Chapter 19 #2
“But still...” I wrap gauze around his chest, trying to focus on the task instead of the way his skin feels under my hands. “You’re so strong. So fast.”
“There were too many of them,” he says, and there’s an odd inflection in his voice—almost like he’s trying to sound pitiable. “Overwhelmed me.”
I glance up at his face as I secure the bandage. Something doesn’t quite add up, but he’s hurt, and I’m grateful he’s alive.
“No one has ever worried about me before,” he says suddenly, our eyes meeting as his voice goes lower. “Or patched me up after a fight.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve always taken care of my own injuries.” He shrugs, but there’s something careful about the gesture. “I’ve never had anyone to worry about me the way you do.”
The quiet admission makes something crack open in my chest. “Well,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady as I stand up to clean a cut on his shoulder, “you have someone now.”
His hand catches my wrist, stopping my movements. “Do I?”
I look down at him, confused by the question. “What do you mean?”
“You seem indifferent to everything I do for you. I’m trying to take care of you, and you keep rejecting me. I’m starting to think you only want me for my body.”
I stare at him, my mouth falling open slightly. “Are you—are you seriously complaining that I want you for your body?”
A muscle ticks in his jaw. “Yes.”
“Most men would consider that a compliment,” I say, dabbing at the blood on his shoulder with perhaps more force than necessary.
“I’m not most men.” His grip on my other wrist tightens. “And you’re not most women.”
I pause in my ministrations, looking down at him with genuine confusion. “Lucian, I honestly don’t understand what you mean. How have I been rejecting you?”
“Every gift I give you, you thank me like I’m some stranger doing you a favor. You won’t let me buy you things, you won’t let me protect you without arguing, and you act like you don’t...” He trails off, frustration clear in his voice.
“Like I don’t what?”
“Like you don’t belong to me,” he says quietly, releasing my wrist. “Like you don’t have a right to be cared for.”
Surprise makes me drop the bandage I’m about to wrap around his shoulder. “I—I don’t know how to do that.”
His jaw tightens. “Then figure it out.”
I resume my work, but my movements are shaky now. “I thought I was being grateful. I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“I don’t want your gratitude, Astra. I want your trust.” His free hand comes up to cup my cheek as I bend over his wound. “I want you to stop looking shocked every time I come back. I want you to expect me to take care of you.”
“And what happens when you get tired of taking care of me?” The question slips out before I can stop it, my old fears resurfacing despite everything he’s saying.
His eyes flash fiercely. “You’re going to find out I’m not the man you think I am.”
I pause, studying his face. “What does that mean?”
“It means I will never tire of you.” His thumb traces my cheekbone. “And if you need me to prove it to you, I will.”
“How?” I whisper.
“I’ll mate you,” he says plainly. “Bond with you permanently. So you’ll never have to wonder if I’m going to leave you.”
The cloth falls from my fingers. “Mate me?”
“Bond with you. Forever.” He drops his hand to touch my lower lip, and I shiver. “So you’ll always know you belong to someone. So you’ll never have to worry about being abandoned.”
I stare at him, my heart hammering against my ribs. He wants to be my mate? The idea causes something hard inside me to melt, and the hope and desire that follow make my chest tighten.
“You’re hurt,” I whisper, picking up the fallen bandage with trembling fingers. “You’re not thinking clearly.”
“I’ve never thought more clearly in my life.” His hands frame my face as I try to focus on cleaning the cut on his forehead. “I want you, Astra. Not just for tonight, not just until something better comes along. Always.”
“Why?” The question comes out sounding broken and desperate as I dab at the wound. “Why me?”
“Because you’re you.” His voice takes on an almost reverent quality. “Because you’re brave and kind and beautiful and you make me want to be better than I am. Because when I look at you, I see home.”
Home. The word sends a dangerous flutter through my stomach.
“You’ve only known me for a month.” The words tumble out quickly, my voice breaking on them. “Why would you want to mate someone you don’t know very well?”
His thumb catches a tear on my cheek that I didn’t know had fallen. “I know everything I need to know.”
“That’s impossible.”
