CHAPTER SEVEN
MATTI
It’s surreal, standing here with her, reliving this moment.
No, surreal isn’t the word. Because it doesn’t feel strange or unbelievable.
It feels more real than the heart thundering inside my chest. More tangible than the earth at my feet.
And more natural than the air moving through me with every breath in and out.
“I think maybe we’ve discovered time travel,” I whisper, gently moving against her, guiding her arms to drape over my neck before I wrap mine around her back, holding her to me as we start to sway in a slow dance to the fire’s music, same as we did that night.
“I think you’d look younger if we had,” she teases, though her face stays serious. “Will you sing for me?”
I rest my head against hers and close my eyes.
Feeling her this close to me, her soft skin against mine, the sweet scent of her rose shampoo slowly intoxicating me with every inhale, and the familiar ways she moves like she’s a part of me, it’s almost more than I can bear.
I know I agreed to go along with this but reliving this night will only go so far before reliving the past and altering the future will begin to overlap.
At the end of our first first date, we kissed.
And maybe we were just two foolish kids sharing a tender first kiss, but it was a kiss so intense we both believed at fourteen it had sealed our fate for eternal love.
If we allow tonight to follow that same path, if we reach that same destination, the very moment I felt I had only two choices, kiss the girl or let my heart burst from sheer anticipation, I can’t say I won’t choose the same way I did back then.
But if I kiss her here tonight, what will it mean for us tomorrow?
“You really want me to sing?”
Her head moves up and down, making her hair brush back and forth across my jaw. “You haven’t forgotten the song, have you?”
Never. I wrote it specifically for her. It may well be the best damn song I’ve ever written, but it’s one I’ve never recorded, never played on stage, never sung for anyone else but her.
Now, darlin’ let me sing to you the words I cannot say
‘cause you need to know, what I feel for you, girl, it’s here to stay
I place one hand her on lower back and use the other to seek out her palm until it’s resting in mine. Then, gently, we start to dance again.
You might call me crazy, you might call me ‘fool’
But you gotta know it’s real, darlin’ everything I feel is true.
Baby, you’re my first thought, every single morning
And once I think that first thought of you girl, yeah, they just keep on comin’
Like how you make me laugh out, laugh so damn hard now
Then your words they spin my mind, make me wonder all the time
Loving you’s the stars and the moon and the sun
Darlin’, you’re the one
Darlin’ won’t you dance with me, let me hold you in my arms
So that you might find, whirring in your mind, all that I already know
Fate don’t come ‘round often, but I think this might be it.
Now babe your heart’s not telling lies, feel your hand inside of mine, yeah, it’s a perfect fit.
Baby, you’re my first thought, every single morning
And once I think that first thought of you girl, yeah, they just keep on comin’
How your eyes are like the blue sea, deep pools of mystery,
Got a smile that shines a light, if it’s day or if it’s night
Loving you’s the stars and the moon and the sun
Darlin’, you’re the one
First thought, first kiss, first love, girl I swear it’s fate
Baby, you’re my first thought, every single morning
And once I think that first thought of you girl, yeah, they just keep on comin’
How your heart is so wide open, always lovin’
Don’t got no fear in you at all, if you leap or if you fall
Loving you’s the stars and the moon and the sun
Darlin’, you’re the one
Baby, you’re my first thought, every single morning
And once I think that first thought of you girl, yeah, they just keep on comin’
Like how you make me laugh out, laugh so damn hard now
Then your words they spin my mind, make me wonder all the time
Loving you’s the stars and the moon and the sun
Darlin’, you’re the one
Baby, you’re my first thought
Every single morning.
By the end of our song, we’ve slow-danced our way all the way around the fire.
I don’t know if we did it intentionally or if it was just the natural flow of things, same as it was the first time around, but as we’re busy recreating the original, it’s fitting we wound up encircling the flames with a smoldering heat of our own.
And there’s definitely heat. Ness can put as much distance between us as she wants, the pull between us will always bring her back, and the spark that lives inside us will always come back to a roaring flame when she does.
“I really believed you, you know,” she whispers, head resting on my shoulder, arms wrapped around me tightly. “Every word of that song. I believed it.”
“So did I.” I still do. She needs to know it. I don’t care if she’s still confused about us. There’s no way she’s wanting to move on when she’s here so willing to go back in time with me.
