53. Bay
FIFTY-THREE
bay
I keep a good distance away, careful to not breathe in the same space Reeve does, and receive that awful glare that has been sent my way as of late.
The more time that goes by, the more I realize how much I really fucked up. How I should’ve let him down more smoothly or maybe come up with a plan B on how this would all work out in the end.
I murdered his carefree spirit, and now I’m looking at an unconscious ghost of who Reeve used to be.
Levi carried him out of the mayor’s house without an issue when he threatened the little shit Reeve was fucking into silence. I believe the words “death” and “never found” were used, but all I could do was stare at Reeve’s unconscious form and consider all the fucked-up things I’d done.
Reeve has been knocked out cold for over an hour, and I wait impatiently on the floor against the wall for him to crack his eyes open so I can…apologize?
Not that it would do any good, but like I’ve told him before, this aggressive and dangerous behavior of doing drugs and fucking anything that walks is starting to really grind on my nerves, and the guilt still festers in my gut each time I have to experience it for myself.
Everything is my fault.
And I’m going to have to live with that.
Yet, I don’t want to exist where he has an accidental overdose, and I never get to see him moving around amongst the land of the living again. To not hear him laugh or smile, or to crack some corny joke no one else finds funny, but that I love about him.
Love .
I have no right to the word.
Not anymore.
But the sentiment is there anyway. Sharp, cold, and unforgiving. Undeniably strong when it comes to him.
“You don’t have to stay in here with me, Oz.” I haven’t been able to shake off his stare from my spine since Levi dropped him off in his room. “I can leave if you’d rather stay in here with him alone.”
A few ticks go by before he answers, “No.”
He won’t leave the room but refuses to get any closer than the door that’s a good three feet away. Meanwhile, I continue to examine all the posters of bands and cut-outs of pictures and Polaroids on Reeve’s walls. There’s a bookshelf next to his mattress that’s still on the floor, filled with CDs, records, and random books.
It reminds me of the time we slept together with no one around. When he told me I was the only girl he had ever brought in here before. When I threw the condom he plucked from his jeans and rebelliously threw it across the room.
I mindlessly scan the room some more, finding a comic book at the end of the mattress, and crawl over to grab it.
It’s Batman , some oldie that appears to have been flipped through over a dozen times. The edges are bent, and the spine is worn but the color of the cover is still vibrant as well as the pages inside.
“Batman doesn’t die in that edition, but if he does, I’m going to blame you.”
My eyes fly up from the pages, finding Reeve pushing himself up as the blanket I put over his body falls off his naked chest, revealing the skull tattoo and one tatted arm.
He rubs at his temples, chin tucked into his collarbone as I carefully put the comic down and force the next words from my mouth.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like your chump-ass boyfriend hit me,” he mutters weakly, dragging his fingers down the side of his face. “Why the fuck are you still here?”
“I just wanted to make sure?—”
“Get the fuck out of my room, McQueen.” He doesn’t spare me a glance, but he does notice Ozzy in the space with us. “You too, Ryland. If Cairo sent you in here to babysit, he’s got me fucked-up if he believes it’s gonna be you.”
“Reeve…” I swallow, slowly pushing myself up to stand from the carpeted floor. “We need to talk.”
“We don’t.” His half-lidded hazels skim over to me. “Get out.”
“Please, Reeve?—”
“Don’t fuckin’ beg me for dick,” he clips out, then goes back to pointedly ignoring me. “I swear to fucking God, I want you out of here, and I never want you in here again.”
I ignore him, aware I may never get this opportunity again. “You can’t keep going down this path.”
“Go fuck yourself. You don’t have a right to tell me anything.” He steadily moves from the bed and sits at the edge, working up the strength to stand up.
“I don’t want you hurt.”
“Too late for that.”
“Cocaine isn’t going to make things better, Reeve,” I rebuke. “You can’t come back when you’re dead.”
“Good.”
“Stop,” I leer, using my anger to ground me. “Don’t talk like that.”
