10. Sophia
10
SOPHIA
“Best of luck, sweetheart. You’re going to be amazing.” My grip on the phone tightens, and I wish Asher was here in person and I wasn’t just hearing his voice on the phone. As if he can hear my unspoken words, he says, “I’ll be there, Soph. I’ll be watching you play from the front row.”
“Thank you so much.” My voice shakes as I end the call. I get dressed into my blue silk dress, which I purchased two years ago for such special occasions. My hands shake as I french braid my hair, as I do for all performances. I hate the locks sticking at my face while playing. I’ve never felt this nervous before. I remind myself that it’s better to perform bad than not perform at all, because the way my pulse escalates, I feel like I’ll pass out at any moment.
After grabbing my handbag, I leave the house.
“Are you nervous?” A sax performer asks, wiping his forehead with a pocket square.
“A little.” I hate the tremble in my voice.
You’re not a wuss for fuck’s sake, Soph. You’re a fighter. You’re a—
“It’s my first time.” The young man interrupts my mental pep talk and then cringes immediately. “I mean… my first performance.”
“You’ll do great.” My nervousness calms, knowing I’m not alone, until Nicoleta walks in wearing a pale blue dress and her hair in a french braid exactly like mine.
“Are you performing together?” The sax player, whose name I never caught, asks as Nicoleta throws me a wry smile.
Before I can say anything, she replies to him. “No. I’m performing before her.” She turns to me. “I don’t know how many people will be looking forward to another pianist after me, Soph.”
Watching the expression of pity on her face, unhealthy anger rushes throughout my body. Undesirable thoughts of Nicoleta meeting an accident right before her performance hit me like a blizzard, leaving me with a feeling of guilt in their wake.
“Don’t worry, tonight I’m playing for Asher.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, energy shoots like sparks, flowing throughout my veins. The fear and anger are replaced by anticipation.
Asher will be in the first seat, just for me. That’s what matters and nothing else. Not the crowd, and definitely not Nicoleta.
The dry smile slips from Nicoleta’s face for a second. “I must say, I’m envious of you. Asher seems to be a complete package. Where did you find him anyway? It would be hard to ignore a man like him in St. Peppers.”
“I think what’s meant for us finds us. You don’t always have to go hunting, or imitating.”
Her laughter is still echoing in the green room when one of the organizers rushes inside. He holds a small box and, with shaking hands, attempts to pry off the tight golden latch unsuccessfully. “I can’t believe he’s here.”
“Mr. Kaufmann, do you need help?” I reach him before he passes out.
He nods, handing me the soft blue velvet. “Mr. Miller is here. He RSVPed, but we weren’t sure.”
My gasp is loud at the sight of a shiny sapphire lapel pin.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Mr. Kaufmann takes the box from my hands. “After the first successful event, the gala committee commissioned this pin for the Miller family, who had donated huge funds to build this site.” He looks around the beautiful hall. “But the richest family in town is as generous as they are dignified. They never took the pin home. Since then, it became customary for the honorary guest of the Miller family to enjoy the performances of the Gala night wearing this pin and then return it back at the end of the evening. The box is then closed for the next year. But after the death of his parents, Mr. Ashcroft Miller never came home for the holidays. However, tonight, he’s here.”
My mouth dries at hearing the name. Even when I tell myself there’s nothing to worry about, I can’t help the fluttering in my chest. “He… Mr. Miller… is here?”
“Yes, front row,” Mr. Kaufmann responds and leaves me more nervous than I was before.
“Wow! I heard he’s taking over the family business. This is possibly the first society event he’s participating in.” Unlike me, the sax player seems to have lost some of his nervousness. “I hope I get a chance to talk to him. I’ve heard he’s hiring new staff.”
I flop down onto my seat, but not before eyeing Nicoleta adjust the split of her dress to show more of her leg.
My nerves remain tight as the performances start. One after the other, performers leave the room and return with a relieved, excited face.
I’m after Nicoleta, and my heart hammers when she returns back. I prepare myself for some narcissistic comment from her. Something along the lines of no one is holding their breath for me after her great performance. But what she really says tips my world. “You’re in for a real surprise, Soph. Break a leg.”
Before I can even make sense of her words, I’m escorted to the stage. I’ve always found the blinding stage lights comforting, but tonight I’d have loved to get a glimpse of the crowd. The familiar, yet odd warmth stays with me as I place my hands onto the keys of the grand piano.
I take a deep breath and let the music flow from my fingers. But my mind is in a totally different realm. Images of the night I met Asher at The Queen’s float before me. Until now, whenever I’ve thought about that night, I’ve imagined his cocky smile and beautiful face, but tonight my brain forces me to see beyond that. The confidence with which he walked toward me. His black suit, which twinkled under the lights. His gold cufflinks. The authority in his voice when he threatened Jeremy. With each reflection, my heart squeezes tighter.
I cannot control when my fingers drift toward the melancholy notes. The more minor chords I play, the more I can’t escape my own brain.
Asher acting flawless at Miss Tee’s party. Asher never in haste to run to a job in the morning. Asher always outside my school in the evenings. And then his gift, the handmade wooden piano, which I found out isn’t one of a kind.
Tears run down my cheeks, falling onto my fingers over the keys, and for the first time, I curse my french braid.
The show ends and the light shifts away from me, and all my imaginations come to life when I spot the sapphire lapel pin on none other than my boyfriend’s expensive suit as he’s seated in the front row between the organizers and judges.
His hard face and clenched jaw make me want to curl into the fetal position on my bed and hope that tonight is nothing but a dream. My tears haven’t stopped, and in my mind, I’m asking him a slew of questions, all of which start with a why.
I’m rushed off the stage to the green room to grab my bag, hoping to leave this place as soon as I can, but it isn’t my day. The room is filled with performers, and Nicoleta’s voice is as loud as a boom.
“You didn’t say you were dating Ashcroft Miller.” A dead silence falls around us as soon as the words are out of her mouth. “I find it hard to believe he had nothing to do with your selection.”
Dread washes over me like unexpected rain as I remember the night Asher told me he knew I was in. The night of our argument. His agitation at my aversion to the rich. Did he have something to do with—
No, not at all. He wouldn’t do this. Plus, I’m a good pianist.
“Why would you say such a thing?” I clutch my silver silk bag close to my chest. “There was a time we used to be friends. Have you forgotten everything?”
The cunning smile slips from Nicoleta’s face, and I take that chance to flee. But with her hurried steps, she catches up with me before I can leave the building. She grabs my hand and pulls me back.
“It’s hard to remember anything good when you’re constantly reminded that you are and always will be a second, an alternate. Always good, but never good enough to reach the top.”
“What are you saying?”
“Since music school, your shadow hasn’t left my side, Sophia. Is it my fault that my heart found peace in classical music, knowing there’s already a very good classical pianist in town? Wherever I go or whenever I express an opinion, I’m always told, ‘Sounds good, but we’ll check with Sophia.’” My heart aches as her red eyes turn stormy. “I decided if they want Sophia, then I’ll become Sophia. But if only I had your luck. You got every great thing in this town, including Ashcroft Miller.”
“I never asked for anything, Nicoleta, especially Ash…croft.”
“Yet, you have him. And with the way you cried on stage, I’m sure you’ll win the best performance trophy tonight.”
She leaves my hand and takes a step back. Her usual haughtiness slips away, and her sad face reminds me of the girl she used to be.
“I’m sorry for everything,” I whisper and turn around to forget the night that was supposed to be the most memorable evening of my life.