Chasing Dreams, Losing Her.

Chapter 4-Drunk Words with suspense

Instead of taking an elevator, and take a rest at my room. I wandered to the garden, hoping to kill some time and find a moment of peace.

The air was thick, but even the fragrant air couldn't lift my spirits.

I settled onto a wrought-iron bench, its cold surface a stark contrast to the humid night.

I sat there, trying to focus on nothing.

The rustling leaves, the distant hum of the city but my heart ached with a dull, persistent pain.

This trip was supposed to be fun, a welcome escape. But why did this place feel like it was amplifying my pain, magnifying every doubt and regret? The garden, with its manicured hedges and carefully arranged flowerbeds, felt almost mocking in its perfection.

It was as if the beauty of the place was a constant reminder of the joy I couldn't seem to grasp.

"C'mon, you gotta be kidding me!. What is wrong with you?" I heard a man's voice from afar.

"Wait, what's going on? you lied to me, you told me it was just going to be your family.

What are all these people doing here? And.

.. this isn't the right place, is it? This isn't where we planned to go.

I'm so confused. And you're asking what is wrong with me?

? What is wrong with you!" Suddenly I heard the voice of the woman, it wasn't loud. But enough for me to hear.

"What's the big deal?? I know you wouldn't say yes to this, so I had to lie about it." A man explained.

"I have work tomorrow early in the morning, and you brought me here. You introduced me to those people I don't even know, without letting me know. We have talked about this, didn't we?!"

"I am sorry! I'm sorry, okay??! I just thought it would be make you happy."

"How!? are you even thinking?"

"I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you tomorrow, Hon."

"Leave me alone."

"But-"

"Now!"

That's all I heard, I think the man already left. That was an intense show, isn't it?

Dito pa talaga sila nag drama, p'wede naman sa loob na lang. They just interrupted my peace, now I'm annoyed.

Ignoring those two, I pushed myself up from the bench. I needed to rest. Today had taken its toll, and my body was screaming for relief.

One step at a time, I tried to make my way back inside, but my steps were unsteady, weaving back and forth. I knew I was drunk, but I was determined to make it back inside.

"you can do it Zarya, walk straight... walk straight.... Oppssss" I mumbled as I'm tracing my way back.

I was doing my best to walk straight, to not completely eat it right there in the garden.

But my vision was all messed up - everything was blurry and swaying.

Even the flowers and leaves seemed to be dancing, the sand shimmering like water.

.. and was that the moon doing loop-de-loops?

"ooppsss, I'm sorryyy" I mumbled something, my feet tangling as I bumped into a woman who was equally oblivious.

"Look of where you're going." She firmly said.

As soon as I heard those words, I turned to her, my eyes searching hers for any sign of regret. Letting her see the shock, the disbelief, the simmering anger that was now rising within me.

But her eyes... when I looked into them, I was anchored, a ship caught in a sudden, inescapable storm. They were sharp, cold, and utterly devoid of warmth. That's when I knew, with chilling certainty. It was her.

The moment our eyes met, the alcohol vanished, as if it had never been there. The realization slammed into me, leaving me breathless and exposed.

Now, standing mere inches apart, skin tingling with anticipation, I faced the woman who haunted my dreams, the woman my heart desperately craved.

"I.... Iris?"

I whispered her name, a hesitant question hanging in the air, but her expression didn't change. There was no surprise, no flicker of emotion, only a quiet acceptance. And then it hit me. She didn't care.

She walked away, leaving me suspended in a state of disbelief. "Iris....Iris wait!." I followed her, my feet moving almost involuntarily, but it was like chasing the waves of an ocean- a beautiful, heartbreaking illusion.

She stopped, her back still turned to me, a silent barrier between us. "What more do you need?" she asked, her voice devoid of all emotion. The words were simple, almost dismissive, yet they carried a heavyweight.

"can we talk?" my voice cracked, my tears were about to give in.

"Aren't we talking already?" she replied, still empty.

"I'm sorry..... I'm sorry Iris." All I had ever wanted to tell her was a simple apology, a single word to express the depth of my remorse. But the emotion was too overwhelming, and instead of words, tears streamed down my face, a silent testament to my guilt.

She finally turned to face me, her expression a mixture of confusion and hurt. "Why are you saying that? Have you wronged me?" she asked, her voice trembling slightly. Her eyes were watery, on the verge of tears, but her gaze remained sharp, as if she was still trying to protect herself.

"I'm sorry, Iris," I choked out, the words heavy with guilt. "I'm sorry for leaving you without a word, for making you wait for a future that would never come. I'm sorry for not giving you the goodbye you deserved, for hurting you in ways I can never fully understand."

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "What are you talkng about? Who said I'm hurt? I'm perfectly fine, as far as I know."

"Iris," I said softly, my voice barely a whisper, "why are you doing this to me? Is this your way of getting revenge?"

