20. Ava
Chapter 20
Ava
I haven’t seen Finn, apart from the couple of occasions I have arrived home before he left, but that was not too bad. He made quick excuses and left more or less the moment I arrived.
It’s easier to not see him, and careful planning makes that easier over the past two weeks. It works well with Emmy, and I’m happy he’s being part of her life. He’s good for her.
I press for the elevator and wait. I have a client meeting in two hours that I have to get prepared for, so I’m coming returning early from my lunch.
I push myself into the car when it descends to the ground floor, squeezing in with too many others.
That’s when I see Finn. He’s staring at me and me at him, and I shift my body and turn away first. Not that it stops the air in the elevator from disappearing at a frightening speed. My stomach aches from seeing him. As always, it’s like a hard, elastic band, tightening across my midriff.
I want the elevator to race to my floor, but at the same time I want it to stop and for us to talk this through.
Finn glances at the buttons on the pad, watching as the numbers light up and go dark. Eventually, it stops at floor nineteen. Nobody gets out.
My heart rate spikes at that. It could only have been Finn that didn’t make the move. The elevator slows, floor twenty-four. The doors open and the last man in the elevator leaves the car.
Finn turns and looks at me. His gaze starts at my eyes and then pours down my body, lingering over my breasts, my waist, my thighs. When he reaches my ankles, his gaze starts back up, moving even slower. His Adam’s apple bobs with a hard swallow, and his expression oozes with lust and sin.
I chew nervously on my lower lip.
“I think you must have missed your floor,” I say. The elevator rises, and he moves one foot in front of the other, changes his mind and hits the red button on the elevator.
It comes roaring to a stop.
“What the hell are you doing?” I yell.
“It ends now. This little game we are playing. I hurt you. You hurt me. We are both going to end up hurting Emmy,” he says. “She needs me in her life.”
I nod. “She is in your life.”
“I need more.” His eyes are wide with surprise.
“We have an arrangement.” I sigh and raise one shoulder. “Think about what would work for you and I’ll do the same. But if you’re talking about sleepovers, no. Not yet.”
“I’m disappointed.”
I shake my head.
“I’m disappointed in myself,” he says, ignoring me. “That I didn’t put up more of a fight for you, for us.”
“I took your father’s money. I get it.”
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about when we were at university.” He hesitates as he stares at me. “But if I had, Emmy might not be here, and she is something I’m not disappointed about.”
The intensity between us has never left, but it grows thicker at that moment. “Now I’m only disappointed we aren’t prepared to give her a proper family.”
“We are a proper family,” I say. “Families comprise lots of variations. Ours is no different. We can work it out to suit everyone.”
“And if I meet someone and have a family with her,” he says, almost knocking the air from my lungs. Just imagining him with someone else, her making him feel like she belonged to him with just a glance. And he wouldn’t hate her, he would want her regardless of whether they had a child.
“I expect Emmy will have half brothers and sisters to visit,” I say, swallowing the lump that appears in my throat, because as hard as this is, Emmy has to be number one and two parents that are at each other’s throats because of the past wouldn’t be in her interest. “We’ll work it out, as long as it works with your partner.”
His nostrils flare. “I don’t want someone else. You work for me,” he says.
I blink hard. “Finn.”
The second his name leaves my mouth, he bursts into flames. His lips slam against mine at the same time my back hits the wall. His hands grip my waist, then under my shirt, sliding over my belly and over my skin and I melt into his touch as his large warm hands splay across my back, pulling him closer to him, flattening his broad chest against me. I hold his cheeks as our tongues tangle with each other, battling for control.
Our kiss is electric, but this is crazy.
I tear my mouth from his and turn my head to the side, inhaling deep breaths of air into my lungs.
“Finn.” My voice comes out breathless. “We can’t do this.”
He doesn’t listen. His mouth sucks against the sensitive spot below my ear until I let out a moan.
