Chapter Thirty
Lady Lillian, Duchess of Alton
“Lillian, the ship is docking.” Kendrick adjusted the cufflinks on his white cuffs. One hip cocked, he leaned against the door, his hair falling over his collar. He looked refreshed and relaxed after the glorious days we’d spent on board after our wedding.
“Oh, dear.” I pulled the last sheet of paper from the typewriter.
Unlike my husband and Colt, I had little sleep between bouts of bed sport.
I’d worked through the night again, polishing the words that flowed with ease.
The chapter I had written on my wedding day had evolved into a second chapter after last night’s play.
The new pages rounded the story I had composed even more.
“Can you ring for Henry? I need him to see this package gets delivered into Mr. Moran’s hands. ”
Henry had been acting as my personal secretary on our trip since his sister was still in London and he was as proficient as Colt promised.
“You’ll have to share Henry with me, although I daresay it will take an entire team to fill Colt’s shoes.” Kendrick strode across the room and rang the bell, his expression faltering.
I finished wrapping the manuscript in heavy vellum paper as I watched him with concerned eyes. To lose his friend was difficult for him. And for me. “Henry has done well. He traded in his pantomime costume for suits and has quite the flair for fashion.”
“And a love of shoes.” He slipped his arm around my waist, pressing a kiss under my ear.
Strong fingers glided along my front, palming my breast through the shirtwaist. He was a very affectionate man, and I loved how he held me like I was precious.
“I think you should use his fashion sense for a new wardrobe. While I adore your mother, she doesn’t dress you in the manner that befits what hides beneath this rather matronly shirtwaist.”
“I agree, wholeheartedly. Ruffles will never be my first choice.” I leaned my head back and inhaled into his caress, my breath catching as he rubbed his thumb over my puckered nipple.
Every tiny press of his mouth to my skin was an awakening.
Since our wedding night, he’d brought me over the brink on multiple occasions, each time a new discovery into the heights my body could reach. “Where is Colt?”
“He is on deck with the rest of our party.” He heaved a reluctant sigh and released me. The grimness was back in his voice, an underlying sadness I couldn’t erase, no matter what I said. I was sympathetic to his plight because my heart broke every time I thought about Colt leaving.
“Can you put your finger on the knot so I can finish tying it?” I asked, picking up the strings on the package I had been securing.
I had to look to the future, not the past. What the package contained was worth more to me than gold.
It held precious memories. I prayed Mr. Moran liked it and would publish the entire manuscript.
“Are you concerned that Mr. Moran will not like it?” he asked, reading my thought as he placed one blunt-tipped finger on the knot. In many ways, he and I were in tune, which would make for a prosperous marriage. At least I prayed it would continue in that direction.
“Of course. He liked the first half, but there is no guarantee. The story has taken a sharp turn from the original. For the better, I believe.” I finished securing it with a tiny bow.
After Moran’s initial criticism, I had to take a long, hard look at why I was passed up by twenty-nine publishers.
It was fortunate that I met Colt. His valuable input changed the tide for me.
I would miss his friendship, as well as his kisses.
“You are very talented, my lady. You need never fear on that score. I predict your book will be a standout among its genre.” He placed his hand on the small of my back and took the manuscript from my hand.
“You rang, Your Graces?” Henry entered the room and addressed me, his red hair slicked down with pomade. The tweed suit and starched collar were impeccable.
“I have a very important assignment for you. You will return to London with the ship. I need this package delivered to this address,” I said.
I tapped on the directions to Mr. Moran that I penned on the velum.
He held out his hand to take it, and I hesitated, the panic I had been fighting since I finished the last draft settling in.
Not that I didn’t trust Henry. I simply was afraid to let the work out of my sight.
Kendrick took it from my hand and placed it in Henry’s. He cast me an understanding look, drawing me closer to his side. “Make sure you deliver it as soon as you dock.”
“And send a telegram once you’ve delivered it,” I said, my voice going unusually high as I tried to quell my hysteria.
Henry glanced from me to Kendrick and offered a curt nod. “You can trust me, Your Graces. I’ll not let you down.”
“I know. That's why you hold such a trusted position.” Kendrick laid a hand on his shoulder, and he gazed adoringly up at my husband.
The household held him in the highest regard, and I echoed their sentiments.
“As a reward, my wife needs a new wardrobe. I trust you can guide a seamstress into acquiring her some gowns more suitable for a married woman and duchess.”
Determination showed in his eyes, and he rocked back on his polished heels. “I’ll begin the second after I deliver this package.”
“No ruffles,” I said.
The ship’s captain blew the whistle, heralding our need to leave the cabin. I glanced around, trying to imprint the unforgettable nights spent here into my memory. They were already immortalized on paper. “Thank you, Henry. That will be all.”
“No ruffles, Your Grace.” Clutching the manuscript to his chest, he bowed out of the room.
After retrieving my wide-brimmed hat from the hat tree, I rested a hand on my husband’s stomach. I stood on my toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. “You have earned his loyalty for life. Thank you for being such a kind man.”
