Chapter 43 8 years of yearning
Zarya's point of view
When I got home, dumiretso na ako sa kwarto to grab my things.
I need to pack everything I needed for our flight tomorrow.
I packed every important things, including the final papers.
I double?checked each page, making sure the master set was intact and the extra copy sat safe inside my carry on.
only a few days left until the bidding, and the early briefing in Italy is non negotiable. Everything should feel settled, prepared, under control.
But it am not as prepared as the papers.
My hands moved automatically, folding clothes, zipping pouches, securing straps, yet my mind kept drifting back to one kuya Jun told me.
Galit. Umiiyak. Parang nasaktan nang sobra.
I paused, a shirt half?folded in my grip. That memory refused to let go. Hindi talaga mawala sa isip ko. Weeks ago, he's been here, right outside my gate, at umalis na umiiyak at parang nasasaktan.
Ano ang ibig niyang sabihin sa "She's gone"? like I was vanished from his life entirely. But I was never gone. I was here every day, working late, coming home, never once seeing him or even knowing he tried to come.
Paano nangyari 'yun? Bakit walang paalam, walang tawag, walang text? And if the gate was locked, who opened it for him? Who let him in, only to leave him looking like he'd been betrayed?
My chest felt tight, a strange mix of exhaustion and deep, tangled confusion.
Bakit siya magagalit sa akin kung wala naman kaming pinag?awayan?
We never talked, never met. Why would his hurt run that deep?
And why did kuya Jun sound so sure that we were meant for each other, like there was some history I completely missed?
I stuffed the last folder into the bag and sat heavily on the edge of the mattress, staring at the packed luggage.
Everything looked ready, but inside I felt scattered. Pulled between the flight tomorrow, Sterling's cold promise, Eric Valenti hiding somewhere nearby, Iris's safety, Yana waiting for her baby, and now this ghost like story of Ryan at my gate.
Parang may kwentong tinatago sa akin.
I rubbed my temples, trying to shake the thought, but it lingered heavy and sharp. Something was definitely off. I couldn't put a finger on it, couldn't prove anything yet, pero meron talaga akong ibang nararamdaman. Na parang may mas malalim pang dahilan.
But I remembered, every corner, every gate, every hallway, nothing escapes the cameras. I have CCTV's everywhere. Bakit hindi ko agad naisip 'yun? If Ryan really came, the recordings would prove it.
I rushed straight to the security room, heart hammering, and pull up footage from the past several weeks. I took control of the mouse myself, scrolling fast through night after night, eyes burning as I searched every frame.
I have checked some nights for the past few weeks, pero nothing different naman. There is no signs of Ryan, I went back and checked again, slower this time, frame by frame. Still nothing.
Wala talaga, parang hindi totoo. I was about to lean back and give up, confused all over again, when something else caught my eye.
That one footage next to the one I was watching earlier.
Iris.
It was a footage of her, coming in to my house.
She walked right through the main door like she belonged there, her coat slung over one shoulder, hair loose. It was from a few weeks back, a quiet evening I barely remembered. That was the time na pumunta siya dito when we were supposed to have dinner together pero hindi siya sumipot.
I leaned closer, one hand rising to touch the screen as if I could reach through the glass. My breath caught, chest tightening until it hurt.
Ang tagal na noong huli kaming nagkita. I watched her pause near the foyer, she looked exhausted pala talaga noong pumunta siya dito. I just smiled, thinking she still showed up. Shoulders trembling, throat closing up, hot tears spilling before I could stop them.
"I miss you... so much," I whispered, voice cracking, fingers brushing the glowing image.
Sana nandito ka lang sa tabi ko. Every worry, every threat, every secret vanished for a second, replaced only by this sharp, aching longing.
My knees went weak, I sank onto the swivel chair, head bowed, crying quiet, heavy sobs I'd held back for weeks.
After what felt like forever, I wiped my face roughly, took a jagged breath, and forced myself upright. "Just a little more... konting tiis na lang," I murmured, steadying my voice. "Malapit na matapos 'to."
I reached for the drive slot, yes, I use encrypted USB sticks here to save and review footage — ready to pull it out and leave. But before I could, the auto play scrolled ahead, landing on a timestamp twenty to thirty minutes after Iris walked in.
