Chapter Twenty-Three
It wasn’t long before familiar, tell-tale sounds found their way into the kitchen.
The clip-clop of hooves and the rattle of wheels on stone.
Familiar female voices, their words unclear, the tone light and congenial.
Ruffy gave an excited bark and pressed his nose to the door, waiting.
Several quiet minutes passed, undoubtedly used to unharness Tulip and put her back in the stable.
Then came more conversation and some shared laughter, which had barely faded before the kitchen door opened.
Tail wagging, Ruffy barked a brief welcome and then shot outside, as if escaping what was to come.
Annie shifted and straightened her spine.
Hattie entered first. “Ah, you’re up. Are you feeling better?
” Her smile changed to a puzzled frown even as Janet followed her over the threshold.
“Goodness, what on earth have you been doing? Why have you moved the table?” She looked down as her shoe crunched on a fragment of the shattered eggcup. “Did you break something?”
“I put the table back where it used to be,” Annie replied, her voice sounding distant to her ears. “And yes, I broke an eggcup. It was an accident.”
Janet closed the door and moved past Hattie, her face draining of color as she spied the items on the table.
“Oh, Annie, what have you done.” She dropped onto the chair adjacent to Annie’s, her hand shaking as she reached over and touched the blanket.
“Oh, love, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I didn’t want it to be like this.”
“What are you…?” Hattie began, then gasped, her hands flying to her face as she noticed the collection on the table. “Oh, dear Lord.”
“How did you want it to be, Janet?” Annie replied, her throat tightening with suppressed anguish.
“Forgive me if I don’t use your names. Since learning the truth of your identities, I’m no longer sure how to address either of you.
‘Mama’ and ‘Aunt Hattie’ are, I fear, quite beyond me at the moment.
” She regarded Janet. “I was led to believe you were my mother’s sister.
My Aunt Sybil, long dead. And as for you, Hattie, I am in complete awe of your ability to have been someone you are not for the past twenty-one years. ”
Janet closed her eyes briefly. “Oh, Annie.”
Hattie, looking somewhat pallid as well, pulled a handkerchief from her coat pocket in apparent readiness as she also settled onto a chair. “What prompted this, pet?” She gestured toward the items. “Did you remember something from childhood?”
“From when I was here before, you mean?” Seek and ye shall find.
Annie could almost hear Leo’s voice in her ear and feel the heat of his breath on her flesh.
“Odd you should ask. Obviously, I remembered the eggcups and where the kitchen table used to be. The song I heard the other morning was familiar as well. Now I know why. But given the extent you’ve gone to in order to hide the truth of my parentage, I fail to understand why I was brought here all those years ago.
It makes no sense. All those years, all those lies.
Even your names falsified. I’m no longer sure of what is true and what is not.
Did you ever mean to tell me the truth, either of you? ”
“Of course we did,” Janet replied. “It was just a matter of choosing the right time, the right moment. I swear I did not want you to find out like this.”
Annie gasped. “I’ve been here for several weeks. You’ve had plenty of time.”
“But the moment never presented itself.” Janet heaved a sigh. “We had other things to consider.”
“And I had to lie about my name,” Hattie said. “Your father would never have employed me had he known who I really was. It was a blessing we’d never met prior to my brother’s death.”
“He was not my father, though, was he?” Annie cried. “He also lied to me my entire life. I can barely conceive of it. It’s as if I never knew him at all. Did he even love me, or was that pretense as well?
Hattie leaned forward, her gaze unblinking and intense.
“Hear me well, Annie. Clarence Fairfax was your father in every way that mattered, and you must never doubt his love for you. He loved you as his own. I bore witness to it every single day. Please do not judge him too harshly. He was not without fault, but not many men would have done as he did. As for me, I lied my way into a position in his house because it was the only way I could be near you. To watch over you. I’ll not apologize for it, either. ”
“Hattie did it for me as much as for you, Annie,” Janet said.
“Her presence in that house meant I still had a connection to you and could watch you grow up from afar. There were many times, as well, when I traveled to London to watch you from nearby. From across the street, perhaps, or from a certain spot in Hyde Park.” She reached over and squeezed Annie’s hand, the touch warm.
“And, more recently, from the quiet corner of a church.”
An image loomed in Annie’s mind, that of a woman, a mysterious silhouette in the shadows of the nave. “My wedding,” she said. “That was you?”