A soft flush touched the apples of his cheeks at my compliment. He tied the ribbon under my chin before slipping his arm through mine. “Kindness is the easiest thing to receive, yet it is hard for some people to give.”
“That is very profound, Your Grace.” I settled my hand on his sleeve, content with the turn of events. Until I received the telegram from Henry, I wouldn’t be able to relax. The day was still young. There was the matter of disembarking, followed by an hour’s coach ride to the ducal estates.
“My father wasn’t a very forgiving man, Lillian. I vowed never to be like him, but I’m afraid I carry some of his less pleasant traits.” He kept his profile to me, lips turned down as he spoke. Since I became acquainted with him, he’d spoken of light subjects. Still waters ran deep with him.
“Such as?” I asked, wishing to find out everything I could about him. We exited the cabin into the hallway and stepped into the elevator. A diminutive man clad in the ship’s uniform was standing inside, manning the levers.
“Your Graces,” the man greeted with a friendly smile.
“The upper deck, Dietrich,” Kendrick said, avoiding my question. Or perhaps he was simply unwilling to speak in front of the servants. The elaborate box climbed the floors with a clank and the bitter smell of oil.
In the few short days since he announced the change in our wedding venue, I had been exposed to a myriad of experiences, each one more exciting than the last. My life had been mundane, the single bright spot my writing until that fateful day when I lost my title page in his garden.
The cage stopped with a jerk, and I clutched at Kendrick to keep upright.
He was steady and sure, like the giant oak that grew at my family estate.
We exited into the sunshine. Colt had secured the ship for our party’s sole use from London to Edinburgh.
However, the ship had a full manifest for the trip back.
My brother had sent word that his wife had given birth to a son, and my parents were eager to go back to London to meet the family heir.
Lady Helen had stated her intentions to return as well and allow Kendrick and me to have a proper wedding trip. Not a single one of them questioned why Colt was staying behind.
They were aware he was leaving his post, just not that he’d technically already left Kendrick’s employ.
Kendrick brought me over to our group, coming to stand beside Colt.
Amber eyes turned in our direction, good humor in their depths.
My first time with my husband was unforgettable.
It was difficult not to fall harder under his spell when I was with him.
Colt’s presence in our bed tempered the intimacy, thus helping me safeguard my heart.
The men began a conversation about the steam engine, and I moved to stand next to my mother and Lady Helen.
“I’m sorry I’m late. I had to finish my project.
” I slipped my hand into my mother’s. Colt wouldn’t always be with us.
I faced another danger, one I hadn’t counted on.
My feelings for Colt had grown, and I wasn’t sure if it was the novelty of him or the fact that I didn’t feel whole unless I was in the company of both men.
“You are fine, my love.” She squeezed my fingers; her entire face lit up with joy. “I’m the luckiest mother alive. My daughter married my best friend’s son, and I have a grandson.”
“You are indeed fortunate.” Lady Helen turned to look at me with an impish light in her eyes. Reverend Lowe kept close by her side. The two had been thick as thieves since our wedding, and the older woman never looked more radiant. “I daresay you are overwhelmed, being a new bride.”
“A bit,” I said. Having reconciled myself to being a spinster, to marry a duke was overwhelming. It was also exhilarating. It was not without complications to my peace of mind. “With your guidance and Kendrick’s, I daresay I shall persevere.”
She leaned in close to whisper in my ear, the smell of rosewater mingling with the briny ocean air. “Do not forget our bargain. I believe we settled on four grandchildren.”
I shook my head and pressed a kiss to her soft cheek. She was incorrigible, and I welcomed the distraction she’d inadvertently given me. “It was three, but I’ll grant you a fourth if the fates allow,” I said.
“You are a good girl, Lillian.” She pulled back and offered a watery smile. Eyes so much like her son’s reflected deep affection. “I can’t express how pleased I am with the match.”
My throat went tight, and I tried to stop the tears that fell from my lashes. I lifted a knuckle to wipe one away. My mind was in turmoil, with a maelstrom of stops and starts centered around Kendrick. He cared for me; of that, I was confident.
He just wasn’t in love with me. The words were a constant ache that never left my mind.
In the pit of my stomach, I had a sense of where his true affections lay.
Colt had been a part of his life for many years.
The two men were together constantly and often finished each other’s sentences.
To be jealous of their relationship would be pitiful on my part, yet a part of me envied their comradery.
“Why are you two crying?” My mother asked, glancing from me to the dowager duchess.
“Happy tears, my dear. I’m determined to have many grandchildren, as I know you wish as well. Lillian has promised me three with an option of a fourth.” Lady Helen clasped the hand of her good friend.
The whistle issued a shrill screech from somewhere close by.
“Oh dear, you had best go on shore,” my mother said.
Once I descended the walkway, a new phase of my life would begin. Children. A home. A family. I was a duchess, and I would be blessed with those things. Colt could never have that with Kendrick. Knowing how much he loved him, my jealousy faded, replaced by shame.
My marriage wouldn’t have happened without Colt’s guidance. I owed him my happiness, and I would do everything in my power to ensure his.
Even at the expense of my own.