23. APRIL
APRIL
The bonfire flames danced wildly in the dark, night sky.
The stars shone bright above us. It was a perfect summer evening and an even better end to our day.
A day that had been made bearable by my fake boyfriend.
A lie between him and me, a convincible one at that.
I’d give it to Josh, when he said he would play the perfect boyfriend, he’d nailed it.
He was everything a girl could dream of.
Attentive, sweet, playful, and even handsy.
I knew it was only to make it believable, and yet, my system felt like it had been kickstarted.
My mother even gave me an approving smile before she left to take Papi off to bed.
It was the first time I’d seen her approve of anything I’d done.
A pang of guilt had washed over me. It was deceitful and I knew it.
Except for a small moment, I felt like I’d done something right in her eyes and that felt so damn good, I pushed the guilt down.
And despite all but giving up years ago and telling myself I didn’t need her approval in life, it still felt good. Damnit.
“Are you cold?” Josh whispered next to me. His voice dragged me away from the flames licking at the end of the log that was crumbling beneath the heat.
“No.” I shook my head.
It was cool enough to wear a light sweater, which I had thrown on about thirty minutes ago, after we finished the s’mores with my little cousins. The crowd had dwindled down to just the immediate family staying at the house. Even the mosquitoes had taken a break from making me their buffet meal.
The bonfire smoke was starting to cloud my vision or maybe it was Josh sitting next to me, hands clasped together.
He had taken it a while ago. I should have pulled away, kept my hands busy, but I didn’t, couldn’t.
It was something simple and casual, and held more than I imagined between us.
We hadn’t specified any ground rules on what was or wasn’t acceptable for PDA.
We thought it would be best for it to come naturally and damn, did it ever.
“I’m zonked.” May made an effort to clear her throat loudly.
“Me too.” Josh yawned next to me.
“Can you put out the fire?” She nodded to me.
Before I could answer, Josh stood up, releasing my hand. Which felt colder now. “I got it.”
“Okay. I’ll scrounge up some bedding,” I sighed, dreading the night in the bunkhouse. Inside, my mother was coming down the stairs with an armful of old blankets.
“This is all that’s left. It’s a full house here.”
“Okay.” I smiled at her. “Thanks.”
She glanced up at me. The lines in her forehead were etched a little deeper than earlier. Her eyes had small circles under them. It was unusual for her. “You okay?”
“Yes. It’s been a long day.” She paused as if she wanted to add more, but she glanced over my shoulder and stopped. “Go. He’s waiting.”
I craned my neck around to see Josh watching us.
May was watching him. I let out an annoyed sigh and took the blankets, placing them on the stairs, and quickly used the washroom.
After I used the toilet, I washed my hands and splashed some water on my face.
I’d forgotten to put on a second layer of sunscreen and now I was verging on the shade of cherry.
The cool water was refreshing and helped me cool the inner thoughts starting to seep in.
Not only because I was having to sleep in the bunkhouse of all places, which I’d bet May had everything to do with.
My mother’s meticulous logistical planning of sleeping arrangements had been mentioned more than a few times in our conversations.
Aside from the head count for food, it was, “Where would everyone sleep?” Never once did I think I would be the one in there, considering my mother knew the deep fear I’ve held of it since that dreadful night.
But yet, I was, with Josh no less, on a futon that was roughly the same age as us.
My hands gripped the edge of the sink, steadying myself.
Get a grip. It’s one night and at least you’re not alone.
When I stepped out into the hallway, I nearly collided with Josh.
Nose to chest. His clean, fresh scent was replaced by the campfire smoke and damn, he smelled good.
Rugged, in a way. I caught myself inhaling longer than necessary. Josh chuckled and leaned in to me.
I swatted at him before stepping around him. “You stink.”
“You’re right. We should shower before we get into bed.” He grinned, clearly amused with himself. He edged toward me, dropping his voice low so only I could hear, even though no one else seemed to be around. “That would certainly put any suspicions to rest.”
I choked out a laugh. The image of me showering with my boyfriend, with the entire family here, would probably send my Papi keeling over. Let alone, what my mother would do. I imagined her face watching us come out of a steam-filled bathroom and nearly cackle. I covered my mouth with my hands.
When I glanced up at Josh, his eyes were lit with amusement, like he’d seen the same image that was dancing around in my head. He waggled his brows, nodding toward the bathroom, and for a split second, I almost said yes.
Instead, I shook my head. “You’re nuts.”
“Just about you, baby.” He winked.
He emphasized the word baby in a playful, mocking tone. We had already decided pet names like honey, baby, and sweetie were okay. It was so generic and typical. Him using it now made me giggle even more with the absurdity of it.
Before I could say anything else, my mom came back around the corner.
“The towels are in the linen closet. You need to be quick before you run out of hot water, unfortunately, your uncle got to it first.” She let out an exasperated sigh. Josh and I stared blankly at each other. Did my mother just suggest I shower with him? Did someone slip something into her wine?
