Chapter 26 what I didnt know
Zarya's POV
"ry.." I slowly approached him
"Zar, dad wants us to get married." He said withou any hesitation, just his sobs and tears.
"I know."
Ryan looks so down, I already knew deep down that he didn't want this either. I had always felt it. I had always known that his smiles, his gestures, his devotion... they were all just an act. A performance we were both forced to put on for everyone else.
I walked closer, my footsteps soft against the pavement. He flinched and quickly tried to wipe his face, trying to fix his posture, trying to be the perfect Ryan again. But it was too late. I had seen his tears. I had seen his breaking point.
I didn't wait for him to compose himself. I sat down on the bench right next to him, close enough to show I wasn't here to fight, but far enough to give him respect.
"You don't have to pretend anymore, Ryan," I said calmly, my voice soft and sure. "I already know."
He froze. His hands stopped wiping his face. He slowly turned his head to look at me, his eyes red, wet, and full of exhaustion.
"Know what?" he asked, his voice cracking.
I looked him straight in the eye, no anger, no confusion just pure understanding.
"I know you don't love me," I stated plainly. "I know you never did. I have known it for a long time. I know you only agreed to this arrangement, to this engagement, to this whole 'perfect couple' act... because of duty. Because of your father. Because you have no choice, just like me."
Ryan let out a breath he seemed to have been holding for years. His shoulders dropped completely, and he let out a dry, trembling laugh that sounded more like a sob. He didn't deny it. He didn't lie. He just nodded slowly, fresh tears escaping his eyes.
"Then... if you knew..." he whispered, his voice shaking, "...why did you play along too? Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you stop them?"
I looked away, staring at the fountain, remembering everything I went through especially what happened earlier at lunch with my father.
"Because I am trapped too," I replied quietly. "Because I didn't know how to fight them either. Because I was trying to fix things, trying to be the daughter they wanted... but mostly..."
I turned back to him, and this time, my expression was serious, knowing exactly what I was going to say next.
"...because I knew why YOU were doing it. And I understood. Because you weren't just saving yourself... you were protecting her."
Ryan's eyes widened. He looked at me, stunned, his breathing hitching.
"Yes, Ryan," I said firmly. "I know the real reason you agreed to all of this.
You agreed to be with me, you agreed to the marriage, you agreed to play the perfect fiancé.
.. because you don't want our families to find out about Iris.
You are scared that if you refuse, if you fight them, they will dig deeper into your life,.
.. they would bother her. They might hurt her. "
I paused, letting the truth sink in ...
I wasn't alone.
For years, I thought he was the only one carrying this heavy burden, the only one drowning while everyone else thought he was swimming perfectly. We've always been in the same storm, floating in the same cruel ocean.
He leaned back against the bench, his shoulders finally relaxing just a little bit, the tension leaving his body as he let out a deep, weary sigh.
We sat there in the quiet breeze, listening to the water flow in the fountain, both of us lost in our own thoughts, yet connected by the pain we shared.
Then, Ryan spoke again, his voice much calmer now, softer but still filled with that lingering confusion and bitterness. He looked up at the sky, as if asking the heavens the same question over and over again.
"What did we do wrong, Zarya?" he whispered, shaking his head slowly. "Seriously... what mistake did we ever make? What wrong choice did we ever choose?"
He turned to look at me, his gaze searching for an answer neither of us had.
"We were good children. We studied hard. We became successful. We built everything they asked us to build. We respected them. We obeyed every rule. We never rebelled. We never caused trouble. We did everything exactly how they wanted it."
He paused, his voice cracking slightly again, but not from crying from frustration.
"Pero bakit?...bakit kailangan lahat planado nila para saatin? Why can't we have our own paths?"
He gestured vaguely at the world around us at the hospital, at the city, at the invisible chains binding us.
"Why is it that when we did everything right... we ended up with a life that feels so wrong? What did we do wrong to deserve this kind of life?"
I listened to every word, feeling the exact same ache in my chest. I asked myself those questions every single day. What did I do wrong? Why can't I just be happy? Why does my success feel like a prison?
I looked down at my hands, clasped tightly in my lap, and answered him softly, my voice full of that same sad realization.
"That's exactly the tragedy, Ryan..." I said quietly. "We didn't do anything wrong. And that's the worst part."
I lifted my eyes to meet his again.
"We didn't make mistakes. We didn't fail. We were perfect... and that is exactly why they think they have the right to map out every single second of our existence"
Ryan nodded slowly, accepting the painful truth of my words. He looked away, defeated but understood.
