15. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Finn
T he road dipped beneath us as I guided the truck toward my parent’s house. My hands flexed against the leather steering wheel, anxiety about how the next couple hours would go front and center in my mind. Tessa stared out the passenger window, thankfully oblivious to the apprehension I was experiencing on the drive to my childhood home.
When my mother called to “check in” the day before, she claimed she wanted to ensure I was planning to attend Sunday dinner. While many would have fallen for her carefully constructed rouse of nonchalance, decades of experiencing Ma’s particular brand of psychological warfare taught me otherwise. There was a reason my mother was so successful as a lawyer, and it had everything to do with her ability to extract information without anyone realizing what she’d done.
Knowing she’d find out soon enough, if she hadn’t already, I reluctantly admitted Tessa was staying with me. My attempts to explain why Tessa might not be comfortable around the animals we called family fell on deaf ears. Claiming I was being ridiculous, she told me in no uncertain terms that if I didn’t show up to dinner, houseguest in tow, she would bring family dinner to us. When she promised to ensure my brothers were on their best behavior, I relented.
After all these years, one truth I learned was to never underestimate Audrey Remington. If she said she would do something, you could take that to the fucking bank.
We pulled into the driveway leading to the solid white Greek Revival home my parents built shortly after I was born coming into view. The apprehension gnawing at my gut for the last twenty-four hours eased slightly at the familiarity of my childhood home
Tessa leaned forward in her seat as she took in the house where I grew up. Tall white columns supported the large, open front porch, while black shutters framed the windowpanes. The southern architecture was wholly out of place in the mountains of Montana, but when they decided to build a home on their land, my father insisted my mother design whatever she wanted. After being away from Alabama for several years, my mother chose a design that would guarantee she always had a little piece of home with her.
I exited the truck and made my way to Tessa’s door. As it swung wide, Tessa stepped down, her arms holding tight to the carrot cake.
Before we reached the front door, it flew open to reveal my youngest brother.
“Well, hello,” Beau drawled, his gaze moving up and down Tessa’s frame before turning his mischievous gaze on me. “Mama mentioned you were bringing someone. I assumed it was Roman, but I stand corrected.”
Beau leaned against the door, his hand gripping the top of the frame while he refocused his attention on Tessa. His lips curved into the charming grin that ensured he never went without female companionship.
Jealousy twisted in my gut as my brother checked out the woman who was quickly weaving her way into the fabric of my very existence. I narrowed my eyes at him, a low growl rumbling from my throat. Unwilling to tolerate his blatant perusal any longer, I charged forward, catching him off kilter and knocking him back into the house.
“Hey!” Beau yelled before he turned and sulked back toward the kitchen, but not before ensuring I saw the twinkle in his eye when he looked between Tessa and me. I gave him a slight shake of my head, to which he chuckled and disappeared around the corner.
Once the doorway was clear, I looked back at Tessa. Her eyes were wide, her full pink lips slightly agape.
“I apologize in advance for anything Beau says tonight. He never learned when to keep his mouth shut,” I said, ushering Tessa into the front hall.
Her mouth curved into a small smile while she walked inside carrying her contribution to the meal. I kicked off my boots on the rug and hung my coat in the closet. Tessa followed suit, a brief smile of gratitude gracing the lips that starred in all my recent fantasies.
Shaking off thoughts of her lips and the things I wanted to do to the woman they belonged to, my nose flared with a deep inhale as we made our way to the kitchen. Ahhh. Ma’s lasagna. It appeared she was pulling out all the stops for tonight’s dinner.
The door to the garage swung open. My father and Knox spilled into the room, still discussing the classic car they were restoring.
Mama finished pulling homemade garlic rolls from the oven. Noticing our arrival, she dropped her oven mitts on the counter and made her way to us. Opening her arms, she pulled me into a hug before doing the same to Tessa. Snagging the cake from Tessa’s grasp just in time to prevent it getting crushed in the embrace, I set the pan on the counter.
My mother’s affection caught Tessa off guard, or so I assumed based on the small squeak she let out as Ma’s arms closed around her.
Leaning back, Mama smiled up at Tessa. “I’m so glad you’re joinin’ us this evenin’, dear.” My mother leaned forward and whispered in Tessa’s ear. “I apologize in advance for anythin’ my boys say or do tonight. I promise, Jacob and I raised them better than that, but they seem to have inherited their father’s rebellious streak.”
I chuckled lightly. “Rebellious? Yes, I’m sure we got that from Dad.” All the men in the room chuckled at my mother’s assertion while her eyes narrowed at me. I stood my ground, slightly lifting one eyebrow, staunchly refusing to recant my statement.
