Chapter 81 Kashton
EIGHTY-ONE
KASHTON
Iopen my heavy eyes and sit up, my hands going to my busted face. The bright light coming from the bathroom makes me groan. Did I leave it on?
Fuck. I need a drink and a cigarette.
“Fuck, angel.” I groan. “Fuck, I miss you so much.”
“I’m here, Kash.”
The hallucination was so realistic. Haidyn and the guys saw their loved ones being tortured and killed. I see my dead wife alive.
I don’t know how many days it’s been since I tried to kill myself and my gun let me down. It was a sign that I don’t deserve such a quick death. I should suffer like my wife did. So I’ll spend the rest of my days rotting here all alone.
My hands drop to my sides, and I feel something wet next to me. “What the…?” I trail off when I see a spot of blood covering the dingy sheets. I run my hand over it and then rub it between my fingers. It’s fresh.
I pat myself down, looking over my torso.
I’ve got blood on my chest, arm and ribs.
I run my fingers through it to see if I cut myself, but there’s nothing there.
Maybe it’s from the guys who beat me up in the bar, but that was a while ago.
Or maybe I did shoot myself, and I’m just slowly bleeding out over time.
Getting out of bed, I stumble to the bathroom to clean myself up and come to a stop. My heart begins to pound in my chest at what I see.
My wife stands in the shower. One hand is pressed on her upper chest while her forehead rests against the wall. A steady stream of blood trails down her body before washing away in the drain.
As if she feels eyes on her, she looks up at me. A soft smile graces her lips. “I’m fine. I promise.”
“Eve?” I blink, trying to decide if I’m fucking high or dead.
“I’m fine,” she repeats and takes her hand away from her chest, stumbling back.
I rush into the shower and place my arms under her, picking Eve up. Pulling her out from under the sprayer, I carry her to the bed and lay her on it. I pick up a shirt from the floor, wad it up, and press it to her upper chest where I see the blood pouring from.
She tilts her head back, and a blood-curdling scream leaves her trembling lips.
My hands shake and my brain tries to focus on what the fuck I’m doing. She’s not here. This is a hallucination. She’s going to die over and over again. But a different way each time.
This is my hell. A damnation.
“It’s okay, angel.” Even in my hallucination, I lie to her. “You’ll be okay.” All I can do is try and keep her calm.
Her watery eyes go to the door of the motel room. “Adam.” She swallows, trembling on the bed. “Get…Adam.”
Her color is starting to whiten as the shirt in my hands soaks up the blood. “He’s not here, angel,” I tell her. I’m going fucking crazy. This is it. If I don’t kill myself soon, the guys will find me and lock me in a padded room at Carnage.
I don’t know what significance my hallucination would have to Adam. Maybe it’s the fact that he also left me. It’s her reminding me that I’m alone. But I chose that this time. I had Haidyn and Saint, and I still left them by choice.
“He’s…here.” She’s gasping to breathe. “Out…side.”
Knowing it won’t do any good, I still find myself walking over to the door. I open it up to see a truck parked right in front of my motel room. The driver’s side door swings open and Adam jumps out. “What’s wrong?” he demands, eyes looking over my naked and blood-covered body.
I stare at him, blinking. Confused.
“Move.” He shoves me out of the way and rushes into my room. “Goddammit,” he hisses, going over to her.
“I’m okay,” she tells him, but her face is turning ghostly pale.
“Put some fucking clothes on,” he snaps at me. “We have to get her to Carnage. Thankfully it’s not too far.”
“I—”
“We have to fucking move,” he shouts, picking her up and carrying her out to the truck. “Let’s go.”
I quickly throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt without bothering with my boxers and shove my boots on untied and without socks.
Then I’m running outside and jumping into the back seat where he’s laid her down.
I pull her into my arms. She’s limp, just like she was while I sat on the cathedral floor and rocked her back and forth, begging her to come back to me.
I close my eyes and whisper, “It’s just a hallucination.”
“It’s fucking real, Kash,” Adam barks, speeding down the road while “Hold On” by Chord Overstreet plays through the speakers.
I shake my head. “My wife is dead,” I say, holding her in my arms. Her eyes are closed, but she’s breathing. I can see her chest moving with each breath, and I’ve got one finger on her thready pulse. She’s still naked and covered in blood once again.
“Pull yourself out of whatever delusion you’re in and put pressure on the wound so she doesn’t bleed out,” Adam shouts at me. Then he picks up his cell from the cupholder and dials up a number with his bloody fingers.
