13. Holden
13
HOLDEN
W hen I woke up this morning, my very first thought was enough of this shit .
I want to be in a relationship. A serious, monogamous relationship, the kind that I have never been even remotely interested in until Lenora Vogel came back into my life.
Even if I could manage to convince myself I didn’t want exactly that, I certainly couldn’t pretend the thought of her moving on past this arrangement of ours is something I can stomach. Hell no. Even braving Bram’s inevitable fury seems worth it if it means I can hold on to this incredible person who, by some miracle, seems to see me the same way I do her.
When Leni looks at me, I don’t feel like I have to grow up or become something I’m not to fit the mold of “responsible adult.” She doesn’t only want me for my money or my dick or a good fucking time. And, paradoxically, this has me taking myself more seriously.
Last night, sitting around my old friend’s kitchen table with my arm thrown over her shoulders, watching her drink wine, laugh, and chatter away with Ellis’s young wife as if they’d been friends for years without a hint of the shadows that have clung to her since she started at E&V… The thought had been lingering at the back of my mind for weeks, as a tiny “what if” I couldn’t quite shake. In the wake of that night, I have a much clearer visual of what my life might look like if I made Lenora Vogel mine permanently, and I want it. Badly.
By the time we arrived back at my house, it was past midnight, and I led her straight upstairs, where we went to bed. As in, we didn’t have sex. At all. Not even hand stuff.
Now, Leni is passed out on her stomach, her breathing slow and deep as the warm morning sunlight floods in through the high windows lining my bedroom. She’s dressed in a borrowed T-shirt, which has gathered up over her hips, exposing a pink pair of panties that cut halfway across the cheeks of her perfect, round ass.
I’m not looking at that, though, I’m looking at the surgical scars marring the back of her right calf. I’ve seen them before, of course, kissed them our first time together and touched them others, without ever stopping to dwell on what they meant.
Those scars ruined her life, but they also brought her into mine. Without her accident, what would have happened to the attraction that haunted me for months before she started at E&V? Would it have faded with time or remained until the day I could do something about it?
I can’t be selfish with her, though. If I could take those scars away, I would. Even if it meant I was doomed to jerking off to videos of her in a tutu for the rest of my days.
Leni groans quietly, reaching out across the empty stretch of mattress beside her, searching for something. Still not opening her eyes, she rolls over, burying her face in my chest and making a quiet noise of pleasure.
She was looking for me.
The feeling this realization sparks is something akin to fireworks going off in my chest. I slip my hand beneath the hem of her T-shirt, lightly dragging my nails over the skin of her back. Leni cuddles closer with a sleepy hum of pleasure. “That feels good.”
“Yeah?”
She nods, her arm snaking around my waist to pull herself more securely against me. “You always make me feel good.”
I swallow with difficulty, entranced by the sight of her smaller, more delicate body entwined with mine atop the deep blue sheets. “You make me feel good, too, Len.”
Whole, actually. She makes me feel whole.
Neither of us speaks as we move as one, me rolling her onto her back and covering her body with mine, pressing her into the mattress as I skim my lips over her exposed collarbone. When I lift my head to kiss her, though, Leni slaps a hand over her mouth, stopping me. The corners of her eyes crease with amusement.
“Do you have a toothbrush I could use?” she asks, her voice muffled through her hand.
Chuckling, I climb off the bed and hold out my hands for her to take, and Leni laughs, allowing me to pull her to her feet. The pair of us stand side by side in my bathroom, our eyes locked in the mirror as we brush our teeth. Once we’ve both spit and rinsed our mouths, Leni beams at me.
“So, do you want to have anal?”
It’s, quite literally, the last thing I expected to come out of her mouth. My answering laugh echoes off the tiled walls, as does Leni’s when I stoop to grab the back of her legs, hauling her over my shoulder, fireman style.
She slaps my ass with both hands as I stroll back into the bedroom and unceremoniously dump her back onto the mattress. Leni falls with a squeal, beaming up at me as I rummage through the drawer of my bedside table for a bottle of lube. “You just woke up this morning, and thought it was a good day for me to fuck your ass?” I ask as I find it and toss it onto the bed beside her.
Her eyebrows arch in surprise. “Are you complaining?”
“Obviously not.” I rip my T-shirt over my head, enjoying the way her thighs fall open wider as her eyes linger on my chest. My cock throbs as she allows me to drag her pink panties down her legs and toss them away, leaving her bare. I haven’t even touched her yet, and already her slit is glistening with arousal, her body readying itself for me. “Come over here.” I pat the edge of the mattress, smirking. “On your hands and knees, princess.”
