Chapter 29
Jameson
Iride the elevator up to the admin floor of the Vance Bayshore resort’s main tower and step into the silent foyer outside my sister’s office, because of course, she’s working late. When I texted her to find out where I could find her, she had her bodyguard, Peter, text me back.
I nod at him now. Formerly one of our grandfather’s bodyguards, Peter stands faithfully outside Savannah’s door, ever watchful.
He draws the door open for me and I have to resist the urge to open it myself, to relieve him of the burden. The man looks older every time I see him. He’s still sturdy, still looks like the decorated military vet he is, but his hands have started to shake sometime in recent months.
I wonder, as I walk into my sister’s office, if she’s even noticed.
But of course she has. She adores the man.
Peter closes the door behind me for privacy. I find Savannah hovering over a barrage of paperwork on her desk, where I imagine she spends the bulk of her days. And nights.
I don’t tend to work late myself. My approach is to work as little as possible to get the job done. But tonight, instead of going to bed with Megan, I made an excuse about needing to take care of some business—which was a generous bending of the truth—and came here.
I just couldn’t bring myself to get into bed with her.
I haven’t gone to bed at the same time as her in almost two weeks now. Not since those first two sleepless nights.
I don’t trust myself lying next to her when we’re both awake. And not trusting myself is a deeply uncomfortable situation to find myself in.
It’s not one I’m well acquainted with.
Worse, even, is the fear that she won’t trust me. That the more I avoid her, the more she’ll pick up on the vibe that I have something to hide, and the less she’ll trust me.
I came to see my sister because I need to talk to someone about this fucked-up situation. And who else can I talk to? Not Cole. Not about his sister. And not my brothers; they’d just bust my balls about the challenge, and accuse me of fucking her.
And the rest of my friends… they’re all “playboys,” like me. Millionaires and billionaires, CEOs and hockey players and celebrities. Some married, some single, but they’d all bust my balls, too. And anyway, none of them know that my engagement is fake. I don’t really want to spread that truth around.
With every day that passes, I just get more protective of Megan, and my relationship with her. And I won’t risk exposing us like that.
The less people who know the truth, the better.
Savannah knows I’m coming, but she doesn’t look up. She was the most reserved of all my siblings at dinner two weeks ago, when I introduced them to my fiancée, and I still haven’t heard from her about it.
Meanwhile, Harlan and Damian have both dropped in on me at some inopportune moment to grill me on my obviously fake engagement.
They also asked me why I felt the need to get engaged now, while I’m in the midst of my challenge. I told them that was why—because it’s helping me win the challenge by keeping other women at bay.
They were not convinced.
But then I told them Graysen insisted I get engaged, and that pretty much shut them up. News of my engagement to hockey star Cole Hudson’s sister has effectively outshone other online gossip about me; my siblings have all seen the media coverage of our fairy-tale romance by now. As it turns out, Sweet small-town girl gets twenty carat diamond ring from billionaire bachelor makes major headlines, and public interest is ravenous for it. We already have hashtags, memes, and a lame celebrity couple name. (Megason.) And no one in the family would ever question that Graysen had decided a fake engagement for public appearances was a grand idea.
But I’m not surprised that my sister has stayed out of it. She has enough on her plate right now. I don’t blame her for leaving the cleanup of my scandalous sex life to Graysen.
Her high-heeled shoes are kicked off beside her desk as I approach. Her glossy, dark hair hangs partly over her pretty face. She’s wearing a long-sleeved red dress with a zipper up the front. A power dress. It hugs her generous curves, and makes her look at once strong and sensual.
I used to tell her she was fat when we were kids, when I was mad at her.
Brothers can be assholes.
Savannah not only survived us but often singlehandedly held our shit together. She picked up an unfair amount of the burden of mothering all four of us, even her older brothers, when our mother checked out.
She deserves some kind of award.
I keep telling Graysen to lighten her workload. He leans on her too much.
“Your boss never lets you go home or what?”
She makes an annoyed sound and barely glances up from the paperwork she’s poring over.
