12. Gemma
12
Gemma
I look forward to my evening FaceTime chats with Olivia more than anything. But Olivia is starting to be too much. Sometimes, it's frustrating having a best friend who knows you better than you know yourself. Tonight’s conversation has veered off course and landed on Brooks, again. He had cut out early tonight because he was going out to some local bar with his ranch hands. I don’t know why that bothers me.
Maybe I just have too much built up in my past from Gavin and what going out with the guys meant for him. But Brooks isn’t Gavin, and I have absolutely no claim on Brooks. I have zero right to give a damn about what he is or isn’t doing at a bar with whatever hot country bumpkins may be there flirting with him.
I look back at the phone and muster my most indifferent face. Why the hell would I care what he is doing or who he is with? And why should Olivia care if I did care? “I don’t give a damn,” I say and roll my eyes to emphasize my annoyance at the question.
Olivia lets out a loud barking laugh, and it is enough to fracture my composure. “You give so many damns they’re visible from space!”
Damn it. She is right. She is right and she knows it which means I am doing a horrible job at looking indifferent and hiding the stupid, irrational feelings that have bubbled up. The last thing I need is Brooks getting a big head over me falling for him like an idiot.
Just as I am ready to admit to Olivia how right she is, I hear a familiar rumble followed by gravel crunching. What is Brooks doing pulling back up? Isn’t he supposed to be out with the guys?
He puts his truck in park and opens his door, poking only his head out towards me. “Ya wanna come?”
“What? Where? I thought you were going out with the boys?” I reply, confused. Olivia giggles through the phone.
“I am. I’m asking if you wanna come with. I feel like an ass for not asking earlier. So, umm…climb in...if you want.”
I look down at myself. I showered after my day of sweating with Brooks, but I left my hair to air dry into untidy waves around my shoulders and I sure don’t look as put together as he does.
Brooks seems to read my mind. Before I can open my mouth to reply he says, “You’ve got ten minutes. We don’t do that fru-fru gussied up shit around here. Throw on some jeans and let’s go. I uhh...your hair looks good like that. You always have it up on top of your head.” Before I can reply, Brooks tucks his head back into his truck.
Olivia, seemingly forgotten on the other end of the phone, giggles out, “What are you waiting for? Get up! Go throw on those jeans that make your ass look great and some red lipstick. Then go have the night of your life! Then call me tomorrow and give me all the juicy details!” I feel my cheeks warm. Olivia really is too much. But I wave goodbye, hang up the phone, and run inside to do exactly as Olivia said.
As soon as I’m ready, I bound down the steps of the B&B and hop into the passenger seat of Brooks’ old truck. The seat may squeak when I shift around to get comfortable and the dash may be cracked and dusty, but this truck just seems to suit Brooks. He looks so at ease when he’s behind the wheel.
Before long, we are pulling into the gravel parking lot of an old metal building that could easily pass as an abandoned barn. But the front of the building is accented with two teal barn doors and a lit-up sign marking it as The Rusty Nail.
When Brooks opens the door and we walk inside, I am almost taken aback by the rustic beauty of the place. I know the guys frequent here a lot, so I assumed it was loud and dirty and rowdy. There is definitely a little rowdy going on in here, but the place is extremely clean and the accents on every wall reflect the town perfectly. It may be a working man’s bar, but it has a woman’s touch.
As we make our way through the bar, Brooks takes the lead and reaches back for my hand. I know that he is simply using the best method to guide me through without losing me, but sparks tingle up my arm as soon as our hands touch. As if he feels it too, he squeezes my hand a little tighter.
He releases my hand as we approach the bar and a model like blonde greets him with a big smile.
“Hey there Brooks. I was wonderin’ if you were comin’ in tonight. All the guys are back there being rowdy as usual.”
As she bends forward leaning on the counter towards Brooks, a pang of jealousy hits me out of nowhere. Without thinking, I immediately take a step forward and lean in a bit closer to him.
He keeps eye contact with the blonde but lists his hand to rest it on the small of my back. I watch the blonde’s eyes track the movement with a smug satisfaction before her eyes dart to mine.
“Maisie this is Gemma, she’s staying at my parents’ place for a bit, so I thought it was time to bring her out and show her a good time.” His easy smile gives me the chills. “Gemma, this is Maisie. And don’t let her baby face fool ya. She’s the best bartender in this town.”
Maisie blushes and mumbles something about learning to bar tend before she could walk before handing me a drink menu. I definitely took this place as a beer only joint, but they have an impressive variety of mixed drinks on here.
I decide to start the night slow and order a spiked seltzer. Brooks orders a beer. But as Maise is handing them to us, a hand clamps down on each of our shoulders. I jump. But Brooks just huffs out an exasperated sigh.
“What is this pussy shit?” Mason’s voice, a little slower than usual, says between us. “Hey, Maise. How about a round of shots for these two? They need to catch up!”
