Chapter 61 #2
It does make me wonder how far off she is.
Haidyn thinks she’s suicidal, but Saint hasn’t voiced his opinion on that yet.
Evan keeps sending us videos of her training at Dollhouse.
Maybe they’ve planted doubts in my brothers’ minds so that when I refuse to enslave her, it’ll cause a fight.
Separate us more than we have been lately.
What connection does Evan have with the Lords? Why would they be on his side?
“Think about it…my assignment was pointless,” she states, and I frown. “I didn’t have to kill anyone or prove myself. They just wanted to get inside my head.”
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but she’s not wrong. Assignments are usually to prove your loyalty. What’s the point of making her see me hurt her? What’s it got to do with loyalty to the Lords? Maybe they wanted her to be terrified of me? Walk away from me? I won’t ever let that happen.
“You’re the only person to ever pretend to love me,” comes her soft voice.
“I’m not pretending.” How could she think that?
I knew she’d need more training than just kneeling in front of a mirror one time.
She told me that she knew I loved her, and now she’s saying something different.
It’s that doubt that creeps in when she remembers what she went through. “I do love you.”
She ignores my confession. “They want me to fear you. Taint your image in my mind. That’s why they had you take me to Dollhouse. Why my hallucination made me your offering.”
That…doesn’t make any sense. “An offering?” I repeat and she nods. “How so?”
She bites her bottom lip. “You tied me up…and let men line up to rape me. Said that the Lords wanted you to prove that I was useless.”
I’ve never told her she was useless because she can’t give me an heir. That was her mind playing tricks on her. Just like the Lords wanted.
“You gave them razor blades, and after you watched them rape me, they got to cut me.” She lowers her voice. “Anywhere but my face.”
My hands fist. “I would never—”
“It doesn’t matter what you would or wouldn’t do,” she shouts, interrupting me.
“All they needed was to plant the thought.” Huffing, she takes another drink.
“I’ve literally puked at the idea of me and Evan, and that’s the part you played in my hallucination.
Why, Kash?” she barks at me. “Why did I see you instead of him?”
“They wanted me to scare you,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Exactly.” She throws her arms out wide. “And they know I can’t give you kids.”
She’ll never get over the fact that she can’t get pregnant. “I don’t need children.” I thought we discussed this last night.
“Funny.” She snorts. “When we were hiding out at Blackout, you were ready to adopt as many kids as I wanted.”
I can’t win with this conversation, so I say nothing to that.
“But don’t you see?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Of course it fucking matters,” she shouts.
I open my mouth, but before I can speak, my cell rings. She turns and picks it up off the nightstand. “It’s Saint.” She hands it out to me with a sigh.
Why the fuck is he calling me this late? I hit Answer. “What?” I growl. They know I’m away with her.
“The woman didn’t make it,” he says in greeting.
I give my wife my back and run a hand down my face, then hang up without even responding. What is there to say? I toss my phone into the chair in the corner.
“What did he have to say?” Eve asks.
I turn back to face her and see her standing there with her hands on her hips, waiting for my response. “The woman passed.”
Without a word, she turns, enters the en suite bathroom, and slams the door shut.
It’s time for another lesson. Another reminder that it doesn’t matter what she saw in her hallucination. This is her life now.
I grab some things from the bag and enter the bathroom. She’s standing at the sink, washing her face. Her narrowed eyes meet mine before they drop to the cuffs and collar in my hands. “I’m not in the mood.” She turns off the water and grabs a towel.
I smile to myself. The honeymoon isn’t over yet. “I’ll take that challenge.”
EVERETT
Kashton brings the car to a stop in the circle drive at Carnage. I stay in the passenger seat until he opens my door. It’s not that I can’t do it myself, it’s because I’m reluctant to return. Worried about how things will go.
It’s been over a week since I ran out of here and he chased me to the run-down motel. Kashton told me he’s been avoiding his brothers, and I hate that I’m the reason. They are all he has. I don’t want to come between them.
I could feel the tension between them when we had our meeting at Blackout. And I never asked Kashton what was said after I went up to the apartment. He didn’t offer up any information, so I figured he didn’t want to share.
He grabs my hand, and we enter the building and ride up to their office in silence. He holds the door for me, and we step into the room.
Saint and Haidyn are arguing but stop mid-sentence when we walk in. All eyes swing to us. Even Ashtyn and Charlotte are present.
