Chapter Five
Lady Lillian Tapper
Lord Kendrick was furious, and I couldn’t blame him.
I had run the emotional gamut in a matter of minutes.
The stunningly handsome man standing beside me must think I was a bedlamite.
It was difficult to maintain eye contact with him.
His face was chiseled from the finest marble, and his lashes were thick and sooty.
I could dive into the blue depths of his eyes and never leave.
“I don’t intend to blackmail you, per se. Let us call it a mutual bargain.” Every sentence I uttered was a chore. I had to dig from deep inside me to continue with the thread of the conversation.
“Go on.” His angled jaw tight, he stared hard at me. The solicitousness of seconds before had disappeared. I couldn’t say I blamed him. My needs would override his.
“My story is a love triangle between Ophelia, Lord Golden, and the dark knight.” Embarrassment had taken hold of my core, and I was suffering from bouts of heat and chills.
I had a nervous constitution, and it was difficult for me to talk to men, especially a man with his commanding physical presence.
“I presented it to Moran, and he said, well, he said he didn’t like her name, and he wanted the characters to fornicate. ” The last word came out in a whisper.
“Beg pardon?” he asked, leaning in closer to me. I caught the woodsy aroma of sandalwood soap and another earthy scent that I couldn’t identify. In profile, he had a Roman nose and a firm jaw. Regal and masculine, he was an impressive figure.
“He said he wanted the characters to fornicate,” I said more forcefully. If I was going to be convincing, I had to project confidence. It was difficult, given my inability to speak my mind when I desperately wished to.
“Lord Golden, the dark knight, and Ophelia—Lady X, now I suppose—together? Or Lady X and the dark knight together, then Lady X and Lord Golden together. Or Lord Golden and the dark knight together?” he asked, a smile dimpling his cheeks as he rattled off each scenario.
I was pleased to see the sternness of his countenance dissipate.
He’d a right to be upset with me. I would have been shocked if he hadn’t been.
His good humor was contagious, and my nerves calmed even more in his company.
“Lady X? I like that. Do you mind if I use it?”
“I don’t mind at all.”
I nodded, pleased that he granted me permission.
“It’s very mysterious. Moran indicated that all of the situations would appeal to his select clientele.
Had I gone to see him before I saw you in the garden, I would have had no clue what he was talking about.
” The chills eclipsed the heat, and I rubbed my hands over my arms. All afternoon, I kept vacillating between giving up on my writing endeavor or gaining his help.
His request for an introduction had taken the decision from my hands. My mother had been thrilled, and even if I wished to beg off from meeting him, she would have forced me into his company. She’d never given up on finding me a suitor, no matter how difficult it had become.
“All of the scenarios might appeal to the right audience. How do you propose to write these scenes? Surely you do not wish me to coauthor your book. My free time is minimal, and I’m horrible at storytelling.” Suspicion furrowed his brow, along with unrest.
My passion in life was writing. No one could take that from me. “No, I’ll write the scenes. I just need to experience the act once for reference. Once I know how things are done, I can allow my imagination to take over.”
“You wish for me to bed you?” This time he burst out laughing.
I glanced behind me, pleased to see my maid was at a respectable distance yet not close enough to hear the gist of our conversation.
Humiliation punched a hole in my chest. I wasn’t blind to my own looks.
All my life, I had been teased about my appearance.
Too tall. Too thin. No bosom. I had heard it all from my sisters and mother as they tried to hide my flaws beneath frilly dresses.
“I’m afraid no is my answer.” He shook his head and rocked back on his heels, genuinely amused. I was mortified.
A couple passed us on the trail, the woman twirling her parasol. The man tipped his hat at me, and when he looked at the duke, he cast him a lazy grin. It was very subtle but hit home a harsh truth.
“Is it because you don’t find me appealing, or women in general?
If you find me offensive, I could witness the act with someone more, um, suitable.
” I had heard whispers about the writer Oscar Wilde and wondered about it.
I was a lady; thus, nobody would tell me why he was considered a degenerate.
Many men had other male friends. I never put the two together until I saw the duke touching his model in such an intimate manner.
“I find both forms appealing. A body is a vessel. It’s the soul that makes a person whole,” he said in a more sober vein. He began walking again, and I fell into step with him.
The suit he wore was topnotch, his bowler hat set at a jaunty angle on his head. He’d pulled back his brown hair and tethered it with a piece of leather, and he sported sideburns but no beard as was popular among many gentlemen. I rather enjoyed seeing his jawline.
“That is a heartening sentiment.” I adjusted my lace gloves and gathered my nerves for the next question I wished to put to him. It had been painful to speak to him at first, but the more we conversed, the easier it became. “Then it is me you find offensive?”
“You are the daughter of an earl and a virgin. I don’t despoil virgins or fornicate in front of them,” he said with a grim smile.
“I’m the sixth child. All of my siblings are wed, and I’m the last one.
At twenty-five, I’m on the shelf. I have no marriage prospects, nor do I foresee any in the future.
” My siblings were blessed with amiability and conversed in tones above a whisper.