Janet nodded. “I’m so sorry, love. It was a terrible day.”
“For you as well, surely,” Annie said. “You watched your brother die.”
“Yes, I did.” Janet smiled even as tears welled in her eyes. “We hadn’t spoken since before you were born.”
“So much lost.” Annie shook her head. “It’s beyond belief.”
“The deceit was an unfortunate necessity,” Janet said.
“I was an unmarried woman carrying a child. I don’t need to tell you that society spares neither favor nor pity for such women, or the children they carry.
They are judged, scorned, and to hell with the circumstances.
Clarence and Muriel were childless. I don’t think she was strong enough to bear a child, actually.
Maybe that’s partly why Clarence offered to take you, to give you an upbringing I could never have provided.
Or maybe, deep down in his heart, he found a morsel of compassion.
In any case, it was all arranged beforehand.
I stayed with Doctor De Witte till you were born. ”
Annie tensed. “Leo’s father?” That little nugget of information likely explained how Leo knew of the hidden truths. But, she wondered, had he always known?
“Yes. It was he who delivered you and who took you to my brother’s house,” Janet replied.
“Clarence had staged Muriel’s confinement.
Not a difficult thing to do, I suppose, given his profession.
He simply made it appear as though she’d given birth, and you were their child.
I knew it was for the best, but if you think I gave you up easily, think again. It almost killed me.”
“So many secrets,” Annie murmured, as much to herself as Janet and Hattie. “I’m unable to recognize myself. My entire life has been a lie. Everyone I ever cared about has deceived me.”
“Not maliciously though, pet,” Hattie said. “The intentions were well-meant.”
“So you say.” Annie studied Janet for a moment, seeking similarities in appearance and finding none. “I don’t look like you.”
Janet shook her head. “No. You look more like your father, with your dark hair and your eyes.” Her mouth quivered slightly. “Especially your eyes. They are so like his. It’s remarkable.”
“Did you love him?”
“Oh, yes,” Janet replied, softly. “You were born from love, Annie, I can promise you that. I loved your father very much. I will always love him.”
“What was his name? The letter says merely that he died.”
“His name was…” Janet’s lips trembled, and she pressed a hand to her throat. “His name was David. David Clement Caldridge.”
“David,” Annie repeated as more questions formed in her mind. “Did he know about me?”
“No.” Janet gave her a sad smile. “He died before I knew I was enceinte. He died a week before we were to be married.”
Annie barely controlled a flinch. “How?”
“Suddenly. His heart, we must assume.” Janet glanced at Hattie. “I wasn’t here when it happened.”
“Here?” Annie gaped at Hattie. “You and my father lived here?”
“No, I lived in Chesterfield, on the same street as your mother. I was merely visiting that day.” Hattie glanced around the kitchen.
“David had just inherited the farm from our uncle and wanted to show it off. He had all kinds of plans for it, including raising his family here. He went out to the fields that morning and never came back. They found him in the pasture by the stream. You’ve walked past the spot many times since you’ve been here. ”
Annie frowned. “Ferndale Grange belonged to my father?”
Hattie nodded. “Had he not died, this is where you would have grown up.”
“It now belongs to Hattie,” Janet said. “She gave me a home here when Clarence disowned me. I was, to anyone who asked, a cousin and a Caldridge. To this day, no one around here knows my true identity.”
Annie shook her head. “I swear I cannot keep up with it all. And I still cannot fathom why I was brought here as a child. Papa must have known there was a possibility I’d remember some of it. Certainly, it explains why he refused to speak of it.”
“Actually, you were brought here at Muriel’s insistence,” Janet replied.
“She knew she was dying and insisted Clarence send you to me till everything was done with and settled. He was against it at first, but in the end he agreed, simply, I believe, to appease Muriel. A dying wish, if you will. She was always sympathetic to my circumstances. Never judgmental, unlike Clarence. I like to believe the time you spent here was her parting gift to me, and may God bless her for it. That said, it broke my heart all over again when I had to give you back.”
The familiar image of the lady on the chaise-long appeared in Annie’s mind. “I have only a vague memory of her. I think of her whenever I smell roses.”
“Her favorite perfume,” Hattie said. “Muriel Fairfax was a fine lady. I’ve no doubt she’d have been a good mother to you, had she lived.”