Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
?? MONTE CARLO, MONACO
“ S pill the beans , girl.”
Taking a seat next to Kamari at the table, Ava accepted the glass of wine Indy slid her way.
Indy and Kamari had dragged Ava into the cabin to chat the very instant the yacht left the harbour.
Regardless of the hesitancy flowing through her bones, Ava had been convinced by Kamari to leave the circuit and attend the private party. Still, she wasn’t totally comfortable with being seen in the company of the two drivers outside of work.
“What beans?” Ava demanded, feigning innocence before taking a small sip of wine.
Indy cupped her hands around her mouth and whispered, “About you and your secret lover.”
Ava blinked, but the blush coating her cheekbones betrayed her. “Who?”
“Oh, come on!” Indy exclaimed. “I spent an entire evening watching you and Rowan eye-fuck each other from across the room.”
Ava glanced at Kamari who was observing her with an indecipherable expression.
“Thiago told me,” Kamari said casually. “But don’t worry, your secret’s safe.”
Placing her elbow on the table and leaning her chin in the palm of her hand, she let her stare drift towards the deck where Rowan was. He was leaning against the railing with a bottle of beer in hand as he was chatting with Tate and Cal.
The breeze brushed his hair away from his forehead, a soft smile touching his lips as he spoke. He then winked at Cal, causing Tate to bark out a laugh. Rowan grinned, proud of whatever he had said. He was devastatingly handsome, and he didn’t even know it.
Ava looked back to where Indy and Kamari were. “You guys promise not to say anything to anyone?”
“My lips are sealed,” Indy said earnestly. “And Kam always keeps everything to herself.”
“True,” Kamari confirmed before taking a sip of her beverage.
Ava let out a small breath. “We’re just hooking up.”
“Just?” Indy asked, a brow raised. “Honey, that man doesn’t look at you like he’s just banging you.”
Ava’s heart started to pound ferociously, as though it needed to escape the confined space of her chest to explode into fireworks. “How does he look at me?”
“He looks at you like you’re the only person in the room. Like you’re that ray of sunshine peeking through clouds on a stormy day. He looks at you, and he simply refuses to look away.” Indy glanced towards Rowan, a chuckle flying past her lips. “You can grab his attention the moment you walk into a room. I was there to see it with my own eyes. And I know that he’s into you beyond physical attraction.”
Ava wasn’t sure what to say. What to do. She took a sip of wine, trying to haze her mind, but all she could do was look at Rowan.
He found her gaze, winking before looking away.
Ava no longer had control over the butterflies resting inside her stomach. They found their freedom, circulating through her system, setting her vessels ablaze.
“Do you like him?” Kamari asked softly.
“I can’t,” Ava whispered.
“But you do.”
Ava reared back at the realisation. “I’m trying not to.”
There was a gleam of comprehension in Kamari’s green eyes, as though she could understand Ava’s feelings more than anyone.
“I’m sure you two can figure it out,” Indy comforted. “It’s kind of thrilling to be sneaking around, right?”
Ava chuckled. “Very. I don’t know, he brings out a side of me that I always keep hidden. And I feel so safe with him.”
“Cute,” Indy mused, her blue eyes gleaming. “But on a scale from one to ten, how good is the sex? No offence, but I’ve observed that man, and I think he is packed.”
“Indigo,” Kamari sighed. “You need to stop asking and thinking about the F1 drivers’ dicks. It’s weird.”
Indy’s lips formed into a pout. “It’s the most action I’m getting. All I’m asking is for a man to look at me like I’m their whole world.”
Ava tilted her head. “I thought something was going on between you and Miles Huxley?”
Indy downed the contents of her glass in a gulp. “I wish. The only times he looks at me, we end up banging and he leaves without saying a word.”
“That’s tough.”
Regardless of Indy’s small, nonchalant shrug, Ava could still see the hurt in her eyes.
“He’s a good guy, you know,” Ava said. “He’s probably pushing you away because he doesn’t want to hurt you or something.”
“Or maybe because he’s best friends with my brother? Men are so complicated. Anyway, don’t deflect. How good is Rowan in bed?”
Ava bit her lower lip, allowing earlier events to flash inside her mind. “So good. A twelve out of ten.”
Indy used a hand to fan herself. “God, I’m going to faint.”
Kamari hummed. “No wonder why he’s so conceited. He knows what he’s doing.”
Ava found Rowan sitting on a bench alone, an empty bottle of beer cradled between his hands as he observed the starry sky and the splatters of constellations illuminating the heavens.
For a moment, she stood still and watched the light draw minuscule stars on his skin. The way he was revelling in the view, marvelling at the sight as though he was grounding himself to the stars—constant elements in his turbulent universe.
“Looking for some company?”
An instant smile took over his features at the sound of her voice. “I suppose your presence is okay.”
She took a seat next to him, handing him a new beer. She made sure to keep a certain distance between them, even though she was craving his familiar touch. “I’m glad I find your company tolerable too.”
“Thanks,” he said, lifting the bottle to his lips. He motioned his chin towards the small plate she was holding. “What do you have here?”
“There’s a cheeseboard inside,” she explained excitedly, plucking a piece of baguette out of the plate. “Do you want to share with me?”
When he didn’t respond right away, she looked up only to find him staring at her amusedly, that set of killer dimples adorning his face.
The heat crawling up to her cheekbones set her skin on fire, like his gaze was made of sparks. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
There was something about this moment that made her want to forget about the rules they had. About the distance that had been forced to stand between them. There was something about this moment that made her entire surroundings a mere element that couldn’t be as attention-grasping as Rowan.
