40. Chapter 40
Chapter 40
Finn
T errified I wouldn’t make it home in time, I barreled up the driveway in my truck, gravel spitting from beneath the tires. After Reagan’s phone call, I apologized to Mr. Anderson, telling him there was an emergency before hauling ass out the door. The older man rushed me out of the store, telling me not to worry and to reschedule when I could.
That was one of the things I loved about Absolution. No matter what happened, when the chips were down, we banded together. It didn’t matter I was practically the town recluse and hadn’t participated in a town event in years, I was still one of their own, and that meant they had my back, no questions asked.
By the time I got to my truck, my heart was pounding while my mind spiraled, images of what would happen if Tessa was gone before I arrived bombarding me. I peeled out of the parking lot, earning dirty looks from several of the ladies in town. I was sure I’d receive a lovely phone call from my mother about it later, but at this point, I didn’t give a fuck.
I flew down the highway, shattering every speed limit as I weaved my way up the mountain. As irritating as the long drive was, I was also grateful because it meant it would take Tessa longer to get out of town, giving me a better chance at intercepting her.
Gripping the leather of the steering wheel so tight a faint creaking noise emitted from the cowhide, I frantically tried to come up with ideas of what I could say or do to change her mind. While I was more than ready to tell her I loved her, I knew there were other factors contributing to her decision to flee. Her ex was one, my ex was potentially another.
My thoughts drifted to what Jessica must have said to Tessa. Regardless, I was done playing nice with that woman. She hid who she truly was from me back in high school, but there was no chance in hell I would slink back into her bed, especially not after discovering the kind of once-in-a-lifetime love my parents shared. Once I ensured Tessa wasn’t going anywhere, I’d make sure Jessica knew exactly where we stood, and what would happen if she ever came near my woman again.
I knew firsthand how vicious Jessica could be, but one question continued to nag at me – why the hell did her special brand of hate trigger this reaction from Tessa? Did I not show and tell her night after night how special she was? How different she was from other women?
Reflecting over the last four months, I shook my head at myself. For someone who prided himself on being able to read people, I sure did a shit job of it with Tessa. The urge to kick my own ass became overwhelming. What she needed from me was love, and while I did everything I could to show her, it wasn’t the same as saying the actual words.
I wanted my declaration of love to be special, a moment she would never forget – not blurted out over dinner or in the heat of the moment.
But now I might have run out of time to tell her.
She couldn’t leave. I wouldn’t survive it.
I pulled up to the house, slamming on the brakes. A sweet kiss of relief rushed through me when I saw her car parked in the driveway. Closing my eyes, I sent up a prayer of thanks to anyone listening that she hadn’t left yet.
Flying from my truck, I slammed the door and hurried into the house. Luka whined as he brushed up against me, his normally calm and happy demeanor replaced with the agitated pup before me.
“I know, boy. I know. I’m going to fix it.”
Seeing no sign of her in the kitchen or living room, I lengthened my stride down the hallway. The voice of reason continued to try and break through as I moved down the hall. Maybe this was all an overreaction on Reagan’s part. Maybe Tessa just didn’t want to stay and chat after the confrontation with Jessica.
That voice was quickly squashed once I reached the doorway to her room. The invisible fist closed around my heart and squeezed again when I looked inside. Tessa’s dark hair was pulled into a messy bun on the top of her head, one hand wiping away tears while the other threw items into her bag. I stood there for several moments, watching her fall apart in front of me. Ultimately reaching my own breaking point, I slowly entered the room.
“Tessa?” I murmured.
She froze at the sound of my voice, her eyes closing as her chin dropped to her chest.
“Tessa,” I tried again. “What’s wrong, Mo Chridhe ?”
Silence stretched between us before she finally spoke. “I can’t, Finn,” she whimpered.
Easing into the room, I made my way to her. She continued to wipe tears from her face, refusing to acknowledge my proximity. Reaching for her, I ran my hands down her arms, the contact causing her to hunch over as heaving sobs wracked her body.
Turning her in my arms, I pulled her close and sent up another prayer of gratitude when she didn’t resist. Tessa buried her face in my chest, soaking my shirt with her tears.
I knew this fight was far from over, but the relief of having her in my arms was instantaneous. This was where she belonged. So long as I drew breath, Tessa belonged in my arms.
Holding her while she sobbed, I ran my hand up and down her back. I pressed my lips to the top of her head, inhaling the soft scent of her shampoo. It was such a small thing, but at some point, I started to associate the scent with home.
Eventually, Tessa’s sobs quieted to sniffles. She pulled away and looked up with red, puffy eyes. I knew in my soul that if she left, she would take the person I had become with her. The lightness I felt since she crashed into my life would be gone. The love and happiness I’d become accustomed to would disappear. The future I just began to imagine would cease to exist.
“ Mo Chridhe ,” I whispered. “What’s going on?”
The question yanked Tessa from her misery. Pulling herself from my arms, she turned around and resumed stuffing things into the duffel. “I have to go,” she said.
