Chapter 11
CHASE
“What the fuck?”
Lee’s voice cut through the air, loud and panicked, and it was enough to have me racing out of the bathroom.
When I’d left the bedroom, he’d still been asleep.
I followed the sound and burst into the kitchen.
Lee was clutching his cheek and staring warily at Cash, who was staring right back, wide-eyed and pale except for a splash of color high across his cheekbones.
One hand was still balled into a fist and his chest was heaving, and he looked like he was ready to either take another swing or bolt.
It was like a scene from an old gangster movie, where everyone was pointing a gun at everyone else and there was no way to tell who was going to shoot first.
Shit.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what had happened. “Cash?”
Cash turned at the sound of my voice, and his face crumpled. Ignoring Lee and his shocked expression, I walked over and wrapped my arms around Cash because I could tell he was on the verge of losing his shit.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” I said, stroking his hair until his breathing evened out. I wove my fingers between his and uncurled his fist. “You’re all right. You didn’t mean it.”
Cash buried his face in my shirt and his breath hitched, and the tension in his spine eased the tiniest bit. Then he lifted his head. His gaze flitted to Lee and back to me again, and I didn’t need to be his twin to read his mind.
Who the fuck is this?
I blew out a long breath and tried to dial things down a notch. “I guess you’ve met Lee. We, uh, weren’t expecting anyone home.”
Cash’s brow furrowed, and I saw the second he figured it out. Cash was quiet, but he wasn’t stupid. He nudged me with his elbow and mouthed, Jizz Guy?
“We’re not calling him that,” I said. I glared at Lee, who was still holding his cheek and hovering near the door like he was either going to make a run for it or call 911.
“And you. You can’t just sneak up on people, asshole.
” I knew it was unfair of me to give him shit when he’d clearly been punched in the face, but he’d upset Cash, and that was always gonna bring out my protective side.
Lee’s eyebrows rose into his hairline. “I thought he was you!”
“He grabbed me, so I punched him,” Cash whispered. Which was about what I’d figured, and I could tell he felt bad about it.
I hugged him closer. “I know. It was an accident. He thought you were me.”
“I’m so—fuck. I don’t know what happened,” Lee said, his cheeks red with—anger? Embarrassment? Who could tell? “I didn’t know anyone else was here. You never said you had a brother.”
Cash nodded against my shoulder and mumbled, “It’s okay.”
“He said it’s okay,” I said.
Lee tilted his head at that, but then he gave a sharp nod, which was a relief. I wasn’t in the mood to explain about Cash not talking to strangers right now. He could figure it out for himself. Plus if Lee was gonna be a dick about it, I was pretty sure I’d have to dump him.
Then Cash lifted his head and peeked at Lee and said in my ear, “Jizz Guy’s hot.”
That was a weird thing for Cash to say, but I said, “I know.”
Cash gave a cautious grin and whispered, “Too hot for you.”
“Fuck off,” I grumbled.
Cash let out a snort that was almost a laugh, and the mess of tension in my gut eased. I already knew Cash was gonna give me shit about this for days—weeks probably. But I could deal with him laughing at me if it meant he wasn’t freaking out about punching someone.
I’d still probably fuck things up with Lee, though. No way would he want to be involved with me and my bullshit now. He probably couldn’t wait to get out of here, and who could blame him?
Except when I turned to face Lee, one arm still draped around Cash’s shoulder, he leaned back against the kitchen counter and said, “You gonna introduce me?”
I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to figure out if he was yanking my chain, but he just stood there leaning back against the counter, so maybe he was serious. “So, this is Cash. We’re twins.”
“No shit,” Lee said, looking between us. “Which one is the evil one?”
Cash nudged me and gave me a wobbly grin.
“Fuck you,” I said. “I’m the good-looking one.”
Lee looked between us and said, “So Cash must be the smart one.”
Cash raised an eyebrow, but the ghost of a smile appeared.
“Yeah,” I said. “He is.”
“Nice to meet you,” Lee said and held out a hand.
Cash stared at it, brow furrowed, before reaching out to shake Lee’s hand briefly. He didn’t speak, and I hoped Lee wasn’t gonna be weird about it. But he just ran a hand over the back of his neck and said, “So, I should go. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah.”
He rubbed his neck again and glanced at Cash. “Sorry again.”
Cash shrugged.
Lee only made it a step through the kitchen door before he was back again. He lifted his chin and said, “And did you still wanna hang out sometime?”
“He means do you wanna fuck,” Cash whispered. I elbowed him in the side.
