CHAPTER 17
Olivia
“ E -excuse me?” The room spins as I grip the sides of the bed for stability. “No … I had … I was spotting. I was on the shot.”
She shrugs with a small smile. “It’s quite common to spot during implantation. Do you remember the date this could’ve happened?”
I feel dizzy as I try to catch my breath. That’s one thing I don’t have to think about as I give her Cole and Ginger’s wedding date.
“That’s the only time?”
I nod, tears welling in my eyes.
“And you said you had cramping on the thirty-first?”
“Yes,” I answer, closing my eyes and willing my heart rate to calm down. Pregnant? PREGNANT? With Asher Reed’s baby?
“I had my period … I think at the end of May,” I offer. “Is this … normal? The light spotting?” I ask her, forcing myself to keep talking so I don’t throw up.
“Implantation bleeding happens occasionally. And there are times when the shot isn’t perfectly effective, just like the pill.
A number of things can alter its strength.
Based on the dates, especially if it was only once, it sounds like your period on the twenty-ninth was implantation.
I think your period at the beginning of May was your last true period, based on your HCG levels, which means you’re right around eight to nine weeks along.
That would explain your nausea, mild cramps, and fatigue too. ”
“Oh my God,” I breathe out. “ Oh my God. ”
“I can see this is a shock.” Dr. Allen has been my gyno since I was a teenager, and her face is now full of genuine motherly concern. “The father? Is this a relationship?”
“No, I …” I scoff out. I have no words. “I mean, we’re acquaintances but ….” I’m struggling to breathe properly as my heart nearly hammers out of my chest.
I don’t hate love. I just don’t believe in it. Asher’s words echo in my mind. Would he even want this child?
“You have lots of time.” She takes my hand. “I want to make sure you know that, Olivia. All your options are on the table at this point.”
“Options?”
I’m struggling to focus on her words as tears spill over onto my cheeks and panic washes over me. I’m pregnant?
“Yes. You can still choose to terminate this pregnancy, though you’d have to go out of state to do so.
I can recommend a clinic in Ohio. If termination isn’t something you feel you can go through with, but you aren’t ready to be a parent, you can also look into putting the child up for adoption.
I’m here to help you and support you with whatever you need. ”
I gulp back a sob as I nod. I always wanted a child, but not like this. Not with a man who doesn’t want to settle down or have a family.
“I’d like to do an ultrasound,” she continues now. “But we don’t have to do that today. We can book that in for next week, after the holiday. Whatever you decide to do, I’d like to do one to confirm timing.”
My thoughts are racing: I’m twenty-nine, own my own business, have good health insurance and a healthy savings account.
I have an incredible support system and there is still a chance Asher will want to be involved, though I can’t count on that.
If I decide to keep this baby, I know I’d ultimately have the love and support of my parents, but I have to plan to do it largely on my own.
I slide my hand over the flat of my belly.
It would be me and this baby against the world.
Wiping my tears with the back of my hand, I think of my own childhood.
How my mom, Nana, and I would bake together for every holiday, even when I was tiny.
Of all the household projects I’ve worked on with my dad, and how he’d sit with me for hours helping with my science homework.
I think of dancing in the living room with my mom when she got her dream job as principal of the local elementary school, and the three of us cozying up together watching a new TV series or film.
I picture my parents as grandparents, and my birth parents, the grandparents they never got to be, and I realize just how much I want the legacy they weren’t afforded.
Dr. Allen’s words resurface as a thought as clear as day slices through the fog of the moment. I can do this. I want to do this. I want this baby.
Sure, I don’t know how it’s going to work. I don’t know what Asher will say or do, or what my parents will think. But the thought of anything other than keeping this child is already out of my mind. Within the last two minutes, everything within my being has shifted.
“I’ll give you a moment,” Dr. Allen says, standing and passing me a box of tissues before she leaves the room.
I run my hand back and forth across my stomach as I let the tears fall. I promise, no matter what happens, it’s me and you.
“Babe.” CeCe sits across from me on the big house living room sofa, as shellshocked as I was earlier.
I rang to tell her the news from Dr. Allen’s office and she told me to drive straight to the ranch.
I told Jo when I got here too, because Mama Jo knows all, and her advice is crucial right now.
Of course, the first thing she did was get us a snack to soften the blow of the bomb I just dropped.
