Chapter 8 Wesley
WESLEY
It felt like one of those dreams where you’re trying to move toward something, but you aren’t exactly sure what, and you’re stuck. That’s what I was. Stuck. I was missing something.
That would be disrespectful. What would be disrespectful? Yeah, I was missing something.
“We were done anyway,” I heard her say to Megan, who had an odd expression on her face—one I couldn’t make out. It almost looked like she was annoyed, but with what? We were done anyway. Why did that cause goose bumps to break out over my arms?
Why does it seem like she is running from me?
It had to be a figment of my imagination.
She was just busy. Busy with work. Busy.
When she met Caitlin, she would understand that there was no reason that she couldn’t come by in the mornings and have a cup with me and Caitlin.
Or just me, if Caitlin was back at her place for the night.
Even if, as of lately, she might as well have moved in.
Her products littered my counter, and her favorite mug was currently in my sink.
She didn’t even need an overnight bag because she was there so often her stuff just kind of stayed.
I found myself trailing far behind Rosie because she all but flew away from me, and as I made my way to Megan, she narrowed her eyes at me. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“What is going on with everyone today? It’s like I entered The Twilight Zone.”
Her eyes kept staring at me without her saying anything, like she was sussing me out, trying to decipher something I couldn’t put my finger on. She finally shook her head at me and moved so I could pass her.
It looked like Caitlin and Rosie had already said hello.
Since they had briefly met before, introductions didn’t seem necessary.
Rosie was moving around the kitchen, pouring a glass of wine, and she handed it to Caitlin, smiling while she did it.
There she is. There’s my best friend. I must have been reaching for something that wasn’t there.
Must be the nerves of introducing Caitlin to everyone.
There’d been casual hookups and a few longer-term girlfriends, but none I was serious about.
I knew my friends knew I was serious about Caitlin.
I had told them, and her being there that night made it even more clear.
“You were right,” Caitlin said as she walked over to me. Rosie grabbed a glass for herself down from the rack. “She’s great.”
I wrapped my arms around Caitlin from the back and nuzzled my head into her neck.
“I told you so.” I placed a quick kiss and looked up, only to see Rosie staring at us, glass in her hand, but empty of wine.
Once she saw me looking at her, she jolted back into action, and missed the rim of her glass a bit before laughing it off.
My lips tipped up in a smile at her. But she all of a sudden looked a little pale, so I started to make my way toward her to see what was wrong until she seemed to shake whatever it was off.
Rosie poured herself a glass and took a gulp.
“Took you long enough to get here,” Megan said as she made her way toward us. “It’s charcuterie board night, so grab a plate, and let’s eat and get to know Caitlin.” Megan clapped her hands together, and Lake came in from the living room.
“Ah, finger food, Megs. Really?”
“Feed yourself next time,” she said as she shoved a paper plate into his hands. He just kissed her cheek, filled up his plate, and made his way over to Rosie. Lake also kissed her cheek as he moved her so he could grab what he wanted. She blushed, bringing the color back into her cheeks.
“Caitlin, since you’re the newbie, you’re up first!
” he said as he piled his plate high with cheese, pickles, and sliced deli meat.
Luckily, she took it like a champ, and gave them the rundown of her job.
She worked in marketing for an architecture firm, we had met at a concert, she just turned thirty, and she admitted she was ready to settle down when Lake rudely asked her.
I saw the way she looked at me when she answered his question, and I felt my stomach flip at her confession. I mean, that’s where this was headed, and I was ready. I walked over to her as she said it and pulled her hand up and kissed her wrist before she kept answering everyone’s questions.
Rosie was there, was smiling at the right things, offering a few quips of wisdom. She was there, but she didn’t seem…present. I wanted to drag her away from the table and ask her what was wrong.
Nothing was ever wrong with Rosie. She was a force, and steady—so steady.
So why did I all of a sudden feel unsteady around her?
“So, what about you Rosie? You’re up next on the chopping block. We haven’t seen you in weeks,” Megan said next, and pointed her fork at her.
“My life is the same. No news,” she told her, and I felt the tension I was feeling released at her confession.
“You know that’s not true. When I called you last, you were all breathless and flustered, so what gives?”
“Megan,” she hissed. “Do not do this to me right now.” She grumbled.
“What’s happening right now?” Caitlin asked. “Are you seeing someone? Give us all the details.”
What?
“Rosie isn’t seeing anyone,” I said. That caused the conversation around us to still, and I realized I must have said something wrong. But she isn’t, Right?
She cleared her throat, clearly embarrassed. “I’m not seeing anyone. I was uh, reading a book.”
“A book? Since when do you read?” Megan inquired, while Caitlin said, “Oh, yeah! You had a book club flyer the other day.”
“You joined a club without me?” Megan pouted. I had completely forgotten about it all together.
“So…why were you all breathless and flustered?” Lake piped up in between bites.
“Oh, I…Uhm…It’s nothing you would be into.” Her eyes were firmly on her plate. Holy shit, she is embarrassed.
“Rosie…” Lake said, his voice teasing. He stopped shoveling food into his mouth to focus his attention on her. Lake tucked a stray hair that had fallen in front of her face behind her ear and leaned in closer to her, since with the addition of Caitlin, Rosie wasn’t sitting next to me anymore.
“Are you reading porn?” He leaned in so close to her that she jumped at his question before her face gave it away.
“Oh my god, it is!” Megan said, laughter ringing out between everyone but me. I was still stuck on how close Lake was to her. Is something going on between them? The way he touched her didn’t seem friendly… not one bit.
“It is not porn! It’s a really romantic love story! About an Orc and finding his female mate.”
“A what?” Lake hollered, “I knew it. I knew you were a wildcat.” He winked at her.
He thinks about Rosie like that?
My fork clattered to my plate. I hadn’t realized I was squeezing it so hard until it apparently started to cut off my circulation, and I was forced to drop it, causing everyone’s attention to find me. I shook it off.
“So, Orcs, huh?” I somehow managed to ask.
Rosie’s gaze never met mine, but she laughed with everyone else. And for some reason, that itched something in my brain, but I didn’t have the time to dwell on it with everyone around. I let it go, and let the conversation flowed around me again.
? ? ? ?
Rosie
Unlocking my door, it was almost like slow motion, the way it closed behind me.
The way the silence filled the space, deafening but so loud.
The way my mind was stuck on the night, the way Caitlin was lovely.
Wesley was happy. He was happy. I loved him, and I had to let him go because he was happy, and she was lovely.
I set my keys down on the table and moved to stare at my reflection again, hours apart, yet the same, but I didn’t feel the same.
I felt…unsteady. Unsure. My hair still pulled back in its clip, my glasses hiding my eyes.
I slid them up and I saw the way my chin wobbled as a lone tear fell.
I kept eye contact with myself as the tears started to flow freely.
I reached up and wiped them away but still continued to look at myself, to see it, to feel it, alone.
I pinched the bridge of my nose while I bit my lip until I tasted the metallic taste that coated my tongue, and finally, the tears subsided. I stepped as close to the mirror as I could, taking in the aftermath.
I didn’t want my life to be the same because I didn’t feel the same. I wanted something different. I didn’t want to continue to put my life on hold for something that wasn’t real, and that’s what I’d held onto; the possibility of a future.
Maybe I’d stop telling myself all the things I wanted to do. Maybe I’d just do them. Maybe I’d finally get that cat I’d been thinking about.
It’s time, I told myself as I moved away from the mirror, leaving the past in my reflection.