I was woefully deficient in navigating society, and my social skills were lacking.
It was a source of frustration for my parents and for me.
I wasn’t sure why I was different; I just was.
“You are from a prominent family. You could use your considerable influence to publish your book with a reputable vendor.” The duke plucked a leaf from a low-hanging branch.
He twirled it in his gloved fingers and brought it to his nose, inhaling.
He was in tune with the nature surrounding us.
It was refreshing to see a man of his station aware of others and not focused on his self-interests.
“I’m not interested in using my family connections for my success.
It is a matter of pride to me.” I needed him to see my point of view.
As a woman, my worth was determined by my marital status.
I never had a serious suitor, despite my modest dowry.
Thus, I had to depend on myself for my accomplishments.
“Please understand,” I said, barely above a whisper.
“I understand. We’re all like this leaf, one of many on the branch.
On the surface, we look the same. If you look carefully, you can see the individuality that defines it.
” He held the leaf up to the sky and traced a fingertip along the middle.
I could see tiny veins in the thin membrane.
“That is how I feel about my art. It’s an extension of me, the man, not my title. ”
“You’re a very unusual gentleman. Do you think your friend would participate for one night?
” The flash of heat returned, along with a tingling in the secret place between my thighs.
My brashness was alarming and liberating in the same instant.
All night, I dreamed of the duke and his model.
With each flashback, my core throbbed with unfulfilled need.
I had no understanding of how to quench the need.
It was very frustrating. My governess had forbidden me to touch myself in that area.
Why I had no idea, but I never broke the rules.
The duke lowered the leaf and allowed it to flutter to the ground. A hummingbird shot out from between the trees, its green wings flapping quicker than the eye could see. “I believe I already said no.”
I wanted to protest but snapped my jaw shut.
If I wanted to persuade him, I would have to be bolder.
Except aggressiveness wasn’t in my nature.
I could appeal to his better side. “From one artist to another, I beg you reconsider. All I’m asking for is a single night.
” The memories would last me a lifetime.
It was a daring proposition at best. “Please.”
“There are many ways to learn such things. Come to my house tomorrow, and I’ll show you my special library.” The duke steered me back the way we’d come, his manner turning brisk. His demeanor heralded the end of our discussion. I swallowed a rush of disappointment. I had tried my best and failed.
“Why don’t you simply lend them to me?” I was an avid reader as well as a writer. To have new books at my disposal made my fingers tingle with eagerness.
Lord Kendrick shook his head, a grim twist to his lips. His expression was grave. “The descriptions in those books will pale compared to what you saw, Lady Lillian. If anyone found them, you could be in more trouble than you ever dreamed of. The contents are against the law. Do you understand?”
I could either argue further or agree with his suggestion. It was a give and take. I had taken advantage of the situation. I suppose that was how blackmail worked, but I didn’t feel good about it. “How will I enter? It isn’t acceptable for a single lady to visit a bachelor’s residence.”
Lord Kendrick walked me back across the street to my house, his steps brisk and sure. He’d been very generous with his time, and I appreciated his patience, but I wasn’t ready for our discussion to end.
“I believe there is a common gate.” Despite the scandalous turn of our tête-à-tête, every moment spent in his company lessened my anxiety.
He was indeed an original. Most gentlemen I met dismissed me out of hand and rarely tried to engage me in a discussion.
He’d taken the time to listen, albeit under the yolk of potential blackmail.
The duke halted on the walkway. “I’ll have my man, Colt, meet you tomorrow at the time of your choice.”
“This is very kind of you. What should I tell my mother?” What he was proposing was a godsend.
He was offering me a golden opportunity to find multiple examples of debauchery to use as a template for my own scenes.
I swallowed my dismay. The findings wouldn’t be in my own words but from the observation of others.
Lord Kendrick cocked one brow; his head tilted in confusion. “Tell her whatever will allow you to slip away.”
“I mean what I should say about today’s outing. There will be questions.” My mother would think he was courting me, which couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Lips pressed together; he considered my question for a long moment. “You may tell her I found your letter in my garden and thought to return it to you.”
“No, that won’t do. She disapproves of my writing. Your mother speaks highly of your pottery. Perhaps I could commission a vase from you for my mother?” It would drain my allowance, but it would be worth it.
Admiration brightened his eyes. “Yes, that is a bang-up plan. Send a note around, and Colt will take care of everything. Good day, Lady Lillian.” He tipped his hat and, with a brief nod of goodbye, turned on his heel and left.
I watched him go, unable to stop staring like a silly ninny.
Once I went inside, I would have to field a host of questions.
It would well be worth it. I would have a better chance of convincing him if I could spend more time in his company.
Granted, I could blackmail him for real.
That didn’t sit well with me. To force the issue with him wasn’t the answer. Seduction was.
The goosebumps were back, but this time they held a different meaning. I had no clue how to seduce him. It would be amusing if it wasn’t so vexing. The idea had taken root. It might take time, but I would see it through to the end. Giving up was not an option if I ever hoped to live out my dreams.