“I love how you always get excited about the smallest things in life,” he murmured. “Especially food. But are you sure you’re okay?”
A small frown touched her brows. “Yes. Why?”
He jerked his chin towards her occupied hands. “Because you’re willing to share.”
His comment elicited a scoff. “I’m not always a brat.”
“Depends,” he retorted with a smirk before plucking a grape from the plate after she set it down in between them. “So, making new friends?”
“Sorry?”
“Indigo and Kamari,” he clarified. “I saw you three giggle and gossip.”
“Watching me?”
“When am I not?”
She tried to glare at him, only to fail miserably when he threw a grape in the air, catching it swiftly in his mouth before sending a roguish wink her way.
“They’re fun,” Ava admitted as she took a small sip of wine.
He leaned forward, elbows on his thighs as he gripped the bottle of beer, settling his stare on the horizon. “Don’t push them away. I know you have a hard time trusting people and making new friends, but I think they’re great. Indy is wild as hell, but she’s an angel beneath that surface. Kam is more closed-off, but I think she’s a bit like you in a way. She’s really nice, though.”
She dropped her stare to her shoes. “I’ll try. It’s just hard to let people further in when the friendship starts to develop because, you know, I can’t help but build those walls up naturally. I’m just so tired of getting hurt. Of giving my all to end up drained and questioning myself for what I did wrong.”
She watched the tip of his shoe nudge the side of hers, drawing her attention back to him.
“Yeah,” he said. “I get it.”
If there was a person who could understand her better than anyone else, it was Rowan.
“But I’ll try,” Ava promised. “I have a good feeling. I hope I’m not wrong about it this time.”
The corner of his lips twitched. “I’ll be your friend.”
“You already are.”She trusted him. Fully. Whilst it had always been a challenge to befriend someone, letting Rowan in had come naturally.
He was so much more than a simple friend. Rowan was everything.He was a vast ocean of tranquillity, a galaxy glowing with unwavering solace.
She shifted to face him. “Why are you alone?”
His jaw tightened for a flickering heartbeat, causing his features to harden into coldness. “Just needed to clear my head.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“My father happened, and I made the mistake of checking my messages.”
That glint of pure sorrow in his eyes made her chest ache. She truly couldn’t comprehend the pain Rowan was going through by always wanting to please someone who took his efforts for granted. Who constantly underestimated his talent. Who had never loved or appreciated him.
That realisation hit her like a tidal wave and cemented her into voicing her thoughts.
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t even think about the people around. Didn’t think of the consequences of her actions. Gently caressing his back, she felt his body stiffen before relaxing under her coaxing touch. Then, she tangled her fingers through the hair at his nape, making him close his eyes and sigh heavily. When honey irises looked at her again, a gloom had misted over. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You’re beautiful beyond measure, Rowan. Your soul holds a light so innately bright and your heart is big and made of gold. Please don’t beat yourself up because your father can’t see you. The true you. I promise there are millions of people all around the world who love and admire you. Me included, but I just tolerate you.”
The last sentence was the reason a broad smile broke free on his face, but Ava couldn’t miss the way unshed tears had veiled his gaze.
Deep down, he was just a broken boy looking for love. Not even the toughest fa?ade or the coldest mask could conceal his vulnerability.
He grabbed her wrist and planted a soft, lingering kiss on her palm. He closed his eyes, a little divot appearing between his brows when he frowned slightly.
“Want to know something?” she whispered. He nodded. “I grew up watching F1, and before coming to Primavera Racing I was terrified to meet you. You were one of my favourite drivers. I love your driving style and how ruthless you are when you’re behind the wheel. You take so many risks when racing and not many drivers are as daring as you. And then I met you…”
“And I was an asshole to you.”
“The biggest bellend I had ever talked to. You suddenly became my least favourite driver.”
Rowan’s laughter boomed through the noises surrounding them. “I guess I deserved that. Is that why you started disliking me so much? Because I was rude and annoying?”
“I guess so. I didn’t understand what I’d done wrong for you to dislike me so much. Why did you hate me?”
“I told myself that the only way I could push you away was by being a disgrace to you. Because I couldn’t get you out of my head. Couldn’t think straight whenever you were around. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you from the moment I met you.”
Was Rowan aware that the grip he had around her heart was becoming more firm, more powerful?
“I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings,” he said. “I’m sorry if I ever did. And I’m sorry if my actions made you think you were a bad person, because I swear that you’re the best, most selfless, incredible woman I know.”
There had been a time when second-guessing herself was inevitable because all she’d wanted, her whole life, was to be a good person, a good friend. She now understood that Rowan had used his rudeness as self-preservation.
“I forgive you,” she whispered.
“I don’t deserve you.” She tried to swallow through the lump inside her throat, exhaling tremulously when he brushed another kiss on her knuckles.
“Please don’t say that.” She brushed a curl away from his forehead, allowing a soft smile to spread across her lips. His stare instantly fell to her mouth as she cradled his jaw, her thumb brushing his cheek where a dimple would appear if he grinned. “My sad boy.”
Rowan leaned into her touch, closing his eyes to linger in the moment.
Ava still couldn’t understand how a man like him was allowing himself to be vulnerable with her—only with her. How he blatantly showed her this side of him without being scared.
He pulled away, and as he was about to say something, loud music started blasting from a stereo.
Ava reared back, startled by reality before laughing heartily.
Rowan then stood up, extending his hand. “Dance with me?”
“Always with you.”
He made her spin around.
He made her laugh.
He spent the entire night with her, both ignoring the incredulous glances their friends were throwing at them.
And for an eternity, Ava forgot about the real world as she drowned in honey eyes, wondering what would happen if she let herself completely fall.