After that, no more words were spoken.
A brief, heavy silence fell between us. It wasn't an awkward silence, nor an angry one.
It was a silence filled with years of suppressed feelings, and sacrifices made.Nakaupo lang kami doon, dalawang tao na so called "perfect for each other," realizing that we were actually just two strangers forced to share the same cage, understanding each other's pain better than anyone else ever could.
Just as I was about to speak again, to say...
My phone rang...
It was Xylla
"Doc Zarya,"Xylla spoke through the line, respectful and professional.
"I am just reminding you... Mrs. Valenti needs you.
You need to do a further post-check up on her.
We have to monitor her closely at this stage para masiguradong walang complications ang operation.
Do you want me to handle it for you? You can stay there and rest a bit longer.
I can do the assessment and note everything down for you. "
I didn't even hesitate. My answer was instant and firm.
"No," I said seriously, already starting to walk fast towards the exit. "I will head there right now. I will check Mrs. Valenti myself. I need to see her condition with my own eyes. It is critical that we don't miss anything in these hours after surgery. I'm on my way."
I ended the call and didn't waste another second. I stood up abruptly, my focus shifting entirely back to my duties.
Ryan, na hindi ko namalayan nandito nga pala siya ay bigla rin tumayo. Alarmed by my sudden movement and the serious look on my face. He stepped closer, trying to catch up as I walked quickly away.
"Mrs. Valenti?" Ryan repeated, his eyes widening as he realized the name. "Valenti... chiara is here?"
I shook my head slightly, not stopping my pace, but I corrected him clearly.
"No," I replied shortly. "It's Tita Clara."
Ryan frowned, confused but now even more worried. He followed me right to the glass doors of the hospital.
"Why?" Ryan asked, his voice laced with concern now. "What happened to Tita Clara? Why does she need you right now? Is something wrong?"
But I didn't respond.
I remained completely quiet. I didn't say a single word back to him. I didn't explain further. I just pushed the heavy glass doors open and rushed straight inside the hospital building, leaving Ryan standing alone in the quiet garden, confused and worried.
Pumunta ako agad sa room ni tita Clara to check on her, when I entered her room. She's already awake from the surgery, and Iris was sitting next to her bed.
I didn't mind her, nag focus ako kay tita.
"Good afternoon, Tita," I greeted softly, giving her a warm, gentle smile as I reached out to check her pulse and observe her condition closely. "How are you feeling now? Any sharp pain or discomfort?"
Tita Clara smiled weakly, her eyes lighting up a little when she saw me. She shifted slightly on the pillows, looking at me with that familiar motherly affection I had missed so much.
"Good afternoon, Zarya, anak..." she replied in a soft voice. She looked at me intently, studying my face, before she asked casually, "Since when did you come back?"
The air in the room instantly turned colder.
I felt it. The sudden drop in warmth. The awkward silence that stretched between us.
I slowly turned my head and took a quick glance at Iris.
She was sitting there, back straight, laptop open on her lap. Tinitigan niya lang din ako, pero agad naman niyang nilipat ang focus niya sa laptop.
her face hardening again, acting as if she hadn't looked at me at all. As if I was just a stranger standing there.
I looked away, swallowing the lump in my throat, and turned back to Tita Clara, answering her question calmly.
"A few months ago, Tita," I said softly. "I came back a few months ago."
Tita Clara nodded slowly, absorbing my answer. She looked at me with a mix of understanding and sadness, then spoke again in that gentle, knowing tone.
"You didn't visit me," she said, shaking her head slightly. "Sobrang busy mo talaga siguro...naiintindihan ko naman."
Then, she turned her head towards the woman sitting silently beside her, the woman who refused to look up or speak.
Tita Clara looked straight at Iris, her voice soft but clear, carrying a hint of sadness and question.
"Iris, hindi mo rin sinabi saakin ..." she said gently. "Nakabalik na pala si Zarya"
The room went completely silent.
She didn't answer her mother. She didn't even look up. She just kept her gaze fixed on the glowing screen, her expression unreadable, cold, and distant building that wall higher and thicker between us, just like before.
Nanatiling tahimik ang paligid matapos magsalita ni Tita Clara. Ramdam ko ang bigat ng hangin at ang lamig na nagmumula saamin ni Iris. Hindi pa rin siya tumitingin sa akin at nakatuon pa rin ang atensyon sa kanyang laptop, tila ba walang narinig o nakita.
