Chapter 44
CADE
“You think you’ll have to move?” Bryan asked as we sipped beers in his garage, looking over his latest woodworking projects.
I rubbed the back of my neck.
“I’m not sure, man. She loved the house. And I could see us both here. I think she could, too. She always loved Vermont. But she asked me to let her take the lead, so I’m trying to be patient, trying not to pressure her too much.”
Bryan seemed to hesitate, picking at the label of his beer, then forged ahead.
“I have to ask . . . aren’t you kind of pissed at her? I mean, you know I’ve always liked Brooke. I think she’s a great girl. I just don’t want to see you go down this road again if it’s going to end the same way. You were pretty messed up last time she disappeared on you.”
I smiled at the fire behind my usually mild-manner friend’s eyes and gave him a wry chuckle.
“Maybe if I had any sense of self-preservation when it came to her, I would be pissed. But it’s Brooke.
She’s . . . everything. And yeah, she pushed me away, but she had her reasons, and besides, I can’t seem to stay away from her.
She crawled inside my skin when we were just kids, and I can’t seem to get her out.
So sure, I could have made her sweat it when we met back up, could have held some kind of grudge, but—it’s Brooke, y’ know?
I’m always going to fall to my knees when it comes to her.
If it were up to me, I’d ask her to marry me and move in tomorrow. ”
Bryan chuckled, slowly nodding his head.
“I guess I get that. When I bought Nic’s ring, I felt it in the house like a physical presence.
Some Gollum-level shit.” I laughed at his nerd reference.
“I wanted to plan some epic proposal, but I ended up just giving it to her one night after dinner. I was impatient to start our life together. Kudos to you for waiting this long.”
I eyed him. “How long would you have waited for Nic to be ready?”
He grinned. “As long as it took.”
I clinked my beer to his in solidarity.
That night on our call, Brooke asked me, “How long did you know we’d end up together?”
I could hear the vulnerability in her voice, a tone I’d gotten well-practiced in picking up on and soothing.
“I think I’ve known all along,” I replied. “I was just waiting for you to catch up.”
I asked Brooke if she thought she’d harbored at least some love for me when we were apart.
“Of course I did,” she said easily. “But I needed to learn how to tell you with my words what I felt in my heart.”
I asked the question that had been burning inside me for months.
“Why didn’t you ever reach out?”
I heard her deep intake of breath.
“There were so many times in the last few years that I wanted to pick up the phone and call you. Ask you to come to me. To hold me. To get me through a tough spot. Because—I knew you would. You’d drop everything for me like you did that winter when Whit called you.
But I stayed away because of that. Because I knew I wasn’t ready for you yet. I wanted to be whole for you.”
I nodded through the phone, because yeah, she’s right. I would’ve done that. She was protecting me from myself, from my need to swoop in and save the day. Instead of speaking, I gave her space to continue.
“And maybe I did it the wrong way. Maybe we could’ve struggled through it together and found our way.
I don’t know. I didn’t want to deprive us of that time together, but at the same time .
. . You told me once that you needed to figure out who you were without being the guy in love with Brooke Meadows.
Well, I needed to figure out how to be me—a version of me—who was worthy of you.
A me who had worked through my depression to a point that I could cope and was fully ready to be someone’s partner.
Because you deserve a partner, Cade. Someone who can communicate with you, not just run away when feelings are too big or situations too uncertain.
I needed to work on myself before I could be that partner you deserve.
I fully realized there was a good chance I might lose you.
That you might meet someone else, and find happiness.
And—I was okay with that. Mostly. Because—even when I can’t show it, your happiness is important to me.
I wanted you to have a happy future, with or without me. ”
“You are my future, B.”
“Why do you make it seem so easy, dealing with me?” I heard a crack in her voice.
“It is easy to love you,” I responded firmly. “There’s nothing hard about loving you. Trust me, I’ve been doing it my whole fucking life,” I said on a chuckle. “Easiest thing I’ve ever done. Loving you is as easy for me as breathing.”