My hand froze mid?air.
On screen, the same gate Iris had entered through swung open again. Someone else stepped inside.
I leaned forward, heart stopping cold in my chest. My breath died in my throat, eyes locked, unable to look away.
My whole body went rigid, rooted to the spot stunned, terrified, completely paralyzed. Hindi pwede... bakit siya nandito noong gabing 'yun?
Whatever I was seeing, it made no sense, at parang tumayo ang mga balahibo ko. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't even blink, just stared in pure shock at the figure now walking the same path Iris had taken only minutes before.
CONTEXT
"Zar? Zar, please... can I have a little of your time?" His voice cracked, thin and desperate.
Still silence.
He leaned his forehead against the cold metal bars, tears falling faster. "Zar... please...kailangan ko lang ng kausap" His voice went soft, almost a whisper. "I don't know what to do anymore."
His knees gave way. He sank down on the rough ground, burying his face in his hands, tahimik na umiiyak pero ramdam niya ang bigat. He felt lost, alone, and hurt deeper than he ever thought possible.
Through blurry eyes, he noticed a big clay pot near the gate pillar.
He remembered years ago, when they were teenagers, may spare key si Chiara na tinatago sa ilalim ng mga tanim.
She said it was for emergencies, so Ryan wondered baka meron din si Zarya.
He pushed himself up, legs wobbly, and lifted the pot.
Sure enough, there it was — a small silver key tucked in the dirt.
Hindi na siya nag isip pa, he just grabbed it, unlocked the gate, and walked straight to the main door.
Pero pagka dating niya sa main door ay naka lock ito, at hindi mabuksan gamit ang susi.
He twisted it over and over, but the lock stayed shut.
He looked around for another key, under the mat or near the window, but found nothing.
Defeated, he sat back down against the wood, crying harder, feeling more helpless than before.
Then he remembered the back door, the one leading to the garden and pool area. Zarya always went there when she wanted peace. He stood up quickly and walked around the side of the house, until he reached the glass door.
He pulled it open and froze in his tracks.
He witnessed the most shocking truth he never wanted to see.
He saw them with his own naked eye.
Not far away, near the pool wall, he saw Zarya spin Iris around and push her back hard until Iris's back pressed flat against the cold stone. Their bodies pressed close, burning hot — parang kuryenteng dumaloy sa kanilang dalawa, sharp and intense.
Zarya slid one knee slowly between Iris's legs, pushing them apart, closing every bit of space between them. Kitang kita ang lahat ng ginagawa nilang dalawa.
Zarya's eyes were half closed, dark and heavy with wanting. Her lipstick was smeared, cheeks flushed deep pink, hair messy and wild. She looked completely undone, and completely in charge.
It was clear in every touch, Chiara belonged to her. Chiara herself was breathless, shaky, barely standing, parang nawala sa sarili dahil sa ginagawa ni Zarya. She looked ready to fall apart just from Zarya's hands on her skin.
Ryan watched every single movement, every quiet sound, and his heart shattered all over again.
Confusion mixed with pain, he whispered to himself "paano nangyari ito? Kailan pa?" His best friend and his girlfriend, together like this, hiding it from him all this time.
But soon the hurt faded, replaced by something hotter and sharper. His face hardened, eyes turning dark and burning, nakakatakot siya tignan. He wasn't the sad, crying man anymore. Now he looked angry, dangerous, ready to explode.
He watched them walk together toward the house and disappear inside. He quietly left the place, umalis siyang nasasaktan. He threw the spare key into the bushes, not caring where it landed.
He finds his way to Zarya's gate. Lumabas siya at sinara ito.
Just then, Kuya Jun drove up and stopped beside him. He rolled down the window, worried when he saw Ryan's face.
"Sir Ryan?" Kuya Jun asked.
"bakit kayo nandito? Anong nangyari?"
Tears still streamed down Ryan's face, but now they mixed with pure rage. He didn't slow down or explain. He only glanced back at the house one last time and said in a rough, bitter voice. "She's gone."
He got in his car, slammed the door hard, and drove away fast.