Lightly shaking her head, my mother looked at the cake pan resting on the counter.
“What’s this?” Mama asked.
Faced with being the center of attention, Tessa began wringing her hands in the hem of her shirt. “It’s just carrot cake. I wanted to bring something to say thank you for inviting me.”
You would have thought Tessa gave my mother the fountain of youth based on the smile spreading across her face. “That was incredibly thoughtful of you, dear. Thank you. I love carrot cake, and it’s been quite some time since I had a good one.
“It was my mother’s recipe,” Tessa added, offering a brief smile before dropping her eyes to the floor.
Mama beamed at her before turning back to the kitchen to finish dinner. I noticed my brothers staring at Tessa, curiosity painted across their expressions.
Goddamnit. I knew this was a bad idea. The last time I brought a girl to Sunday dinner was back in high school. Somehow, I doubted they would behave better this time than they did twenty years ago.
Proving once again why she was the ringleader of the circus I called family, my mother’s voice rang out across the kitchen. “Boys, dinner’s ready. Take the food to the dinin’ room please.”
I shot Tessa an encouraging smile while my brothers and I descended on the serving dishes lined up on the counter. We made our way toward the dining room, and I nodded my head indicating Tessa should follow me.
“Go ahead and pick wherever you want to sit,” I murmured to Tessa as I set the two large bowls I was carrying on the table.
Tessa grabbed the chair next to Beau’s normal spot before she pulled it out and sat down. Never one to waste an opportunity, Beau pulled out his usual chair with a shit-eating grin on his face.
My hand clasped his shoulder, and I clenched down. Beau whipped around at the contact and tried to shrug out of my grasp.
“Dude, what’s your problem?” he asked.
“Pick another spot,” I ordered.
“But I always sit here,” he whined.
I stared him down, ensuring he knew I wasn’t fucking around. Finally getting the message, he shrugged out of my grasp after I loosened my grip before slinking around to take my usual spot.
I sat down in my new chair and turned to check on Tessa. Her wide-eyed stare bounced between me and Beau.
I opened my mouth to reassure her at the same time Knox cut in.
“He’ll be fine,” Knox said. “Beau never did learn to go with the flow the way the rest of us did. It’s something we’re still working on.”
A smirk spread across my face as I looked across the table at my brother. Beau’s normally happy features were drawn into a scowl while Knox took his seat beside him. Beau opened his mouth to defend himself, only to shut it when Mama bustled into the dining room. Our father trailed close behind, both taking their respective seats at either end of the table.
Looking around the table, Mama smiled. “Who wants to say grace?” Complete silence filled the room as everyone refused to volunteer.
“Fine,” she acquiesced. “I’ll say it this week.” Three surprised sets of eyes met as I looked at both of my brothers. Mama never let us off the hook. I should have known she had her own agenda.
“Dear Lord, thank you for the meal before us. Thank you for continuin’ to keep all my children safe and healthy. And thank you for bringin’ this beautiful dinner guest into our lives. I think she’s exactly what this family needs. Amen.”
My brothers snickered into their laps while I opened my eyes and glared at my mother. She grinned at me before picking up the dish in front of her and turning her attention to the woman beside me.
“Tessa, dear. I hear you’re goin’ to be workin’ at Theo’s bar. Are you lookin’ forward to spendin’ more time in our little town?”
Tessa took the dish my mother passed her. “Um, yes. I have a good amount of experience as a waitress, so hopefully I won’t disappoint him”
Mama patted Tessa’s hand in reassurance. “I’m sure you’ll do just fine, dear. Where is it you’re from exactly? Is your family back there?”
I noticed Tessa tense in my periphery at the line of questioning. Ever the brave girl I’d come to admire, she didn’t shy away from the questions. “I’m originally from L.A. I don’t have any siblings, and my parents passed away when I was in middle school.”
My mother set the dish she was about to pass on the table before she rested her hand on Tessa’s forearm.
“I’m sorry to hear about your parents,” Mama murmured with sincerity.
Tessa did her best to paste a grateful smile on her face. Eight days was nothing in the grand scheme of things, but it was enough time for me to know the difference between her real smiles and the ones she forced to hide her true feelings.
The desire to gently squeeze her thigh and ease what I knew was a painful subject for her hit me with a force that shocked the hell out of me. I wasn’t normally the kind of guy who thought that way.
Unsure if my touch would be welcome, I waited until her gaze met mine. I gave her what I hoped was an encouraging smile before turning my attention back to the food in front of me.
***
An hour later, my brothers and I rose to start clearing the table when the sound of the front door opening and closing reached us. Footsteps echoed through the hall right before Reagan entered the dining room. She walked directly over to my mother, placing an affectionate kiss on her cheek.
