Chapter Thirteen #2
Trying to steer the topic away from the toad and how I have him, I pull my checklist out and I’m just about to show her when Matilda appears in the chair across from me, smoke billowing above her head, and her hair is in rollers now? Wait, they can change their outfits?
I’m not really ready to explain who Matilda is or really the whole matchmaking thing, so I work quickly to think of a reason I would need to get off the phone.
Pretending to swipe away a text message, I tsk.
“Momma, I’m really sorry to do this to you, but I’m needed at the Pack House. Something about my initiation and duties. I hate to cut our time short, but I will call more often.”
Her shoulders drop. “It’s alright, sweetie. I understand. I love you to the moon and back.”
“Love you too Momma.”
I’ve barely even hit the end button before Matilda is already talking.
“I’ve got the best news for you! I know that the last one didn’t work out as well as we had hoped, but you’re alive, so I call it a draw on that one.
Not a win, but definitely a loss. I mean, I saw you two yesterday.
She was definitely feeling something. So I say it’s time to move to the next step. ”
“You said that yesterday when we sent her a Renaissance-era ghost quoting poetry to her.”
She holds up one of her translucent fingers.
“That was your idea, dear. As payback for the Mooing Shoe. If you remember correctly, I said that it wouldn’t land the way you thought it would.
I’ll have you know she chased him out with dried sage, threatening to banish him.
He’s been shivering in a corner ever since then. Not really, but kind of.”
I run my hand down my face, questioning how this has become my new reality. I’m literally arguing with a ghost about who had the worst idea so far.
“Okay, fine. It was my idea.”
She waves me off. “This time I’ve got just the idea. Now, hear me out because this one is wild, romantic, and just the thing to melt her frozen heart.”
I can’t imagine it’s going to be good. But what do I have to lose?
“She needs a pet. Something adorable and unexpected. Something that will get along with her familiar swimmingly. With its little grabby hands that will steal both her trinkets and her heart.”
My eyes widen. Please, no. She can’t be serious.
“You mean a raccoon?”
“Exactly! Although, I hear they are called trash pandas now. But, regardless, it’s going to be a burglar of her affection. You might just end up having to fight it for attention from her.”
“I doubt it,” I mumble under my breath.
Two hours later, as I’m stomping my way through the section of the forest claimed by the wolves, I’m seriously questioning why I keep taking Matilda’s advice.
There’s absolutely no universe where Bellamy is going to see me walk up with a raccoon and think, Wow this guy’s a keeper. She’s more likely to hex me into the next dimension.
Still…she’s never once shown me any genuine affection. Maybe this is my shot.
Or maybe this is how I end up with rabies.
Nyx would definitely vote for the latter.
Shaking my head, I keep moving, boots crunching on the fallen leaves and pine needles, while the crow gossip network follows me overhead. I’m not saying the crow from earlier told them what he heard, but—
“Caw! There’s one over here!” one calls, voice full of the same tone someone might use to announce a clearance sale.
“Not your left, my left,” another says.
A third actually sounds exasperated. “Is he always this dense?”
My eye twitches. “I can hear you, you know.”
“Maybe Bellamy is better off staying away,” the first one adds, smug as anything.
That stops me dead in my tracks. “Okay, cut it out!” I bellow, pointing at them. “No more backseat wolfing. I am perfectly capable of catching a…”
There’s a rustle in the underbrush.
All four of us—yes, I’m counting the crows—freeze. Out waddles a raccoon, plump as a holiday turkey, with the absolute audacity to stare me down like I’m the intruder here.
“Oh, hey little guy,” I murmur, crouching low. “You, uh…like witches?”
The raccoon blinks slowly, then ambles closer. I swear he is either sizing me up or he’s about to pounce. Money’s out on which one it will be.
“Matilda says that Bellamy will love you,” I try, as if it’s perfectly normal to explain things to it. “And she’s not always wrong.”
From the branch above, one crow cackles. “This is going to be good.”
I reach into my pocket, pulling out the emergency snack stash.
Yes, I have pocket snacks. Don’t judge. You never know when you are going to get hungry.
The chocolate chip chunk cookies are wrapped in wax paper.
The raccoon perks up instantly, wadding right into my personal space and grabbing one of the offered cookies.
Five minutes later, I’m marching toward Curios & Curses with a raccoon under one arm and the other hand clutching my coffee, feeling like this is either the best idea I’ve ever had…or the one that is going to get me banned from her shop for life.
By the time I reach her shop, I’m pretty sure the raccoon and I are in a committed relationship. Or maybe she just wants more cookies. It’s really hard to tell.
Either way, she’s perched on my shoulder like a pirate’s parrot, tail flicking against my cheek, little paws clutching my hoodie.
In my front pocket, Sir Hops-A-Lot is riding along, unimpressed as usual.
Every few steps, he lets out a disapproving croak that sounds suspiciously like, You’re making a terrible choice, Miles.
The bells over the shop door jingle as I nudge it open with my foot. Bellamy’s head pops up from behind the book she’s reading, her hair slightly mussed like she’s been elbow-deep in spellwork.
Her eyes narrow immediately. “Why…is there a raccoon on you?”
“Funny story,” I say, stepping inside and shutting the door. “This is—”
“I swear to The Weaver, Miles, if you name her something ridiculous…”
“Lady Bandit,” I finish proudly.
Her mouth opens. Closes. Opens again. “…You brought me a wild animal.”
I gasp in mock horror, my hands flying up to cup her ears. “She’s not wild, I’ll have you know,” I protest. “She’s…raccoon-shaped affection. Matilda said you’d love her.”
Sir Hops-A-Lot croaks from my pocket like he’s trying to ensure she knows he wasn’t involved. Lady Bandit jumps down and circles around on the ground beneath her feet, exposing her belly to her, waiting for belly rubs.
Before Bellamy can answer, Nyx trots in from the back room. The second his eyes land on Lady Bandit, his tail flicks, his ears perk, and he does something I’ve never seen before—he rubs his head against her stomach.
Bellamy freezes. “No. Absolutely not. Why are they flirting with each other?”
Lady Bandit chitters, twisting from side to side enjoying all the affection from Nyx. He lays down beside her on the rug as she cuddles into his side. He licks her fur with the attention of a lover.
Bellamy slowly turns her gaze from them on the floor to me, standing her with my hands stuffed into my hoodie pockets.
“You brought a feral animal into my shop, and it’s already seducing my familiar?”
I grin. “I think this is a win-win in my book.”
Bellamy narrows her eyes at me like she’s debating the exact hex to use against me right now. Hopefully, it won’t be my face this time. “Miles,” she says in a dangerously calm voice, “this raccoon better not give me rabies.”
“She’s a lady,” I assure her. “She would never act so improper.”
Bellamy groans, rubbing her temples. “I hate this town.”
“Liar,” I say softly.
Her eyes snap to mine, but there’s no heat in them. Just a flicker of something that I can’t quite name yet. Or maybe I’m too afraid to try.