“I thought I told you to leave.” He raises his focus and meets my unhurried exit of his space. “I’m not going to tell you again.”
“Then do it for yourself.”
He nods along, but he’s not actively attentive to the shit I say. “Sure.”
I don’t know what else to do, watching him detach from me right before my very eyes and leaving me with nothing.
“It’s not going to feel this way forever,” I mutter. “This emptiness. The same kind I feel because we’re not together. I pushed you away, and I’ll never be able to make up for that, but I need you to know that I care about you. That I’m never going to stop caring about you. I need you to be well because the idea of you doing something stupid that’s irreversible isn’t something I want to have happen to you or a thing I can deal with.”
My vision blurs as my heart aches for him to take one ounce of my advice and use it.
“I love you, Reevie. I’m always gonna—” He launches off the bed then, driven in my direction with a new purpose to shut me the hell up or shake me silly.
Reeve moves so fast that I don’t even get a chance to look at his face before he drives me back, bumping into me with his palms on my shoulders and herding me out of his room.
I almost stumble, especially when his next words boom furiously across the air and lash out against my skin.
“I told you to get the fuck out of my room!” One more launch toward the door, and Ozzy suddenly appears between us, halting Reeve from touching me further and letting me regain my footing. “Ah, yes, you .”
I hear a soft grunt leave Ozzy’s lips before his head is snapped to the side. Reeve is cowered over from throwing all his body weight into the punch, then tries for his second wind on his brother.
I know better than to get into the middle of a fistfight.
I’ve gotten a few black eyes from sticking my nose in business I had no right to delve into.
But it doesn’t stop me from doing it anyway.
“Reeve, stop.” I barely get the words out before he’s gearing back and ready to get another cheap shot on Ozzy. “ Stop !”
“You knew she was mine, motherfucker!” Reeve thunders out, his face flushed already from being overly tired. “But you still took her anyway!”
“Her or Ramsey.” Ozzy dodges a left hook as he speaks those three words.
“It could’ve been her or us . Me . I would’ve taken care of her.”
“You can barely take care of yourself,” I object, trying to divert his attention to me instead of Ozzy.
It doesn’t work.
Clutching the back of Ozzy’s black tee, I haul him back, but Reeve still gets a bit of his brother’s jaw on his next swing, instantly making me feel bad.
Standing in the middle of both men, Reeve doesn’t bother to glance down at me. His heated glare is too busy boring every bad intention on his brother over my head.
Because of me .
I need to take myself out of this equation and quickly.
“Touch her again and I’ll kill you.”
Whoa.
Ozzy’s threat filters through the air and to my ears, but my mind doesn’t get it because it’s never heard it before.
“Kill me,” Reeve taunts, shoulders tense as he pulls in air through his lungs. “Because you won’t be the last person she’s with.”
“Stop, Reeve,” Ozzy growls out from behind me.
“Nah, you did this.” He points an accusing finger at his brother. “You didn’t want to be seen. You wanted to be her dark shadow that chased away everything and left her wondering how she got lucky. I covered for your ass when you smoked those Void pricks and took the chance she’d hate me for punching her in the face. Now, you get to walk around here like her knight in shining armor and become the hero? You didn’t put any work in.”
“It’s not like that,” I quickly insert. “He did this to keep me away from Ramsey. To keep me safe.”
“Shut the fuck up, McQueen,” he leers, sliding his glower my way for only the briefest of seconds before giving it back to his brother. “You’re fucked, Oz. And I’m not saving you this time.”
“I’m standing right here.”
“Unfortunately. I told you to get out of my room.” He rolls those hazels back to me, void of anything he’s ever felt for me. “We’re done, McQueen. I’m done with you. I don’t want you within an eighth of a mile from me. Do you understand what that is? You race, after all, so I’m hoping that you?—”
“Got it.”
My heart skids across the jagged bottom of my stomach as I pivot for the door—embarrassed and discouraged as all hell.
Reeve has every right to feel this way. I just have to learn and accept that I don’t have an opinion in his world. Any of my fucks aren’t ones he’s going to take into consideration.
