Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
?? BARCELONA, SPAIN
“ R eady to kick some ass, mate?”
Rowan pulled the visor of his helmet down and smirked. “Bring it on.”
Jamie’s chuckle rang through his earbuds. Adjusting his grip around the steering wheel, Rowan waited for his team of mechanics to pull the warming blankets off his tyres. Once done after the signal was given, they scurried off the track, leaving the starting grid to be flooded with the twenty racing cars.
Rowan took a deep breath in.
Starting from pole, he led the queue of cars for the formation lap.
He accelerated, decelerated. Hit the brake.
Pushed the throttle, turning his wheel to zig-zag.
Dragged his tyres on the asphalt to warm them up.
Stimulated the engine, feeling the car’s vibrations send jolts of thrilling electricity throughout his bones.
His blood was boiling with anticipation. His heart was thundering wildly as he focused on the route ahead.
When he stopped again on the starting grid, he watched the other nineteen drivers line up behind him.
Rowan’s fingers tensed, ready to hit the forward gear clutch.
The first red light flashed. Followed by the second one, until all five of them were bright.
They stood still. Then went away.
Rowan hit the gas pedal, flying down the long, straight line. His pulse was drumming in his ears, his entire entourage a vague semblance as he roared off down the track.
As he took the third turn, he felt a strong resistance in his steering wheel. At first, as he tried to control the car by thinking he had understeered, he couldn’t manage to get back on track. Smoke came from his front tyres when he understood he had locked up. He slipped off the limits, just a millisecond before Thiago’s car drove past him, and spun.
Rowan’s foot pressed on the brake as he tried to work the steering wheel to stop spinning.
Before he could hit the barrier, his car came to a full stop on the gravel, a cloud of dust rising and enveloping him.
“You okay, Rowan?” Jamie asked.
Rowan tipped his head back, slamming his hand on the steering wheel. He pressed his eyes closed and shook his head. “I think I lost the hydraulics.”
“Ah, shit. Get out ASAP.”
“What happened, though?” Rowan was utterly confused. He’d had a great weekend until now. The car hadn’t shown a single sign of weakness.
“I don’t know,” was Jamie’s panicked answer. “Get out of the car, Rowan. Turn the engine off before it blows up.”
Rowan’s ears were buzzing as he kept the heels of his palms pressed against his closed eyes. He felt like drowning, his lungs begging for some oxygen and his breaths staggering as he felt like the entire world was speeding up.
He heard the door open, cracking his bubble just enough for Tate’s voice to filter through.
“I hate you two,” Tate muttered. “Be quick before you get in trouble.”
Rowan sensed another person walk towards him as the door to his room shut. A second later, soft hands grabbed his wrists with a delicacy that made the fog of anxiety diminish.
“Is this okay?” came Avery’s question as she rubbed the back of his hands with her thumbs.
Rowan only nodded, unable to voice a response, fearing to hear the anguish in his tone. But he knew that it was okay to be vulnerable. Especially with Avery. Because she understood his feelings. Because she didn’t judge. Because she only pushed him towards daylight instead of pulling him to bask with his demons.
“I don’t have much time,” she whispered. “Eliott’s been acting weird. He’s always following me. He won’t leave me alone for a minute. I told him I was doing a quick debrief with you, but I need to get back to the garage and watch the end of the race.”
He nodded again.
Prying his hands away from his face, Avery looped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him into her chest.
The moment Rowan’s ear collided with her steady heartbeat, he breathed out in relief as though he had finally resurfaced from shallow waters. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he held her tightly, trying to regain control over his shaking body.
“You’re okay,” Avery whispered softly. Gingerly, she pulled him away just enough to force him to look up into her eyes. A small line had appeared between her knitted eyebrows, a soft exhale escaping her mouth when she studied his hardened features. “I’ve got you.”
“Don’t go.” He hadn’t realised her shirt was bunched between his fist—as if he needed to hold on to the sliver of promises she was giving him.
“I wish I could stay.” She started caressing his cheekbone—a lover’s touch. “But I have to go. I’ll meet you for the interviews after the race.”
She leaned over and planted a brief kiss on the crown of his head, causing his lungs to tighten.
“Can I see you tonight?” Rowan asked, uncaring of how desperate he sounded.
“Yes.”
He hadn’t been able to catch a single moment alone with her since they had landed in Spain. It was destroying him to be standing next to her, forbidden to touch her just because they were surrounded by other people.
“You’re okay,” Avery repeated. “It was not your fault. Jamie said it could’ve ended badly if you had raced. So, you will bounce back next weekend. You will prove to them you never left. But I also want you to understand that you’re a phenomenal racer. I know what’s happening inside your head right now and I don’t want you to drown in guilt. Okay?”
He swallowed, nodding. His voice cracked when he answered, “Got it.”
She kissed his forehead. “I’ll see you later.”
Rowan watched her leave, feeling all the fissures in his heart widen until all those splinters of pain obliterated his entire chest.
He wanted to cling to her. Wanted to hold her and never let go. Wanted to tether himself to that invisible thread of hope, needing to know he was worthy of something—worthy of her.
It felt as though she was the only person in this universe who was willing to run a finger over the indentations bruising his heart, not even caring if she got injured in the process.
Her feathery voice echoed inside his head like an unforgettable memory. You’re enough. You’re enough. You’re enough. I promise you this. She had said those words months ago, but he hadn’t been able to put them aside.
But he couldn’t have Avery and, secretly, it was destroying him piece by piece.
As he watched her exit the room, he promised himself to start being good for her. Because maybe, just maybe, Avery would be his just like he was already hers.