23. Jenna
JENNA
“ W ell, I didn’t have Miles Corbin buying a girl a TV on my Bingo card for this year, but what the hell do I know?” Joy quips.
Leo barges out of the supply room. “Hold up. Miles bought you a TV?” He raises his eyebrows and shakes his head in disbelief. “Dude’s whipped.”
I frown. “Stop it. No, he’s not.” I fold my arms across my chest. “I’m still leaving anyway,” I say, more to convince myself than my well-meaning but disbelieving coworkers. “This thing,” I wave my hands around for lack of description, “is nothing more than a little fling.”
Joy gives me a pointed look. “Like I have been saying, that’s all Miles is known for. So as long as you know that and you’re okay with it, then great. Might as well enjoy yourself while you’re here.”
Leo frowns at his sister, then turns back to me while holding up his hands. “Look—Miles has a reputation. I’m not going to pretend he doesn’t. But buying a TV for a girl he’s casually seeing? That’s...not typical Miles.”
“It’s just a little fun—I’m still planning on leaving,” I say, more to convince myself than them.
“I can keep my head in the game.” I walk behind the counter and get my travel mug, filled with coffee that I made at home in the pot Miles bought for me.
I take a long swig of it, willing myself not to swoon over the fact that someone thought enough of me to buy me a coffee pot.
For no other reason than because I didn’t have one already.
There I go again. Protecting my heart is going to be harder than I thought.
“Okay. Good. Then do that.” Joy holds up her hands, but there is a disapproving tone to her voice that I don’t love.
“He did ask me to go to a Halloween party at Liam and Sophie’s house,” I say, biting back a smile. “He’s bringing over some couples costume suggestions this afternoon,” I add, just to see their reaction. Their eyes go wide.
“Couples costumes?” Joy’s eyes widen in surprise.
“See. Dude’s whipped,” Leo says, with an I-told-you-so shake of his head.
“Maybe.” I look between them. “But that doesn’t change anything, I’m still leaving.”
“Here we go again,” Joy mutters under her breath.
“And what the hell, why am I not invited to this party?” Leo plants his hands on his hips, feigning offense.
“Don’t ask me. It’s not my party. I’m going to restock,” I say, desperate to leave this conversation.
When I am with Miles, nothing else matters. But when I talk about him with Joy, she dampens my, well, joy. It seems like she disapproves of my new relationship, and she’s one of my only friends here. I think it’s time I call Morgan. She’s the only person left who can talk me off this ledge.
Because Morgan’s life is far busier than mine, I have to schedule time to talk. I curl up on the tweed couch, pull an old afghan over me, and watch the Roku screensaver when my phone buzzes in my hand.
“There she is,” I say, as gleefully as I can muster when I answer the FaceTime call.
“Hi, baby girl.” Morgan sounds out of breath but looks happy.
“Why are you breathing so hard?” I ask, scowling.
“Because I am running away from my husband and babies so I can take this call in peace.” Morgan cackles. “I’m going to sit in my car with the butt warmer on and soak in every last minute of alone time.”
“That sounds nice,” I say, wryly. “Says the girl who has far too much alone time,”
“You don’t sound good, Jenna Banenna. What’s going on? Are those bangs?” Morgan’s expression clouds, and concern flickers across her features as she uses my childhood nickname.
Immediately my eyes well with tears. Maybe it’s talking to someone who really knows me for the first time in a long time, or maybe it’s because I’ve held it all in for nearly a month since probating my mom’s will, but the tears fall fast and furious.
Morgan’s face crumbles as I give in to the wave of sadness overtaking my voice.
I let myself cry until my breathing stabilizes and I’m able to swallow the enormous lump in my throat.
Morgan waits patiently, without asking questions; the way only best friends know how.
I haven’t seen Morgan since the funeral, and with how busy she is, I didn’t want to bother her in the new parent fog.
I haven’t even told her what’s been going on.
When I calm down enough to suck in a breath, I speak.
“It’s just been a lot. And yes, I got bangs—huge mistake by the way,” I say, my voice catching.
“There’s so much I didn’t know. But the gist of it?
My mom never sold our house in Cape May after my dad died.