He’s gone.
And I lost him.
Striding down the hallway, a soft brush of fingers suddenly slides across my back, silently soliciting for me to stop and turn.
Ozzy.
Inhaling, I twirl around, unable to ignore him because he was in that room with me when he didn’t need to be.
Dark blues that are semi-covered by equally long strands of inky hair stare back at me, and all I can issue out is, “Mhm?” Ozzy stares back at me, and I notice the red marks caused by Reeve’s fists. “You want some ice?”
He slowly shakes his head back and forth.
“I’m sorry.”
“You ready to go, Astor?” Levi’s voice—one that is normally a calming factor—does nothing for me at this moment.
I can’t break down here.
The last thing I want to do is cry. But I feel like a chump leaving Ozzy here when he just got pummeled because of me.
My lips part to tell Ozzy he can swing by the house later, and I’ll, I don’t know, give him some ice cream when Levi’s large palm finds my spine.
“You alright?”
“I’m cashing in on that favor.” Cairo slides in right next to Ozzy, and I’m losing fucking count of who owes each other what and shit.
It doesn’t matter.
Cairo needs something, and more than likely, I’m going to help anyway.
“My coronation is coming up, and I would still like you to come.”
Oh, fuck me.
Lifting my chin higher, I mark him with a glower. “Do I look like I want to go to another party?”
“This one will be thrown by my mother,” he says cooly. “Then the ratchet one is afterward.” He looks to Levi. “It’s time to make moves, Wallace.”
“I’m already making moves,” my best friend deadpans.
“You know the kind I mean. It’s time people see South Shore and Wharf Bay are civil and united.”
“Well, I haven’t killed you yet,” Levi retorts. “So, that leaves us civil and cool enough.”
“She needs to be seen,” Cairo clips back. “She’ll need the backup with the Forsaken Crew when she takes over The Landings.” Levi sends me a knowing look, and Cairo immediately catches on to it. “Unless the two of you are still fleeing like a couple of bitches then, by all means, let me know.”
“Why the fuck would we let you know?” Levi shoots back, pinning his brows at Sinatra. “It’s best you keep that tidbit of information to yourself, Black.”
“You both need to stay.”
Levi turns to meet Cairo head-on with his body. “We both don’t need to do anything. I’m tired of you dragging her places because your boys can’t grow the fuck up. Get them both under control. Because this is the last time I see you in her house after today. You surprise-visit again, and I will give the order to have you taken out.”
“No need to feel territorial, Wallace,” Cairo says ever-so-calmly. “If she wants to, obviously, she knows how to slip out from underneath your grasp.”
My best friend moves forward, alluding that he might throw a few rounds at Cairo, so I cut in.
“When is it?”
Cairo doesn’t pry his glare off Levi. “Next week. Since Wallace has decided to step in and commit himself to staying in alliance with you when you take The Landings, I think it’s time. Though, you could’ve kept the part out where you confirmed you were still going to take Emilio out.”
“I never said that,” Levi retorts flatly. “He assumed.”
“You’ve only been trying to do it for years.”
“So?”
“I can’t believe he’s allowing me the seat,” I chime in. “He knows we’ll use it against him.”
“He still has eyes on that fifth one,” Levi replies. “However, he can’t find it.”
“I’m betting Penn Northcott gave it away,” Cairo states. “You wouldn’t happen to know to whom, would you?”
Levi shakes his head. “I don’t.”
“And you wouldn’t tell me if you did,” Cairo retorts off a small sigh then steers his focus to me. “Emilio would have to kill said person to gain it. You don’t just take it.”
“Like the others?”
“No, you don’t call out the fifth seat. You take it, or they hand it down.”
“Who would Northcott give it to?”
“Don’t know. However, they haven’t been around.”
“Then how do you know someone still sits there?”
