CHAPTER 44
Olivia
AUGUST
THIRTEEN WEEKS, FIVE DAYS
Mama’s hungry morning, noon, and night, baby is growing, and a new phase has bloomed. Second trimester, here we come.
F ifteen days.
For fifteen days I’ve watched along with the rest of Kentucky while Franklinville and the forests surrounding it burn.
I’ve gotten up every day to watch the local news, praying for rain, hoping for the wind to change.
And, finally, it seems as if the crews that have been brought in to help control the blaze are making progress.
Asher has been added to a team of structural firefighters—made up of men and women from surrounding states—working tirelessly and staying in temporary camps like the wildland firefighters to prevent and put out fires in the wealthy neighborhoods of Franklinville on the west side.
Most of the homes affected are in the wooded mountains, and a lot of them have been lost. I’ve barely talked to him, only briefly over text because he’s been going nonstop, and there are times when he just doesn’t have service.
His lon gest shift was eighteen hours as all the crews battled to save one of Franklinville’s most historic streets.
The only thing keeping me centered is visiting my house every day and seeing the progress there.
All the walls are dry-walled, and they’ll be mudding and taping this week before putting down flooring.
My Pinterest page is full of shelving ideas, décor, and furniture, like new stools for the island and an updated kitchen table and chair set.
I officially entered my second trimester a week ago. Apparently, little bear is the size of a peach, and every time I check my app I wonder why the hell they compare the baby to the most random of foods.
A few breakfasts with my dad, shopping with my mom, and a lunch with Ginger and CeCe have helped pass the time over the last two weeks too.
I’ve even run into Nash and Haden a couple times—Haden just outside my shop, and Nash at the gas station down the street from my house.
With everyone around me, it’s hard to feel lonely, though there’s still a void with Asher gone.
At almost fourteen weeks pregnant, I’m no longer feeling sick. I’m feeling incredible, and at my last ultrasound I was measuring a few days ahead. Asher was so upset to miss it so I recorded the ultrasound and texted it to him along with a new photo.
I’ve been walking with Duke every day down the path through Asher’s wooded property to the basin of his creek.
It’s a great little hike to clear my head, and the reward comes halfway through when the channel opens up into a small center pool of crystal-clear water.
Wild lilies grew around it in July—though they’re now dying off now.
Although it’s been only two weeks, it feels like so long since I’ve seen him. I can tell Duke is missing him too.
“Thinking about him, aren’t you?” Cassie asks me now from the other side of the clothing rack as we shop in the cut est little baby boutique in town.
“That easy to tell?” I ask.
“Well, yes, seeing as I just asked you what you thought of this, and I didn’t get a response because you were off in la-la land.” Cassie holds up a little dress.
“Too fussy. CeCe’s baby will be sporty,” I say, matter-of-fact. “Nash will have her in skates before she’s two.”
“True.” Cassie laughs as she places the dress back on the rack. “So … penny for your hot firefighter thoughts?”
I breathe out a sigh as I sift through the clothes.
“We had this pact. No strings. Keep everything uncomplicated for the baby,” I explain as Cassie nods in understanding. “But we just felt so in sync before he left. Every time I looked at him, every time our fingers brushed, it was like my skin was set on fire.”
“Been there,” Cassie admits.
“Now with him gone, I miss him and, I don’t know, it reminds me that …” I lean in so no other shoppers can hear me. “We aren’t permanent, and this is the life he lives.”
“His job worries you?” Cassie queries, and I’m instantly glad to have someone to talk to.
“Yes. It’s such an unpredictable life; things can change in an instant.”
“On the flip side,” she notes with a smirk, “it’s hot as hell.”
I laugh as I pick up a little sleeper decorated with tiny bears and a matching hat. This has to come home with me.
“Most see what he does as brave and heroic,” Cassie continues.
“And I do too. Of course I do. But I also see the giant, glaring risk.”
“How are you ladies doing? Anything I can help you with?” Maria, the owner of the boutique, asks.
“Great, thank you.” I smile at her. “We’re just browsing.”
She reaches out to pat my shoulder. “I heard about your little bundle. My mama ran into Sandy from the Sage and Salt, who said you’re engaged to our hot local fire chief?”
I shake my head as I’m about to protest.
“Ain’t it funny how rumors spread around here?” Cassie interjects, trying to save me from having to explain Asher’s and my situation. “Thanks for offering to help! We’ll let you know if we need anything.”
She smiles warmly at Maria, who looks slightly confused but nods before heading over to help another customer.
I turn to Cassie. “Thanks for that. I can’t wait to hear what everyone thinks when it’s time for me to move back into my house.”
“You’re worrying about tomorrow’s problems.” She studies me for a moment. “I mean this with no offense, and in the best possible way, but I think maybe your adoption has put up a big roadblock for you. It’s made you too afraid of anything unplanned or unforeseen.”
“Maybe,” I agree. I’ve definitely always had this fear of not being there for my child when I became a mother. Now that I’m actually pregnant, that anxiety has grown stronger by the week.
“I think my therapist would say … it’s like if you feel like you can plan everything out, you can control it.
” Cassie looks at me over the rack of baby clothes.
“But you can’t control everything, Liv.” She offers me a reassuring grin.
“Your baby is the perfect example of that. Thomas Rhett said it best: You can make all your plans but life just changes. They’re words to live by. ”
I laugh. Deep down, I know she’s right.
“My advice? Just go with it. We could all be dead tomorrow.”
“What a beautiful sentiment,” I say sarcastically.
“I mean, the whole town thinks you’re together anyway.” She stops to spin on her heel. “Look at it like baking!”
I crumple my face up at her. “Mmmmkay …?”
“You have the flour. That’s Asher. You have the … sugar. That’s you. And the baby, naturally the egg. All this other stuff …” She leans in close. “The yearning, the chemistry; it’s like the baking soda and the vanilla, the butter. Alone, they don’t do anything. But together … pure magic.”
“I have no idea if that made any sense.” I let out a snort. “But I’ll take it.”
“So … are you gonna tell him you’re catching real feelings for him? Not just the orgasmic kind?”
“We’ll see. He has to come home first.” Home. Just the thought gives me butterflies.
“Haden said they’ve got the fires over fifty percent controlled. He could be back any day now.”
We continue to shop, and I also start putting together a list of the baby items I still need to buy for my own little one. Twenty minutes later, when we’re in line to pay, my phone buzzes in my pocket.
CECE
A little birdie told us you might need some girl talk.
CECE
Come for dinner tonight?
GINGER
I second. I need my girls tonight.
CECE
Your house, Liv? Yes, I’m inviting us over but we’ll bring pizza. *Smile emoji*
GINGER
Maybe if we get it extra spicy it will evict this little princess from you.
CECE
One could only hope. She’s overstayed.
I look up at Cassie. She shrugs with a sheepish smile on her face, and I know she messaged them while we finished shopping.
“Thought you could use a girls’ night?” she offers.
ME
Sure, as long as one of the pizzas you bring has extra pepperoni on it.