Kuya Jun shook his head slowly. He thought Ryan and Zarya just had a bad breakup.
Sa isip niya ay baka gusto din ni Zarya ng mahinahon at 'wag maabala, so he decided not to go inside.
He just drove home, never knowing what Ryan truly saw, or what dangerous feelings had just been set loose.
Back to Zarya's point of view
The realization hit me like a cold fist to the chest. Same night.
Iris walked in, and 25 minutes later, Ryan followed– and saw everything.
Every touch, every kiss, every quiet thing Iris and I shared under the stars.
He didn't just guess, alam niya. Alam niya lahat ng namamagitan saamin ni Iris.
Parang nanghina ang tuhod ko, bigla akong nakramdam ng takot. I grabbed the edge of the monitor table to keep from collapsing, heart hammering so hard it hurt to breathe. Nakita niya lahat. Alam na niya ang totoo.
Ryan wasn't the type to stay quiet about something like this, imposibleng hahayaan niya lang.
That he would just forget it, and move on.
He was loyal, passionate, pero kapag nasasaktan siya, he turns into something.
Ano ang pinaplano niyq? What had he already started doing while I remained blind and clueless?
My mind raced backward, stitching things together. The unknown number sending sharp, threatening messages I received... "back off" does he mean back off on Iris???
I blamed it on rivals, on Sterling, on Eric Valenti. But the dots weren't connecting at all, threats started long before Eric came back. Paano kung mali ang hinala ko? Could it really have been Ryan all along?
The thought made my blood run cold. Baka siya 'yun. Baka lahat ng 'yun... galing sa kanya.
Panic bubbled up in my throat. I didn't wait, didn't grab anything, didn't even lock the security room properly.
I just turned and ran outside, hot tears already spilling down my cheeks, blurring the driveway lights.
My hands shook so bad I fumbled with the car keys twice before starting the engine.
I drove fast, too fast, every turn sharp and reckless, my mind screaming with every "what if's" Kailangan kong malaman. Kailangan kong makasiguro.
Just a few mins drive, and I stopped in front of Ryan's gate. I went out and slammed the car door shut, marched straight to his gate, and pressed the doorbell ng sunod?sunod, over and over, finger never lifting, heart thudding against my ribs like it wanted out.
Pero walang Ryan na lumalabas. I pressed again, longer, harder. "Fuck..Ryan!"
Still silence. I rang it again and again until my finger ached, calling his name low and desperate, voice cracking with fear and dread. "Ryy."
Finally, the main door creaked open.
Ryan stepped out through his main door. He looked terrible — eyes still dark and heavy, dahan dahan siyang naglakad palapit sa gate.
Jaw clamped tight, that same dangerous hardness I'd seen on the CCTV still etched deep in his face.
Parang ibang tao na siya. He stood there staring straight at me, no flicker of surprise, none of the old warmth I used to know, just cold, heavy silence that hung so thick it hurt to breathe.
Nakakatakot siyang tignan ngayon, wala na yung dating siya.
Every instinct screamed for me to turn around and run, umalis na habang maaga pa, but my feet felt nailed to the ground.
I stayed rooted there, chest rising and falling fast, breath caught in my throat.
I waited for whatever he would say, whatever he would do, waiting to know once and for all if my worst fear was really true, kung siya nga ba talaga ang nasa likod ng lahat ng threats na natatanggap ko tungkol kay Iris.
He stood outside the gate, that's when I knew na may galit talaga siya. His arms crossed tight over his chest, every line of his body hard and guarded. The silence stretched, sharp and suffocating, until he finally spoke, voice flat and cold.
"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"
"Ry..." My voice came out shaky, barely a whisper.
He let out a short, bitter huff, tilting his head, tone thick with biting sarcasm. "What? Anong kailangan ng best friend ko?"
I swallowed hard, alam kong sinadya niyang banggitin na bestfriend niya ako. "Ryan, cut it off. Alam kong alam mo na."
"Alam ang alin?" He feigned confusion, eyebrows lifting, but his jaw stayed clenched.
"About me and Iris."
For a split second he froze, pero hindi dahil sa gulat. He laughed, pero hindi yun nakakatawang pakinggan. It was hollow, sharp, laced with so much hurt it made my chest ache.
