Chapter 4
brOOKE
The reunion was a sea of navy tablecloths and white-and-gold centerpieces.
My subconscious had recognized Cade’s familiar gait before my brain even processed his arrival.
I saw him approach, but I forced my eyes to stay locked on Brock, whom I was introducing to Nic.
Seeing Cade after all these years unexpectedly had my heart in my throat.
I schooled my expression and tried to keep a light and positive tone, especially with Nic, who had been a good friend to me throughout middle and high school.
Nic’s yellow flowy dress made her look like sunshine personified, and Bryan cleaned up nice in his soft gray suit vest and slacks, his dress shirt sleeves rolled to his elbows.
He had floppy brown hair, a bit longer than in high school, and his glasses made him look a bit like a young professor.
As a kid he was so gawky and skinny, but now he’d grown into himself, and I could see that he had Spencer-Reid-from-Criminal-Minds vibes.
He and Nic made an adorably perfect couple.
Also at our table was Amanda, a raven-haired curvy girl in a purple cocktail dress. Amanda had always been on the shy side, so I was glad to see her speaking up and joining in on our conversations. Her wide smile was full of life. She too had seemed to grow into herself after high school.
I picked at my manicure, feeling like I was the only one in this entire graduating class who had gotten less confident and self-assured in the last five years.
Despite giving my attention to all the former classmates at my table, I couldn’t stop feeling Cade’s eyes on me. They burned into my skin and made it prickle uncomfortably. I forced my gaze to land on each of my other classmates before it finally landed on him.
I tried not to stare, but internally I admitted—Cade looked good. His suit fit him like a glove, down to his surprisingly stylish wingtip shoes. His confident posture made him appear taller than his 5’11” stature.
A million questions flooded my head.
Where did he live now? What did he do for work? For fun? How did he stay so fit? Was he dating anyone? I brushed that last line of thought firmly aside.
He’d always been cute. In school, he was kind of medium everything—medium height, medium build, medium light brown hair.
He wasn’t the kind of guy that would turn most girls’ heads back then, but he’d had boyish good looks, with his messy hair, unique eyes, and his wide smile with its one-sided dimple.
He had one slightly crooked tooth, to the left of his perfectly straight front teeth.
He’d never had braces like I had, but there was something I’d always loved about his perfectly imperfect smile.
He’d also been fun-loving, always willing to cannonball into the gorge or stuff his face with popcorn during a movie night. And when he stared into your eyes, it felt like you were the only person in the world.
Now, though, his fitted suit highlighted a physique honed by years of athleticism. The fabric stretched against his muscles, and I assumed he got in some kind of workout daily. He wasn’t bulky, but he was definitely in good shape.
His voice was different, too. It had a richer, deeper quality than it had had in childhood. But it was still distinctively Cade.
His skin was several shades more tan than it had been when we graduated. How was he getting so much sun? I wondered. His wavy hair was tamed with some kind of product, and my hands itched to run my fingers through it, to muss it back to its typical wildness.
No, Brooke. You won’t be touching Cade. Not tonight, and probably not ever. You brought an end to those privileges a long time ago.
The night of graduation, specifically.
The night I’d watched him walk out of my life.
I straightened my shoulders, trying not to fidget as the sequins of my dress rubbed uncomfortably against me. What I wouldn’t give to be in my sweats right now.
At his insistence, I’d let Brock buy me a new dress for the occasion.
I still wasn’t used to his proclivity for lavish gifts.
His dress pick was beautiful, but sequins were not my fabric of choice.
I tuned back in to the group’s back and forth and tried to find moments to chime in as the conversation continued flowing across our table.
I knew what Cade was trying to do. He was testing Brock, keeping score of his answers.
I tried to telepathically tell him to knock it off.
So what if Brock didn’t know about my love of sunflowers?
My mind flipped back to a vast field of them, Cade’s hand in mine as he dragged me along, both of us laughing in our carefree way.
Laying on a blanket in an open field, eating strawberries and sharing dreams.
One day I’ll take you to Africa, he’d promised. We’ll see cheetahs and giraffes and rhinos.
I’d seen the whole world open up for me in those unique blue-brown eyes. But those were just childish dreams, right?
I forced my mind back to a more recent image, the vase of fresh red roses on my counter. Amanda was answering my question about flowers, but I was barely paying attention to her words. They felt muted and far away, lost in the haze of Cade’s eyes boring into me.
“. . . something the person across from you doesn't know about you?" I caught the tail end of what Amanda was saying, and my eyes went to Cade. His eyes were already laser-focused on me.
For ten years we’d told each other everything. Every wish, every secret, every fear, every pain. For the past five years, he’d been a veritable stranger. I didn’t know anything about his life now, nor did he know about mine.
“I’m a nurse,” I blurted out, responding awkwardly to the question.
Cade’s eyebrows rose ever so slightly, and he smiled a soft smile. He’d known since his family’s tragic house fire that I’d wanted to do a job that would help people, possibly save people.
I’d felt so helpless back then. We’d come home from vacation late one evening to see the neighborhood bathed in flashing blue and red lights.
The huge red fire truck had blocked both mine and Cade’s driveways.
As we approached the scene in our station wagon, my mom flew into a panic, fearing it was our house engulfed in flames.
I could still hear her high-pitched voice in my head, shrieking at my father to find out what was going on.
I could still smell the smoke that choked the air.
We quickly learned it was the Adlers’ house, not ours.
In the darkness I could just make out the charred form of what was left of their home.
The first responders were a blur of rapid movement around the scene.
Thank God everyone had survived unscathed.
That night, and in the weeks that followed, I’d wanted so badly to do something—anything—to fix the brokenness of that situation.
