Chapter 31 Charlie #2
Bennett lifted up onto his elbow to look down at me with his playful smile. Of all his smiles, this one was my favorite. “A bucket-list place. Like Paris. Or Rome.”
“Oh, um, I’ve always wanted to go to Prince Edward Island.”
“Why?” He took my hand, and his thumb drew a line down the creases of my palm. I loved the casual ways he always wanted to be close to me. Touching me.
It could be for the camera. Maybe. But at this angle, his hold on my hand couldn’t be seen.
“Why Prince Edward Island? I’m surprised you have to ask,” I teased him.
His brows furrowed in confusion.
“Didn’t your sister ever make you watch Anne of Green Gables?”
His laugh crinkled the lines around his eyes, and I reached up to run my fingers over them. He was always touching me so casually, but I rarely initiated—except in my sleep. But when Bennett’s gaze on me softened, I resolved to do it more.
“How could I forget Anne? Shameful.” He rolled onto his back and spoke to the camera. “Sorry, Rosie.”
I giggled, and when he rolled back to face me, he was even closer this time. I felt his breath fan over my face as he stared down at me.
“What about you?” I asked, breathlessly.
He traced a line with his finger across my eyebrow, the bridge of my nose, and along my other eyebrow. Breathing? Overrated.
Right when I thought he might kiss me, he dropped his elbow down and interlocked our fingers together. I blinked away my confusion. I’d grown to like our little kisses and wouldn’t mind one right now.
“I’d climb Denali,” he said.
I squeezed his hand at the wistfulness of his voice. “Why Denali?”
He hesitated, and when I turned toward him, he had his eyes closed. “It’s going to sound dumb.”
“Dumber than wanting to go somewhere because a fictional character lived there?” I nudged his ribs gently.
“That’s not dumb,” he said firmly, leaving no room for argument. “Did Greg say that it was?”
He’d never had to for me to know he’d be dismissive. “No. I never even told him I wanted to go there.”
“You deserved better,” Bennett said so quietly, I knew it was just for me.
And for the first time, I wondered if I could believe it.
I wanted to believe I deserved better. That I was meant to have someone steal playful kisses and tease me when I worried, and wash my hair when I couldn’t reach it, and look at me like I took his breath away.
“So, Denali?” I asked before my thoughts could go any further down that path.
“My dad and I were planning a Denali trip before he left. We had the itinerary planned. The dates set. And when he left…” He paused to exhale slowly. “I thought he’d be back for the trip. I got everything packed and sat outside waiting for him all day.”
“Oh, Bennett,” I whispered. I pictured a teenage Bennett sitting outside for hours, waiting for a dad who never showed up, and my heart broke in half for him.
I wished I could go back in time and sit with him.
Hold his hand until he could stand up and leave the porch.
Until he stopped waiting for his dad to be someone he wasn’t.
“It’s no big deal,” he said in a way that sounded like he’d brushed it off a million times before.
“It is to me.” I scooted closer, until not even a breath of space remained between our sides.
“If I hadn’t made our last backpacking trip miserable, maybe…” he would have stayed.
He didn’t have to say it for me to know he was thinking it.
I couldn’t hold young Bennett’s hand, but I could do it now.
I lifted our clasped hands to my mouth and pressed a firm kiss to the back of his hand.
I wished I knew the perfect thing to say, but at least, I understood how he felt.
“Maybe if I’d been the kind of woman Greg wanted, he would have fought for me. ”
Bennett’s hand gripped mine tighter. “It is not your fault he couldn’t see the amazing gift he had in front of him.”
“And it’s not your fault your dad couldn’t see it either.” I watched a muscle in his cheek work—tighten, then release with emotion. If I expected him to believe it, maybe I should believe it too.
“There are a lot of things I’d forgotten about my dad.
Memories that are coming back, being out here.
In my mind, I had two versions of my dad, like he was two completely different people before and after he left.
But I think I selectively forgot the bad things.
He had a way of reeling me in with the promise of love, but it was always full of conditions I couldn’t meet and standards I didn’t reach. ”
I leaned my head onto his arm and listened to his broken breathing as he tried to wrangle his emotion.
“Even knowing that, there’s a part of me that still has a hard time letting go.”
“The part of you that’s still waiting for him to come take you to Denali?” I said quietly. “You also deserved better, Ben.”
He let out an emotionally weighted breath. His grip on my hand slowly relaxed, and he brought it to his mouth, kissing the back of my hand before playfully rubbing his whiskers against it. “If you could only see one color for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
I wanted to keep pressing, make sure he really believed me, but how could I when I was still trying to believe him?
We both had a ways to go in the trust department—especially when it came to trusting ourselves.
I tucked his arm under my neck and rested my head on his shoulder, needing to be close at least. He pulled me into him and kissed the top of my head.
We talked long into the night as the storm raged around us, jumping topics like raindrops falling on leaves. We went from random to serious within a blink, and I laughed like I couldn’t remember laughing in a long time.
At one point, as I was drifting off, Bennett pulled the sleeping bag over top of us like a blanket, and I snuggled deeper into his side. It was perfect. I should have been doing this from the beginning. Sleep came quickly for the first time since we’d come out here.
In my dreams, Bennett kissed my temple and whispered, “How am I ever going to let you go?”