I decided to play dumb. “Okay, where are we going?”
She momentarily paused before hurling things into the bag with so much force I worried she would pull a muscle. When she spoke, the anger her movements conveyed was missing from her voice. Instead, her sorrow showed through. “Not we , Finn. Me . I’m leaving Absolution.”
I stood there, feeling helpless while I watched the love of my life prepare to walk away. I conjured a list of arguments about why she should stay, but when I opened my mouth, only one thing came out. “Why?” My voice croaked, my brokenness evident.
Inhaling deeply, Tessa refused to turn around and look at me. “It’s for the best. You’ll see that one day.”
I laughed sardonically at her statement. This was for the best? Was she fucking kidding me?
Pressing myself against her back, I stilled her hands as I rested my own on top of them. I wanted to shake some goddamn sense into this woman. “How can you say that?” I choked out.
Tessa hung her head, letting go of the shirt she was holding. “I’m just,” she started before pausing. “I’m just not who you should be with.”
I stood there, stunned to the core of my being. Not who I should be with? She was everything I never knew I needed.
“Baby, turn around and look at me,” I whispered against her ear, my lips pressing on the area I knew made her weak in the knees. She shook her head, stubbornly refusing to obey my request and effectively dislodging me from her sweet spot. Her breath hitched when I trailed my lips down the side of her neck. “Who, exactly, do you think I should be with?” I asked, pressing a soft kiss against the rapidly fluttering pulse in her neck. “Hmmmm?” I prodded when she refused to answer.
“You should be with someone who can offer you the kind of life you deserve. The kind of things I can’t.
The despair in her voice froze me in my tracks. What the hell did she mean by that? I didn’t have to wait long for her to elaborate.
“You deserve to be with someone who can give you a family, Finn. You deserve someone who doesn’t come with a past that could get you and everyone you love killed. You deserve someone who brings as much to the relationship as you do, and I…I have nothing , Finn.” Utter defeat hung from her posture.
“Are you kidding me?” I asked, completely and utterly baffled. “Tessa, you bring you to this relationship.” She shook her head at my declaration, but I pressed on. “ You are irreplaceable, Tessa.” I pressed my palm against her sternum, feeling her heart pound. “Your love, your kindness, your generosity of spirit, and your heart. Those are the things that matter, Tessa.”
She shook her head again and pulled away from me. Refusing to accept this was it, my voice cracked when I spoke my inner thought aloud. “This can’t be the end.”
Tessa spun, her hands landing on my chest before she attempted to shove me away. Her tear-filled eyes sparked with anger. “Why? Because you said so? Newsflash, not everything is in your control.”
Relief filled me as the passionate woman I adored burst through her fear, followed closely by the urge to laugh. Not everything was in my control? Boy did I fucking know that better than anyone.
“No, not because I said so.” I brought my hands up to cradle her face. Her anger dissipated, and she pressed her face against my palm, the instinctual response to lean into my touch so engrained before she caught herself and pulled back.
“Then why?” she demanded, her anger flaring back to life. Recognizing that her anger made it easier to push me away, I refused to let her. Besides, two could play at that game.
“Why?” I demanded as I backed her up against the edge of the bed. “ Why ?” I asked again, outrage that she would even consider giving up on us igniting. “Because I’ve never felt anything like this before…and neither have you,” I said, daring her to lie to me and tell me I was wrong. We may not have said the words, but I knew with everything in me that what we had was once in a lifetime.
I watched my statement hit its mark, an array of emotions raging behind her eyes. Good. If this wasn’t as easy as she making it out to be, then maybe I had a fighting chance. I watched her war with conflicting emotions before her irritation finally won out.
“That’s awfully presumptuous of you to assume,” she replied, her attempt to sound indignant failing.
“Tell me I’m wrong then,” I demanded, closing the gap between us.
She swallowed hard. “I mean…I, I,” she stammered.
I resisted the urge to pump my fist in the air at her inability to deny it. “Exactly,” I said, my voice hard. “You can’t say it, because it would be a lie.” Pulling her flush against my body, I brushed a few strands of hair away from her face. “Do you honestly think you can walk away from this? From what we have?” My voice softened when I spoke, my desperation to make her see reason taking over.
Her eyes filled with tears while she stared up at me, her lower lip trembling.
“ Mo Chridhe,” I said, begging her to hear my truth. “I wasn’t living before you crashed into my life, and from everything you’ve told me, neither were you.” Tessa’s eyes squeezed shut, the action causing her tears to escape. “Did you ever figure out what it means?”
Her eyes opened, the question there apparent. “ Mo Chridhe ,” I clarified. “Did you ever look it up?”
Tessa slowly shook her head, her confusion still obvious.
“It literally means ‘my heart,’ Tessa,” I confessed. “I call you my heart because I love you more than life itself.”
