Chapter 38
LONDON, ENGLAND
R owan knocked softly on her door, entering reluctantly when she authorised him to access her space.
The bubble of anxiety had only expanded, but seeing Avery procured him the solace he desperately needed.
“Hey, sunflower,” he whispered, the sliver of sound erupting laced with hurt. She was wrapped in thick layers of blankets despite the summer breeze outside, a book resting on her lap as she gaped at Rowan with puffy, sad eyes. “Fucking hell. It’s killing me to see you like this.”
“Hi,” she croaked out, causing his heart to crack open at the sound of sorrow woven into her quiet voice.
Closing the door, he rushed towards her.
Rowan kneeled before the armchair she was sitting in. “How are you feeling?”
A veil of guilt misted over her eyes, and he instantly placed what he’d been holding on the floor to cup her face, brushing her bangs away from her lashes.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, a lump evidently stuck in her throat. “I never meant for this to happen—”
“It’s not your fault. It’s not mine, either,” he assured softly. “Someone beat us at our own game.”
Avery leaned into his touch, closing her eyes—losing herself in a world where their secret hadn’t been exposed. Pain was etched upon her angelic face, and Rowan wanted nothing but to set the world on fire. No one and nothing was allowed to touch Avery.
“I brought something that’s going to make you feel better,” he said before reaching for the paper bag he had set aside. “Food.”
As she peered inside the bag, she smiled, but the act of delight wasn’t genuine at its fullest. “Mini éclairs and a lemon meringue tart?”
Rowan hummed. “I know you love them. But there’s also a pain au chocolat from your favourite bakery.”
Brown eyes met with his, and she sighed. “Thank you. You know me so well.”
He squeezed her knee. “Funny you should say that, because I keep expecting a ten-page essay with facts I should know about you.”
Avery emitted a chuckle. Bingo . There was her dimple and radiant smile. “That’s your thing. I can’t just steal your ideas.”
“True.”
Setting the pastries aside for a moment, she rubbed the side of her nose and gulped. She, too, looked too nervous to be thinking of anything else. “How did it go?”
When the disaster had exploded on the internet, Rowan’s phone had been blown up by both his team principal, Simon, and Thiago. After pacing around in his living room, listening to Tate trying to help (with irrational and unfazed thoughts, of course), and declining his mother’s calls, he had decided to go to the headquarters to sort everything out.
Rowan grabbed her hand and kissed the interior of her wrist. “They had an emergency meeting.”
Bewilderment lit her eyes up as she straightened herself. “That bad? We made such a mess. Oh my god—”
Rowan rose to his full height before tearing the duvet off her body. “Come here.” They switched positions in the armchair as he pulled her into his lap. She curled into his chest, and he kissed her temple, caging her in and procuring unyielding safety. “Everyone’s been trying to reach you.”
“I turned my phone off after Nikki sent me an email, brief and clear that said, ‘ I warned you. You’re done .’”
“Ah, shit,” Rowan muttered, rubbing his tense jaw. “She wasn’t at the meeting, though. She’s not important enough to make that decision, so don’t rely on her email, okay? She just wants to scare you off.”
“But what did they specifically say?”
He sighed, looping his arms around her waist. “We need to break up.”
Instant tears swamped her eyes, but Rowan continued: “Let me finish. And please, don’t cry.” Avery only nodded. “Either you leave or I do.”
“You can’t leave Primavera Racing!” she exclaimed, outraged. “It’s your home.”
“It’s yours, too,” he argued, frowning.
“Being in this team isn’t as significant for me as it is for you. You’re their driver, and I’m just a replaceable press officer. You cannot leave. No other team is going to worship you the way Primavera does. They’re your family. It’s my fault that we ended up here, so I’m the one who’s going to face the consequences.”
“What do you mean?”
“I initiated the first kiss—”
“Yeah, because I was too much of a pussy to kiss the girl of my dreams.”
Avery whacked his chest gently. “Don’t take the blame for me, I’m begging you.”
Tucking a rogue lock of her ebony hair behind an ear, he tipped his head back and exhaled loudly. “I want to protect you. I want to think about our future—as a couple, but also as me, the F1 driver, and you, the publicist. They told me they didn’t want our relationship to impact my racing or my mindset. They fear that I’ll lose my focus as I keep falling in love with you.”
“You—”
He smiled gently. “Yes, sunflower. I’m falling for you. So fast and so damn hard, and I’m loving every moment of it. I think I fell a long time ago. I just don’t want to lose you, so I’m not sure what the wisest decision is. They’re supportive of us, though. No one saw it coming; most members of the board were surprised, but we just can’t continue working together.”
He had fallen a long time ago. The only difference between now and then, was that he was accepting of the free fall—before, he’d wanted to crawl upwards to save himself.
Trembling hands found his own, interlacing their fingers together. A natural fit. Two magnets meant to be. “See why it’s a good team for you? They love you, Rowan. They just want what’s best for you. Are you going to be fined? Lose points in the drivers’ standings?”