It’s been here, closed up since 1997.” I sniffle and wipe away another stream of fresh tears.
“I only found out when they probated the will. And since I lost my job, I thought, great—now I can sell it and be okay for a while,” I mumble feeling hopelessly, desperately sorry for myself
Sympathy flashes behind Morgan’s eyes before her jaw falls open in shock. “Wait! You lost your job? Where have I been? When did this happen? Jenna, I’m so sorry. The bangs aren’t that bad.” She leans closer to the camera, examining me, but her eyes are brimming with unshed tears.
I sigh. “The week after the funeral. They couldn’t afford me anymore.
” I sniffle. “I didn’t call because you’re in newborn bliss with those sweet babies and you were moving.
I didn’t want to bother you. But it all feels too heavy now.
I need my best friend.” I look away from my phone, Morgan’s creased brow—caught somewhere between worry and helplessness—is too much for me and I feel the sting of fresh tears all over again.
“Hey,” Morgan says firmly, pointing into her phone. “First of all, you are never bothering me, Jenna. You hear me? You’re my oldest friend. And it’s more like a newborn haze, ninety percent of the time.” She cracks a smile that relaxes me immediately
I suck in a shaky breath. “I know. But I spent the last few years just…existing for my mom. Doctor’s visits, chemo appointments, round-the-clock care.
Which was fine, I wanted to. But everything in my life just sort of stopped.
I stopped doing anything for me.” My voice cracks as the weight of admitting this crashes into me.
“Now she’s gone, and I have all this free time, and I have no idea what to do with it. I forgot how to be me.”
Morgan nods, leaning her head on the car window. “Okay, so go back. You lost your job. You drove down to the house. I assume that’s where you are now?”
“Yes. But the house wasn’t kept up. Everything was covered with drop cloths.
There are termites and it needs foundation work.
It’s not in great shape to sell. So I’m just kind of hanging here, working at a hardware store, until I can list it.
” I twirl the ends of my hair around my fingers, a nervous habit from childhood.
“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad,” Morgan soothes. “Living by the beach in the fall. Have you made any friends?”
“I ran into my aunt and cousin, Jake. I hadn’t seen my cousin in almost ten years, my aunt in far longer than that.
Apparently, we’re going to have dinner soon.
I have a million questions, but...” I trail off, my chest tightening.
“It’s probably going to stir up a lot—memories of my dad, losing my mom.
It feels like a lot.” I flop back on the pillow, suddenly drained.
“I remember Jake from college. Maybe they will have some answers for you,” Morgan suggests.
“And maybe while you’re in a new place, you should start putting yourself out there again.
You said yourself, it’s been so long since you’ve done anything for yourself.
You took care of your mom for a really long time,” Morgan points out, and she’s right.
“That’s the other thing,” I say slowly. “I met a guy.” I fight back the smile on my lips, despite my sadness. Even though I am so excited about what’s happening with Miles, Joy’s reservations steal some of that from me.
“Yay!” Morgan squeals. “Tell me about him.”
So, I do. I fill her in on how we met, how he fixed my tire and then paid for another one.
I tell her how he taught me to surf, bought me a coffee pot, and a TV, and gave me the best orgasm of my life.
Then I tell her he’s divorced, and how Joy keeps warning me that he is incapable of being serious with a woman, despite everything that has happened between us.
“I’m scared,” I admit, feeling the fresh sting of tears again.
“Oh, Jenna. It’s normal to be scared. But the things he’s done for you?
If I’ve learned anything, it’s that guys don’t do anything they don’t have to do, unless they really want to.
It sounds like Miles really cares for you.
” Morgan’s words comfort me. “I wish I could reach through the phone and hug you right now.”
I laugh, sniffling and wiping the tears that won’t stop. “Me too. What if it doesn't work out? What if I end up alone?” I shudder. “I already feel so alone. I’m afraid to give in to the possibility of someone actually wanting me.”
“Stop it. You will never be alone. You will always have me, and you can come and stay here any time. As long as you can hold a baby and don’t mind spit up,” she teases.
I miss her so much it aches. “I will come visit soon.” Before I can say more, I’m interrupted by a knock on my door.