I wander over to the table where a 3D model of the resort sprawls. Someone has affixed a tiny black Jolly Roger flag to the upper tower, where we’re standing right now. “I see Harlan’s been here.”
Savannah makes another annoyed sound.
“You know, just because Graysen lives here, doesn’t mean you have to.”
“I don’t. But I do have a grand opening to plan, and somehow my brothers keep fucking it up. Get this. Graysen insists he’s bringing The Bitch, as if they’ll still be together next spring, Damian insists he’s bringing ‘several special guests’ even though I keep telling him he needs to bring one date for the dinner, and Harlan says he’s not coming. At all. Do you believe this shit?”
“I really do. It’s the reason I didn’t volunteer to oversee the grand opening.” I stroll over and drop into one of the chairs facing her desk. “Also, you should prepare yourself for the fact that The Bitch, as you call her, is going nowhere. She’s got Graysen’s balls locked down so tight, we may never see him smile again.”
Savannah gives an aggrieved sigh. “Speaking of men and their sex parts. I have a question for you.” She strolls over to the bar cart and starts pouring. “Can you please stop screwing every celebrity I invite to the gala?”
“You asked that so much nicer than Graysen did.”
She hands me a whiskey and looks me in the eye. “Congrats again on your engagement. Does this mean you’ve lost the game?”
“And she cuts right to the chase. No, I haven’t lost.” I take a sip of whiskey. “And by the way, your team may invite the celebrities, but who serves them up to you on a silver platter?”
Savannah leans back against her desk. “You do get them buttered up nicely. I had no idea that involved so much actual buttering.”
I grimace. “I haven’t buttered anyone in months.”
My sister laughs abruptly and grimaces right back.
“I’m not here to talk about my sex life or the game or Granddad’s will. I need your advice. About women. Well. One woman.”
She sips her drink, eyeing me. “Isn’t Damian your go-to for that kind of advice?”
“I’m annoyed with him right now. You’re the only one of them I can stand.”
“I’m so flattered.”
I force it out. “If I really like a woman but I can’t be honest with her about the game, how do I get her to trust me?”
Savannah sets her drink down, considering. Then she paces over to the window and looks out into the dark night. I can’t imagine what there is to see. It’s gloomy out there tonight, raining hard; a rare summer downpour. Her pensive face is reflected in the watery glass.
“Is this what it’s come to? You’re doubting your own trustworthiness? Because of the stupid game?” Her shoulders are tight, and I can sense how she dreads her turn to play. They’re probably all dreading it, and witnessing my struggle doesn’t help. “Honestly, Jameson, if I needed a safe place to fall, you’d be it.”
“I’m glad.”
“I trust you more than I do anyone on earth. You and Peter, of course.”
Of course.
“You know why you’re so trustworthy?” She turns to me. “Because you’re honest. You tell people what they need to hear without bullshitting them or disrespecting them, and they respect you for it.”
“I’d like to think so.”
“So what’s this girl’s problem?”
She hasn’t asked me yet if we’re talking about Megan. I’m not sure why.
Maybe she thinks there’s someone else on the side.
I’ve never been that guy. But the amount of women she’s seen me with, I can understand why she’d be unsure.
“It’s not her fault.” I choose my words carefully. I don’t want my sister to dislike Megan. “Maybe I just don’t know how to really connect with anyone.”
Fuck, that sounds lame, when I hear myself say it.
“Since France,” she ventures.
I swallow that, with difficulty. It unnerves me whenever I discover that my siblings know me better than I think they do. But I am, after all, the youngest. They probably see all kinds of shit I don’t think they see.
“Yes,” I admit.
Savannah paces behind her desk and presses her hands flat to her paperwork, leaning in so she can look me straight in the eye. “Because you lead with your dick, Jamie.”
“Blunt.”
“But true.”
“I didn’t do that this time.”
“Because you can’t.”
I sigh.
She stands back, considering. “So what did you do?”
“I tried to help her out. Offered her a place to stay, a job.”
“So you led with your money.”
Shit. She’s right.