Leni does as I ask, pausing only to rid herself of her shirt, too, so she’s totally bare for me. I straighten up to watch, dick growing painfully hard as I take in every exposed line of her beautiful body, ready and waiting for me. “Is it going to hurt?” she asks, peering over her shoulder at me, teeth sinking into her fat bottom lip.
“Not if we prepare you properly.” My cock grows impossibly harder at what that will entail. In response to her unspoken question, I step to the edge of the bed and run my hands over her hips and down her thighs. Leni sucks in a little gasp as I sink to my knees. Her glistening slit is inches from my face, and I don’t hesitate to lean forward, dragging my tongue from her clit all the way back to her virgin ass.
Her body tenses under my hands as I hold her open to tease that tight ring of muscle, getting her used to the feeling as I listen to her breaths grow ragged. I’m so fucking turned on, it’s a miracle I haven’t passed out from the amount of blood rushing to my dick. Could I make her come like this?
Releasing one of her cheeks, I reach between her thighs to find her clit, and Leni’s arms almost give out. In seconds, she’s gasping and moaning, her pussy so slick that I could be balls deep in seconds if that was my goal for this morning. It isn’t though, but when she comes, bucking and moaning beneath me, the temptation to fuck her hard and fast, right the fuck now , is almost overpowering.
Instead, I stand, reaching past her for the bottle I left on the mattress. “That was so hot, Len,” I tell her, and I feel her eyes on me as I pour out a few drops onto her tight hole, still shining with my saliva. “How did it feel?”
“Dirty. Wrong,” she admits, and as I glance up at her, my heart tugs at the sly, mischievous little smile curving her lips. “I liked it.”
In that moment, I know with absolute certainty that there isn’t a single goddamn thing I wouldn’t do to keep her, or give up to have her. I’m fucking in love with this woman, and I will be for the rest of my life.
My eyes don’t leave her face as I press two fingers inside her ass, and precum leaks from my tip as I watch her eyes widen and her lips fall open, her brow knitting together as if she can’t decide if she likes it or not. “You’re doing so well, princess. You feel perfect.”
Leni’s sharp gasp fills the quiet bedroom as I begin to fuck her slowly in and out, scissoring my fingers more and more, stretching her open. “Holden,” she whimpers, her fingers digging into the mattress, “baby, please .”
“I love it when you call me that.” My gaze drops to her ass, which is unquestionably more relaxed than when we started this. “I’m going to put it in now. We’ll go slow. Tell me if I’m hurting you.”
Pausing only to coat my dick liberally in the lube, I fist my shaft in one hand and her hip in the other, holding her still as I guide my tip to press right against her opening. Even with how long I took to get her ready, her body doesn’t accept mine easily. Leni squirms as I ease forward, until just the head of my cock is resting inside her. She feels better than anything I’ve ever experienced.
“You’re doing great,” I mutter, squeezing her hip reassuringly. “Deep breath for me, princess.” She does as she’s told, and on the exhale, I slide forward a few more inches.
It’s slow going, but Leni doesn’t complain once, alternating between gazing over her shoulder at me and down at her own hands clawing at the sheets. Minutes pass, filled with quiet praise and whimpers of discomfort and pleasure. She’s too goddamn small for me, too delicate and perfect, but I take her anyway. It’s impossibly erotic, watching her get into it, discovering a new type of pleasure.
“Oh fuck.” She lets out a shaky, desperate laugh when I’m finally balls deep, only the root of my cock visible outside her straining body. “That’s so intense.”
“Yeah?” I pull back until only my tip is left inside, and drive forward again into her impossibly tight, hot ass, giving her a first taste of what comes next. “I think you like intense, don’t you, Len? I think you like being in over your head.”
She trembles beneath me. “I do— oh god —please fuck me, baby? Please fuck my ass?”
There is nothing on this planet that has ever turned me on more than this woman at my mercy, stuffed full of my dick and begging for more. “I want to make you come like this,” I growl as I begin to move, my fingers digging into her slim hips, hard enough to leave marks. “Make me proud, dirty girl.”
Leni’s arms finally give out and she tumbles face first into the mattress as I fuck her hard and fast, the crude, wet slap of skin on skin filling the room as my balls draw up, dangerously close to coming. Obediently, Leni reaches between her legs to work her clit, and I swear my knees almost buckle when she explodes, shaking beneath me as her orgasm rips through her.
If the feeling of this wasn’t enough, the sight of her would be. I come hard, my entire body shaking as white-hot pleasure surges up my spine and outward, making spots appear in front of my vision and my muscles weak.
I’ve barely pulled out before she’s rolling over and looking up at me, her smile wide and effortless. “I’m going to make you waffles now.”