This is an elevator in a high-rise building in London. If we don’t get it moving soon, there’s going to be hundreds of firefighters making their way here.
I press the red button on the elevator, and the car moves again. Because as much as it is wild what we’re doing, it’s also crazy for all the wrong reasons.
He slams his hand on the button and the elevator shudders—so do I.
It’s unbearable, the way he looks at me now. It’s want stirred with a mixture of doubt and something else I can’t work out. And it takes every last bit of my strength to stop myself from leaping on him.
“One more try.” His eyes scan my face, and for a moment, he gives away a hint of despair. “I’m glad you took my father’s money. It probably helped you. I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at him for keeping Emmy away from me. I’m angry that my mother knew too.”
I gasp.
“They tried to explain that they thought you were trying to trap me. They thought I slept with hundreds of girls,” he says and laughs. “Then hearing I had only had sex with you in my entire life. I wanted no one else.”
For the first time, I know why I can’t walk away. Why I could never let myself want to be with someone else—especially when he hated me? It made no sense.
He sighs, his minty breath tempting me closer. “I’m not asking for anything more than a chance. One last try.” His eyes are pleading. “It was always you.”
He looks so damn sincere. I momentarily worry my knees will give out. I suck in a deep breath, but my voice goes shallow. “You too, but...”
“There are no buts. We did everything so fucking right, but at the same time, messed it up massively. We both made wrong choices, good choices, and we're still here. Two people who always loved each other, and no time apart, changed that.”
Finn lights a fire in me that leaves my skin hot, but I can’t shake the tiny knot at the pit of my stomach.
I don’t know what it is.
“You never asked why I took you to my parents’ cabin that night,” he says, taking a box out of his pocket.
“Finn,” I whisper.
He drops onto one knee, opens the box. I gasp. “Ava, I knew the moment I met you, you were the one. And I lied to you when I told you I hate you. How can I, when all I could ever do is love you?” He hesitates for a moment. “I was going to ask you to marry me that weekend four years ago because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I still feel the same way now as I did then, and that feeling will never end. I want lots more children with you. I want to grow old with you. But more than anything, I want to be your husband.” He hesitates again, staring at my face. “Please marry me. You are my forever.”
We gaze at each other for a long time, both breathing until he puckers his lips gently, waiting.
I nod my head. “Yes,” I whisper. Because it would’ve taken all the strength I had to turn him down.
Not that I want to.
I take his hand, pulling him off the floor. His mouth crashes into mine.
He pulls back, resting his forehead on mine. “I’ve been dreaming about that for four years,” he says quietly, and picks up my hand, sliding the most beautiful ring over my finger.
“Mom said all girls like a large solitaire,” he says and laughs.
“You told your mom?” I ask, surprised, staring at the slim gold band with the diamond that feels heavy on my hand. “It’s beautiful.”
He smiles. “She apologized for her and my father’s wrong doing and admitted it was never your fault. She told me to let go of my anger. Telling me she's the perfect example of life being too short to hold grudges,” he says.
I smile.
“I hated her, hated my father when I found out because now I have years to make up for. Four years that you struggled and sacrificed to bring up our daughter.” His voice quivers. “Four years I didn’t see her, love her... you.”
“Shush,” I whisper and hold his cheeks with my hands, the rough, bristly spots on his normally clean-shaven face. He runs his fingers through my hair, pulling me closer, and he leans in and pecks me on the lips twice before nuzzling his nose into my neck. “I love you,” he says into my hair. “What we have is unique. It’s an irreplaceable love that would always take us back to each other.”
I smile as he brushes his mouth down my cheek until reaching my lips. They part for him, and he kisses me with measured movements, allowing me to appreciate every slide of his tongue and tremor of his lips.
Pulling away, I meld my arms around his neck. He lifts me by my waist and I wrap my legs around him.
“I love you,” I say. I always did.
Finn is home, being in his arms is safe, and now I know it could get better.