Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Romy
“Okay… okay… let me explain. I can explain. Please.” I let out a breath since I feel as though I’m about to hyperventilate. “I know, I know. I can see on your face that you’re a little surprised.”
“A little?”
My mom keeps turning the doorknob, and I keep holding it tightly. She bangs on the other side. “Romy! Romy, let me out. This is not funny.”
I look at Zander. “I have to let her out.”
It’s obvious to me that my little stunt with the door has distracted my mom from looking in the drawer, otherwise, she’d be less concerned with getting out.
She’d either speak softly to me and ask me to open the door because she wants to comfort me, or she wouldn’t be trying to get out at all because she’d be sitting there stunned.
He stares at my hand on the knob and doesn’t say anything.
I have no idea what he’s thinking. I want to know what’s going on in his head.
He’s probably thinking the baby isn’t his.
The words paternity test must be flashing in his mind like a neon sign.
He’s thinking about his money and that I’m going to want to take him for everything he has.
He’s thinking this one woman that he spent very little time with is now a part of his life forever.
My mom yanks on the door even harder, and I have to use every muscle I have to hold the door shut until he can grasp what I’ve just told him and put on some kind of fake act, as if I didn’t just shatter his world with two words.
Right before I release the doorknob, I say, “I’m really sorry.”
I let go. My mom swings the door open, heaving for breath, totally pissed and giving me the meanest look I have ever seen her give any of us. Even when Bennett crashed the truck at sixteen for a second time.
Zander turns and walks away.
“What is going on? Why would you lock me in there?” I don’t answer, my eyes on Zander’s back as he pushes out the back door, and she says, “Romy, I want answers.”
I raise my hand. “Just give me five minutes, Mom. Just five minutes.”
I follow Zander without waiting for her to reply.
“You’ve got five minutes, and then I want some answers!” She sucks in a breath. “Jesus, I can’t believe you did that.”
“I swear I’ll be right back,” I say as I push out the door.
Zander is already halfway to the edge of the vineyard, heading down the hill.
Maybe I should give him some time to process things, but once I get close enough, I can’t stop myself from spitting it all out. “Let me explain. I know I should have told you. I get that. I know—”
“Damn right you should have.”
He whips around, and I’m taken by surprise. I stumble back and trip on a small rock behind me. He grabs my arms and holds me steady. Then he just stares into my eyes. His pain flickers through, and my heart sinks for holding onto this information.
“Zander, I found out the day you showed up here. Like, minutes before. I was just trying to make sense of this whole situation before bringing you into it.” Wetness pricks at my eyes.
My nose stings. My throat is closing up.
I can’t hold these tears in any longer. I just want to crumble.
I just want to— “I don’t expect anything from you if that’s what you’re worried about. ”
Zero emotion lines his face.
“Just tell me what you’re thinking right now,” I plead. One tear falls, then another before I cover my face with my hands from embarrassment.
“Fuck, don’t cry.” He pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me.
I’m surprised but comforted at the same time. My fingers grip the back of his shirt as I breathe in his scent. And damn it if that doesn’t somehow make me feel worse and better with every breath.
I hold onto him while I mumble, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
He draws back but keeps his hands linked behind my back. “Why do you keep apologizing?”
“I don’t know. Because… I feel like I just ruined your life.”
He smirks, gives me that half smile. Who is this man?
“Last I checked, you didn’t make this baby by yourself. Didn’t they teach you in school that it takes two to make a baby?”
His response floors me. It’s the total opposite of what I thought I’d get. “But you—you walked away after I told you. I thought you were mad.”
“I left because your mom was coming out of that room, and I didn’t want her to see my reaction. Clearly, you’re keeping this a secret from everybody, including me. I didn’t want your mom to ask a bunch of questions.”
He lets his hands drop from behind my back and walks toward the vineyard again. I follow, unsure if he even wants me to.
“It was that one time, right? After that show, in the tour bus?”
I nod. It’s the only time we didn’t use a condom, so it has to be. He pulled out, but clearly that didn’t work.
“You know, all my life, I’ve always heard it only takes once. Only one fucking time. Damn it all to hell, they were right.”
I nod—because yeah, it did only take one time.
He must’ve been on a high after his show, and he took us into that bus, locked the door, and told Beau to keep everybody out.
I don’t know if it was the song he sang at the end or seeing everybody adoring him.