I didn’t think of it that way. I’d just been so focused on helping her. For Cole’s sake.
But also… for mine. Because I want her to like me.
Who am I kidding?
I want her to fucking love me.
Savannah’s eyes narrow. “Is that the kind of thing this girl would go for?”
“Apparently not.”
“And the kind of girl who would… Is that the kind you want to attract? Really?”
“No.”
“Then what are you doing?” She sits down behind her desk. “Lead with your heart, Jamie. It’s a good one.”
I run my hand down my face. The whole idea of leading with my heart, putting it out there… giving it to someone… it’s so damn uncomfortable I almost can’t breathe when I think about it.
“Maybe I don’t know how to do that.”
“You’re scared,” my sister says, with compassion. “Mom and Dad damaged you more than you’ve ever admitted. You’re afraid of giving your heart away and being hurt like they hurt each other.”
I hesitate. “I think I started to, with Geneviève.”
Savannah scoffs. “I warned you about that woman. She’s a player and a status-climber. A user. You knew, deep down, that her heart was unavailable to you. I highly doubt she even has one.”
I didn’t know that. Not at first. But as soon as Savi says it, I’m not sure she’s wrong. “Why would I do that?”
“Fear. You can’t lead with your heart when your first priority is to protect it at all costs.”
Fuck. The brutal honesty of that, the truth in it, is breathtaking.
Maybe this is why I come to Damian with these things. If you want advice on sex, power, seduction, Damian Vance is your man.
Advice from the heart, though? I know Savannah is the only one who can really give me that. And maybe that’s why I’ve avoided talking to her about this for so damn long.
“Okay, so, how do I lead with my heart?”
“Damn, you do need help.”
“Yeah? So then cough it up,” I growl, “or I leave and regret asking. If I wanted my balls stomped on, I’d go talk to Harlan.”
She seems to realize I’m serious and stops the ball busting. “Okay, cave man. Settle down. Yeesh. You get a crush for the first time in your life and you’re untenable.”
I glower at her.
“Step one, Mr. Growly, you put your dick away, which you’ve already done. Then you put your wallet away. And see what that leaves you to work with. What do you really care about? What does she care about? Who are you, underneath all the money? That’s how you connect with her.”
I absorb that.
“Here’s the truth, little brother. You’re the total package. And the women you sadly attract, in droves, are nothing but fame whores.”
“Harsh.” I swig my whiskey, washing down that painful truth. “You know we’re talking about Megan here, right? My fiancée? She is not cut from that cloth.”
“I sincerely hope not.”
“I think I have better judgment than that.”
“You do. You just don’t always use it.”
I rake a hand through my hair. “I know I’ve been… all over the place with women. But Graysen’s lost his mind. He thinks I’m out of control, just because of what he sees in the media.”
“Well, you know he can’t stomach a scandal. You broke a cardinal family rule.” She raises an eyebrow at me. “Repeatedly. You know privacy is sacrosanct.”
“Right. Ever since Mom decided it was so because her husband was cheating on her, so she cheated on him.”
Savannah sighs a little. “Maybe so. But we’ve adapted to the times. Fame is a double-edged sword, now more than ever. We stay out of it because it’s what’s best for the family and our business.”
I decide to ask her. “Did you know Graysen’s the one who gave me this stupid challenge?”
“No.” She gazes at me for a long moment, processing this new information. “Have you ever considered, Jamie, that maybe he’s just trying to protect you?”
“From what? My raging adolescent hormones? I’m fucking thirty.”
“From getting your heart broken,” she says gently.
I take that in, but I don’t know what to say. I never thought of it like that.
Savi gazes at me fondly. “You’re so much like her, you know.”
“Like who?” I say, though I have an uneasy feeling I know.
“Mom.”
“I’m not like her.”
“You are like her. You just don’t know. You were so young?—”
“You’re three years older than me. Don’t tell me you know Mom that much better than I do.”
“Maybe I don’t. But I saw them together in a way that you didn’t.”
That had to be true. She was fourteen when Dad died.
