17. Liv
17
LIV
“I’m in love,” I declare for probably the tenth time. The puppy burrows deeper into the crease of my neck as I clutch it to my chest, never wanting to let it go.
“She does look cozy.” Hattie laughs as the puppy she holds tries to lick her cheek.
“Why won’t my puppy chill out?” Ashton asks, trying her hardest to keep the energetic golden retriever in her lap. It keeps trying to leap out of her lap and nibble at the bow in Clara’s hair.
“Yours my favorite,” Clara tells me, leaning over to gently pet the puppy snoring against my chest.
I smile, finding it absolutely adorable how obsessed Clara is with the puppy taking a snooze on me. “She’s my favorite, too,” I whisper, gently scratching the puppy’s ear. “She’s just too sweet. I’m in love.”
Ashton hands her wild puppy over to her son Jack, who begins to run around the back porch as the puppy chases after him. “Maybe you can talk Dean into letting Clara get a puppy.”
“Yes. I need .” The way Clara emphasizes need is the cutest thing ever. She even juts her bottom lip out.
“If it were up to me, you’d absolutely get the puppy,” I tell Clara, wishing Dean would agree to it so I could get snuggles like this all the time.
“Want to hold her?” I ask Clara. I could sit here forever with the puppy nestled into my chest, but I know Ashton and Hattie are wanting to continue to give me the tour of the Livingston home.
Clara excitedly nods her head. She sits back in the chair with her arms held out. I slowly place the dog on her chest as it stays fast asleep. The smile on Clara’s face is giant as she holds still as a statue, letting the pup sleep soundly in her lap.
“I’m ready for the rest of the tour when you guys are,” I tell Ashton and Hattie. I don’t know if they were as excited to see the puppies as I was, but they humored me, and we spent what’s got to be at least fifteen minutes on the back porch with them.
“Jack and Miles, you’re in charge of watching the others. Please make sure everyone makes good choices, okay?” Ashton lovingly ruffles the hair of her oldest son, Jack. He nods his head before going right back to running around with the wild puppy.
“While we’re here, let’s show her outside,” Hattie offers, already holding the door open that leads outside from the back porch.
“You’re just trying to get as far away as possible from Jace in case Ruthie starts crying,” Ashton teases while walking through the back door.
Hattie laughs. “He’s fine manning the children. Plus, we all know that if Ruthie starts crying, Shirley is going to jump in to help immediately.”
I’m quiet as I follow the two of them down the stairs. My attention is drawn to the sheer beauty of the backyard. There are trees for miles, and with it being fall, it creates the most beautiful picture of brilliant oranges and reds.
“It’s really stunning, isn’t it?” Hattie asks quietly.
I nod. “I don’t know if it’s just because I hadn’t seen mountains before this, but I’m still just taken aback by how beautiful it is. I didn’t know leaves could be so pretty. Which sounds very poetic of me, and I’m not normally this cheesy, but wow…”
“I get it. I’m from Kansas. You just can’t understand the beauty of this state—really, this town—until you’re here. Give it one more week when there’s barely any green left on the trees, and you’re going to be in for a treat.” Hattie has a whisper of a smile on her lips with her words.
“You’re not from here?” I ask. I don’t know why I assumed everyone in his family, including the wives, were from Sutten.
Hattie shakes her head. “Not really. I moved to Sutten my junior year of high school, so I’ve been here a while. But I still remember the first sunset I saw here. Selena couldn’t stop laughing at me because I cried.”
My ears perk up at the mention of Clara’s mom. Dean still hasn’t mentioned the passing of his wife, not that he owes me any explanation of her life or death. But I do want to know about her. She gave birth to the most beautiful daughter, and I’d love to be able to remind Clara of her mom when I can. Getting stories about her from the people who knew her—even if they’re not from Dean—is a way I can do that.
“God, she didn’t let you forget about that for years,” Ashton adds, her arms crossing over her chest.
I stay quiet, wondering if I should say something or not. I guess I should’ve known that Selena wouldn’t have just meant something to Dean and Clara but to the rest of his family as well. Carmen mentioned how long he and Selena had been together. It only makes sense that her death is felt by everyone in the Livingston family.
Hattie lets out a slow breath before plastering a smile on her face. Unshed tears make her eyes glossy, but she quickly blinks to try and hide them. “I’m so sorry,” she begins. “I’m not trying to make this sad at all. Her birthday is next month, and she was my best friend since high school. Sometimes it just hits hard, you know?”
I nod. “Please don’t apologize to me. I can’t imagine losing a family member like all of you did so tragically. I only know small tidbits from people in town, but she seemed like a really great person.”
“Dean hasn’t told you about her yet?” Hattie asks, her voice quiet but rough with emotion.
I shake my head, wondering if I should’ve told them that or not. “I’m still new. I haven’t expected him to share anything.”
Hattie sighs. “It’s still hard for him to talk about her. He really loved her, and instead of talking about how incredible she was, he keeps everything bottled up inside. Just know he isn’t neglecting to tell you about her because he doesn’t trust you or doesn’t want to tell you. He doesn’t really speak about her with any of us.”
“I get it. I don’t blame him for it. It makes sense she was so great, though. Clara’s the best, and I’m sure she gets that not only from Dean but from her mom, too.”
Both Hattie and Ashton nod, but Ashton’s the one to speak up. “She was incredible and loved by all of us. We miss her every day.”
“Anyway…” Hattie begins, wiping underneath her eyes. “Sorry. It’s the postpartum hormones hitting me. Back to it. Yes, this view is stunning, and no, it never gets old, even if you’ve lived here for years.”