Haidyn turns to fully face us and takes a step in our direction.
I step back, but Kashton’s hand in mine stops my retreat. So does Haidyn. He looks away and runs a hand down his face. I’m not ready to have the uncomfortable conversation with him. That’s why Kashton is going to do it alone. We discussed it on the way back from New York.
“Will you girls give me and my brothers a minute?” Kashton asks, breaking the uncomfortable silence.
Ashtyn looks like she wants to stay, but Saint takes her hand, pulling her from his chair, silently telling her to get the fuck out. Charlotte kisses my brother on the cheek, and Kashton turns to face me. “I’ll be right there,” he assures me, and I nod.
The girls and I get into the elevator, and since I was first stepping on, I press the button for the birdcage. Ashtyn begins to laugh. “Seriously?” Her eyes drop to my ring. “How did you get Kash to propose to you so soon?”
“Well, for starters, I didn’t fuck his best friends,” I remark.
She huffs, and Charlotte’s eyes go wide while she bites her lip to try and hide her smile. The moment the door slides open, Ashtyn stomps off and rushes to her room, slamming the door shut behind her.
I know I’m baiting her. If I’d be nice, it would be easier, but I’ve never been fake. I’m not going to pretend I don’t know what she did to Saint and his brothers. Or that she left them high and dry for four years.
I’ve fallen in love with Kashton, against my better judgment.
Still, I couldn’t imagine shooting him and leaving him for dead and then just forgetting he ever existed.
I would give my life for him. That is what a Lady does.
When you marry a Lord, you no longer get to think about yourself.
You’re part of a team. And I know that Kashton would do anything for me, therefore I will give him nothing less of me.
Stopping at Kashton’s door, Charlotte gets my attention. “Haidyn would never hurt you.”
I turn to face her. Giving her a soft smile, I speak.
“I know.” Everyone in the office saw me take a step back from Haidyn.
It wasn’t because I’m afraid of him, though.
I’m just used to being on my own. Kashton is all-consuming, and I know Haidyn wants to make up for lost time. The two of them will be suffocating.
“He’s confused.” She sighs heavily. “Worried…he wants to be a big brother and protect you, but he thinks you hate him.” Her eyes drop to the floor, lowering her voice. “Because of what your guys’ father did to you—selling you to Dollhouse.”
I know he knows more than that, and I wonder if he’s told his wife.
I glance away and run a hand through my hair nervously.
“It wasn’t his fault.” You don’t get to pick your parents.
And in our world, they’re pretty much all pieces of shit.
It’s rare to find someone who actually cares about you.
And if you do, you’re one of the lucky ones.
“Haidyn protects who he loves, and he hates that he wasn’t able to do that for you.” She adds, “I know you have Kashton, but I just want you to know that Haidyn would do anything for you if you’d let him into your life.” With that, she turns and enters their room.
I open Kashton’s door and fall onto the bed, staring up at his ceiling.
I wish we were still in New York, drinking champagne and eating chocolate-covered strawberries on a yacht while floating out on the ocean.
But nothing about my life has ever been a honeymoon.
Life must go on at some point. And we’ve returned to it.
The door opens, and I shoot up to see my husband enter. “How did it go?” I ask right away.
He removes his cell and the keys to his car from his pockets, tossing them onto the nightstand. “Haidyn is pissed, and Saint didn’t say a word.”
“What is Haidyn mad about exactly?” I nibble on my lip.
“That I married you.”
Right. Because I’m not good enough for his best friend. I drop my head, and Kash lifts it by placing his finger under my chin and forcing me to tilt my head back. “He’s pissed that he wasn’t there,” he corrects himself.
Pulling away, I nod to myself.
“I’m going to take a shower. Join me?”
“Yeah,” I answer, and he’s already heading to the bathroom. “But I think I should talk to Haidyn first.” I don’t want him to think I’m afraid of him.
“He went to the basement.” He reaches up and removes his T-shirt. “He’ll be down there for a while.” Kashton starts the shower.
Turning, I exit the bedroom and ride the elevator down to the basement. I’m not a coward, and I don’t want my brother to think I’m one.
I exit when the door opens and step out, passing through the plastic curtain strips, and don’t see him in the pits area.
Continuing on through the hallway, I see a woman ahead of me. She looks frail. Her head is down, and her dirty hair covers her bare shoulders.