Sasagot pa sana ako nang biglang bumukas muli ang pinto at pumasok ang isang pamilyar na pigura.
Si Ryan.
Naglakad siya papasok na may ngiti pero makikita mo ang pag aalala sa kaniya. Nandoon pa rin sa kanyang mga mata ang lungkot at pagod. Lumapit siya agad kay Tita.
"Good afternoon po, Tita Clara. Kamusta po kayo? I heard you had a surgery earlier... buti na lang at ligtas na kayo ngayon."
Napangiti si Tita Clara nang makita siya. Kahit mahina pa ang kanyang katawan, kitang kita ang tuwa sa kanyang mukha.
"Ryan... anak... ikaw pala," malambing na sagot ni Tita Clara habang hinahawakan ang kamay ni Ryan. "Good afternoon din sa'yo. Mabuti naman, gumaganda na ang pakiramdam ko salamat kay Zarya... at sa tulong ng Diyos. Salamat sa pagdalaw, anak."
Lumingon si Tita Clara mula kay Ryan, papunta sa akin, at huli ay kay Iris na nakaupo pa rin sa gilid. Tinitingnan niya kaming tatlo. ako na nakatayo sa tabi ng kama, si Ryan na nakayuko upang makausap siya, at si Iris na nanatiling tahimik ang bibig at seryoso ang mukha.
Isang malungkot pero may ngiti na tinignan kaming tatlo ni tita.
"So... nagkita na kayong tatlo?" tanong niya nang dahan dahan, ang kanyang boses ay puno ng alaala at nostalgia. "It's been such a long time... matagal-tagal na rin simula noong huli kong nakita kayong tatlo na magkakasama nang ganito."
Bumuntong-hininga siya at tinitigan kami nang isa isa, tila ba nakikita niya muli kami na parang mga batang magkakaibigan. Pero bumalik ang tingin niya saakin.
"You were always together before, di ba? ang alam ko ay sa mas una kayong magkaibigan ni Ryan bago nakipag kaibigan si Iris sa inyo. Parang kailan lang...kaso hindi ko alam bakit umalis ka Zarya e. Naiwan tuloy yung dalawa, alam mo bang parang broken itong si Iris nung umali–"
"Ma." Suway ni Iris na parang ayaw niyang magsalita si tita tungkol sa past namin.
"Bakit? ... totoo naman ah. Buti nga at nanatili kayong magkaibigan ni Ryan hangang ngayon e."
Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Tita, so hindi niya alam na magka relasyon si Iris at Ryan? Akala ko ba matagal na sila??
Napatingin ako kay Ryan, at nagkasalubong ang aming mga mata. Tinignan ko rin si Iris pero nakatutok lang talaga ang atensyon niya sa kanyang laptop.
"A lot has changed since then, Ma" mahinang sagot ni Iris, ang kanyang boses ay walang emosyon. "Hindi na kami katulad ng dati."
Napabuntong-hininga na lamang si Tita Clara at tumango, kahit na malinaw sa kanyang mukha ang lungkot at panghihinayang.
"Oo nga... marami na ngang nagbago," bulong niya. "Pero kahit ano pa man ang mangyari... masaya ako na kahit paano...nandito kayo."
Tumahimik muli ang buong silid. Nandito kaming tatlo na puno na ng mga sekteto, walang balak magsalita .
I broke the awkward silence at lumapit ako kay tita. kinuha ang thermometer at blood pressure apparatus, to check on her. Habang ginagawa ko ito, seryoso lang ang aking mukha, tinatago ang lahat ng emosyong gumugulo sa isip ko.
"Everything is normal po, Tita," sabi ko nang mahinahon at panatag. "Stable na ang BP niyo at tama lang ang body temperature. Wala na kayong dapat ipag-alala sa ngayon, just take a good rest po."
Lumingon ako saglit kay Iris, na hindi pa rin inaalis ang tingin sa kanyang laptop.
"Aalis na muna ako," paalam ko sa kanila. "I still need to do my rounds at kailangan ko pang tingnan ang ibang mga pasyente. Babalik din ako mamaya tita, magpahinha lang po kayo dito."
Tumango naman si Tita Clara bilang sagot, habang si Iris ay nanatiling tahimik at walang imik.
Biglang nagsalita si Ryan mula sa gilid, tila ba naghihintay lang ng senyales na makakaalis na rin siya.