“Sorry I’m late,” Reagan apologized. “Work was a shit show, and I couldn’t get out on time.”
Knox stiffened when she entered the room, his eyes locked on the spirited redhead while she made her way to the other end of the table to give my father a hug.
“Not a problem, dear,” my mother assured as she pushed her chair back and stood. “I’m thrilled you made it. It’s been ages since you came to one of our family dinners. And you’re just in time for dessert. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable, and I’ll heat you up some leftovers while Finn and I plate dessert?”
Tessa’s confused eyes tracked Reagan before it met mine. I leaned over and whispered in her ear. “I asked Reagan to come to dinner to act as a buffer. I thought she might make you feel more comfortable, but she didn’t know if she’d get out of work on time. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”
I studied Tessa’s expression while an emotion I couldn’t name swirled behind her eyes. A loud throat clearing brought me out of my trance, and I looked across the room to see Beau’s shit-eating grin back on his face. The glare that seemed to be turning into a permanent feature around my youngest brother made another appearance before my gaze turned to Tessa when she moved to get up and bring the leftovers to the kitchen.
Lightly bumping her hand to stall her efforts, sparks of electricity shot up my arm while my lungs inhaled sharply at the contact. Tessa’s hand clenched tightly at my touch, and I berated myself for making her feel uncomfortable.
“We’ve got this. Go ahead and relax while we get dessert together,” I said as my eyes moved to Beau who settled back in his seat. “And if my brother gets out of line, just holler.”
“Oh, yes,” Beau mocked. “I’m sure the big bad Navy SEAL would love to put me in my place.”
With a grin, I clarified, “Nah, I’ll sick Ma on your ass. The big bad Navy SEAL won’t have to lift a finger.”
Knowing exactly what would happen if our mother found out he misbehaved in front of Tessa, the cocky look Beau wore slipped from his face before turning his attention to where Reagan was regaling the table with a story from work. Apparently, one of the local tourists was so drunk she tried to bite one of the police officers in the dick when they arrested her for disorderly conduct.
The table roared with laughter while I made my way into the kitchen where my mother returned from pulling vanilla ice cream out of the deep freezer.
Mama and I worked in silence as we plated the cake. I braced myself, knowing the suggestion I help her with dessert was anything but random.
Humming to herself while she puttered around the kitchen, I mentally cursed my mother’s knowledge of interrogation techniques. I began to suspect she was attempting to lull me into a false sense of security before she struck.
Flipping off the lid to the ice cream, she sighed. “I should have switched this to the kitchen freezer once I realized we’d need it to go with the cake. This is solid as a rock.” She turned toward me. “Be a dear and help me get a start on the dishes while we wait for it to thaw, would you?”
Knowing her request was anything but, I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt and got to work. Just as I was about to admit that maybe her request was a coincidence, she spoke.
“Tessa sure is a beautiful woman,” she said casually before she handed me the plate to dry. My father installed a dishwasher when they built the house, but she still insisted on doing the dishes by hand most days.
I cleared my throat and took the plate from her, refusing to acknowledge her comment. Never one to be ignored, she continued her campaign. “A woman with her looks and sweet disposition won’t be on the market long.”
My teeth ground together when my mother’s words hit their mark. I was well aware every single man in a fifty-mile radius would be sniffing at my door once they got a look at her. I forced myself to relax, reasoning she just got out of an abusive relationship and was unlikely to want to date anytime in the foreseeable future.
“In fact, I think she and Knox would be perfect for each other.”
My eyes closed as the glass I was holding cracked beneath my grip at my mother’s comment. Goddamnit, she just had to go there.
While Knox and I didn’t hold any animosity toward one another, growing up only a couple years apart meant he was everywhere my friends and I were. For him it meant living in my shadow. Needless to say, we got competitive a time or two over the years. My mother knew full well what she was doing by suggesting Tessa date Knox, and I was done with her meddling.
Knowing she made her point, my mother’s soft hands gently removed the cracked stemware from my grasp before clasping my large hand in both of hers.
“Finn, sweetheart,” she murmured.
Unwilling to face the emotions that would surface, I stubbornly kept my eyes closed.
Her grasp intensified, her small body managing to exert more force than a person of her stature should physically be able to as she turned me toward her.
“Finny,” she whispered.
The use of my childhood nickname was enough to pry open my eyes. I met her gaze and saw the same compassion and empathy I was lucky enough to experience growing up.
“Finny, sweetheart,” she said again before continuing. “I don’t know what happened to you while you were in the military, but I know it was somethin’ that left a mark on your soul so painful and dark it caused you to shut yourself away from the world.”
