17. Holden
17
HOLDEN
I t’s close to midnight by the time they take Leni into surgery.
I stayed by her side as they took blood and did ultrasounds, waited outside the room during her scans, and held her hand the entire way back.
The diagnosis came quickly and was exactly as Len feared. Her tendon, already twice repaired, had partially ruptured for a third time. There was no way around it, no other medical options other than to go back in and hope for the best. I’ve never felt more helpless than when the doctor left and Leni finally lost whatever control she had on her emotions and broke down, sobbing into my shoulder. I held her, stroking her back and murmuring promises and words of comfort that didn’t really help. This was a nightmare there was no waking up from, and there isn’t a thing I can do but be there for her.
“I’ll be here when you wake up,” I promise, kissing the back of her hand as the nurses move around her bed, preparing her for surgery.
Leni nods, her bottom lip trembling. “Okay.”
Fuck, the look on her face… I would give every single thing I have if it meant she didn’t have to go through this.
One of the nurses pats her shoulder kindly. “We’ll take good care of you, sweetie. Tell your man not to wear a hole in the floor with his pacing.”
A watery laugh bubbles from her lips as she gazes at me. “You don’t need to wear a hole in the floor with your pacing, Holden.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” I promise, standing as the nurses begin to move the bed. She sniffs as I lean over the bed to steal one last, brief kiss, playfully snapping the top of the blue surgical bonnet they covered her hair with as I step back to allow them to push the bed out of the room.
The moment she’s gone, it’s as if all the energy drains out of me.
I hadn’t been here for this last time, or the time before. Already, she’s had two surgeries, and there’s no use telling myself we weren’t together yet, and it wouldn’t have been my place to be there…. I should have been there .
“I think this is it.” A gentle female voice carries over the hospital noises, and I look up in time to see Bram, Sophie, Honor, and Julian entering the room, still dressed for the party.
My head spins as I get to my feet, smiling grimly at Leni’s family. “They took her into surgery about ten minutes ago. The doctor said it could be a few hours.”
Honor looks devastated. “Oh my god, poor Len. How could this have happened again? Was she doing okay, Holden?”
“They got her started on pain killers when we arrived,” I choke, rubbing the back of my neck. In truth, I can barely focus on what she’s saying to me. My words feel sluggish and surreal because I’m not sure I’ve accepted what just happened. Now, recounting it feels like I’m telling a story rather than stating facts.
“Thank you for staying with her. We appreciate it,” says Bram calmly, and there’s something challenging in his stare. “You can go home now. I’ll let you know in the morning if there is any news.”
I don’t move. A cold, sick acceptance is settling over me. What is about to happen might as well be written out on the linoleum floor, and there’s still no way to avoid it.
Hollow with dread, I shake my head. “I’m going to stay.”
Stay until she’s out of surgery, stay until she’s ready to go home, stay with her until she’s healthy and walking around again. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. I’m staying.
Bram takes a step forward, lips pulled into a flat line and suspicion burning in his eyes. Behind him, Honor and Sophie exchange a look. “You’re a family friend, not family. It isn’t your place to be here.”
This isn’t how I wanted him to find out. In recent weeks especially, as our relationship moved into something more serious, it’s been on my mind a lot, how Leni and I would break the news to Bram when the time came. That time felt a long way off, though. There are still things we need to resolve, things I need to tell her, and now… Now there’s no way I’m walking out of this room without everyone knowing the truth: that I’ve fallen in love with Lenora Vogel, and there’s not a person on this Earth, her father included, that will stop me from being in this room when she wakes up.
“It is my place, Bram,” I tell him calmly, even as my chest grows tight and I’m hit by another wave of nausea.
Silence falls in the room as my friend stares at me, his chest heaving as the meaning of my words dawns on him. When he speaks, his voice is ice cold. “You fucking piece of shit.”
“Bram,” Sophie objects behind him, reaching out to touch his shoulder.
He brushes her off, almost shaking with rage. “I want you to admit it. Admit you’ve been—” His throat bobs. “Admit you put your filthy goddamn hands on my kid .”
I blow out a long breath, my hands curling into fists in my pockets. “Leni isn’t a kid, Bram. And I hoped you would understand falling for someone you shouldn’t.”
