Chapter 19 Rosie
ROSIE
“I’m happy that you’re happy, Wes. Really.
” I moved to make my exit and head back inside before he could make a remark.
It had been a good evening so far—one that showed me I could exist in the same space as him, with them.
That I could smile and everyone would believe it.
That I could sit in my heartache, undetected.
And for that, I was thankful. I couldn’t help but shoot Wesley one last look over as he remained a statue of stone, his lips pursed, perhaps annoyed that I didn’t call him out on his behavior, but opting to let it go, opting to let the conversation and confrontation lie in some form of understanding between us.
My body acted on its own accord as I leaned over him and brushed my lips across his forehead.
“Goodbye, Wes,” I murmured as I turned away and made my way back inside, making sure I held my head high.
“I was going to send a search party out for you,” Megan said as I crossed the threshold back inside, and I pulled her into a hug. It was the first time I’d been able to get her alone since Lake and I got there. “I’m proud of you,” I mumbled into her hair.
I felt her relax in the embrace, and I knew that, behind her cheery exterior, she had been a bundle of nerves about the expansion.
“Thank you.” She breathed, and let me go on her exhale. “How are you holding up?” There was an undercurrent of unspoken words between us, and I realized she knew how I felt about Wesley. “Am I that obvious?” I asked, knowing she knew what I was asking.
“Only to those who pay attention.”
“Does…Does he know?” I felt my palms start to sweat at the thought of my secret being common knowledge to everyone, thinking I had fooled everyone.
But instead, I was the fool. My mouth started to dry, and I grabbed a flute of champagne off a tray on the bar to my left.
Megan snorted, unaware of my inner turmoil.
“Wes? He’s clueless. Absolutely unaware,” she said to me, pausing for a moment as if debating whether or not to continue. “Which makes him unaware of how he feels about you.”
I felt the way my eyebrows furrowed together at what she was saying.
Wait, what is she saying? I began to ask when a flicker of a shadow passed by in the form of Wesley.
I didn’t think he noticed Megan or me standing there.
He had his focus back on where everyone was sitting at the long table, conversation and laughter filling the space.
I took him in without worry of someone noticing, considering Megan already knew, and we were the only two over there.
His eyes scanned the table, roaming over the faces of everyone, the muscles in his face constricting further into a frown every time they roamed over someone and he didn’t find what he was looking for.
He eventually got to where Caitlin was sitting, exactly where he left her, and instead of the relief I expected to see, I saw the muscles move downwards.
He ran his hand through his hair, clearly frustrated, and only then did I briefly let myself wonder if it was me he was looking for.
“Babe, come try this! It’s a braised turkey sandwich on homemade sourdough.
It’s so good.” Caitlin’s voice carried. Maybe it was because I understood the desperation in it.
Wesley looked momentarily annoyed at her question, but masked it by pulling his lips over his teeth in a smile, and went over to her.
I shook out any thoughts of him looking for me.
I was just imagining things. I needed to move on, and this was my goodbye.
My closure. I took in the scene, and a weird sense of melancholy washed over me. I was suddenly exhausted.
I felt Megan’s eyes on me, taking in the full scene, and I briefly wondered what it looked like to her. Does it look like devastation? A train wreck? Or does it look normal? Every small moment that ripped me apart looked normal to someone else.
I gave her a sad smile—one I knew didn’t reach anywhere. “I think I’m going to call it a night. There’s an Uber only three minutes away,” I told her as I held up my phone, showing her the app, knowing I was leaving early. But I’d inflicted enough self-damage, and I was ready to leave it behind me.
Megan gave me an understanding nod and pulled me in for another hug, “We’re getting dinner together this week.
Just the two of us. No excuses.” I agreed, and texted Lake that I was tired and turning in for the night, knowing he wouldn’t be checking his phone, so he couldn’t bribe me into staying.
I felt a smidge of guilt over my hasty exit, but I had reached my emotional tipping point.
I briefly looked back, taking everything in—the laughter, the ease, the lightness in the air, keeping that feeling with me.
I made my way to my Uber, checking the license plate and verifying the name before climbing in.
I might have been leaving pieces of me behind, but that left me feeling lighter in ways I hadn’t in months.