“You didn’t see how gone for him she was,” Savi says. “He had endless affairs and it still killed her when he died. He had her whole heart. She’s never been the same.”
“Yeah. She died right into the arms of another billionaire.”
“Don’t judge her too harshly. When she falls, it’s forever. What if you’re like her that way, too?”
Yeah. And that would be my worst fucking fear, right there.
Christ. Why did I come here?
I look away, my eyes landing on the model of the resort. I remember the day Granddad started the renovations. He gathered us all here to toast the achievement; our family now owned every property along Bayshore Drive, and the resort would be our crowning jewel, a luxury, five star destination on Vancouver’s downtown waterfront. I had no idea he’d be gone by the time the resort opened, that we’d be taking over his final dream project for him. I couldn’t fathom that possibility. I was nowhere near ready to let him go.
I had no idea, when I was a kid, that Mom and Dad wouldn’t be here either, throughout every important event of my life since I was eleven.
It’s my siblings who’ve been here for me, through everything. Even if I don’t always see them watching my back, I know they are.
“You’re so guarded,” Savannah says in the silence, “you don’t let the good ones in. They don’t even stand a chance.”
I meet her eyes. “Maybe Megan’s one of the good ones.”
“Maybe she is.” She leans forward. “And if that’s true, you need to make her your number one priority. Would you settle for a woman who didn’t make you her first priority?”
“No.”
“Exactly. You need to put her before the business, like Dad never did for Mom. And you need to put her before the family, like Mom never did for Dad.”
“You’re kidding me. Mom never put us first.”
“She did. She wanted him to give up the affairs and stay in the marriage, for us. He stayed. Even when he didn’t love her anymore.”
I don’t even know what to say to that. The idea that my dad didn’t love my mom—as fucked-up as my whole childhood had been—just doesn’t compute.
“Come on, Jamie. You know he didn’t love her. He was all over so many other women… And she stayed for us, even when it would’ve been better for her to leave. Find a man who actually loved her.”
“No. No, she left us.”
“After Dad died.”
“She replaced us with her new family.”
“She did the best she could under shit circumstances, in the face of overwhelming betrayal and grief. And you need to forgive her,” Savi says simply, like that’s the easiest thing to do. Of course, she isn’t one to hold long, painful grudges. “If for no other reason than you can move on.”
“That’s good advice. Why are you single again?”
“Fuck you. Get out of my office.”
I smirk at my sister, behind her big desk with all the papers strewn across it. She’s drowning in the resort opening, the gala, giving it everything she’s got. For Granddad. For Graysen. For all of us.
Most days, I’m in awe of her. I’ve always admired Savannah, even when I pretended she annoyed me when we were kids.
Right now, it makes me feel like an asshole for crossing the line I did with Cole’s sister.
However, I have no intention of stepping back behind the line.
“Stop staring at me and go win over that woman,” Savi mutters as I get up and round the desk toward her. “She’s sweet.”
I stop in my tracks. “You like Megan?”
“You’ve done much worse.” She sighs. “She’s your best friend’s sister, she’ll make cute babies, she was polite to the family. Is that what you think I care about? All I care about is that you’re happy.”
“I love you, Savannah. You’re the perfect girl.” I lean down and kiss her on the head.
“I know.”
She says it matter-of-factly, but there’s that guarded look in her eyes that I know so well. It’s a Vance thing. We all do it.
“Whatever you do, though,” she says as I head for the door, “do not have sex with her. Please. You need that inheritance, Jamie. And I need you at the table.”
I wave a hand at her vaguely. I’ve had enough lectures on that.
“I really can’t handle Harlan without you,” she adds in a grumble.
“He’s your twin,” I toss back at her. “You’d think you’d be used to him by now.”
“You’d think.”
As I leave the room, I give Peter a departing nod.
I know why Savannah keeps the old man around. He’s one of her last living links to Granddad.
I can also see why my sister is alone, probably as easily as she can see my problems. All my siblings are unmarried, and it’s not a coincidence.
I’m not the only one who doesn’t know how to let people in.