Chapter 36 Chelsea #2
Well, there it is. An implied admission that Luca loves me. Otherwise, he’d never use those specific words: I merely set you free. At least, that’s what I’m hoping.
“Yeah, well, don’t do that again. I’m always going to be in charge of my own life choices, the same as you.”
“Lesson learned.”
I touch his cheek. “Aren’t you going to ask me if I’ve been with anyone else?”
Luca goes pale again. “H-have you?”
“Nope. I just don’t want you to assume I haven’t, since you’re the one who savagely broke up with me and I was therefore free to do whatever and whomever I pleased.”
He frowns. “Please, have mercy on me and never say anything like that to me again.”
“If you don’t like it, then don’t break up with me again.”
“I didn’t break up with you! I truly thought I was freeing the birdie to fly high.” With a sigh, he pulls me close and kisses me. “I fucked up, okay? But I swear my heart was in the right place. I knew you were staying here because of me, and also that I had to make the roster to be worthy of you.”
“That’s insulting. I’d want you if you were a hydration assistant.”
“Bullshit.”
“Okay, maybe that’s a stretch. I admit my willpower shattered the second I found out you made the roster. That’s my kryptonite, it turns out.” Laughing, I press my forehead into Luca’s. “Promise me, when a decision needs to be made, we’ll talk about whatever it is, like adults.”
“Deal.”
“And then, I’ll do whatever the hell I want anyway.”
Luca laughs. “Are you ever going to call the guy at the Knights? I don’t think it’s too late.”
“This season? Definitely not. But never say never.”
“Why not this season? We’re not even at the halfway point yet.”
“For now, I’m where I want to be. If ever I don’t feel that way, I promise I’ll do something about it.”
Luca nods and slides his palm to my cheek. “God, I wish I could be with you out in the open now. I get why we can’t, but I want that so badly. He rubs my cheekbone with his thumb. “I want to hold your hand and kiss you in public. And if I get a sack in a game—”
“When you get a sack.”
“I want to be able to rush over to you on the sideline, rip off my helmet, and kiss my woman in front of the whole world. And if someone says, ‘Whoa, Maguire, you look extra happy today,’ I want to be able to say, ‘It’s Chelsea Parker, man. That girl rocks my world.’”
My heart is thrumming. “You know why none of that is possible, right?”
He nods. “Any idea when it will be, though? Can you at least give me a rough estimate?”
I twist my mouth. “Honestly, I’m still trying to figure that out.”
Luca exhales. “Okay, I guess it’s enough for now for you to know I desperately want that stuff with you someday. But don’t worry, I get why that can’t be now. In the meantime, I’ll take you any way I can get you, even if it means I have to continue being your secret boy toy.”
I chuckle. “My boy toy?”
He winks. “Thinking about things that way will help me have fun in an otherwise sucky situation. And you know what I always say—”
“Please don’t say it.”
“Just this once, since today is a special occasion.”
I sigh and nod.
“Fun is fuel.”
Giggling, I kiss his cheek. “Okay, boy toy it is.”
Luca bites his lip. “Can we agree to revisit the secrecy thing when the season’s over? I can’t eat you out in equipment rooms forever.”
“No?”
“Correction. I can’t eat you out only in equipment rooms forever. Sometimes, I want to do it in public, too.”
We both crack up at his joke.
“Okay, once we get to the end of the season,” I concede, “we’ll figure out where we are and what we feel and what should reasonably come next. Fair?”
He looks wary, like something I’ve said has surprised him. “Okay,” he manages, but it’s clear I’ve thrown him for a loop.
What we feel.
Surely, that’s the turn of phrase that made his eyebrows lift sharply like that. But I think it was only fair for me to let him know my feelings for him aren’t totally locked down. He’s hurt me deeply. And while I’m ready to forgive, I’m not yet ready to forget.
When I’ve fantasized about this moment, I’ve imagined Luca confessing his love for me and me returning his sentiment.
But now that I’m here, I’m suddenly realizing it’s probably premature for us to take that leap of faith.
Can either of us truly be in love if we can’t even hold hands in public yet?
It’s that sliver of doubt that makes me want to be a touch more careful with my heart than I’ve been in the past. Slow and steady will win the race this time around.
If we do wind up professing our love for each other and going public with our relationship one day, I want to be damned sure I’m totally ready for whatever negative fallout that might bring to my career.
“For now, you’ve got plenty of other things to focus on than holding my hand in public,” I say with a soft, affectionate swipe of Luca’s cheek. “Don’t let anything distract you from your mission.”
“You know they only called me up to play this week as a marketing ploy, right? To hype up a Maguire-on-Maguire smackdown.”
“That’s not true, Luca. You’ve earned this, fair and square.
But, hey, if it turns out that was a tiny part of the equation, then so what?
However you got here, you’re going to play so well on Sunday, they won’t even think about sending you back down.
Especially now that Moriarty’s struggled in two consecutive games, you’ve got a huge opening to turn some heads.
You need to maximize this opportunity, no matter what. ”
A lopsided grin spreads across Luca’s face. “Yes, Coach.”
I peck his lips and then his cheek. “I’ve got to run to a meeting, and you’ve got to start prepping for Sunday.” I peck him again. “Take Satan down for me twice in the game on Sunday, boy toy, and I’ll fuck you senseless four times—twice for each sack.”
Luca chuckles. “And she’s back! Wait, does that mean you’re not planning to fuck me senseless tonight to celebrate my good news?”
“Nope. Sorry. I promise I’m every bit as horny for you as you are for me. But as your personal coach, I need to do everything in my power to get you ready for Sunday—and that means we can’t change a single thing about your current training regimen.”
“You’re my personal coach again?”
“Of course. I already cleared it with Raul before coming here.” With a wink, I slide off him and rise to standing, leaving him on the floor with a massive boner and a look of pure excitement on his gorgeous face.
“Bye for now, boy toy with a boner.” I float toward the door and unlock it.
But before opening it, I turn around again.
“Congratulations, Luca. Never doubt you deserve this.”
“I couldn’t have done it without you, Coach.”
“No, you’re the one who did this for yourself, Luca. This was all you.” I blow him a kiss. “Thanks for the epic two-part grovel. It was delightful.” With that, I glide out the door, feeling alive, unbroken, and capable of feeling happiness, once again, for the first time in a very long time.