If Bram was pissed before, now he looks ready to lunge at me across the small hospital room. “ Falling for someone? ” he snarls, stepping past Honor to stop right before me, jabbing a finger into the center of my chest. “ You? I’ve known you for eighteen years, and I’ve never heard you call someone your girlfriend, Ellinger. Now, you’re standing here telling me you’ve fallen for someone? Fallen for my fucking daughter ?” His lip curls.
“Bram,” Sophie tries again, warning in her voice. “Let’s take a walk.”
It’s as if she hasn’t spoken at all. “You’re a selfish, immature piece of shit who wants what he can’t have,” he spits as he reaches out again, this time with both hands. He shoves me, and I stumble, my back hitting the wall. “If you ever lay a finger on her again, I will break it off. Get the fuck out of this room.”
We’ve had disagreements before, but my friend has never looked at me like this. Even when we fought—an inevitability when you’re running a business with someone—I never thought Bram Vogel hated me. I don’t think it now, though, I know it, and I feel nausea swell inside me as the horrible truth sets in. This man, who has been like family to me for over a decade, now hates me.
“Is everything okay?” I look past Bram to find one of Leni’s nurses is standing in the doorway, obviously attracted by Bram’s raised voice.
“I want this man removed,” he orders her viciously. “Immediately. He has no right to be here.”
The woman stares between us, obviously trying to decide if she needs to call security. “Miss Vogel assigned Mr. Ellinger as her emergency contact.”
“She’s confused,” he barks, glaring at the woman. “She was on pain medication.”
“Well, Miss Vogel filled out that paperwork when she came in today, before she was medicated. Mr. Ellinger can ask you to leave, but not the other way around.”
I could collapse with relief. If he had actually thrown me out of here, I’m not sure what I would have done, but can only assume it would end in jail time.
If Bram looked ready to kill me before, it’s nothing compared to now.
“Dad,” Honor hisses, her expression grave. “You need to take a breath. Go for a walk with Sophie. Julian and I will stay here.”
Apparently, Bram isn’t so far gone that he can’t see the position he’s in. Chest heaving, he stares at me and, without another word, turns on his heel, striding from the room. Sophie follows without hesitation, and the moment they’re gone, I collapse back into my chair, head in my hands.
How could things have gone so wrong, so quickly?
Julian and Honor take the small vinyl loveseat across the room, and we sit in silence for a long time. Eventually, Sophie returns, Bram’s suit coat hanging over her shoulders. “He went to call your mom,” she informs Honor quietly. “Or leave a message for her, at least. Since it’s so late.”
I swallow, allowing my head to hang as I stare at the checkered linoleum floor of the hospital room. Every minute that passes feels like an eternity, and even when I hear Bram’s footsteps returning, I can’t bring myself to look up. Seeing the loathing in the face of one of my oldest friends isn’t something I can stomach right now.
None of us says a word.
At one point, Ballard says something under his breath to Honor and leaves the room. He comes back with a cardboard tray of coffees stamped with the logo of the hospital cafeteria and offers me a sympathetic smile when he hands me mine, like he knows all too well how it feels to be on the receiving end of Bram Vogel’s angry, protective father act.
I lose track of time, but my heart jolts into my throat at the sound of footsteps approaching our lonely corner of the hospital. All five of us stand as Leni’s surgeon enters the room.
“Good news,” the man says smoothly, slapping his hands together and looking around at all of us. “It was only a small, partial rupture. The repair went a lot more smoothly than I expected, and I do believe we found the weak point in the tendon, which was causing these repeated issues. She’s in recovery now, but they’ll be bringing her back here shortly. If there are no issues, she can go home in the morning.”
“Is she at risk for this happening again?” I demand, stomach churning at the thought.
The surgeon shakes his head, offering me a sympathetic smile. “Re-rupture becomes less likely as time passes, and if her medical history is any indication, she was pushing too hard, too fast. If you can get her to take it slow and keep the cane until her physical therapist tells her she can do without it, she’ll be fine.”
Honor lets out a relieved, disbelieving little laugh. “Good luck with that, Holden.”
“Visiting hours are over. However, we do like for our patients to have a familiar face as they come out of anesthesia. You’re free to stay here tonight, Mr. Ellinger, and she’ll be discharged in the morning if everything goes smoothly.”