"Revenge is such a childish concept," Iris said, shaking her head slightly. "Zarya, whatever happened between us eight years ago is water under the bridge. We were just kids, clueless and naive. We're grown-ups now, so start acting like one. Hindi yun seryoso para balikan pa.

I was too stunned by her words. Hindi seryoso? Kids, clueless, naive? fuck.

"But why him, Iris? Why Ryan?" I whispered, my voice barely audible. "You knew he was my best friend. Wala lang ba talaga 'yon lahat sa'yo? Was it just a way to hurt me? Because let me tell you, it worked. I've spent my nights wondering if I'll ever be able to forgive myself."

"I know he was your best friend, but you conveniently forget that he didn't know I was her best friend's abandoned ex," Iris retorted, her voice sharp and defensive.

"You're too much of a hypocrite to think I'm doing this to hurt you.

Why would I waste my time on you? I love Ryan, truly.

And I won't apologize for it. Don't you dare try to shift the blame onto me or Ryan just because you're haunted by your own" actions. "

As she turned to leave, I couldn't bear it.

I lunged forward, wrapping my arms around her from behind, clinging to her as if she were a lifeline.

"Please, Iris," I begged, my voice cracking with desperation.

"Don't do this.I'm here now. I'm back, Iris.

Bigyan mo lang ako ng pagkakataon, just once. "

She breaks free from my arms. "Don't you get it, Zarya?

" Iris said, her voice low, yet dangerous.

"Fuck that! We can't go back, there's no going back, and I refuse to even try!

I've spent years trying to escape the past, and I'm not going to let you drag me back into it.

So, please, just let go. Let me go. Or I swear.

...." she was not able to finish her words, I heard her sobbing.

That's when I knew.... she still cares.

"Iris, please," I begged, my voice raw with emotion.

"Just give me one more chance, isa lang Iris, isa lang.

that's all I ask. I know I messed up, but I swear I'll make it right.

I'll do whatever it takes. Iris, I'm here now.

I came back for you, for us." I pleaded, my voice trembling with sincerity.

"I couldn't tell you why I left. I couldn't even tell you why I came back.

I may not have found a reason to stay, but I found a reason to return, and that's all I know for sure. "

"Eight years," she said, her voice a practiced calm that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I know."

I leaned back, the familiar scent of her perfume a cruel reminder of sun-drenched afternoons and whispered promises.

"You know what, exactly? That you left? That I rebuilt? That you can't just walk back into a life you walked out of?" She said, words full of silent anger.

"I made a mistake," I admitted, the words clipped, professional. "A big one. But I'm here now." I added.

"Here," she echoed, a bitter smile twisting her lips. "As what? A tourist revisiting a ruin? Because that's all we are, All we ever will be."

"But I need you," I confessed, the words raw, vulnerable.

She finally looked at me, her eyes filled with a weary sadness. "Need is a dangerous word, Zarya. It implies a weakness, a dependence I can no longer afford."

"I regret it every single day," I said, my voice cracking with emotion.

"Regret doesn't change anything," she retorted. "It doesn't bring back the years I spent alone, the nights I cried myself to sleep, the life I built without you."

"Don't," I pleaded. "Don't pretend you didn't love me."

"I did," she said, the words a sharp, clean cut. "I Loved You."

"Past tense, Doctor. Case closed." she replied. "Eight years is a lifetime, Zarya. A lot can change."

words she gave to me, stings deeper than 8 years.

I saw the doubt in Iris's eyes, the unspoken question. " Am I worth sacrificing your dream for?" A question I didn't have the courage to answer honestly.

She didn't even give me a chance to speak. She simply turned and walked away, her footsteps echoing in the sudden silence.

I wanted to run after her, to beg her to stay, but I was powerless, trapped in a nightmare of my own making. I watched walked away, until she was just a distant memory, leaving me shattered and broken, with no one to blame but myself.

The next thing I knew, I was sprawled on the ground, staring up at the indifferent sky.

I felt nothing, not sadness, not anger, not even pain.

Just a vast, empty numbness that swallowed everything whole.

It was the pain, I realized, the sheer intensity of it, that had finally burned out my ability to feel.

And in that strange, desolate way, it was almost.. . comforting.

The next morning, nagising akong nakahiga na sa kama. My head is aching really bad, I could barely open my eyes.

I reached for my phone to check the time, it was 11:36am. No wonder why my stomach growls.

They say you can't remember anything when you're drunk. Pero bakit ang linaw ng nangyari kagabi?

"You're awakeee!!! You little hamster, you ditched us last night! Good thing nakita ka ni Xylla kagabi." Ate Yana barged into the bed.

I hugged her tightly. This is enough for me to ease the pain I have felt. "You're such a yapper."

"Get up, Get up! Let's go get some lunch" I smiled, I know she knew something was off. Yet she chose not to bring it up.

I got up, tied my hair, got some clothes, and went to the bathroom to take a bath.