"Oh, tapos? Why did you come here? Ano pa ba ang gusto mong kunin sa akin?"
"Ryan, it's not like that."
"Then what's it all about, Zar?" He leaned forward, voice rising, eyes burning into mine.
My hands trembled at my sides, and I forced the question out, quiet but direct. "Was it you behind all those threats?"
Biglang nag iba ang reaksyon niya, even his sarcastic tone vanished. "I could sue you for that kind of accusation."
"Really?" I held his gaze, heart hammering.
He shifted, suddenly defensive, words spilling out too fast. "Bakit ko naman gagawin 'yun? Bakit kita ipapahamak o si Chiara? Anong kinalaman ko diyan?"
Halos matawa nalang ako sa sinabi niya. "A fish is indeed caught from the mouth... wala pa akong sinasabi, Ry."
The realization hit him instantly. Parang na realize niya na he trapped himself.
"Ry, hindi naman kailangan umabot sa ganito." I pleaded, voice cracking.
Then he snapped, he knew he was caught. Tears slowly spilling over again. "Hindi kailangan ang alin, Zar? Do you even think? You were with Chiara the night she broke up with me? Zarya, she is my girlfriend, and I am your fucking best friend! Ano ang tingin mo saakin? Hindi nasasaktan?"
Guilt crashed into me so hard I almost doubled over. I lowered my head, alam kong may mali din ako. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry?! Para saan? For stealing her?" He laughed again, wet and bitter. "So that is the reason why you were so cold to me. Kaya tinutulak mo ako palagi, palayo. Dahil ba kay Chiara? Kaya pala kahit anong gawin ko, Zar... you will never treat me the way you treated me before."
His voice wavered, broke completely. Tears ran freely down his face, tracking through the stubble on his cheeks. He looked away for a second, then back, agony written all over him.
"Why did you even come back? Putangina... ginulo mo lang lahat, Zarya. Bakit kailangan mo siyang kunin sa akin? Umalis ka nga ng walang rason, you left without even saying goodbye, na parang hindi mo kami kilala. Fuck, Zarya! Make me understand!"
"Because she was the reason why I came back, Ryan.
Nawalan man ako ng rason kung bakit ako umalis.
.. but I found my way back." I took a shaky breath, heart tearing open.
"Iris and I have been together ever since, bago pa kayo magkakilala.
I fucking left her because I had to, Ry!
Nalaman ni Papa 'yun, and you know my dad well.
.. kung ano ang kaya niyang gawin. So I was trapped in Italy just to keep her safe.
" My own tears finally spilled, hot and fast. Paulit ulit talagang pinapaalala saakin ang lahat, but I had to tell him the truth para mas maintindihan niya kami.
"Ano?" He stared at me, completely lost, confusion warring with hurt in his eyes.
"Ano?? Putangina, Zarya... ang gulo!" He ran both hands roughly through his hair, pacing a step back and forth, tears still falling.
I stood helpless, hindi ko alam paano magsalita, parang nawalan ako ng kakayahan magsalita kapag nakikita ko siyang ganito.
"Zar... I waited for her." His voice dropped, raw and heavy. "Ilang taon ang tiniis ko, ilang taon ko siyang hinintay... habang hinihintay ka lang pala niya?"
He slammed his fist hard against the metal gate, loud, sharp na kinagulat ko. Nasasaktan din naman ako para sa kaniya.
"Zar... so ginamit niya lang ba ako para magkabalikan kayo?"
"No, Ryan. She tried... she really tried loving you—"
He cut me off, punching the gate again, shouting through his sobs. "Pero hindi niya magawa kasi ikaw pa rin... even after eight years of waiting for her. Tama?!"
All fight drained out of him at once. Shoulders sagged, knees almost giving way, he cried like someone who'd lost everything.
I cried too, chest heaving, sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.
I reached slowly for his hand, just to ease the pain a little, pero mabilis siyang umiwas.
He pulled his arm away sharply, voice dropping low and hollow:
"Zarya... ako 'yung nandito para sa kaniya.