“Is this where all the boys grew up?” I ask, hoping a change of subject is what they want.
They both nod.
Ashton laughs. “Yes. Marshall built this house before Dean was ever born. He loves to tell the story of how his dad was pissed at him for building so far from the town. The house closer in town was renovated into an office space for the realty group. Marshall will surely tell you how his dad ended up falling in love with this property and would come visit any chance he could, before he passed, because of the views.”
The comment makes me smile. “I love that. Marshall was onto something. It’s really beautiful here.”
“Wait until it snows. Having this view for Christmas is even more spectacular,” Hattie chimes in. Our steps fall in unison as we walk along the property. The tire swing is in the distance to the right. To our left is a doghouse with at least ten tennis balls sitting in front of it.
“Is it possible to have a white Christmas?” I ask excitedly, dreaming of actually seeing snow on Christmas Day for the first time.
Hattie and Ashton look at each other with wide smiles. “It’s almost always a white Christmas since we’re in the mountains,” Ashton responds.
Hattie excitedly grabs my arm and pulls me toward a door on the side of the house. “I’ve always been someone who loves Christmas, but oh my god, Liv, you just made me even more excited for you to have your first Sutten Christmas. It’s magic and will be here before we know it.”
I hadn’t thought about spending the holidays in Sutten. I knew I’d be here for Halloween because it’s only a couple of weeks away, but I hadn’t thought too far past that. I guess I hope I’ll still be here and things will still be running smoothly with Clara and Dean.
“You do plan on being here for the holidays, right?” Ashton asks, as if she can read my mind.
I shrug as we walk through a side door into the house. “I guess.”
I don’t really know how I feel. Now that they’ve asked, I would love to be here for Christmas, but that realization terrifies me. If I’m here until Christmas, it’s because I’ve fallen in love with the job and this town—and the people in it. It means I’m happy here, and being happy means I have something to lose.
I’ve never been truly happy somewhere. My life hasn’t always been good, and now with things lining up, I’m scared of how quickly that can change.
But I do still really want to be here. I want things to work out for me to see a white Christmas. To spend the holidays with this family. I’ll just have to deal with the uneasiness of finally having the potential of something I wouldn’t want to lose. Right now, I’ll try and focus on the good.
We walk into a laundry room. The array of different shoes lining the floor makes me smile. There are ones of all different sizes, showing that even though Shirley and Marshall’s kids are all grown up, this house is still full of love. I realize both Hattie and Ashton are still quiet, probably waiting for me to say more about Christmas. “I’ve never really done anything big for Christmas, so it’d be fun to be here for it.”
“So it’s settled. You won’t quit before the holidays, and you’ll get to experience the most magical time of year in the most magical place to live.” Hattie winks at me as she playfully lifts her shoulder in a shrug. “Not that I’m biased or anything.”
“People really seem to think I’ll quit. I don’t get it. Dean doesn’t seem that bad.”
Hattie and Ashton share a look. They both smile, but there’s also sadness in their eyes. I don’t know if it’s at the mention of Dean or if they’re still thinking about Selena. “Dean isn’t bad. He’s just…”
“Dean,” Ashton finishes Hattie’s thought. “The thing about him is you just have to give him grace. Every now and then, we get glimpses of the man he was before we lost Selena. He was carefree and happy with her around. Always a little quiet, but there was light in his eyes. After losing her, the light disappeared. It comes back every now and then, but a lot of the time, it’s hard for him to be even a shell of the person he used to be. He can seem cold and closed off at times, but I think it’s just because he’s terrified of ever allowing himself to be happy again.”
Her words make me stop in the middle of the laundry room. They both wait for me in the opening to a hallway, but I’m too busy still letting her words sink in to move. They make me sad. For Dean, for Clara, for everyone.
I give them both an encouraging smile, wanting to ease their minds that I have no plans of quitting anytime soon. “He’s been fine. I understand he’s been through a lot. Maybe he hasn’t always gone about it the right way with people, but after knowing Clara for only a short amount of time, I know she’s special. He’s just doing his best to give her what she deserves.”
Ashton nods. “Some of the nannies did suck. Or were weird, so I couldn’t blame him for some of the firings.”
This makes me laugh as I follow them down the hallway. There are pictures lining both walls. It seems busy but in the best possible way. Years of memories line each side, and if Hattie and Ashton weren’t busy leading me to other places in the house, I’d take a minute to stop and look at all the photos to get a glimpse of the Livingston family over the years.
“Okay, let’s continue the tour. I have so many questions I want to ask you to get to know you better,” Hattie states excitedly, grabbing my arm and pulling me down the hallway.
They spend the next hour showing me around, and even though it’s something as simple as a house tour, it’s so great to spend time with them. They asked questions, but they never seemed intrusive. Both Hattie and Ashton just seem genuinely interested in getting to know me.
I’m not used to people wanting to know anything about me. I thought I’d be uncomfortable sharing things about myself with people I only met today, but I actually enjoyed it. It’s refreshing to have people interested in the little nuances of my life.
By the time we meet up with the rest of the Livingston crew, Hattie and Ashton are already demanding we have a girls’ night one weekend soon.
It feels like for the first time in my life, I might be on the verge of having real friends. Between Hattie and Ashton and then Lexi and Pippa, I’m thrilled at the idea of Sutten not only bringing me a job and a safe place to live but real friends, too.
I didn’t used to want friends—now, I’m cautiously excited about making them.