Chapter 3
I DASHED ACROSS THE rain-soaked street, dodging the downpour. The cozy lobby of my building welcomed me, and I called the elevator. The ride up to the seventeenth floor never took long at all, and before I knew it, I was finally unlocking the door to my apartment: my sanctuary.
A silky cat tail wrapped around my legs as I entered. Poe’s little black face peered up at me, his wide chartreuse eyes meeting mine as he let out an adorable mew of greeting. My shoulders instantly relaxed at the sight of him.
I plopped down on my cream couch, which the West Elm salesman had called their “cloud couch,” thanks to its cushy seats that, yes, did in fact make one feel as if they were sitting on a cloud.
A text from Agnes popped up.
Congrats again, Mara! Can’t wait to keep on wedding planning. Eek! Had so much fun with you guys :) get home safe!!
I read her message a couple of times, allowing the words to sink in. Agnes and Mara were fun. They knew how to have a good time. They’d cajoled me out of my shell in the years since I’d known them. I was indebted to them.
They were the kind of girls whose inner circle I’d longed to be in during my days at Avila High, when I was totally friendless and hopelessly invisible. And here I was, just over a decade later, with exactly what I’d longed for.
Inexplicably, though, I felt lonely. And I couldn’t pinpoint why.
I’d crossed the finish lines I had set for myself upon arriving in the city for college—with flying colors too.
I’d befriended the popular girls, been on dates with the handsome and successful guys, landed the dream job.
I’d been under the impression that my insecurities would melt away with every new endeavor, every new achievement.
But they hadn’t. In the secret, most hidden parts of my inner world, I still felt small, unimportant, plain.
Far from being the kind of girl whose crushes were returned. Far from being significant enough to have my name on the book cover.
I wished I could open up to Agnes and Mara about my fears and doubts and insecurities. But those weren’t waters we had waded into. And besides, I had legitimate doubts that they would understand.
An email from Alexandria came in. My meetings with Liv were set up to begin in the next few days.
My stomach lurched. Was I up to this? I thought of the all-consuming work that awaited me over the next few months.
But think about the money, Jane.