“You might be too far gone for them to catch up with you,” Maise retorts as she pours. “But here ya go.” She slides two shot glasses towards us, and I shoot a questioning glance at Brooks. He’s got the same uncertain look on his face. I shrug and grab my glass, clink it against Brooks’ and throw the shot back.
Brooks and I set our empty shot glasses back down on the bar and thank Maisie. We grab our original drinks and head towards the back table with a very satisfied looking Mason.
After another round of drinks and a few hilariously inappropriate conversations I am absolutely beaming and feeling happier than I have in a long time.
“I wish we had a place like this back home,” I muse out loud. “Sure beats those awful house parties I normally end up at with Gavin.” I roll my eyes out of impulse.
Mason shoots a look at Brooks, and I immediately regret bringing Gavin up. Where is my filter when I need it?
Mason must be having filter problems as well tonight because he looks me straight in the eye and blurts out “You mean to tell me you’ve been eye fucking Brooks all night with a boyfriend back home? Damn Gemma. I sized you up all wrong.”
I feel my entire face warm and even my thoughts are stumbling around in my head. “No!” I start. “I mean I wasn’t. I mean I don’t.” I’m not making any sense. “Gavin isn’t my boyfriend. He used to be, but we broke up. He wanted to keep things casual for now, so we just hang out and go to parties sometimes. I haven’t even heard from him since I left.” I trail off feeling embarrassed. I tuck my legs into my chair and set my chin on my knees.
“Oh, just fucking then. I didn’t–” Mason’s sentence cuts off short, but I don’t look up to find out why.
Brooks reaches over and gently lifts my chin with his hand. When I look up at him from under my lashes he says, “It’s getting late, you ready to get out of here?”
I nod into his hand, and he strokes my chin once with his thumb before removing his hand and holding it out to me instead. “Let’s go.” He looks back at the table and gives a nod. “See you guys tomorrow. Be safe tonight.”
I take his hand and we walk towards the bar. I’m confused for a moment until I hear Brooks ask Maisie if she can have someone get Mason a ride home.
I feel my body relax when Brooks’ truck roars to life. He starts down the road and glances over at me.
“I’m sorry Mason was a dick tonight. He gets that way when he has too many shots. He’ll pay for it tomorrow,” he finishes with a smirk.
I sigh. “It’s okay. I’m the one who brought Gavin up. I don’t even know why. I need to think before I speak sometimes.”
Brooks huffs and I find myself trying to place his expression. Wary? Disappointed? Curious?
“What?” I finally ask.
“You say you aren’t dating this guy…” he begins. But then he pauses and looks over at me as if he is gauging if it is safe to continue or not.
My face flushes all over again. He is not going there after apologizing for Mason. “What you think I’m a whore too? I’m not just an easy fuck. We had an agreement to keep things casual. Not that it’s your business any more than it’s Mason’s.”
“Woah! I’m not the bad guy here. Remember?” He glances over at me again but quickly glances away. His grip tightens on the steering wheel as he continues. “Mason may have been out of line, but no one called you a whore. You just don’t seem like the keeping it casual type of girl, so I think it threw us both off a little.”
“I’m not. Or I wasn’t. I don’t know. It’s what worked for us,” I say feeling defeated.
“Gemma your entire mood changed when this guy came up. You aren’t happy with this dipshit, or you wouldn’t have caved in on yourself like that. You deserve so much better. Why are you wasting your time on some dipshit who’s just using you?”
“He isn’t using me. Who even are you right now? I’ve never seen you be this serious.” I feel my heart tug at this side of him.
“Answer,” he replies matter-of-factly.
“I don’t know,” I stammer. “I like him a lot, I guess. I mean I enjoy his company when he isn’t partying. We’ve been whatever we are for so long. I guess I’ve just never considered the alternative. I don’t even know who I am without being his … friend.” I pause and take a breath. “He says he will be ready for more eventually. He’s just finding himself right now.” I can’t understand why I am struggling to find words. I had never given a thought to a life without him. What is Brooks doing to me?
I know I haven’t fully answered his question and he isn’t backing down until he gets a full answer. I want to resist. I want to protest against him asking questions that he has no right to ask.
Who is he to say whether I am wasting my time or not? Why does he think he knows me so well and can just call me out like that? But he is right. And I really have no reason to hold back or not to be honest with Brooks. Especially right now in this raw moment, I didn’t see coming.
I sigh and continue, “It’s just like I don’t know how to be without him. We’ve always had each other. He says he wants to be with me forever and that we have our whole lives to settle down. And I like when he says that. But if I’m honest, I don’t push him on it because I don’t know if I even have my heart to give him. Sometimes it feels like someone else has it. I guess I’ve always felt like that but I just … I just haven’t figured out who it is yet. I know that sounds crazy I just don’t know how else to explain it.”
His eyes somehow look darker. “It doesn’t sound crazy at all.”