Chapter Twenty-One
I DON’T WANT to do this. I don’t want to do this.
Had anyone who’d ended up on the casting couch ever really wanted to do this, though?
What made her any different from them? The day she’d dropped out of school and come home to collect her things, her mother had told her.
Told her she was just another girl with dreams too big for her capabilities.
Had she been right? Maybe this was all she had.
Maybe she’d been headed straight here ever since that day, and all the auditions had been a complete waste of time.
Johan’s hand grazed her backside, settling there more firmly when the words that would reject his touch stuck in her throat.
Her stomach pitched violently. It would be over in twenty minutes, tops.
Right? Then she could go home and scrub him away in the shower, bury herself under the covers until the sun came up.
She’d been with losers before. She could just close her eyes and pretend it wasn’t happening. No one would know.
I’d know . I’m better than this.
The little voice she’d been ignoring broke through the fog bank of self-pity.
She’d come to New York to survive on her own.
If she slept with Johan and retained the part, it wouldn’t be as a result of honest work or a reflection of her talent.
It would be a cheap win. He’d be handing her the role in exchange for her dignity. Nothing was worth that.
And dammit, she couldn’t let another man touch her when she could still feel Louis’s hands on her skin, his breath in her ear. It might make her pathetic, but she wanted— needed —to savor those memories, hold them to her, as long as she could.
“You can take your hand off my ass now.”
He laughed near the top of her head, his hot breath on her forehead making her cringe.
But he didn’t remove his hand. Instead, he yanked her closer.
She could feel his arousal against her belly, and it made her panic.
“No time for this whole playing-hard-to-get act, Roxy, I have another meeting after this.”
She pushed against his chest. “Let go.”
Finally his touch left her backside, but only so he could grip her forearm. She flinched as his fingers dug into her bicep. “What, you like it rough? No problem.”
When he leaned in to kiss her, Roxy’s balled-up fist connected with his nose, creating an extremely satisfying crunching noise. He stumbled back with a high-pitched yelp, blood already beginning to pour from his nostrils.
“Ah! What the fuck?”
She shook her hand out, wincing at the resulting pain.
She’d swung Jersey-style, which meant hard .
God, it had felt good. Not just to take out her frustration and anger on the person who’d caused it; she’d also gotten herself back in that moment.
She might have had some weak thoughts, some temporary confusion, but when it had come down to it, she’d been better than this. Better than him.
Part of her wanted to stand there and watch him stumble around in pain a while longer, but she needed to get the hell out of there.
He hadn’t backed off when she’d asked him to, and that scared her.
She’d thought he was just another sleazebag using his status to get her onto the casting couch, but she’d been wrong.
He was potentially much worse than that.
She wasn’t going to stick around and find out.
First, though, a parting shot was in order.
“Hey, asshole.” She waited until he looked at her through squinted eyes.
“There isn’t a role on this planet worth your disgusting hands on me.
You can take it with you straight to hell.
Have fun continuing to rip off Wes Anderson, you second-rate piece of garbage. ”
She only caught a glimpse of Johan bristling over the insult as she exited the room and strode down the hallway. When she heard his footsteps pounding after her, she started to jog, heart beating out of control in her chest. A few more feet and she’d be outside on the busy sidewalk.
Before she could reach the door, he grabbed her arm. “If you tell anyone about this, you’ll be laughed at. Just another actress making shit up to get on camera the easy way.”
“Let go of me,” she demanded, twisting free. He grabbed for her again and managed to snag her shirt, ripping several buttons free and tearing the material. Even he looked a little stunned over what he’d done, and she used his distracted state to yank the door open, stumbling out onto the sidewalk.
Right into Louis.
The events of that morning flew right out of her head, and relief swamped her.
He looked so perfectly familiar and solid, standing there in his work clothes.
She didn’t think twice about throwing her arms around his neck and holding tight, inhaling his scent greedily.
His body felt rigid, though. So unlike him.
He took hold of her wrists and tugged her away, his gaze tracking down her body with what appeared to be leashed rage.
Slowly, he extended his hand and traced the edge of her ripped shirt before his attention locked on Johan, still standing behind her in the doorway.
“I’m going to kill you,” Louis growled, his body vibrating against her.
Johan’s voice sounded muffled, as if he was still holding his bleeding nose, but his voice was mocking. “Whatever, man. Rehearsal’s over. Just take her and go.”
Louis moved like lightning to get past her, landing a punch in Johan’s face before she’d even fully turned around. Johan stumbled back into the office through the doorway, and Louis followed, hands clenched at his sides. “What did you do to her?”