“I know you’re important to me.” His voice sounds raw, desperate.
“I know my wolf recognizes you as ours. I know that even when the world can’t see how intelligent you are, I do.
” His eyes burn into mine. “I know that you’re brave enough to face down four shifters to protect your cat.
I know you’d rather go hungry than accept help you think you don’t deserve. ”
My breath catches in my throat. “Lucian—”
“I know you cry in your sleep sometimes, and it makes me want to hunt down everyone who ever hurt you.” His hands hold my face tighter now, like I’m worth something to him.
“I know you taste like sunlight and hope, and when you smile—really smile—it’s like I’m watching the sun rise after the longest night. ”
Tears are streaming down my face at this point, and I can’t seem to stop them. “You don’t know me. Not really.”
“Then let me.” The words are fierce, possessive. “Let me learn every secret, every scar, every dream you’ve ever had. Let me spend the rest of my life figuring out how to make you happy.”
“And if you get bored?” The old fear rears its ugly head. “If you decide I’m not worth it?”
“I won’t get bored of you, Astra. Ever.” The corner of his mouth twitches upward. “But if you keep arguing with me, I’ll keep buying you gifts until you give in.”
Despite the tears, a laugh bubbles up from my chest—watery and broken, but real. “I don’t want you becoming penniless.”
“Say yes, then.” His thumb brushes across my lower lip, and fire races through my veins.
But the tender touch sobers me, too, reminding me of what he’s actually asking. To mate each other. Forever. The weight of it crashes over me, and the laughter dies as quickly as it came.
“Lucian, I...” I swallow hard, meeting his intense gaze. “Will you ever betray me?”
I watch his face carefully, looking for any flicker of hesitation, any shadow of doubt. Instead, he stands up, and his arms come around me, pulling me against his chest so I can feel his heartbeat, strong and steady beneath my ear.
“I will love you above everything else,” he says vehemently.
“I will put the whole world at your feet if that’s what it takes to keep you happy.
” His hand grips my hair to tilt my head back so he can look directly into my eyes.
“I will tear apart anyone who tries to hurt you, burn down kingdoms if they dare to threaten what’s mine. ”
My heart hammers against my ribs. “That’s not what I—”
“I only ask one thing in return.” His grip tightens, just enough to make me feel claimed, possessed. “Look only at me. Love only me. Promise me that whatever happens, whatever anyone else offers you, you’ll choose me.”
The intensity in his voice makes my knees weak. There’s something almost pleading beneath the command, like he’s terrified I might slip away.
“What if someone better comes along?” I ask, teasing him.
A feral look takes over his gaze. “There is no one better. And even if there were, you’re mine now. I don’t share.”
The possessiveness in his tone should probably scare me. Instead, it sends fire racing through my veins. After years of being unwanted, discarded, and used, the idea of being claimed so completely is intoxicating.
“Yours,” I breathe, and I see his pupils dilate.
“Say it again.”
“I’m yours.” The affirmation comes easier this time, and I see the way it affects him—the way his lips press together, the way his breathing becomes uneven.
“And I’m yours,” he says, leaning down until his lips barely brush mine. “Forever. No matter what happens, no matter who tries to take you from me, you belong to me, and I belong to you.”
“Promise me,” I whisper against his mouth.
“I promise.” He captures my lips in a kiss that steals my breath, desperate and demanding and full of everything he feels but can’t say. “Be my mate, Astra. Let me mark you, claim you, make you mine in every way that matters.”
I stare up at him, my heart pounding so hard I’m sure he can hear it. The idea terrifies me and thrills me in equal measure.
“Yes,” I whisper, and triumph flares in his blue eyes.
He kisses me again, harder this time, his hands gripping my hair. “Mine,” he growls against my lips.
“Yours,” I agree, feeling that wild and desperate thing inside me finally settle, like it has found its home.
When he pulls back, the way he looks at me makes my entire body flush with heat.
“I’m going to take very good care of you,” he promises, smoothing the hair away from my face.
“I’m counting on it,” I whisper back, confident that this is a man who will keep his word.
I’m sitting cross-legged on the rumpled sheets, wearing only Lucian’s shirt, carefully examining each item from the brown paper packages he brought me.