"Aalis na rin po ako, Tita," magalang niyang sabi habang inaayos ang coat "May kailangan lang akong tapusin na mga reports at papers sa opisina. Bumisita lang ako saglit. Pagaling po kayo palagi."
"Maraming salamat sa pagdalaw, Ryan," sagot ni Tita Clara nang may pasasalamat sa boses.
Sabay kaming lumabas ni Ryan ng silid. Isinarado ko nang dahan-dahan ang pinto sa likuran namin, at sa sandaling wala na kami sa paningin nila, my mood changed.
Instead of going for a rounds just like I said, sumunod ako kay Ryan. I followed him to his office, hanggang sa makarating kami doon.
Pagpasok namin sa loob, agad kong isinara ang pinto at ni lock ito.
The sound of the doorknob made his face change, the office is surrounded by harsh tension between us. Humarap ako sa kanya, and that made him flinch.
Napahinto si Ryan sa paglalakad papunta sa kanyang mesa. Lumingon siya sa akin, nagtataka at medyo nababahala sa biglaang ginawa ko.
"Zarya? What is this?" He asked, terrified. "Akala ko kailangan mong mag-check ng ibang pasyente? Bakit ka sumunod sa akin dito?"
Hindi ako sumagot agad. Lumapit ako nang kaunti, ang aking boses ay mababa pero puno ng seryosong damdamin at pagdududa.
"Ryan..." simula ko, nakatitig diretso sa kanyang mga mata. "Does Tita Clara know anything about you and Iris?"
Namutla ang mukha niya. Nakita ko kung paano biglang nabahala ang kanyang ekspresyon. Umusog siya nang kaunti palayo at umiwas ng tingin sandali bago sumagot nang dahan dahan.
"No..." sagot niya, umiiling. "No, she doesn't know anything about Iris and I. At... at ayaw din naman ni Iris na malaman niya. She doesn't want her mom to worry or get involved in anything, kaya hangga't maaari, tinatago namin."
Lumapit pa ako lalo, hindi ko tinanggap ang sagot niya. Mas lalong tumalim ang aking tingin.
"Then how long are you planning to hide it?
" tanong ko, ang aking boses ay nagsisimula nang tumaas dahil sa inis.
"Are you guys planning to keep it a secret forever?
Look at Tita Clara... she treats us all like her own children.
She talks about the three of us like we are still the innocent kids we were before.
She is... she is completely clueless."
Hindi ko mapigilan ang bigat at galit na nararamdaman ko.
"I don't know how to say it, Ryan..." dagdag ko, puno ng damdamin. "But she is clueless. She has no idea what is really happening between you two. She has no idea about everything."
Huminga ako nang malalim, sinusubukang kontrolin ang galit na unti unting umaapaw sa aking dibdib.
"How long?" ulit ko, halos pasigaw na dahil sa matinding emosyon. "Ilang taon pa ba niyo balak na manatiling walang alam si Tita Clara? Gaano katagal niyo balak itago ang katotohanan habang siya ay naniniwalang magkakaibigan pa rin tayong lahat?"
Nagulat si Ryan. Nanlaki ang kanyang mga mata sa tindi ng aking galit. Hindi niya inaasahang magiging ganito ako kagalit at kaseryoso tungkol dito. Umatras siya nang kaunti, nakadilat na nakatingin sa akin.
"Zarya... anong pinagsasasabi mo?" tanong niya, litong-lito at nabigla rin. "Bakit ganyan ka magsalita? Iris and I... hindi pa naman kami nag iilang taon. We don't need to rush it, alam mo naman ang situasyon ko"
Napahinto ako. Para bang tumigil ang ikot ng mundo ko.
"What?" bulong ko, hindi makapaniwala sa narinig.
Lumapit siya nang kaunti, tila ba nagtataka kung bakit ganoon ang reaksyon ko.
"What?" ulit niya, ang kanyang mukha ay puno ng pagtataka at pagkalito. "Anong ibig mong sabihin na 'what'?"
Huminga siya nang malalim at nagpatuloy, tila ba ipinapaliwanag ang isang bagay na akala niya ay alam ko na.
"Iris and I... we became official. We became a couple... exactly a week before you came back to the Philippines, Zarya."
"Huh?" I froze. It felt like the whole world stopped spinning when I heard that. My eyes went wide and my mouth slightly opened, completely shocked and unable to believe what he just said.
whispered, my voice almost gone. "A week... before I came back?"