Johan stomped a foot. “Dammit. My nose is definitely fucking broken.”
“Answer me.”
“ Nothing . She hits harder than you do. Calm down.”
“Calm. Down ?” Louis twisted the front of Johan’s shirt in his fist. “I’m going to break more than your nose if you touched her.”
Johan actually looked bored by the line of questioning.
This definitely wasn’t the first time he’d been on the receiving end of a right hook.
Disgust snapped Roxy out of her stupor. She put her hands on Louis’s shoulder and tried to stop him from entering the building, but he wouldn’t come.
Behind her on the sidewalk, people were stopping to check out the commotion.
She had to get Louis out of there before someone alerted a cop.
“Louis, let it go. He’s not worth it. Nothing happened. ”
He turned, looking at her as if he wasn’t really seeing her, eyes bright with temper. “How did your shirt get ripped, then?”
She didn’t want to lie to him, only wanted to get as far away from Johan as possible, but that hesitation gave Louis what he needed. He balled his fist and gave Johan another two shots to the face.
In a burst of energy, Johan managed to get free, falling back a step when Louis lost his grip. “You called me, Louis. I could have hired any actress in this fucking town. This was a favor. ”
Louis stiffened. His hands fell to his sides as if a string had been cut. Roxy’s mind raced, trying to decode what Johan had said. A favor? How ... how did Johan even know Louis’s name? The answer hit her with the force of a battering ram. Oh, Jesus, no.
“What did you do?” she whispered.
Louis didn’t turn around. “I can’t have this discussion with you right now, Roxy. I’m too fucking mad.”
“We’re having it anyway.” She stepped to the side so she could see Johan. “Did he call you? Did he ... ask for a favor to get me this part?”
Johan gave an exaggerated smirk. “No good deed goes unpunished, I guess.”
A sob rushed past her lips. “Dammit. Dammit, Louis.” Misery rolled through her in a wave as the last couple of weeks played through her head in slow motion.
A casting assistant calling her on a Saturday night, giving her the opportunity she’d always dreamed of.
An opportunity she’d thought she’d earned but hadn’t .
How na?ve could she be? This whole time she’d been secretly proud of herself, assuming she’d done something right somewhere down the line, impressed the right people.
Gotten noticed on her own merit. When in reality, it had been handed to her by the guy who’d wanted to sleep with her.
It enraged her. It made her heart squeeze so tight that she thought it might rupture in her chest. No.
She couldn’t handle any more. Since this morning, she’d been pulled through an emotional ringer, and it was her fault.
She’d left herself wide open for it. The pride she’d carried out of Johan’s office after her audition was now littered across the sidewalk like yesterday’s trash.
Louis turned around slowly, wincing at whatever he saw on her face. “I only got you the audition,” he said, pulling her further down the sidewalk, out of Jonah’s earshot. “You earned the part. It was just a matter of getting you in the door.”
“Bullshit. I don’t believe you.” She smacked her forehead when she remembered being only one of three actresses auditioning that day. It had seemed so odd, but she’d ignored it. “You must have been laughing at me when I got that phone call. You must have thought I was so stupid .”
“You could never look stupid to me. Never.”
“I thought you understood ...” She swallowed hard. “I told you how important it was to do this on my own, and I thought you understood that. Me. You took that goal away from me.”
He swiped his hair back impatiently, knuckles dotted with blood. “Yeah? Well, that’s not how the world works. People hire their friends, they make phone calls and repay favors. It’s ugly, but it’s true. I know you wanted to do this on your own, but your way wasn’t working.”
She flinched as his words stabbed her in the belly.
“God, I’m sorry. That came out wrong.” He made a frustrated noise. “I can’t talk about this now. Not when all I can see is you standing there with a ripped shirt, looking like you’ve been crying.”
No. She wouldn’t let him get to her. Wouldn’t feel sorry for him. “You can’t just make decisions without consulting the people involved.”
“You would have turned down the help. I had no choice.”
“Why didn’t you have a choice?” The answer dawned, making her queasy. “You needed to date someone worthy, is that it? If you were going to date an actress, she better be a successful one. Right ? Not one who needed to strip to make rent.”
“No.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just wanted you happy.”
Knowing it wasn’t fair at all but wanting to take a strip of flesh with her, she gestured to Johan where he sat bleeding on the ground. “Well, you failed. I guess he didn’t mention sleeping with him was part of the deal. Nice job.”
His body deflated right before her eyes. She hated herself in that moment. Hated him for making her feel so goddamn lousy and important at the same time. I’ve got to get out of here.
“Good-bye, Louis.”
She made it to the street corner before the tears fell.