My skin still tingles from his touch, and I can feel his eyes on me as he lies propped up on one elbow beside me.
His injuries have almost completely healed, partly due to my care but mostly because of his own fast healing.
“Look at this,” I breathe, holding up a delicate mortar and pestle, no bigger than my palm.
“The glass is so fine, perfectly smooth. This will grind herbs without any grit getting into the mixture.” I trace the edge with my finger.
“And see how perfectly the pestle fits? No gaps where powders could get stuck.”
Lucian’s fingers trail along my bare thigh. “Mmm.”
I barely notice, too entranced by the next treasure.
“And this…” I pick up a set of small brass scales with tiny weights.
“These are perfectly balanced. I’ll be able to measure exact dosages with these.
” I test them gently, watching the mechanisms respond.
“Most herbalists just guess at measurements, but precision can make all the difference.”
His hand slides higher, and I feel his lips press against my shoulder. “Fascinating.”
“It really is!” I turn to beam at him, completely ignoring his heated look.
“With proper tools like these, I can make medicines that work consistently.” I turn back to my new possessions, lifting a collection of small glass bottles with cork stoppers.
“And these storage vials—they’ll keep everything fresh and properly labeled. ”
Lucian groans and flops onto his back dramatically. “You’re completely immune to seduction when you have equipment to examine, aren’t you?”
I glance over at him, taking in his disheveled hair and the way the sheet has slipped down to his waist. Heat flickers through me, but then I spot another package I haven’t opened yet.
“Just let me look at everything first,” I say, already reaching for it. “I promise I’ll pay attention to you after.”
He laughs—a rich, warm sound that makes my heart flutter. “I could watch you talk about this stuff all day long.”
I pause unwrapping the package, looking at him with surprise. “Really?”
“Really.” His expression grows tender. “I can get you jewels, Astra. Fine clothes, expensive perfumes. Anything you want.”
I furrow my brow at him. “What would I do with all that?”
“Most women like—”
“I much prefer these.” I gesture to the equipment spread around me. “They’re useful. They help people.” I pick up a small copper strainer with fine mesh. “This can help me make proper tinctures and extracts. What can a necklace do except sit there?”
The way he looks at me makes me feel warm inside. Like I’ve said something profound and not merely obvious.
A sharp knock at the door interrupts the moment. Lucian’s expression immediately shifts, becoming alert and vigilant.
“Stay here,” he murmurs, already reaching for his clothes.
I watch him quickly pull on his pants, admiring the play of muscles across his back before he opens the door just wide enough to slip out. I can hear muffled voices in the hallway but can’t make out the words.
When he returns a few minutes later, he’s fully dressed, and his face is grim.
“I have to go downstairs,” he says, buckling his sword belt. “The receptionist says there’s a man asking for me. Lock the door behind me.”
“Is everything alright?”
He leans down to kiss me hurriedly. “Just stay here until I get back. I won’t be long.”
After he leaves, I gather my equipment carefully and set it all on the small table, already planning how I’ll organize it. Luna stretches in the corner where she’s been sleeping and pads over to curl up next to me on the bed.
“Everything feels right in my world, Luna,” I sigh happily, scratching behind her ears. “For the first time in my life, everything is perfect.”
Luna purrs, her eyes drifting closed again. I’m just reaching for the willow bark to examine it more closely when another knock sounds at the door.
I frown. Lucian said he wouldn’t be long, but he wouldn’t knock, right? Maybe he forgot to bring the key.
I pull on my clothes quickly and move to the door. As I reach for the handle, Luna suddenly hisses—a low, warning sound that makes the hair on my arms stand up.
“What’s wrong, girl?” I whisper. She is backing away from me, her fur standing on end.
Confused but cautious, I crack the door open.
A man stands in the hallway—tall, pale, with cold eyes that seem to look right through me. There’s something wrong about him, something that makes me nervous even though I can’t pinpoint what it is.
“Can I help you?” I start to say, but before I can get the words out, his hand shoots up.
His fingers touch my forehead, ice cold against my skin, and everything goes dark.