27. Dean
27
DEAN
“I can’t believe all of this,” Liv says under her breath, grabbing another item of clothing from the clothing rack and adding it to the pile of clothes in my hands.
“Think some of these will work?” I ask her, curious to know her answer. If she adds much more to the stack in my hands, I’ll have to drop them off in the dressing room before everything overflows.
Liv looks at me from over the rack. I love the brightness in her eyes. How wide her smile is as she nods. “Yes,” she responds. She pulls another piece off the rack and inspects it. “I think so much of this will work. I can’t believe they have so many items with tags still on in my size. It’s like I’ve hit the jackpot.”
Ms. Beth laughs from her stool at the register. I glare at her for a moment, hoping Liv doesn’t notice, before looking back at her.
“Great,” I respond, my voice a little tight.
“I never thought such a small town would have such great thrift shopping,” she notes, placing yet another shirt in the pile in my hands. Her eyes meet mine before giving me an apologetic smile. “No offense.”
I can’t help but laugh. “None taken.”
Her shoulders drop a little with her sigh of relief. “I just thought it’d be hard to find unworn clothes. I was ready to find some vintage, well-loved pieces. Never did I expect so much new.”
“Really was your lucky day,” Ms. Beth pipes up from her counter again. I shoot another look her way. Normally, Ms. Beth minds her own business. I don’t know why she feels the need to make little comments.
Liv adds a pair of jeans and a jacket to my pile. “Okay, I think I’m ready to try some things on.”
“Dressing room is right back there,” Ms. Beth instructs, pointing to the small little area where a curtain hangs from a rod and can be pulled all the way around to create a makeshift dressing room.
I walk back there, carefully hanging the pieces Liv’s picked out before stepping out. She really did find a lot of items that are much better options for the upcoming winter months.
“I’ll wait out here while you try them on,” I tell her, trying not to focus on her beautiful smile. She’s radiant, and the joy on her face at something as simple as finding clothes at a thrift store gets to me. The longer I’m around her, and the more I earn the smile she’s giving me right now, the more I realize that the way I care about her is not the way a boss cares about his employee.
And that realization is incredibly dangerous.
“Sounds good to me,” Liv responds. She bounces on the balls of her feet a little as she begins to pull the curtain shut. “I’m so excited,” she says, her face hidden by the drawn curtain. I don’t have to see her face to know that smile is still on it.
I sigh, turning around and walking to rifle through a nearby rack of clothes to keep busy. I try to keep my thoughts from Liv, but that’s becoming harder and harder with each passing day.
It took me over a year until after Selena passed to agree to a date with a woman. It was someone who was visiting for a work event, and it was exactly what I needed. Something casual with no strings attached. I’ve had plenty of one-night stands and brief relationships since then that never amounted to anything. I didn’t want them to. I never wanted to care for someone again, but I was only human. I wanted to feel a connection with somebody else on a physical level.
I thought I was doing good at preventing myself from ever developing feelings. I believed I was doing a great job at keeping myself closed off and ensuring I’m never put in the place again to be hurt.
It turns out I just hadn’t met the right person yet. Unfortunately, I’m still very capable of caring about another woman. My broken heart healed enough to develop feelings again, and of course, of all the people in the world I could care about more than I should, it’s for my daughter’s nanny.
The irony isn’t lost on me. Of course I would get feelings for someone who’s been very up-front from the beginning that she hadn’t ever planned to stay in Sutten. She seems to have a past she doesn’t want to talk about, which I won’t force her to do. But fuck, with each passing day I spend with her, I think I want to be a part of her future.
“Did that shirt do something to you?” Ms. Beth calls from across the store.
I shake my head, realizing I’ve been staring at the same T-shirt this entire time. I was so lost in thought—or panic—at how much I’m starting to care about Liv that I hadn’t realized I was glaring at the shirt like it offended me.
Ms. Beth whistles. “You could’ve fooled me.”
I shake my head again and make my way to her. I don’t know how long it’ll take Liv to try on and decide what clothes she wants, so I go to chat with Ms. Beth. “I was just deep in thought,” I explain, resting my forearm against the counter.
Ms. Beth looks at me over the top of her glasses. She smiles as if she could read my thoughts.
“So, are you going to explain to me why you overnighted a bunch of brand-new clothes to the store and told me to pretend that someone just happened to bring them in to donate?”
My eyes go wide as I look over my shoulder to check and make sure Liv hasn’t heard.
I look back at Ms. Beth. “Keep your voice down,” I demand. If Liv knew I was the one who made sure she had an abundance of brand-new clothes to choose from here at Sutten Mountain Treasures, she’d never bring them home. She wouldn’t let me buy new clothes for her, but I wanted to make sure she got what she wanted.
I knew the selection of clothes would be lacking for the current season, so I had to get creative. She got the variety of weather-appropriate options like she deserves but doesn’t have to spend too much of her hard-earned money to get them.
Ms. Beth waves the air dismissively. She’s known me since I was in diapers and will not let me get away with bossing her around. “Please, Dean. She can’t hear me.”
