Chapter Eighteen
MARINA
PRESENT
“I think I’m going insane,” I say as I storm through the door to Rosemary Cottage and plonk myself down on the couch. Huffing out a sigh as I slide my way down the cushions until I’m nearly horizontal.
The cottage smells of something delicious, something warm and savory. The smell fills every nook and cranny of the small space.
“What have you done now?” May asks from the kitchen.
“Nothing yet.”
“Well…what are you thinking of doing?” I can almost hear her eyebrows wiggling in the tone of her voice.
I flip around to see her standing behind the counter, Rafael’s arms around her waist, and his chin on her shoulder as he listens in as well.
The two of them finally decided to drop the L bomb and now Rafael has given up his Modern new build to move into the cottage with May.
The way they are so effortlessly affectionate with each other takes me back to what I was talking about.
I groan and slump back down on the couch.
“Spit it out,” Rafael says .
“I can’t stop thinking about Miles.” I groan as I say it out loud. I’ve barely admitted to myself that I’m not even sure if I want to stop thinking about him. It’s been over a week since he arrived back in town, and an entire week that my mind has been consumed by him.
“Oh my god.” May barely finishes the sentence before she’s rounding the bench and jumping onto the couch next to me. “Spill it, D’Angelo.”
“Yeah, D’Angelo,” Rafael says from his new spot on a stool at the kitchen counter. “Spill it.”
I roll my eyes at him before bringing my focus back to May. “I’m insane. I must seriously be going mad. Who in their right mind fawns over someone who shattered their heart into a million pieces?”
“I thought you guys only spent one fleeting summer together?” Rafael says, taking a sip of his hot chocolate.
May’s eyebrows screw together and a smile curves at her lips as she slowly turns to look at him. “When in the world did you start speaking like that? One fleeting summer ,” she mocks.
“I may or may not have been reading that romance book you left sitting on the coffee table for the last week.”
Her eyes widen before she checks herself, putting a hand up in dismissal. “We’ll talk more about that later. Back to you,” she turns her attention back to me. “What do you mean you’re fawning over him?”
“Like why is he even here? It’s not like Isla is here, so why is he now deciding to take time off from his precious job to hang around? And why am I letting it affect me so much? I thought I was over him. I am over him.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you ramble,” she wonders with her head tipped. “But back to the point, I didn’t know he was sticking around, but you’re not wrong in thinking it’s weird. The guy never takes even a single day off work unless he’s forced into it.”
“That’s the exact reason we didn’t work out. He had to go back to his job, at least that’s what I am assuming, considering I never got an explanation from him. Did you know he saved me the other day from a kidnapper?”
“A what?!” May asks, her eyes widening.
“Okay, well, a suspected kidnapper, I guess,” I say.
May’s hand flies to her chest. “I was out walking in the forest on the other side of town, and I swear to all things holy May, someone was following me. I ended up running into Miles, and he walked me back to my car.” May’s eyebrows draw together.
“Okay, it doesn’t sound that heroic when I put it like that, but who knows what would've happened if he wasn’t there.
Really fucking inconvenient. I had to be saved by the big, strong man. ” I roll my eyes.
“So…you don’t really seem like you’re fawning here,” Rafael cuts in. “You seem like you’re pissed off.”
“It’s a coping mechanism,” May whispers.
“Ugh,” I groan, sliding down the couch. I feel all twisted up inside, like my head and heart are fighting, but neither of them are completely clear what they’re fighting about.
“I never even go to that side of town. I never even exercise.” May just looks at me with confusion swirling in her eyes.
“But oh, yesterday I decided it would be the perfect day to go for a nice stroll in the forest. The forest that is right behind The Lost and Found. The place that Miles told me he was staying at, so I knew where to avoid. But what did I do? I went for a good old stroll exactly where he told me not to go, and karma decided to pay me a fun little visit in the form of a stalker.” I throw my hands up.
I hate the way that I liked it. I liked that he was on high alert, that he took me seriously, and that he was walking no more than a step behind me at all times.
“Let it all out.”
I swallow before I do exactly that and let it all out. “God, his eyes,” I say. “Were his eyes always that green?”
May nods. “Yup. His best selling point really.”
I shake my head. I sound like a moron, but May gets me. “It’s like when he’s around, my head just stops working. All I can focus on is the way my heart is jumping out of my chest at the mere sight of him. It’s so idiotic.”
“No, it’s not?—”
“Yes, it is,” I cut May off. “I was a wreck when he left. Yeah, it was just a fleeting summer romance , but it was also…more. I waited. I waited behind that bar every day for weeks, expecting him to walk through that door and look at me with those green eyes like he did every day. Until I realized he was never coming back. And now he walks through the door to my bar, and expects me to be waiting all the same?” I throw my hands over my face.
“And the worst part is that I’m doing exactly that.
He came to the bar the other night, and it took all of my willpower to tell him to leave.
All I wanted was for him to stay, even after I said some choice words to him.
Yesterday, when I ran into him, all I wanted was for him to wrap his arms around me and tell me I was okay.
What kind of woman does that make me? One that lets people hurt her and then takes them right back when they say they’re sorry? When did I become a doormat?”
“Hey,” Rafael catches my attention. “You have never, ever been a doormat, and you’re not one now. Forgiving someone doesn’t make you weak, it makes you strong.”
“I don’t think I want to forgive him,” I say.
“No one is expecting you to,” he says.
“And knowing Miles,” May cuts in. “He won’t expect that either, but it won’t stop him from trying to make it better in any way he knows how.”
I forget that May knows Miles nearly as well as his own sister does, having spent so much time with him back when they were younger.
It’s weird, putting together everything I know about him, everything I learned while we were together, with the things I found out through Isla and May.
It feels like I’m trying to merge two different people into one when really, the way they talk about him is exactly how I knew him.
Kind, warm, giving. But dedicated to his job above all else.
It might be his only flaw, but it has a big impact.
“He is good, isn’t he?” I whisper.
She nods, a knowing look on her face. “He always has been.” I blow out a breath as I sink further down into the couch.
“That still doesn’t mean you need to forgive him.
He fucked up. He knows it. You have every right to protect yourself in this situation, we can even put up a poster at the bar with his face and trespassed in giant red letters. ”
A laugh bubbles up from my chest. “I don’t know if even that will stop him.”
“It will,” she says more quietly this time. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I don’t think he ever wanted to hurt you.”
“It’s not hard to believe,” I say. “But that just makes it even worse.”