Ako 'yung nag?hintay, ako 'yung nagmahal, ako 'yung gagong nagmahal sa kaniya.
.. pero bakit ikaw pa rin?" He looked straight at me, eyes shining with tears.
"Zarya... do you even realize what she became noong umalis ka? She was completely broken, Zar."
He gasped for air, wiping his face hard, pero tuloy?tuloy pa rin ang luha, just like the pain. Parang may nakadagan sa dibdib ko, crushing me habang pinapakinggan ko siya.
"She cried day and night... and I was there to wipe those tears away.
She became a cold woman, hard and distant.
.. and I was there to be her warmth. Araw?araw siyang nag?iisip ng rason kung bakit hindi ka pa bumabalik.
.. and I was there to give her answers. Noong iniwan sila ni Tito Eric, Zarya.
.. nandoon din ako. I became her protector, kasi umalis na 'yung mga taong dapat sana'y nagpoprotekta sa kaniya.
Zarya, sa lahat ng pinagdaanan niya... all those years of being broken.
I was the one who stayed when you chose to leave.
I was the one who picked up every piece of herself.
Habang unti?unti siyang nauubos dito, you were out there, living your life in Italy. "
"I was living in hell in Italy!" I cried out, voice cracking, tears blurring everything. "Wala kang alam sa kung ano ang nangyari sa akin doon... so you don't get to tell me na parang ikaw lang ang nasasaktan dito."
He shook his head, tired and done, turning away slightly.
"Well, I am not interested in knowing! I've had enough stories from Chiara.
.. at mas gusto ko pang pakinggan mga 'yon.
So please, Zarya... umalis ka na lang ulit.
Iwan mo na siya sa akin dito. Baka hindi lang sapat ang walong taon para mahalin niya rin ako. "
"I'm sorry, Ryan... hindi ko kayang gawin 'yan." I took a shaky breath, steadying myself as much as I could. "I love her."
"If you love her, you must know what's best for her." He looked back, voice soft but final. "At alam mong hindi ikaw 'yun."
His words hit me hard and true. I knew he was right, maybe I wasn't the best thing for her, maybe I brought nothing but chaos and pain. Pero alam ko rin na sobrang mahal ko siya para pakawalan lang.
Then his voice shifted again, softer, defeated, like he was letting go of something he'd held onto for years. "But I know... na kahit anong gawin ko, kahit ako pa yung nandito, kung ikaw naman ang mahal niya... talo pa rin ako."
"Ryan... I promise you... I will take care of her."
"I can take care of her too." He looked at me, tears still glistening, but a quiet resolve settling in his tone. "Kaya ko rin naman siyang mahalin. Kaya ko rin naman ibigay ang lahat sa kaniya. But sure, sige. aantayin ko 'yung araw na kaya mo na siyang mahalin nang buo."
"Ry..."
"Pero habang hindi mo pa kaya... hayaan mo na lang muna na ako ang mag?protekta sa kaniya, Zar.
" He stepped closer one last time, voice low and thick with emotion.
"When the day comes na kaya mo na... hahayaan ko na kayo.
Pero sa oras na mapagod ka at iiwan mo ulit siya.
.. Zarya, ibalik mo na lang siya sa akin.
Tatanggapin ko siya... even if you bring her back broken. Ganoon ko siya kamahal, Zar."
My throat tightened so much I could barely speak. "Thank you, Ryan... hindi ko alam kung paano ako magpapasalamat sa'yo for everything you did for her. And I am sorry, sorry for hurting you this way. And—"
He lifted a hand, cutting me off gently, eyes glistening. "Zar... umalis ka na lang please. Bago pa mag?iba ang isip ko."
There was nothing more I could say, wala na talagang saysay ang kahit ano pang sabihin ko. No fight left, no explanation enough to fix what was broken.
With tears still streaming down my face, I turned my back to him, chest heaving with quiet, heavy sobs that I couldn't hold back.
Behind me, I heard the heavy gate click shut with a sound that felt like closing a chapter forever.
When I glanced back over my shoulder one last time, I saw him leaning against the cold metal, umiiyak nang mag?isa under the dim, pale light, looking so small and broken I wanted to run back, but I knew I couldn't.
.