from clattering together. “You have to…or one of us is going to kill you for real, baby.
“I…I ha-a-te you.”
Something inside me snaps with those three stuttered words.
It only causes me to demand more from her.
To fuck her into whatever I’m feeling, whatever I want.
I don’t understand it. I’m spiraling, and I don’t know how to stop it. I’ve never felt so out of control in my entire life, and I can’t act right. I can’t say anything right. I want her safe, but I want her so far gone out of this world that she could never touch us again.
My balls tighten harder after another few thrusts, and I pull out of her, spilling my cum all over the deck of the boat, my breathing hard and strained.
Bay lies still on the boat floor, and regret immediately fills my chest.
She almost died, and I just fucked her.
She’s ice cold, and I took my anger out on her body.
Getting to my feet, I pick her up and carry her to the small wheelhouse where the first aid kit and blankets are. I wrap us both into one, our naked bodies pressed into each other as I start the boat, rocking us back and forth while I get my bearings.
She lies still and silent.
I drive us back without another word or threat spilling from my mouth. Brushing away her hair and holding the top of her head to mine, we’re smothered in everything that just happened.
And it’s another nail in the coffin of what we could’ve been.