Levi wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me into his warm body, sensing I need the comfort when I’ve just gotten severe whiplash, and this whole conversation isn’t one of my all-time favorites. “Things are still moving. Dues are still paid. Once in a great while, the fifth seat will send out a mass email or text message about things he or she doesn’t like. Emilio was trying to sit Newport back on a Titan seat, and the fifth one shut it down.”
“Through…an email?”
“Text.” Levi waves a dismissive hand. “But regardless of how he or she still makes themselves known they’re still here and watching.”
“And they haven’t come out because Emilio will hunt them down.”
“Exactly,” Cairo answers. “And, I’m sure, he’s been searching for that answer for years.”
“But if he doesn’t get or find it…he’s screwed.”
Levi flexes his fingers along my bicep. “That’s what Ramsey and The Void are for, Astor. You might get the seat, but you still won’t hold all the power in The Landings. You’re not known as anything but being South Shore. You won’t gain the Forsaken Crew?—”
“The Forsaken Crew is mine,” Cairo carps back. “She’ll get everything she needs?—”
“Half of them will follow Emilio, dumbass,” Levi argues with knitted brows. “Don’t tell me you live in a fantasy world. She’ll never get enough on her own.”
Cairo steps forward with violence written all over his face. Two kings going head-to-head , and I have no idea how they’re ever going to work together. “You think I’ve never thought of that, Wallace? I don’t know how big you’ve stroked your ego, but from what it looks like, your Nameless crew is as minimal as a fuckin’ chess team. How the hell you still hold South Shore is beyond me.”
Levi doesn’t tense or grow rigid. Instead, he remains lax at my side as if he doesn’t have a care in the world. “Then, it means what Roger built is working. Because you have no clue how much power I have nor how big my army is. That’s why your father has never stepped up on me nor has Emilio ever been able to take me down. You see us runnin’ drugs through enemy territory, our town living just along the brink of poverty, but we like it that way. Fancy things scare us, and it’s fun to live under the radar. It keeps assholes like you wondering.”
“I’m sure you get a hard dick just thinking about it.”
“All the time.”
“Alright, morons,” I chide lightly. “Are you both done now?”
“Almost,” Levi replies with a little squeeze. “Looks like Cairo and I need to find the fifth seat.”
“If we don’t, Emilio will.”
“I wouldn’t lose any sleep over it. He hasn’t yet.”
“That doesn’t mean he’s not any closer,” Cairo retorts. “And I’m not looking forward to what he does with it if he obtains it.”
“Welp,” Levi begins to move us toward the foyer, “if I hear anything…I’ll let you know. Temporary truce and all that.”
Cairo scowls at him. “Are you seriously still not considering what I’ve been saying?” He gestures to me. “She’s starting to.”
“I don’t like you,” my best friend says matter-of-factly. “And sitting down with you while you made me dinner was nice and all, but I have better things to do with my time.”
“You always want to stride through The Landings with a target on your back?”
Levi lifts his shoulders. “I won’t need to worry about that when Bay’s heading the shit.”
“If Emilio hasn’t killed you yet.”
“Ah…see, he hires sucky snipers. The dudes he once sent over to stab me had bad aim, too. Didn’t know how to fight. He’s cheap.”
My eyes widen at the two assassination attempts he just mentioned that he’s never divulged to me. “Levi, what the fuck?”
“You’re nothing but a stubborn asshole,” Cairo sneers. “And I don’t know why she deals with you.”
“Where do you think she gets it from, Black? I grew up with this girl. We’ve been through thick and thin together. It shouldn’t be that hard for you to figure out.”
Cairo steers his dark browns to me. “Make sure Wallace dresses up. My mother expects elegance and class. Not ripped jeans and leather jackets.”
“It’s all I own,” Levi coos. “Guess we’re not coming.”
Silently sighing, I loop my arm around Levi’s waist so we can go but tell Cairo, “I’ll make sure he’s presentable.”
“See you around, Black,” Levi says, guiding me away, but not before Cairo reaches out and brushes my hip with his fingertips in a silent commitment that he’s not going to be swayed by Levi.
He never has been.
And this is always going to be a thing.