“Nessa – “
Her head pops up, and instantly I see it in her eyes, she knows what I’m about to say.
Then she opens her mouth before I have a chance to go on, “We should have brought marshmallows.” And changes the subject. Intentionally.
“What?” I shake off the sting of having been shut down before I even got the words out.
Whatever her reasons are, I’m not giving up yet.
“Why marshmallows? We didn’t have any marshmallows on our first date.
” To be perfectly honest, I had planned to bring marshmallows that night, but my nerves turned my brain to shit, and I forgot them.
But Nessa never knew that.
She steps out of our embrace and shrugs. “Just seems like the night calls for s’mores, that’s all.” She turns her head, facing the fire instead of me. “Nate would be harassing the shit out of us right about now if he were here.”
“You made fire without marshmallows?” I mimic my son, perhaps with a bit of extra flair. “What’s even the point? You might as well have asked us to come and sit around a ring of rocks just to stare at the dirt and sticks inside.”
She laughs, then quickly covers her mouth looking guilty. “I’m sure there’s some parenting rule against mocking your children.”
“Yes.” I nod. “It’s don’t mock your children.
Where they can hear you.” Because that could just come across as mean.
“Unless they have a good sense of humor.” Which ours do.
Nate would have been the first to laugh at my impression of him.
And the loudest. And then he would have circled back around to how pointless a fire is without marshmallows.
“Speaking of mockery and humor,” she says with a sudden smirk. “Isobel does a wicked impression of you these days. Have you seen it?"
"No!" I can't believe she’s holding out on me. “Why wouldn’t she show me?” I give Ness a nod. “You do it. I know she’s probably done it for you a hundred times. Especially if it made you laugh. Then it was probably more like a thousand.”
Her grin only grows wider. Which means I’m right.
“Go ahead. Let’s see it.”
She bites her lip, taking a few steps back as if she needs the extra space to warm up and get into character or something. “You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
She takes a deep breath and lets it out nice and slow. The build-up here is really over the top.
“Alright. Here goes.” She closes her eyes like she’s reaching deep inside to channel her inner version of me. It can’t be that fucking hard to copy me. She’s only spent the bulk of her life getting to know who I am and how I act in every possible scenario.
I’m about to tell her to get on with it when her eyes pop open and she flips her head down, sending her wild blond hair flying before she flips back up, keeping the motion going like she’s a fucking headbanger or some shit.
Or, apparently, me. Because now I notice she’s also playing an ‘air bass’.
“Real fucking funny.” I run my hand through my hair, sweeping it back. It’s not quite as long as hers. But only because I just got it cut two weeks ago. Before that, it was longer.
She tries to stop her head-flinging cold turkey but ends up stumbling, probably dizzy from the motion.
“I’ve got you,” I laugh, catching her by the arm to steady her.
She giggles. I swear this flashback to our past is getting to me. She sounds just like she did when we were fourteen.
“Matti?”
“Yeah?”
“I think it’s time we climb a tree.”
I tilt my head back staring up into the limbs overhead. Then I dip my head back down to meet her eye to eye. “The only reason we climbed a tree last time, is because someone was feeling so wild and free, they accidentally threw their bracelet into the high branches while dancing around.”
Her hand moves to her collarbone. “You know that stone pendant I always wear?”
“Yeah.” She’s not wearing it now.
“I had it on before I did my Matti impression.” She grins awkwardly.
I shake my head, laughing. “Well, at least we’re keeping things authentic.
” I reach into my pocket to retrieve my phone.
A flashlight would have come in handy way back when.
But cell phones weren’t the new Swiss Army Knife yet, and a real flashlight would never have fit in my pocket, so we went without.
“Any idea which way you might have flung it?” I ask, starting to shine my light into the surrounding trees and brush.
“Straight up, I think,” she points to where she’s saying. “I thought I felt something get caught in my hair, but I figured it just snagged on a branch or something.
Shockingly, I am able to locate her necklace. Less shocking, it’s way out of reach.
“I don’t suppose you’ll stay down here while I climb up and get it?”
“Nope.” She didn’t last time either.
“Maybe you want to just go ahead, and I’ll wait on the ground,” I offer. “That way if you fall, I can go get help.”
“Um, no. Staying on the ground means you catch me if I fall.”