I have no idea what made him pull me away, but he took me, and we didn’t even think about protecting ourselves.
We still thought, what are the chances? One in a million, right?
I remember saying how I’d heard we’d have a better chance at winning the lottery, and we laughed.
And now we’re here.
“I guess all those health teachers were right, huh?” My breathing has started to settle, and I inhale slowly.
Zander chuckles. His laugh actually sounds really nice compared to the other sounds I thought he’d be making now. I thought I’d hear cursing and shouting, maybe sobbing and lamenting his life choices.
“God, you’re taking this so much better than I thought you would.”
He still has that smile as he says, “Believe me, my head’s playing war with me right now. But anger isn’t going to help. I’m sure you don’t want this any more than I do.”
His words sting, but they don’t surprise me.
My hand falls to my stomach, and he clocks the movement instantly, transfixed on it.
I don’t want to read anything into the panic in his eyes, how real it seems to be becoming to him.
I’ve had a couple of weeks to digest this news, and he’s had all of five minutes.
His eyes still don’t shift from my stomach.
I guess it’s time I lay it all out on the line. He has to know exactly what my plans are moving forward. “There’s something else you have to know, Zander.”
Alarm shifts his features. “Is there something wrong? Have you already been to the doctor? Is it the baby?” He reaches out but retracts his hand before it can make contact with my stomach.
“How far along are you? I mean, I can guess how far along you are, but I don’t know how they calculate those things.
Something’s wrong, isn’t it? Something that’s—”
I shake my head. “No… well, not that I know of. I’ve just decided… I’m keeping the baby. I want to keep the baby.”
He nods and blows out a breath. “Okay.”
For some reason, that’s more of a comfort to me than anything else. I’m still in shock over how he’s handling the news, and I have no idea where we go from here.
“Do you want to take some time to think about what you want to do?” I broach the subject about finding our way forward.
By now we’re right at the edge of the vineyard, where the grapes are plump enough to harvest. Uncle Wade always does one harvest in September and the other in early October, so these must be for that one.
“I—I don’t know. There’s… a lot of logistics, I guess.
I should probably talk to Beau, figure out the next steps, but right now, I can’t even think about any of that.
Honestly, I’m still in shock. The thought of me as—” He breaks off, dragging a hand down his face.
“God. Me? A dad? Who would even want that? I’m such a screw-up.
I have commitment issues, keep people away.
I don’t know how the hell a real family functions because I’ve never been a part of one.
” His voice falters. “How the hell am I supposed to be somebody’s father? ”
He lays all his vulnerabilities at my feet.
I’m unsure if he’s expecting me to answer him or not.
Should I tell him that I think he’ll be an amazing dad and that he should give himself the chance?
That I saw a glimpse of who he truly is and could be, and that man will be a wonderful father?
But then does it sound like I’m pressuring him to be involved?
So, I stay silent and let him have his moment—the same moment I did, though I was able to have it without witnesses.
I look at him, then look up at The Knotted Barn, seeing my mom standing on the balcony watching us.
Her mamma bear tendencies have never gone away, even as my siblings and I grew into adulthood.
She wants to know what the hell is going on with me, although I’m assuming she has an inkling if she went back and opened that drawer. I guarantee she did after I ran off.
“I think I’m going to go back up. I’m going to let you digest this information, and then if you want to talk—whenever you want to talk—we can.”
He turns and walks right up to me. I stand frozen, worried about what he’s going to say, but he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tightly. All he says is, “Thank you.”
I don’t know what the thank you means. I don’t know if it means thank you for telling me or thank you for giving me time to process. But I nod, and he gives me one last squeeze. Then he walks away, down one of the rows, farther back into the vineyard.
I watch him for a moment, a little relieved that the truth is out, that I no longer have to hold this secret inside me.
I’m going to have to go up there and tell my mom, and she’s either going to give me her sarcastic wit or judgment—maybe a little of both.
She won’t like that I kept this from her.
The guilt will be real. She would’ve wanted to see me through this moment, but it was important for me to make sure Zander knew before my whole family. It was only fair.
I walk up the hill and see my mom leave the balcony. Moments later, she’s out the back door, and as I reach the top of the hill, she holds out her arms.
She’s seen the test.
All the tears that have been welling up spring free, and I can’t hold them in any longer as I walk into her arms.
Her hands run up and down my back as she whispers, “It’s gonna be okay. It will all be okay.”
I hope she’s right.