Her words scratched at doors I worked hard to keep locked over the past five years, and I started to pull away from her. Her strong grip managed to defy the laws of physics as she held me in place.
Knowing she wouldn’t let me go until she said her peace, I remained still and waited for her to make her point.
“I understand you don’t want to tell me about what happened, and that’s fine, but no matter how old you get, you will always be my baby. You’ll understand what that means one day when you have your own children,” she said, and I managed to hold back a scoff. The fact she still held out hope I’d give her grandkids one day was comical.
“And it’s precisely because I’ve known you your entire life that I can say with confidence, you have never looked at a woman the way you look at Tessa.”
I turned away, unable to face the truth in her observation. From the moment she came into my life, something drew me to Tessa in a way I couldn’t explain. But even if I was a different man, one capable of giving her what she needed, she had demons of her own she hadn’t even begun to tackle. I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the hypocrite who forced someone to deal with issues when they weren’t ready.
“I know you’re denyin’ your feelings to yourself right now,” she said, her uncanny ability to see inside my head causing an uncomfortable shiver to shoot down my spine. “And that’s fine for the moment. But what I said before was true, Finn. The men around here are goin’ to descend like the wolves they are. If you don’t take steps to prevent it, you won’t have a chance with her when you’re finally ready.”
I opened my mouth to refute her, but she beat me to it. “I’m not askin’ you to marry her, or even confess your feelings. I’m just askin’ you to look deep inside yourself and see if there might be a place in your life for a true partner. Someone who will be there for you the way your father and I are for each other.”
With her final statement, Mama leaned forward on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek before moving to add ice cream to everyone’s plates.
I walked across the kitchen to help her, my mind spinning while I thought about what my mother said. As much as I hated to admit it, she wasn’t off base. Despite my best efforts, I did look at Tessa in a way I had never looked at another woman. And no matter how hard I tried to deny it, something inside my soul was almost…lighter since her appearance in my life. The demons that haunted me for the last several years were still there, but the snapping of their teeth as they chased me down was quieter since I pulled Tessa out of her sedan.
Allowing my mind to wander, I imagined a world in which I didn’t live in my house completely alone. While she was staying with me for the time being, it wasn’t the same thing as her really living there. Not to mention, there was no one better on the planet to protect her from the man she was on the run from than me. Between my training and access to resources, she’d never have to worry about that asshole hurting her again.
Mama finished scooping the ice cream and headed toward the garage to put it back in the freezer.
Leaning back against the counter, my pulse increased as I considered letting a woman into my life. Cooking for someone else, considering their needs when making plans, thinking about something other than the pain in the quiet hours right before the sun rose. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that I might be capable of it. But not with just any woman. If I was going to take this step, it would have to be with Tessa.
Knowing any shot at a relationship with Tessa would require time for her to heal, I resolved to sleep on the thoughts swirling in my head.
I picked up two plates before turning to head to the dining room, stopping when Dad entered the kitchen carrying the bottle of whiskey he retrieved from his study.
“Where’s your mother?” he asked while he looked around the room, a slight gleam in his eye I tried not to think about. I nodded toward the garage door, and he promptly hurried after her.
Alone once more, I headed toward the dining room. As I reached the threshold, Tessa’s voice carried through the doorway. I came to an abrupt stop, and my spine stiffened when the conversation reached me.
“Please, no one would ever believe Finn and I were together,” Tessa said, causing the warm feeling I was experiencing only moments ago to wash away like the outgoing tide.
“And why the hell not? You’re tall, gorgeous, and have a rack most women would kill for. He’d be lucky to worship at your feet,” Reagan retorted.
“I appreciate that Reagan, but come on. Finn and I couldn’t be more different if we tried,” Tessa countered while I felt something icy wrap around my heart and squeeze.
“I got news for you, Tessa. Some men like knowing the women we’re with aren’t going to snap like a twig when we make them see God.” Beau’s voice broke through the abyss I was falling into, his words stoking the anger inside as my fingers gripped the plates a little too hard.
“Thinking a little highly of yourself there, aren’t you baby Remington?” Reagan teased.
I swallowed past the lump in my throat before the door to the garage banged open behind me. My now slightly disheveled looking parents made their way back inside, Mama wiping the smudged lipstick away from her skin as she headed toward the dining room. Realizing that I was eavesdropping, she gave me a disapproving look.
Tuning out the conversation, the hopeful feeling that had started to take root slowly withered and died. I mentally berated myself for thinking a woman like Tessa would ever stoop to being with someone as damaged as I was. It was time to accept, once and for all, that I was meant to be alone. There was no such thing as absolution for someone like me.