When he’s gone, Honor sighs in relief. “We should go home.” She yawns, leaning into Ballard’s side. “Will you text me when she’s awake, Holden?”
“Of course,” I assure her, taken off guard by the kindness in her expression.
Bram is leaning against the wall, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, and at the exchange between Honor and I, his expression darkens. Without a word, he pushes off the wall and strides out of the room, leaving an exhausted-looking Sophie behind.
She winces apologetically at me. “He’s in shock.”
“Yeah,” I grunt, feeling a hundred years old as I rub the back of my aching neck. “I get it.”
Sophie glances at Honor, then back to me. “ Um . Maybe it’s better if Honor tells Bram what’s going on? Or you text me and I tell him?”
“Good idea,” replies Ballard wryly. The man hasn’t said much until now, obviously reluctant to get involved in this new, dramatic family development. I don’t blame him.
Honor looks to him with a soft, tired smile. “Let’s go home. Thank you for keeping us in the loop, Holden.”
Sophie nods in agreement. “I’ll talk to Bram,” she begins, wincing as if to say I shouldn’t expect much.
“Don’t. It’ll only piss him off.” I tell her wearily. “This is something we need to sort out ourselves.”
Obviously relieved, she offers me a tight, apologetic smile before slipping from the room. Honor and Julian follow. The moment everyone is gone, I slump back into the chair, stomach churning. Nothing is going to make me feel better until I see Len with my own two eyes, talk to her, hold her. My head snaps up to look at the door when the sound of lowered voices and wheels moving over linoleum reaches my ears.
Leni is still attached to a dozen or so wires and tubes, but she’s awake and smiles sleepily at me as the nurses push the bed back into place in the center of the room.
“Hey,” I whisper, smoothing her hair back from her face, my throat thick with emotion. “How do you feel?”
“Good.” She yawns, her fingers dancing over my wrist. “That was really fast.”
I chuckle, my heart full to bursting as I lean forward to kiss her forehead. Fuck, it might have been fast to her, but to me, it felt like an eternity.
“Did my family come?” she asks quietly once the nurses are gone, and, careful not to disrupt her leg, I lay beside her on the hospital bed.
“They’re all gone,” I assure her as I pull a hospital blanket over us both with one hand, wrapping my other around her shoulders. The moment we’ve settled into each other’s embrace, I feel some tension drain from us both.
Leni hums, pressing her face into my chest. “You smell so good.”
“Do I?” I draw my fingers up and down her spine, savoring the warmth and familiarity of her body pressed against mine.
She’s fine.
She’s going to be just fine.
I’ll take her home with me in a few hours.
“Mhmm.” She slips her hand beneath the hem of my shirt, laying it flat against my back. “So the news is out, huh? How mad was Bram? On a scale from one to homicide?”
“Oh, at least a nine. The location worked in my favor.”
Her hold on me tightens. “Are you okay?”
Blowing out a shaky lungful of air, I kiss her temple. Part of me wants to be strong, to tell her there’s nothing to worry about and I’m fine. That wouldn’t be the truth, though, and by now, I know she’s strong enough to handle anything.
“Not even a little. It was… Bram is like family to me, Len. Now, you are too, though, and today I had to choose.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault.”
She’s silent for so long that I think she’s fallen asleep, and my heart leaps when her soft, sleepy voice comes from beside me. “You like to pretend otherwise, but you’re the best person in the world.”
I let out a choked laugh, my chest hollow with guilt and exhaustion. “I did shit before… Well, before you. Shit I’m not proud of. Shit I should have told you before we made this official.”
“Does it change how you feel about me now?”
My heart stalls. “ Of course not.”
Leni pinches me lightly, her warm breath ghosting over my neck. I can tell she’s close to sleep. “I really don’t want to know, baby. Can we just chalk this one up to you being a hoe and keep going with you not being a hoe except with me?”
God, I really believed I couldn’t fall any harder for this woman, but she seems to delight in proving me wrong at every possible opportunity.
Kissing her hair, I smile. “I’m beginning to suspect all that hoeing around was just preparation for you, princess.”
“Very romantic. Are you ever going to stop calling me that, by the way?” She yawns, and I close my eyes, too, allowing myself to relax for the first time since I saw her crumple in pain from across the room.
One of the machines beside the bed beeps, and indistinguishable voices sound from out in the hall.
“Never.”