“Jenna? Are you home?” A voice calls from the other side.
I hop off the couch, carrying my FaceTime call with me. “I think he’s at my front door,” I hiss at Morgan.
“Ooh! Let me see him,” she squeals, looking giddy behind the screen.
“Absolutely not. Go snuggle your babies and I’ll text you later,” I whisper.
“Who are you talking to?” Miles’s amused voice comes from behind the front door.
“Bye!” Morgan whispers back, and then she’s gone.
I swing open the front door, and there’s Miles—sexy as ever in jeans and a hoodie, his sleeves pushed up. His hazel eyes glimmer with mischief. He’s holding several hangers of clothing and grinning like a schoolboy, but his face falls when he sees mine.
“Jenna, what’s wrong?” he asks, concern enveloping his features. “Are you crying?”
I shake my head, sniffling. “No. I was, but I’m okay now.” I hold open the door wider so he can come in. “What do you have there?” I ask, hoping he’ll drop the subject. Of course, he doesn’t.
“Well, why were you crying? Let’s talk about it.” He reaches for me, pulling me into a tight hug, despite everything he’s holding. The musty clothes separate us, but I melt into his arms. He smells like saltwater and beach air. He smells like home.
I pull back and gaze up at him. “I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. I called my best friend and told her everything that’s been happening.” I sigh. “It’s just been a lot to handle alone.”
“You’re not alone. You have me,” Miles says firmly.
“Miles…” I want to tell him that I can’t be sure I have him. I can’t count on someone I’ve only known for a few weeks. How could I? But his face is so earnest, I hold back. I shake my head to clear the thought. “Show me these costume ideas.”
Miles drapes everything over the couch, taking a few minutes to reorganize the items. He rubs his hands together excitedly. “Okay. First up is this.” He holds up a large taco costume and a yellow dress that looks like it might fit me.
I push my lips together, my brow furrowing as I piece it together. “Taco Belle?” I ask, laughing.
“Bingo,” Miles says, pointing at me. Next, he holds up a plush red robe, a crown, and a panda bear winter hat.
I stare at him, waiting for him to explain. “What is this?” I ask, unable to hold back my laughter. Just ten minutes ago I was crying, feeling sad and alone, and now Miles is here making me laugh.
“It’s Burger King and Panda Express!” he says, holding out his hands proudly. “Fast food, get it?”
“Were you hungry when you were brainstorming?” I ask, giggling. I shake my head. “These are silly.”
“Okay, okay, I thought you might say that. My last suggestion is that we both wear all black, and go as Sandy and Danny from Grease. You already have wavy hair!”He lifts his eyebrows and grins, holding up his hands. “What do you think?”
“Done. That sounds like a winner,” I say, stopping to take him in. He really put effort into this. I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I am. “Do you want to stay and hang out?” I ask, not bothering to hide my hope.
Miles steps closer to me, backing me against the couch. “I wish I could,” he murmurs against my lips. “I have to go help my mom put up her twelve-foot skeleton.” He kisses me softly, and I melt into it, as if he didn’t just say the silliest thing I’ve heard all day.
When we pull apart, I ask, “What about your dad?” I try not to sound whiny, but I really would love his company tonight. We haven’t had any solid alone time since the other day after the beach, and I’m craving more.
“He’s a town councilman, and they have a meeting tonight,” Miles says, tugging my hips into his.
I can feel how much he doesn’t want to leave, and I ache for him.
He kisses me again, then down my jaw to my ear.
“I don’t want to go,” he groans, letting his warm breath linger.
“But I promised my mom I’d help her. My dad hates Halloween. ”
“Okay, okay.” I pat his chest and push him away before I get too hot and bothered. “Go do your thing.”
“I will see you soon,” Miles promises, giving me one last peck before he gathers up his sample items and heads for the door.
“Miles?” I call after him.
He turns and gives me one of his grins that turns me into putty.
“Thanks,” I say. “I feel better.”
“I’m glad,” he rasps. He blows me a kiss and then he’s gone.
Miles and Morgan were enough to quell my tears tonight, but times like this, I really wish I could call my mom.