Tessa stared at me, shock evident on her face. Fuck, did I really do that piss poor of a job showing her how I felt? I grazed my thumb up and down, caressing her cheek and wiping away the tears continuing to fall.
“But,” she paused and took a steadying breath. “But you’ve been calling me that since our second date.”
I locked eyes with her, needing her to see the truth. “Yes, Tessa. I have.” I brushed a feather-light kiss against her lips. “You deserve so much more than what life has offered you, Mo Chridhe . I understand better than most that I’m flawed, but I love you with a ferocity I didn’t know was possible. I know you’re terrified Daniel will find you, but I promise you, here and now, so long as there is breath in my lungs, he will never lay a hand on you.”
Tessa’s lower lip began to tremble. I swiped my thumb across her cheek and prepared to lay it all on the line for this woman.
“You are safe here, Tessa, but more than that, you are loved. Truly, madly, deeply, passionately loved beyond all measure. You have a family here. You have the opportunity to build a life. There is not a single thing on the planet I would not sacrifice to give you whatever your heart desires. You want a baby? I will find a way to give that to you. You want to visit every country? Done. You want to go to art school for photography? You got it. You want a different house? I will start on it tomorrow. You need to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Daniel will never be a problem for you again? I will find a way to make it happen.”
Tessa’s eyes searched mine. My stomach sank when she slowly shook her head. “Finn, I can’t…I don’t,” she stammered before burying her face in my chest, her hands gripping my shirt so tightly her knuckles turned white.
Wrapping her in my embrace, I rubbed my hand up and down her back. “The point I’m trying to make is that there is nothing I wouldn’t do, nothing I wouldn’t give up to make sure you are happy and safe. There is no one on the planet who could ever give more, sacrifice more to give you everything you want and deserve than the man who is standing in front of you, begging you not to run.”
Knowing this was my one and only shot, I flayed myself wide and laid myself bare. “I have lost more in my life than I can count, and I’ve made peace with going to hell when I die. But I know losing you would be more devastating than an eternity spent swimming in the lake of fire. It would be the one thing I could never recover from.” I clung to the feel of her body still pressed tightly against mine. “When I took you to the meadow, I told you it seemed fitting we were having our first date in the same place my parents had theirs, and you asked me why. Do you remember that?”
Tessa nodded.
“I didn’t tell you at the time because I was afraid it was too much too soon, but the reason I said that was because my dad knew my mom was The One on their very first date.” I swallowed hard. “And so did I.”
A silent battle raged behind her eyes. I saw all of it. The doubt I could mean what I was saying. The hope I did. The fear this could fall apart despite our best efforts. Her voice was mangled when she spoke. “But what if he hurts you?”
I paused, trying to wrap my mind around what she meant. “Daniel?”
She nodded her confirmation, and I huffed.
“Tessa, I used to kill terrorists. I’m not afraid of you ex.”
My attempt at levity fell flat, the fear in her eyes nearly bringing me to my knees.
“You don’t know him, Finn,” Tessa croaked. “He’s ruthless, and the longer I’m gone, the angrier he’ll get. If he discovers I didn’t just leave him, but that I found happiness with another man, I can’t fathom what he’ll do in his quest for revenge.”
Her whole body sagged, and for the first time I saw how much this weighed on her. Fuck, she was brave.
Knowing my reassurances would only go so far in quelling fears that took root years before fate dropped her into my lap, I told her the truth. “Tessa, I know exactly who your ex is. He’s a coward who hides behind his money and his company to make him feel like a powerful man. The difference between him and me is that while he spent his life sitting in an ivory tower, treating people like chess pieces, I’ve spent a third of mine in the trenches, learning how far a person will go to protect what matters most. I own one of the most successful and connected security companies in the country. I have access to resources most civilians couldn’t even dream of, let alone get their hands on, and I will not hesitate to use every single one to guarantee you never have to look over your shoulder again.”
I gentled the hardened edge that crept into my voice when I spoke. “But to do that, to protect you, I have to be with you, Tessa. So, if you’re hell bent on running, then I’ll run with you.” Her jaw slackened at my statement. “But I think we have a better chance at success if we stay in Absolution.”
Allowing her time to decide, I ran my fingers through her hair, pulling away the strands stuck to the tears left behind on her face. Indecision warred in her eyes before determination settled across her expression.
“So, what do you think, Mo Chridhe ? Will you give me a chance? Will you give us a chance? I promise there is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe.”
Her lips parted, a broken whisper escaping her lips. “I’m sorry, Finn.”
That invisible fist around my heart threatened to obliterate the stupid organ. Fuck, after everything I said, after all my confessions, she was still going to leave me.
A sob broke free from her chest. “I’m sorry I was going to run. I swear I didn’t want to.” The fist loosened as hope began to unfurl within me. She hiccupped. “I love you too, Finn.” Bobbing her head, she finally said words that allowed me to breathe easy for the first time in hours. “I’ll stay.”
“ Thank. Fuck ,” I murmured. Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her flush against my body before crashing my mouth against hers.