“I told you if anything happened, you’d be the first to know,” I respond, laughing through the tears that threaten to spill over again. CeCe puts her hand over mine.
“You’ve always wanted to be a mom.” My best friend starts to well up too.
“Yeah, but I never pictured this. I don’t even know how this happened. It was one time. And I’m always careful.”
Jo looks like a true farmhouse mama in her jean shorts and one of CeCe’s old T-shirts. Her hair is in a ponytail as she sets a plate of freshly baked cookies in the middle of the kitchen table.
“Did you just have these on hand?” I ask.
“I know everything, remember?” She winks.
“Something told me to bake when I woke up this morning, and cookies might not solve all your problems, but they sure make them taste better.” She takes a seat beside CeCe and pops one into her mouth.
“And FYI, in my experience, all it takes is one time, darlin’. ”
“He looks like a dark sort of superhero half the time,” CeCe laughs, picking up a cookie. I follow suit because they look too good to pass up right now. I take a bite, and it soothes my tender stomach instantly. “Maybe he has super sperm.”
“We didn’t use a condom, I was on the shot …” I admit.
CeCe’s mouth falls open. “So this was definitely a hot and heavy moment …”
“I get it. Rookie mistake. But can we focus on the issue at hand?” I say as she straightens up and clears her throat.
“Yes, sorry. Kinda in shock here. When are you gonna tell him?”
“Half past never?” I retort. “I have no idea how he’s gonna react. And I need to have a plan. I need to tell him and see how involved he wants to be, if at all. I just don’t know when the right time is.”
“Nash said he’ll be here tomorrow,” CeCe offers.
My stomach drops at the idea of seeing him.
“You can take as long as you need, but you have to ask yourself how long you think you can keep something like this to yourself, honey,” Jo notes, picking up another cookie.
I smile at them both. I’m so damn grateful to have them in my life and so grateful my baby will grow up knowing such amazing women.
My baby … “Not long,” I mutter honestly. “But I need today at least.”
Jo reaches across the table and places her soft, comforting hand over mine. I love this woman like my own mother, and I know she has nothing but the best intentions for me at heart.
“Taking today to wrap your head around this is something you deserve. Let’s have some snacks, maybe a movie marathon?”
“Sounds … perfect.” I breathe out. “Our babies are going to be only a few months apart!” CeCe squeals, her eyes full of excitement as she reaches over to squeeze my arm. “I’m so happy we’ll be going through this together.”
My heart sinks at her words. There’s such a stark difference between us. She has a committed husband, a ride-or-die through this.
I have a man I’m going to make this work with and co-parent with.
The only way it will work, I realize, is if I let Mr. “I Don’t Believe in Love” off the hook completely.
Tell him I’m not in this equation. I expect nothing of him.
Even if he wants to be involved with the baby, he doesn’t owe me anything.
I would take the pressure right off and just let him get used to being a dad.
“One more piece of advice?” Jo’s calm, motherly voice cuts into my racing thoughts.
“Always.” I smile softly at her.
“You’re talking a lot about plans. You can plan all you want, but just remember, life doesn’t give a shit about those plans. In fact, the more you plan, the more the universe will throw you twists and turns.”
“I don’t do well with twists and turns,” I admit as CeCe starts to laugh.
Jo leans back, getting comfortable on the sofa. “Yeah, but sometimes those twists and turns bring you the greatest of gifts.”
A tear spills over my cheek. I’ve cried so much today already. But this time it hits harder because I know she’s right. This is a huge blessing, and though it may seem impossible, I already love this baby so much.
“No one plans their fate. But you can make the best of it and, trust me, sometimes people surprise you. You never know how he’ll feel,” Jo adds.
“He told me he never wants to settle down,” I tell them. “His exact words were ‘Romantic love just sets you up for grief one way or another.’”
“Okay, that is rather convincing,” CeCe gives, and I can’t help but laugh. This whole situation would be comical if it wasn’t my life. “But, for your information, Nash wasn’t up for that at first either. Sometimes, with the right person, it doesn’t feel like settling.”
“Look at you,” I tell her. “A mama already.”
She grins at me. “So are you.”
Nausea starts to creep up my throat again, but this time it’s from nerves. I can’t keep this to myself. I have to tell Asher tomorrow.
I groan. “What do I even say to him?”
CeCe and Jo look at each other then back to me. CeCe shrugs. “How about ‘Happy Fourth of July, Asher. You’re going to be a dad’?”