A phone rings through the speakers of his truck. “What?” a familiar voice barks.
“Saint—”
“What the fuck, Adam? What is going on? I’ve been calling Bill since you hung up on me last time.”
“I’m on my way to Carnage. We’re not far,” Adam tells him.
Saint pauses for a second before he says. “We?”
“I’ve got Eve…and Kash.”
Adam brings the truck to a screeching halt in the circle drive at Carnage. My door is ripped open, and Saint helps me out.
“She’s been out for about twenty minutes,” Adam rattles off to Devin as he greets us inside the double doors.
Haidyn stands to his right with Charlotte, who looks like she’s seen a ghost. Hooke is also present and appears shocked, staring at not only my wife, but at Adam as well.
Devin glances from her bloody body to mine and then to Adam. His eyes wide and his mouth opens. He seems as confused as I feel.
“Devin,” Adam barks at him.
He flinches and blinks rapidly. “Let’s get her to surgery,” Devin orders and I follow him.
“She had a gunshot wound to her axillary. One in the right thigh. A third to her left arm. Three weeks ago.” Adam starts to explain her condition to Devin.
“She required a blood transfusion. She was walking and talking just fine today. At first, I thought she maybe just tore the stitches open, but I think it’s more than that. ”
“We’ll take a look,” Devin assures him.
I kick open a revolving door and place her on a gurney. Grabbing her hand, I run next to it as they quickly wheel her into an operating room. Gavin is already getting things set up and starts an IV immediately as others start running around.
“Ka-sh?”
I look down at her heavy eyes fluttering open. “She’s awake,” I holler at anyone who’ll listen to me and bend down, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “I’m right here, Eve. I’ll be here when you wake up,” I promise her.
She opens her mouth to say something, but Devin places an anesthesia mask over her nose and mouth. “Deep breaths, Eve,” he commands, and she shakes her head.
Her tear-filled eyes meet mine, and I can see how scared she is. I understand because I’m fucking terrified. “They’re going to help you, Eve. Let them help.” I try to assure her even though I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
Taking in a long breath, her heavy eyes remain on mine.
“That’s it,” Devin tells her. “Another.”
She shakes her head and lifts her right arm to try and remove the mask, but I grab it in mine. “I’m not leaving, angel. I’m right here with you.”
Taking in another deep breath, her eyes fall closed, and I begin to count to myself. One…two…three…
When they don’t open and her hand relaxes in mine, I let go, placing it down by her side.
“Out, Kash,” Devin demands.
“But I told her—”
He shoves me out the revolving door, and I stand with my bloody hands on my head, facing the operating room. I’m still trying to process what I’m seeing. What has happened in the last few hours. I’m so confused and fucking pissed.
Gavin removes the mask, tilts her head back, and slides a glidescope down her throat to help thread the breathing tube.
Devin places her left arm out so it’s perpendicular to her body and starts to suction the blood from her upper chest and shoulder area to find the source as it drips down the side of the table to puddle on the floor.
It’s like the night she died all over again.
I’m stuck in some kind of loop. It’s not a hallucination or a nightmare, just a living hell.
This is my punishment for everything I’ve done bad in my life.
Gavin gets my attention as he starts using gauze to help with the bleeding.
Turning, I see Haidyn and Saint gathered with Adam in the small waiting room. Charlotte sits in a chair, nibbling on a saltine cracker.
I walk over to Saint, and he holds out his arms as if I’m going to give him a hug. Instead, I reach down and yank the gun he has tucked into the waistband of his jeans. Cocking it, I point it at Adam.
He throws his hands up, and all the chatter stops. “Kash—”
“What in the fuck is going on?” I demand, interrupting him.
“Just put down the gun.” Adam looks from Haidyn to Saint, but neither one of them makes a move to stop me.
I’ve seen what they’re capable of when it comes to their wives, and if they were in my shoes, they’d act no different.
Hooke also stands off to the side, not daring to get in my way. This doesn’t involve him.
“Adam,” Ashtyn squeals, rushing through the double doors. “Oh my God…”
Saint wraps an arm around her, holding her back, because I’ve got a gun trained on her brother’s chest.
“Fucking answer me,” I shout. “I held my wife’s body in my arms. I held her cold hand while she laid in the morgue.
I buried her in the fucking ground.” The gun shakes uncontrollably in my hand.
I would normally hate how weak I look right now, but I need answers.
“She was dead. So tell me, how in the fuck is she here now?”
Ashtyn cries. “Kash…please don’t…” Saint covers her mouth with his hand to shut her up.