All their possessions, all their memories—lost.
“That’s great, Brooke!” Nic chimed in, responding to my answer. “Nursing suits you. You always did love helping others.” I gave her a grateful smile. She was so genuine and sweet.
“A doctor and a nurse—another way we’re a perfect match.” Brock slid his arm around me and pulled me into him. The itchy fabric rubbed against my shoulders, making them feel burned, chafed. I rolled my engagement ring around my finger.
My joints were stiffening from so much sitting. My knee began to shake. I forced myself to keep a pleasant smile on my face.
The others continued to swap stories back and forth, but I found myself tuning them out, my attention waning as my body protested sitting still.
I wanted to enjoy catching up with my friends, but I was physically uncomfortable, which I found made it hard to focus in social situations.
My fingers began toying with the card in front of me.
Waiters were beginning to bring plated dinners to our tables. The conversation game was almost over.
“What's your biggest regret?” I read out from the card. This time my eyes met Cade’s in challenge, but he looked down at his lap.
Bryan spoke up instead. “Not having the guts to ask this fiery sprite to the prom,” he said, motioning to Nic. She grinned, and he went on. “I was too nervous. Nerdy ol’ me, and she was so out of my league.” His eyes crinkled in the corners as he smiled down at her.
“I would’ve said yes, you know.” She bumped his shoulder with hers. “Then I wouldn’t have had to slow dance with my cousin.” She made a face, and everyone at the table chuckled. Nic always had an uncanny ability to make everyone around her comfortable.
We settled into a steady rhythm of surface-level dinner conversation, broken up by clinking silverware against our plates as everyone enjoyed their catered meal. When I finished eating, I could no longer sit still, so I pushed up from my chair. My joints were screaming.
“Excuse me, guys—I need to find the ladies’ room.”
The dinner had been delicious, but my senses were overloaded with other sensations: the way my dress fabric continued to rub my skin raw in spots, the way the straps of my kitten heels dug into the tops of my feet.
My knees felt warm and my hands tingled.
I just needed to step away and have a moment to breathe.
I checked my makeup in the bathroom mirror.
I gave my reflection a weary smile. I could fake my way through for another hour, maybe two.
I forced myself to focus on the positives: My makeup still looked good.
I truly was enjoying reconnecting with my old classmates, and I was so happy for Nic and Bryan, finding each other after years apart.
They were clearly two halves of a whole.
There was no need to draw attention to my own struggles and take away from the cheery atmosphere of the evening.
Taking a deep, steadying breath, I made my way out of the bathroom, mentally coaching myself into keeping my mood up. I hung back and saw that a band had begun after-dinner music on stage, and couples and friends had begun dancing.
I suddenly felt a presence at my back. I didn’t have to turn to know who it was. He smelled like sandalwood, smooth and woodsy like the balsam trees behind his childhood home.
“Dance with me?” Cade whispered in my ear, causing goosebumps to erupt across my skin. “For old times’ sake?”
I leaned back slightly, his warm scent enveloping me.
I nodded, once, and he slipped his hand into mine as he led me to the dance floor.
His hands felt calloused, no longer baby smooth like they’d been in high school.
Just one of the many ways he’d changed from the boy I used to know.
I spared a glance back to our table and saw Brock chatting animatedly, keeping reunion guests entertained with one of his winning anecdotes.
He probably wouldn’t even notice my absence.
Cade and I moved into a formal slow-dance stance with a chaste distance between our bodies. My left hand gently rested on Cade’s muscled shoulder, and my right lifted to be held by his left. His right hand found my hip, and we began to sway.
“You know what this reminds me of?” Cade asked, low enough for only the two of us. He always knew how to shrink the room, to bring the focus in so it felt like it was only him and me.
“Prom.” I smiled back at him.
My mind caught on a memory. About a month before the senior dance, no one had asked me to go with them. I was working up the courage to ask Cade to be my date. He was so easy to be with, and I knew we’d have a good time if we went together.
We continued to sway. “Tell me a secret?” he suggested gently. My fingers itched to reach up above his collar. I was dying to twine my fingers through the back of his wavy hair like I’d done so many times before. Would it feel the same now, shorn closer to his head than it was years ago?
In my low heels, we were nearly eye level. I took a moment to soak up his eyes, focusing on the muddy spot amidst the vast ocean that always drew me in. I could never resist divulging a secret to Cade.
“I was—well, I was working up the courage to ask you to go with me back then. To prom. Just as friends,” I clarified quickly.
“I know.” He smiled an incorrigible grin.
“You did?”
“Yep. You’d been hinting at it in our texts all that week. You’re not exactly subtle, Meadows. When you started to ask me, I cut you off—”
“I thought because you saw where I was going, and you didn’t want to have to let me down easy. ‘brB’ isn’t exactly the response a girl wants to get when working up the courage to ask her best friend to prom.” I gave a wry chuckle. “But then you called . . .”
My eyes met his again.
“But then I called.” He smiled fondly at the memory. “‘Hey, B. I have a question for you. Will you come to prom with me?’” He imitated his tone from back then.
“You acted like we hadn’t been discussing it for a week. Like it had just popped in your head that you wanted to ask me.”
“I did want to ask you . . . and no way was I going to let you beat me to it.” He gave me a wink.
My brain processed the new information, squeezing it into the corners of the existing memory.
“May I cut in?” A voice at my side interrupted us. Brock. “Thanks for getting her warmed up for me.” He smiled pleasantly at Cade, giving him a dismissing nod.
Cade deferred, stepping away. “She’s all yours.”
As Cade backed away, I swore I saw a flicker of something in his eyes. Something that looked an awful lot like longing, and deep regret.