Chapter Forty-Four
MILES
PRESENT
“Come in, come in, come in.” Marina jigs down the step from the entryway, a wide-eyed Leo following behind her.
The sweet scent of vanilla and cinnamon fills the space, courtesy of the lit candle sitting on the new side table by the entryway. The one that has one of Isla’s landscapes of Ruby Cove hanging on the wall above it.
When Marina said she wanted the first thing people to see when they walk in the door to be one of my sister’s paintings, everything really hit home for me. That this is all real, this life that I never imagined I would have is all falling into place.
“Holy shit,” Leo says, his gaze finding mine from where I stand in the kitchen, pulling a cold beer out of the fridge. “You did good, Beckett.”
I slide a bottle across the bench top to him, and he picks it straight up, not missing a beat. “It’s not too bad.”
“A fully functioning kitchen,” he nods to the warm space I’m standing in, and it throws me back to our conversation about the B I don't need to add her opinions and passive comments into the mix. Not tonight of all nights.
I slide my phone into my back pocket before looking back up, shaking off the speckle of guilt on my shoulders.
“I don’t know,” Marina pops her hip out as she looks at the couches, “I think you should swap their positions.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Raf says, huffing a sigh as he dumps the couch down where it is. “It goes there. ”
“You’re going to be a father soon, Raf. Better get used to it because May will start nesting soon,” Isla says.
“Wait, what?” Leo and I say in unison. Everyone turns to face us.
May’s eyes jump between Marina and me. “You didn’t tell him?”
“It’s your news to tell.” Marina shrugs.
“You’re pregnant?” May nods, her eyes teary as she moves over to me, wrapping me in a tight hug.
“You’re gonna be an uncle,” she says against my chest, and it pulls on my heart.
I just press a small kiss to the top of her head. I’ve always seen May as a little sister, but her telling me I’ll be her baby’s uncle has me feeling a swell of emotions I didn’t expect. The thought of not being around to see that kid grow up makes me sick to my stomach.
“You are going to be an amazing mom,” I say as she pulls out of my arms.
“You think?”
“Hell yeah. No one’s gonna mess with your kid, that’s for sure. Not with you and Mr. Death stare over there.” She just snorts before Leo insists on a hug for himself.
May is pregnant. My little munchkin is going to have a munchkin of her own. It feels too soon, like she was just an outgoing and brash teenager only yesterday, but she’s not that girl anymore. She’s a strong and fierce woman, and she is going to be one hell of a mom.
May skips back over to the girls, helping them yank the plastic off the couches before they settle on the sandy plush cushions. The three of them cuddled up together while Caio and Rafael collapse on the other one.
Marina meets my gaze, firing a wink my way, which has me blushing where I stand. The effect she has on me is ridiculous, but I’m anything but ashamed of it.
When I catch Leo’s gaze again, he’s smirking over at me. “ You’re not going back, are you?”
I take a long sip of my drink. “I haven’t really made the decision yet.”
It’s true, I keep putting it off. Chief Jones called me personally last night to check in on my recovery, and when I told him it was going well, he sounded more than pleased.
He didn’t hold back in letting me know how happy they were to hear that I’m nearly back to working capacity. But for the life of me, I couldn’t find it within myself to match his level of excitement, I couldn’t dredge it up from the bottom of my stomach, I just felt empty.
He looks over his shoulder to where Marina is giggling with Isla and May. “Yeah, you have, even if you’re lying to yourself about it.” He opens his arms wide. “You bought her a fucking house for Christ’s sake.”
I just roll my eyes, avoiding his gaze that seems to be able to see straight through me.
“And that look on your face when she just walked away tells me you want to fill every room in this house—and I’m sure there are a few of them—with her babies.”
“Leo—”
“Am I wrong?”
I roll my eyes again. I’m not about to admit that Marina wasn’t kidding about christening every room in this house, and we’ve only been here for a few days. “No, you’re not wrong.”
“So what’s stopping you?” I just sigh, leaning my elbows on the bench top. “Talk to me, man.”
I look over to see everyone gathered in the living room, all of them picking from the plate of brownies they’re passing around.
They look happy, she looks happy. But I can’t help the whisper of guilt in the back of my head, and Leo is the one person I’ve been able to talk to here who I feel like won’t judge me.
He’ll question me and talk to me straight, but he won’t judge me.
“I can’t imagine going back now,” I say, admitting it out loud for the first time. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to give this up for endless nights spent away, and silence that is so fucking loud I have to play music at all times.”
“Then don’t.”
“Those words make it seem easy, but…”
He rests his chin in his hand. “What is it that makes it hard for you, Miles? Because it doesn’t sound like it’s what you want, but it’s like you feel like it’s what you should want.”
I shake my head. “I’m not sure that I know exactly who I am if I’m not a pilot. That sounds pathetic?—”
“No, it doesn’t,” Leo cuts me off. “It’s all you’ve known for a really long time. But,” he tips his head. “Maybe it’s time you figure it out, who you are when all of that is stripped away.” And then he saunters into the living room like he didn’t just say that.