As I stood blinking, Josh let out a low whistle. “I don’t even know what to do right now.”
“You shower, I will go make our bed.”
“Alone?” A hint of worry was etched in his voice.
“I’ll be okay,” I whisper-sighed.
“Nah. Wait. It’ll be two minutes.”
His concern was endearing and doing things to my chest it shouldn’t be. I bit my lip. It was ridiculous. Surely I could go out there for a minute to set our stuff up.
“I’ll be fine.” My voice was not convincing.
“I’ll go with her.” My sister’s voice floated from around the corner, as if she had been listening the whole time. Like when we were kids. Whenever one of us was in trouble, shocker, it was usually me, she would hide behind the wall eavesdropping and snickering.
Like the time I’d snuck out to a house party.
My dad found out and pulled me out of there in front of everyone.
I was mortified. It turned out, May had ratted me out.
She was jealous I was invited by the quarterback of the team instead of her.
I was grounded for a month, but I got the best of her, because a week later at school while she was flirting with him, I walked right between them and kissed him in the middle of the hallway to a bunch of whoops and cheers.
When I let go of him, I stared right at her blazing eyes and grinned.
It wasn’t long after that the bunkhouse incident happened. Sibling rivalry was a bitch.
The bunkhouse was dimly lit by the small lamp in the corner. The place felt tiny with both of us in here. There was an uncomfortable silence as I put down the stack of folded blankets on the side table by the tiny window, so that I could unfold the godforsaken futon couch from my childhood.
“He seems nice. And surprisingly into you,” May said. It always amazed me the talent she had to give a compliment and a slap.
Surprisingly? What the fuck? I wasn’t sure if it was the heat from the sun, the wine I’d consumed throughout the day to take the edge off, or just sick of her snide comments all day, but I snapped. “What’s that mean?”
“Oh, nothing.” She tried to wave me off.
“Obviously not,” I stated plainly.
“Okay, fine. I was skeptical at first.” She shrugged, grabbing a fitted sheet, shaking it out.
“Why?” I knew why, but I wanted to hear her version of it.
“I dunno, you show up with one of the players as your boyfriend and despite not knowing much about you guys, I figured you would have been bragging about him being on the team. But you never did. Everything you ever said was vague.” She tucked in her side of the sheets before grabbing the flat sheet.
“He was nameless, you said he was busy with work, had a difficult schedule, and other nonsense stuff, so yeah, I didn’t believe you were with someone. ”
I thought back to my previous conversations with her about Wes, and she was right.
I never mentioned his name. I barely brought him up in conversation and then I always made weak excuses about why he wasn’t around or that we only met up late after work.
It was like I barely believed I had someone.
But I guess that was the point. I didn’t really have Wes.
For the first time, when I stared at May, she didn’t look doubtful or resentful. I sighed.
“I get that.” I paused, thinking what else I could say to explain why I avoided mentioning Josh.
The obvious reason was because I was never referring to him, but obviously I couldn’t say that.
“It took us by surprise and we needed to see where it went, just in case, and we needed to be careful because we work together, you know.” At least that wasn’t a complete lie.
“For whatever it’s worth, he is very into you.”
I held back my scoff by biting the inside of my cheek.
He was into me, parts of me. His eyes had practically been glued to my chest all day.
Which I admit, I may have purposely worn a sun dress with a peekaboo neckline.
Before I could respond anything sarcastic, Josh came through the door.
His hair was mussed, as if he’d just ran his fingers through the damp strands.
His shirt clung to him; he’d clearly put it on before drying.
My eyes wandered all over him, lingering on his pecs longer than acceptable, all the way down to the way his navy Twisters sweatpants clung to his hips.
I bit the corner of my lip hard enough to draw blood.
“And that’s my cue to leave,” my sister hastily called as she backed out of the bunkie, as if I was about to leap over her to jump him.
My eyes rose to Josh’s, he smirked. “Guess we solved the are they together debate.”
I could only nod. Afraid that anything coming out of my mouth would be inappropriate or worse, that I would act on my impulse to run my nails across the definition of muscles in his shoulders and upper back.
The result of years of training, combined with the perfect stance when batting the ball, was worth it and I was tempted to run my fingers through his outlines.
For a moment, I wondered if he was the type who liked being marked up by sharp nails.
“Enjoying the view?” he smugly asked, breaking me out of my dirty thought of nails being dragged down them.
My eyes darted up to see him watching me. My face fell and the small trace of embarrassment I should have felt for ogling him wasn’t there. I smirked. “I’ve seen better.”
Darting around him, I headed back to the house for a shower. A cold, cold shower. Damn alcohol was inhibiting my judgment. I should have stopped drinking wine three glasses ago. It tended to lead me down many wrong paths, usually right into a bed and a regretful walk of shame.