"Zarya?" I heard her calling me from outside

"Hmm?" I simply responded.

took so long for her to say a word. "What would you like to do today?"

I think for a bit. "Can we go to the flower shop before we go to the beach?" I asked.

"Of course. I'm just gonna wait in the car, okay? Others already left the hotel and went to the beach first."

"Okay, I'll be quick."

"Why would you buy some flowers?" Ate Yana asked me while she's driving.

I shrugged, "Do I need reasons to buy flowers?"

"No, but that's so odd." she stated. "Anyway, where do you want to buy?"

"There, in that small stall." There are many stalls here, including fancy flower shops. But this stall caught my attention as soon as I saw the vendor. It was an elderly woman.

I lowered my window. "Good morning po" I greeted the vendor.

She smiled at me. "magandang araw po, gusto n'yo po ba ng bulaklak? marami ho ako ditong klase, preska ho ito lahat ma'am."

The pile of pink roses caught my eye. "Nay, 12 pieces pong pink roses. 'wag na po i wrap, pabili na lang ako ng vase, meron po ba kayo?."

"Ay wala po akong binebenta vase anak, kamahal non." she pointed her fingers sa flower shop sa tapat lang ng stall n'ya. "Meron d'yan sa shop, doon ka nalang pumili ng vase mo"

I immediately got out of the car to go inside of the shop.

I picked the simplest one, ceramic type. It suits the flowers that I bought. Simple lang, the beauty of the flower itself is the design.

After I made my choices, I went to the cashier to pay. I did not ask them to pack it up since gagamitin din naman agad. After that, I went outside.

"Nay, here's the vase" I handed it over.

Agad naman n'ya itong kinuha. "Teka lang anak ha, tatapusin ko lang kunan ng mga tinik 'ito."

I just smiled, look around. Her stall smells so nice, she wasn't lying when she said it was all fresh.

I can see how bright the colors of the flowers, I can smell how fresh it is. It somehow comforts me.

"Anak oh, bumagay ang vase na napili mo" She smiled as she handed me the arranged flowers.

"Magkano po lahat nay?" I asked

He smiled awkwardly, I don't know what does that even mean. "120 isa anak, ikaw na magbilang. Naiwan ko kasi ang calculator ko sa bahay, hindi ako marunong mag bilang ng malalaking halaga."

I did not made that situation even more awkward, I just handed her a 5k cash.

"1440 po lahat, pero sa'yo na ho 'to."

"Ayy, hindi apo. Hindi naman p'wede 'yon." She gave back money, but I refuse to take it back.

"Okay na po, sige na." I smiled at her, and went back to the car.

"Salamat po ha. Balik kayo ulit, kahit ilibre na kita ng dalawang dosenang rosas." I just smiled, and wave at her.

"Ma'am! Change n'yo po" A lady from the shop where I bought the vase screamed and ran towards my direction.

But then, everything shifted. It wasn't her who held my gaze. The first woman faded into the background, irrelevant. My entire focus narrowed to the figure of the woman who emerged from the doorway behind her.

My breath hitched. Was this some cruel trick of my mind, a phantom conjured from longing? Or had I really just seen Iris walk out of that door.

"Ma'am, buti naabutan ko pa kayo. Pasensya na, may bumili din kasi agad pag labas n'yo, kaya hindi ko agad nabigay." Her explanation did not even matter to me.

I just smiled at her, still in disbelief. "Thank you po."

"Are you okay, Zar?" Ate Yana broke my silence.

"Yes, ahm I think we should get going."

"Do you wanna bring that to the beach or let's head back to the hotel first?" She asked.

"Ahm, let's go to the beach, I'll give those 4 a piece and let's go back to the hotel." I suggested.

"Okay then."

While we were peacefully heading to the beach, my mind keeps running. Did I just saw her? I know we've talked last night, worst than that. But seeing her the next morning made me froze.

"Uy andito na sila!, Magandang umaga po" Kiro greeted us.

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Ay nandon nag pi-picture taking sa dagat. Sama po kayo."

"pag balik nalang namin, take these roses. One for each of you, we'll be back." I handed over the flowers, and went back to the car.

"Ingat po kayo!" he wave, and gave us a big smile.

"Just wait here, ate. I'll be quick, iwan ko lang to sa loob."

She just nodded, and that's when I went inside of the hotel.

"Ay ma'am!" I heard someone yelled.

"Ma'am Zarya!" I turned around, confirming if she's calling me.

"Yes?" I simply responded

"You have a delivery po" She handed me a bouquet of flowers. I was surprised, who would bought me flowers aside from myself?

"Kailan lang po?" I asked.

"Kaka deliver lang po, around 10 or 15 minutes ago." She smiled and went back to her chair.

I carried the bouquet to our hotel room, wondering where it came from.

As soon as I entered the room, I checked the bouquet. There's a card, hopefully there's a letter.