A strange feeling suddenly rushed through me, I really can't explain it.
Is it pain? Is it shock? Or maybe just a bad gut feeling that something.
.. something is really wrong with all of this.
It felt like a sharp pain stabbed right through my chest, deep inside my heart.
It suddenly became hard to breathe, like all the air was sucked out of the room.
Just a while ago, I saw fear and worry on his face because I was so angry.
But now... everything changed. The fear was gone and was replaced instantly by a smile, a smile full of pride, happiness, and pure joy.
The scared look he had earlier turned into something bright, shining like he was remembering the happiest moment of his life just by talking about Iris.
He smiled widely, looked up for a second as if going back to that memory, and spoke in a soft, happy tone.
"Yeah..." he said, his eyes sparkling. "To be honest... I didn't even expect her to say yes. I didn't expect her to date me, Zarya. Not in a million years."
I blinked, still couldn't recover from the shock. The pain inside me was getting deeper as more questions filled my mind.
"What...?" I asked, my voice trembling a little. "Why...? What is happening, Ryan? Paano nangyari yun? What happened that made her change her mind just like that?"
His smile grew even wider. He walked closer to his desk and leaned against it, like he was ready to tell me–his best friend , the best chapter of his life.
"You know everything already, right?" he started, full of emotion.
"Ever since you left... simula nung umalis ka to study abroad.
.. I tried. I really tried to court her.
I did everything, Zarya. I was always there for her.
Sinamahan ko siya through every sad moment, every time she was missing you or feeling down.
I tried to show her how much I love her, how much I am willing to give everything just for her. "
He sighed and shook his head slightly, remembering all the times she kept saying no.
"But she refused... every single time. Paulit-ulit siyang tumanggi. She told me she wasn't ready. She told me she couldn't. She told me... she couldn't look at anyone else. For years, Zarya... the answer was always 'no'. Always 'no', no matter how much I loved her."
He stared straight into my eyes, still seeming like he couldn't believe it himself, full of wonder and gratitude for whatever miracle happened.
"Then... I don't know what happened, or what went through her mind..." he continued. "But everything changed... when your Dad called me."
I frowned. "My Dad?"
He nodded quickly.
"Yes. When your Dad told me the news... that you are finally coming back to the Philippines for good."
A cold feeling crawled down my spine as I listened. Wait... what? Papa told him I was coming home?
"I told her right away," Ryan went on, his voice still filled with happiness. "I went straight to Iris and I told her: 'Zarya is coming home. She's returning in a few weeks.'"
He paused for a moment, as if recalling that exact day, before speaking again like he still couldn't believe the result.
"And then... after just a few days... I don't know what her reason was.
Hindi ko alam why she suddenly changed her mind.
I don't know what made her decide or what shifted inside her heart.
But out of nowhere... she looked at me, she smiled at me.
.. and she said yes. She agreed to be my girlfriend. "
He placed a hand over his chest, and I saw his eyes get watery again, but this time, they were tears of pure happiness.
"That was the happiest day of my life, Zarya. The absolute happiest day of my life."
He looked at me with so much warmth and pride as he said the words that pierced right through me the deepest.
"And knowing that you, my best friend, my sister will soon be coming home too.
.. that made me even happier. Parang kumpleto na ang mundo ko.
I had the woman I love saying yes to me.
.. and I knew you were on your way back.
That's why I was so excited to see you. That's why I was so excited to meet you again.
.. because I couldn't wait to tell you. I couldn't wait to tell you about Iris and me. "
I just stood there, listening to every single word he said. I could see how happy he was, how proud he was, how sure he was about what they had.
But as I stood there looking at him... as I processed every detail of his story... the pain and confusion in my heart only grew worse.
She said yes...
She agreed to be his girlfriend...
Just a few days after she found out... that I was coming home.
Something felt wrong. Something felt off. Something didn't add up at all.
The question that kept spinning in my head, the thought I was holding onto tight while looking at Ryan's happy face...
Why would Iris finally agree to be Ryan's girlfriend... right at the very moment she knew I was coming back?
It felt like there was a reason. It felt like she was running away from something. It felt like... it wasn't because she loved Ryan, but because I was here.
But I couldn't say any of this to Ryan. I saw the joy on his face, the victory he thought he had already won. And instead of feeling happy for them like he expected... the only thing I felt was a painful, unsettling realization that....Something is wrong. Something is missing.
Not to be delusional, but am I the reason why?