“No. This has got nothing to do with the FIA and all. The worst that can happen is bad press.”
She nodded, pensive. “While you were at the meeting earlier, I made a decision.”
He felt confusion brim his senses for a beat. Avery was a woman with logic, rational thoughts, and smart outcomes. “Tell me about it.”
“I’m quitting. I’m leaving Primavera.” She let out a shaky sigh. He hated seeing her so sad. So powerless. So out of control of her emotions. “I’ve been wanting to leave the team for quite some time now.”
His heart ceased to beat for a few seconds too long as shock rattled through his bones. His grip around her waist tightened, as though he refused to let her slip away.
A lump had made its appearance in his throat. “Why? Did I make your life such a misery when you worked for me?”
She glowered at his lack of seriousness. “No. I’m just choosing you. And I’m choosing myself over anything else. I need to take care of my mental health, and that’s why I’m deciding to walk away.”
Finally. She was taking care of herself.Though Rowan was utterly devastated to let go, he felt pride wash over him. Felt happiness overpower the chagrin, because she was finally putting herself before others. “Good. I’m proud of you, baby.”
“I can’t deal with Nikki anymore. She’ll keep pestering me until the day I die. I don’t want you to feel guilty, because none of this is your fault. You’re the reason why I stayed on this team. I loved working with you, loved challenging you and riling you up, but I need to go. I know it’s a tough decision, but I think it’s the smartest one.”
The smartest for their couple to last, he supposed. He didn’t want to watch her go. She was his anchor. His favourite person. But her well-being always came above all. “Where are you going to go?”
Avery shrugged. “Another team. Whatever team. As long as I’m still in the paddock and around to cheer you on.”
“Okay,” he whispered. “I support your decision. I’m your number one fan. I know you’ll just thrive and shine wherever you go.”
“You seem mad,” she murmured, tracing the divot between his eyebrows to make it disappear.
“Just very sad we won’t have to be stuck to each other’s ass every single day.”
“Liar,” she teased. “I know you’re happy to get rid of me.”
“So damned ecstatic!” he agreed sardonically, chuckling.
“Things are getting serious between us. I think not working together anymore might be best for our relationship.”
Though it pained Rowan to be separated from the only person who believed in him, he still nodded in understanding. “I agree.”
“You do?”
“Of course.” Cradling her face, he caressed her cheekbone with his thumb. “Seriously, baby, I’m your biggest supporter. And I’ll stand by your side the whole time. I’m really proud of you.”
“I’m proud of myself, too. You know how difficult it is for me to realise when something isn’t good for me. I’m just exhausted to work for someone who’s intent on ruining me instead of cheering me on, because I know my worth. I know I’m a great press officer.”
“You’re genuinely the best,” he said in a murmur.
“Stop with the flattery,” she mocked.
Despite her efforts to put a smile on his face, Rowan couldn’t manage to let delight draw on his expression. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.”
“We still have each other. Differently. But I’m always here for you.”
“And me for you.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “We’ll figure everything out. You’re my best friend, Avery, and I’m not letting you down. I’ll help you find the best job in a top team because you deserve this. Because you’re an amazing and hard-working person who’d burn herself down before letting her entourage be touched by a single flame. And I want to be with you. Under the spotlight, in the open, for the entire world to see. So, in the end, I do think it might be the best decision for us to part ways.”
“Agreed,” she whispered. “Also… I don’t want to let you down, but I don’t think I’m ready to face Nikki yet. I’ve taken a couple of days off, so I won’t attend the race, but you’ll be in good hands and—”
“It’s okay. Think of yourself for once. Please. Take the time you need to process what just happened, to write a resignation letter, and to figure things out. I’ll be a call away, but you know I’ll defend you with everything that’s in my possession.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“Anything for you. Thank you for choosing me.”
After kissing her softly, sealing unspoken promises to her soul and tethering his eternal devotion to her heart, he bent down to pick up the second item he had put down. His heart stopped beating for a few milliseconds as nervousness started to rack through his body.
“What’s this?” Holding the bouquet, she focused on the unique petals, grazing them with her fingertips.
“I made it. The flowers are made from paper, so that they never die. Each petal is a sheet filled with lyrics of songs we’ve been listening to. Of songs that remind me of you. Some of them are pages from novels you said were your favourites.”
Avery was starstruck and in awe for the longest time as she analysed every rose, every petal, until she halted on a particular flower with Rowan’s handwriting splattered across the piece of paper.
Until the galaxy turns to dust, was what he had scribbled all over.
Chocolate eyes found his gaze before Avery’s arms came to loop around his shoulders, pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. “This is the best thing someone has ever made for me. Thank you. You have no idea how much I love you, Rowan.”
He kissed the side of her neck, inhaling her perfume. “I know. And my feelings for you are just as strong. I won’t let anything happen to you. I won’t let anyone tear us apart. We’ll be fine.”