“Yeah?” My voice was so high that it sounded like I was asking a question. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I guess so.”
I said it like I didn’t care.
The grin Lee shot me told me he didn’t buy it.
And for once, I wasn’t buying it either.
I was more upset about Cash getting upset than he was, and he kept sending me annoyed looks over dinner.
Wilder wasn’t here again tonight—he and Gracie were at Avery’s—but Miller had turned up, and he’d brought food from the Thai place that he and Danny liked.
I didn’t know what most of the stuff was, except for the rice, but it all tasted good, even after it had been in Miller’s car all the way from Hopewell.
We ate the biko for dessert, and everyone agreed it was great except Cash, who wrinkled his nose after a couple of bites.
I figured it was a texture thing for him.
After dinner, Danny and Miller took advantage of Wilder not being here and went and snuggled on the couch and watched a movie.
It was pretty obvious they didn’t want a third and a fourth wheel there with them, so I grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator and went and sat on the back porch.
The night was cool but not enough that I could be bothered to go grab my jacket from inside.
I’d been sitting there for a few minutes when the screen door swung open, and Cash came out and sat beside me.
“What’s wrong?” he asked me.
“Nothing,” I said and took a swig of beer. “Why would anything be wrong?”
He tilted his head and studied me. “I don’t know. Why would it? Jizz Guy likes you and you like him, so why have you got a wild hair up your ass?”
“We’re not calling him that,” I said. I glowered at my beer can. “There’s nothing wrong. I’m fucking peachy, okay?”
Except even I heard how pissed I was in my tone.
And it was dumb. Cash was right. I liked Lee and he liked me, and Cash punching him had been an accident just as much as him grabbing Cash had been, so why did I feel so goddamn irritated, like I just couldn’t settle?
Things were going well. Lee hadn’t told me I was a fuckup and we couldn’t hook up anymore, and Cash wasn’t holding a grudge, and I should have been happy, but instead it felt like my skin didn’t fit right, or like I’d held my breath for too long and now I’d forgotten how to let it out again.
“You’re being weird,” Cash said and stole a sip of my beer before handing it back. He looked up at me, his brow creased, and said, “Are you mad at me for hitting him?”
“What? No, dumbass. Why would I be mad? If some stranger grabbed me from behind, I’d punch him too.” I bumped my shoulder against his.
He let out a long breath, and some of the tension left him. I knew he’d probably have nightmares tonight, and that wasn’t his fault either.
“You didn’t tell him about me,” he said.
I shrugged. “None of his business.”
Cash wrinkled his nose but didn’t say anything else for a while. He reached for my beer again and took another sip. “But you like him, right?”
“It’s whatever,” I said with a shrug and ignored the guilty twist in my gut.
“You like him,” Cash said softly.
And that was when I realized exactly why I couldn’t settle tonight.
Why I was pissed at nothing in particular.
I liked Lee, but I didn’t like change. And bringing him here, to the house, to Cash, meant that something had shifted.
There was meant to be a solid wall between Cash and me and the rest of the world.
Even Danny and Wilder weren’t allowed in most times—only when our defenses were low.
But this afternoon, with Lee, that hadn’t been just fucking.
That had been something new, something intimate, something shared.
And I wasn’t built to share with anyone except Cash.
It was terrifying.
And the most terrifying part was that I’d been the one to invite Lee in.
Maybe I’d gone soft living with Danny. Or maybe it was just that seeing how happy he and Miller—and Wilder and Avery—were made me want the same thing: someone who saw how fucked up I was and wanted me anyway.
Yeah, definitely going soft.
Going selfish too.
I’d promised myself when we got out of that crappy house in that shithole town that nobody was ever going to come between Cash and me, and I’d invited Lee in.
“It’s okay,” Cash said and I jolted. “It’s okay if you like someone. It’s allowed.”
“I know,” I lied.
“Good,” Cash said. “You’re happier now that you’re getting dicked down.”
I felt the heat flooding my face. “Jesus, Cash.”
“What? It’s true. And he’s hot.” He grinned at me. “Solid too. Like he could pick you up and carry you without even breaking a sweat.”
“Yeah, he can, and it’s freaking awesome,” I said, thinking of the way Lee could heft me up onto a counter like I was a sack of flour or hold me up against a wall and fuck me. I took my beer back. “I didn’t know you thought anyone was hot.”
Cash shrugged. “I can think someone’s hot without wanting to do stuff. Like, aesthetically.”