I grunt, knowing she’s probably telling the truth but not wanting to risk it. Liv was so excited when she’d discovered the clothes I’d had overnighted to the store. The last thing I want to do is dull that smile if she were to find out who was behind the donation. “Can never be too careful,” I finally respond, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Mm-hm.”
Luckily, Liv saves me from having to further explain myself to Ms. Beth by opening the curtain and peeking her head out.
“Dean?” My name comes out more like a question. The uneasy tone to her voice has me pushing off the front counter and closing the distance to her.
“Yes?” I ask, a little worried by the way she stares at me wide-eyed.
“Can I have a little help?” she asks nervously. Her top teeth dig into her bottom lip as she continues to stare at me anxiously through the little hole in the curtain.
I clear my throat, realizing she needs me in there with her to assist in whatever she needs help with. “Yeah,” I respond, stepping into the makeshift dressing room.
Liv watches me cautiously. She gives me a timid smile as I try to figure out what she needs help with.
She looks down at the camel-colored sweater she wears. “I got this on just fine, but when I try to pull it off, it’s making sounds that scare me. I’m worried if I try to force it off by myself, I’m going to tear a seam or damage the delicate fabric. It might be stuck on my bra.”
My eyes travel over the sweater. It does appear to be cashmere or something similar that’s incredibly soft. I don’t notice any rips yet, but I can’t tell if it’s stuck to her bra or not.
“Think you can help?” she asks, her voice soft. We’re so close, and the small confines of this dressing room don’t help.
All I can do is nod. Even through the different scents that come with being inside a thrift store, the smell of her overpowers it all. She always smells like apple blossom and something else. Something fresh. Something that drives me wild every time she walks past me.
Now, I’m stuck in this room with her, with her wide, expectant, beautiful blue eyes staring up at me. I should be able to focus on helping her, but the proximity of our bodies goes to my head.
“I can see if maybe Ms. Beth will…” she offers, her words trailing off.
I shake my head, forcing myself to get it together. “No, I’ll help.”
I take a hesitant step forward. The tips of my boots almost kiss the toes of her own shoes. I can feel her breath against my chest as I look down, trying to figure out the best way to get the sweater off.
“I’m just going to lift slowly,” I tell her, my voice rough. I’ve done so well pushing my attraction to her to the back of my mind, but with her so close to me, it’s hard to remember why I wanted to fight it so badly.
She nods, her teeth still digging into her lip.
Fuck, I want to kiss her. I want to take her plump bottom lip between my own teeth and discover what she tastes like.
She about does me in when her tongue peeks out to wet the spot where her teeth just were.
“Go ahead.” Her words cut through my thoughts of leaning forward and pressing my lips to hers.
My eyes meet hers, and there’s a slight moment where I forget I’m supposed to be helping her get the sweater unsnagged, and I think her words were permission for me to kiss her.
Slowly, I reach down and place my hands on either side of her narrow waist. I gather the fabric in my hands, trying not to let my skin touch hers in the process.
My efforts are useless. The moment I start guiding the fabric up, my knuckles brush the soft skin of her abdomen.
Air hisses through my teeth at feeling her skin against mine. She sucks in a breath at the same time as me. I’ve barely moved the fabric up an inch, and all I want to do is rip it from her body and crash my lips against hers.
I lift another few inches, my knuckles trailing against her skin the entire time. She shivers, and I have to rip my eyes from hers before I do something incredibly unprofessional, like pin her against the dressing room mirror and kiss the hell out of her.
The room is silent. The only sound is that of our hurried breaths as I continue to carefully inch the fabric higher and higher. I need to just rip it and get the fuck out of here. Too much of her perfect pale skin is on display for me right now. It’s taking every ounce of restraint I have to keep my eyes pinned over her shoulder.
A few more inches and I know if I looked down, I’d be able to see the swell of her breasts. I’ve almost got the sweater lifted enough to see where it’s snagged. I hadn’t thought about what happens when we’re alone in here without her in a top.
“Almost got it,” I get out through gritted teeth. My jaw is locked so tight it hurts. It’s my way of trying to keep myself from doing something stupid. She doesn’t want me to kiss her. She just wants help not ruining the sweater.
I risk a glance down to see how close I am to being able to lift it all the way off. It’s a mistake. Her breasts threaten to spill over the top of her black lace bra.
Fuck fuck fuck.
In one fluid motion, I yank the sweater off her, not caring how rough I am to get it unstuck. I don’t know if it rips. I can’t hear over the crashing sound of blood rushing through my ears. The sweater drops to the ground as I tear through the closed curtains and rush to the store door.
I can’t meet Ms. Beth’s eyes as I press my fingers to the glass. “Have to take a work call,” I lie. “I’ll wait for Liv outside. Tell her to take as long as she needs.” I try to keep my voice composed, but I probably fail at it. I don’t have the mental capacity to come up with any further excuses or lies.
I shove the door open and welcome the feel of the rain against my skin. It can cleanse me of all the inappropriate thoughts I have about kissing my daughter’s nanny.